I am only a little Gypsy 1 - Reincarnation, does it exist? - 25. Chapter 25. Our own 'past lives'; and feeling rejected.

The next morning, we just restarted strolling through our woods, emptying our snares, and setting our new traps along faintly visible animal tracks. Soon, all our string bags were filled to the brim with enough edible animals to feed every hungry person in our camp. This time, we also filled a few baskets with tasty fruits and edible nuts, as a special treat for our little 'infants' and 'toddlers' who had to stay in our camp until they no longer needed to wear any diapers at night. I had already emptied my own snare and put my caught marmot into one of our steadily filling string bags. Next, I had set up my new trap along another faintly visible animal track, of course using my own special knot and attaching my snare firmly onto a sturdy tree branch. Secretly, I was hoping to be able to catch another fat pig or other huge animal in my special snare with its rigid knot...

This time, my built-in little trapper friend didn't help me anymore, although I could sense him in my inside, looking at my ministrations whilst chuckling approvingly. Obviously, he thought I was doing an excellent job. After covering my trap with some forest litter, to make it invisible to even the most wary animals, I also wiped my own trail, so as not to alarm any approaching beast in advance. Then, I went back to our group, to wait for the others and to take a look at what they were doing.

Very much to my surprise, a few of them had started to copy my special snare with its rigid knot, and they were also wiping their own trail before they left their copied traps and returned to our group! When they saw me observing what they were doing, they smiled at me bashfully, as if they could be looking for my approval... Could really my older trapper friends be valuing me this high?

For a few seconds, I felt too shy to react, and therefore just smiled back at them. Then, I suddenly decided to help them fold my snare with its special knot even better. Thus, I returned to my already set snare, took it, and showed my quickly gathering friends how they had to fold my snare even better, so that it would strangle their caught beasts both fast and even more effectively. Soon, all my older friends were copying my rigid snare with its special knot, by folding their snares over and again, until I smiled at them and assured them that I was satisfied. Were really all my older friends thinking I could be their teacher? ME, who was still their tiniest 'runt' ever in our entire group of much older minors? Clearly, they were already valuing me even higher than I had ever expected! Involuntarily, I started to blush...

Unexpectedly, one of our oldest minors asked me:

"Prince Harold, could I please ask you a question? From the first day that you've accompanied us, I've been wondering why you were folding your snare with such an unusual knot. Could you please tell us who taught you how to fold such an effective snare? Although it looks rather complicated, it's working extremely good..."

Immediately, all our other minors perked their ears up and quickly crowded around me. Within a split second, all their eyes were on ME, while they were forming a circle around me, obviously to listen to my explanations! Clearly, they too were curious about my special snare with its rigid knot, so that they wanted to hear everything about it. For a few seconds, I felt too timid, mainly because I had to look up at all these much older and much taller kids around me. Would all these much more experienced trappers around me really want to hear what interesting things I had to tell? Ultimately, I was only four years and four months old, and I was also the tiniest 'runt' ever in my group of much older minors...

Then, I decided to start acting as a real Crown Prince who was PROUD of himself and of his special status in our Gypsy community! My older friends wanted to hear my explanation, and I would give it to them; although I didn't know what interesting things I could tell them to satisfy their sudden curiosity. But, first, I climbed onto a tall boulder and sat down on its mossy surface, with my feet dangling free. Then, from my makeshift throne, I looked down at my already gathering older friends beneath my feet.

Wow! Looking DOWN at my surrounding friends felt much better than looking UP at them had done, as my small body normally forced me to do! This time, I really started to feel like a real Royal Crown Prince, sitting on my makeshift throne, and the people at my feet were my Beloved Subjects. I smiled at them, and they smiled back at me immediately.

After clearing my throat, I started to explain:

"My 'inside' remembers that, in one of my past lives, I was a 'little trapper boy', always helping my 'trapper Dad', until a bear killed us. From that time I also remember setting traps, catching wild deer, and roasting their meat whilst spicing it with my tasty herbs. My 'trapper Dad' taught me how to fold such an effective snare. He also taught me how to walk around safely in our extremely dangerous forests and mountains, without ever stumbling into any wildly foaming rapids. Now, during my present life, my Inner Self still remembers how to fold such an effective snare, how to recognize my spicy herbs, and how to cross even the most dangerous rapids all on my own..."

For a second, I stopped and only looked down at my older friends beneath my bolder who were listening to me open-mouthed whilst holding their breaths. Could they really be this interested in my story from my past life as a 'little trapper boy', or was I making things up? Hesitatingly, I decided to go on, by asking them:

"What do you think? Have I really been such a 'little trapper boy' in my past life that always scoured our dangerous forests and caught wild deer and other strong animals, or am I talking nonsense?"

During my 'speech', all our minors had been listening to me as if they were trying not to miss a single word from what I was telling! Now, they were releasing their baited breaths, although they were still staring at me as if they wanted to hear even more about my past life as a 'little trapper boy' always helping my former 'trapper Dad'... Very much to my surprise, next to being our Gypsy Crown Prince, I also seemed to be a truly catching and entertaining narrator!

Suddenly, my older friend Misha exclaimed:

"See? I've always told you that Prince Harold is a natural trapper! No kid can fold such a special snare unless he has done it many times before during his or her past life. That is why our Harold always is so extremely good at everything he does, and why he is so precocious and early in his mental development. Now, you can hear for yourself that I was right! By the way, does anybody else remember anything about his or her past lives? Harold, could you please ask our friends to tell us a few things about themselves, if you wish?"

Instantly, many hands went up high into the air and waved at me. Clearly, our minors were really eager to tell each other and me about their past lives! Well, okay, I would take the lead again. One by one, I pointed at my waving friends and asked them to tell us their things. One by one, they started to tell us what they still remembered from, or sometimes still dreamed about, their own past incarnations:

"In my nightmares, I am still living in some gadjo town where we were chased and killed by armed soldiers. They killed my parents and me, and, because of that, I am still getting nasty nightmares about being chased across a town and then shot down."

"The first time I jumped into our mountain lake, very much to my own surprise, I knew already how to swim and dive, although nobody ever taught me. Therefore, I am sure I have been a famous swimming champion during my past life, and, if possible, I want to be one again during my present life!"

"In my dreams, I am sure I have lived here at least once before, in this same secluded Gypsy camp. I only cannot remember what my name was, and I also don't know who my parents were."

"Sometimes, I'm dreaming of huge sand dunes with here and there a water-well with flourishing vegetation around it. We were living in those sand dunes and always traveling from well to well, walking or sometimes riding on our wobbly animals."

"I am sure I've once owned many enormous beasts with dangerous looking horns, but I always herded them and also milked them every day. Then, I died of a sudden heart attack."

For quite some time, our minors continued to tell me about what they remembered from their past lives, or what they still recognized in their dreams and nightmares. Surprisingly, at least one out of three Gypsy kids turned out to have some vague remembrances from their past lives! Biny thought she had once been an Eskimo, living in a white igloo made out of snow, catching fish and hunting 'sea dogs' to eat them raw. Six-year-old Jonno was sure he had been a famous swimming champion during his past life, but he also remembered a dark and creepy forest where somebody attacked and murdered him. Wimey thought she once lived in a huge desert, traveling on wobbly camels from oasis to oasis, until she lost her way and died from hunger and thirst in the ever-changing sand dunes. Jock had once been a farmer, owning many cows and other farm animals, but he also remembered a nasty swamp full of stinking plants where he got lost and drowned. Jaspi remembered a temple on top of a steep mountain, where he had lived as a well-known healing priest devoted to some alien goddess. Misha remembered once living in some tropical jungle where he always knew his way home and never got lost, even whilst paving his way through the densest of undergrowth.

All the time, I listened intently to their interesting stories about what my older friends still remembered from their past incarnations. At the same time, I tried to visualize all those foreign places they were telling me about that I had never seen or heard of before. Yet, my inside seemed to 'remember' quite a lot of them, and I was sure that I had been living in several of those foreign places during my own past lives! Now, a hungry feeling started to well up in my chest that told me it wanted to see all those extremely interesting places again, preferably as soon as possible. When would my tiny body finally start growing up some more, so that I would be big enough to join my parents to all those interesting 'foreign countries'?

In the meantime, several others had also told us a few things about what they still remembered from their past lives, or what they still dreamed about during their nightmares. Feeling a little bit strange, we decided to go to our waterfall, or perhaps to our mountain lake for a quick swim, before we returned home to roast our caught animals.

After jumping down from my makeshift throne, I followed my friends absent-mindedly, still dreaming of all those interesting places that they had described. When would I finally have my first 'growth spurt' and grow a lot taller, as Misha once predicted, so that I could see some more of our so extremely intriguing Planet Earth? My beloved King of Ancestors Friend once told me that I would meet my former 'trapper Dad' after our Earth had rounded our Sun four times. When would that be, and would really my parents and I have to travel to some 'foreign country' and redeem some nasty Karma first? Would my wise Dad, or perhaps my Big Friend Michail, know any answers? Or, would I still have to be a lot 'more patient', as usual...

Playing under our waterfall and swimming in our mountain lake turned out to be very much fun again; certainly now that I too could cannonball my body into the water and partake in my friends' ageless play of dunking each other and being dunked in return. Today, I also found out that being only a 'tiny runt' wasn't always a disadvantage, because I was able to dive and swim through even the tiniest gaps in between my chuckling friends, thanks to my small posture and being relatively fast! Feeling tired and hungry, but also truly satisfied, we went home, to roast our caught animals and then join what was now also MY evening group around our faintly glowing campfire, after our little 'infants' and 'toddlers' were brought to bed first.

During the evening, nothing special happened, except that all of us started singing spontaneously, which turned out to sound really good. At last, I got a headache, started to feel too sleepy, and nearly couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. My Mom saw me yawning, smiled understandingly, and then offered to put me to bed. Feeling thankful, I put my small hand into my Mom's bigger one. Walking together, we stepped into the sudden darkness that surrounded our caravans.

For a moment, we had to feel around to find the steps to our Royal caravan, because they almost disappeared into the spooky shadows from our campfire. After we found our steps, we stumbled upstairs, opened our front door, and switched on our electric lights. Fortunately, our technical man, Pietro, had connected all our caravans to a pile of car batteries he had wired together in one of our spare caravans. Now and then, Pietro started an old, noisy, and stinking power generator, to recharge his batteries for a few hours. Then, we had enough electricity for the next couple of days, until his batteries were drained and Pietro had to charge them again. Sometimes, I 'helped' him connect some new electric wires; while he patiently answered all my curious questions...

Inside our caravan, I first raced to our small lavatory to empty my full bladder. Then, my Mom helped me shower, dried my back for me, and carried me to my sleeping den. She put me under my blankets, kissed my wrinkling nose, and finally wished me goodnight. Feeling both wonderful and sleepy, I closed my eyes and almost immediately disappeared into dreamland, where I started dreaming of visiting some very interesting 'foreign country'.

Near the end of our very warm and very happy summer, FALL showed up again! Soon, the usual shadows around everything were becoming longer, while the days started to shorten and the already darker nights started being cooler. Unfortunately, our Wise Woman had already predicted that, very soon, another cold and hungry winter would show up... And, indeed, many trees and surrounding shrubs were already losing their leaves, and nearly all the mammals and other edible critters in our surrounding woods were already preparing for hiding away or going into hibernation. Within a couple of weeks from now, another very cold winter would arrive in our secluded Gypsy camp and force us to put on our much warmer winter clothes, instead of strolling around mostly barefooted and clad in only brightly colored summer shorts. At the same time, our nicely browned skins would also start losing their golden tans, so that we would have to wait for next spring to be able to get them back.

From now on, our group of minors started to catch fewer animals in our surrounding woods, because most mammals were already migrating towards our dangerous dense forests or far-away mountains, to find a safe hibernating place and stay there until next spring would show up. The few stray animals we still caught were too old and wiry, and most of them were ill and therefore didn't have enough leftover scanty meat on their meager bones to fill our always-hungry stomachs. Next to this, all the hitherto edible berries and tasty summer fruits were already too spongy or rotten, and the few still remaining edible nuts were already too old and almost putrid.

Day after day, our disappointed looking minors returned home empty-handed and hungry, hoping our parents had some leftovers for us to fill our always empty stomachs. Very clearly, it was time to change our hitherto 'normal' hunting tactics drastically!

The next morning, our oldest minors gathered us around them in our 'cathedral' clearing to count our heads first, as usual, which was a precaution to be sure that all of us would return safe and unharmed at the end of the day. Of course, they didn't want to send a rescue team into our surrounding woods, or to start searching for any left-behind kids who didn't show up at the end of the day. Therefore, once they knew how many kids were accompanying them into our woods, they kept counting our heads on a regular basis, to play it safe.

This morning, immediately after an older kid had counted our noses, our oldest minor, Jock, stood up and started to explain:

"By now, most animals in our surrounding woods and forests are already in hibernation, so that we will have to wait until next spring shows up for them to start breeding again. All the other animals will now be extremely wary about any hungry predators. If they hear any unknown noises, they will immediately flee towards our surrounding mountains and probably stay there. Therefore, starting today, we will have to sneak as noiselessly as we can towards our dense forests, to catch the very last stray hares, too lazy marmots, or still foraging fat porcupines. From now on, all of us will work individually or split up in pairs, to set our traps in our surrounding dense forests, preferably as far away from our camp as will be possible. Before we start setting our traps, all our younger kids will have to choose an older and more experienced trapper to guide them, unless they are Real Trappers and thus able to fend for themselves. Please, always be very careful, think first, and don't get lost in our dangerous dense forests, because we don't want to set up a rescue team at the end of the day!"

Immediately after Jock told us what we should do, I turned around and started looking for my older friend Misha, because I wanted him to be my experienced guide. A few minutes ago, I had seen him near the other side of our clearing, talking with the oldest kids about what they should do. Only, where could my experienced trapper friend be now? Hastily, I started to walk around whilst looking for him...

Then, I saw Misha, standing at the other side of the clearing. Unfortunately, one of our youngest minors, our six-year-old Jonno, had already attached himself to Misha's side! What should I do now? Feeling disappointed, I used my inherited Shaman abilities to contact Misha's enveloping aura and read his mind from a distance... Not surprisingly, Misha wasn't too pleased to have Jonno at his side, because he had already thought about getting rid of his unwanted pupil and looking around for ME. Unfortunately, according to our habitual Gypsy manners, he couldn't just reject Jonno without being extremely rude. When my older friend saw me looking for him, he could only look back apologetically and furtively shrug his shoulders, as if telling me this hadn't been his decision but he just couldn't do anything about it.

Yeah, well... Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I would glue myself to Misha's side immediately, to be absolutely sure I would be the first one to claim him as my personal experienced guide! However, today, I had to look for another older kid to be my guide. Although I felt a bit disappointed, I just started looking around for another experienced trapper kid. Within a few seconds, ten-year-old Biny approached me and took my hand. However, one of our oldest minors told her to leave me and start looking for another kid, as she was still too young to guide their little Crown Prince. Because this would be my first time in our dangerous dense forests, they just didn't want to take any unnecessary risks. Therefore, Prince Harold had to choose one of our older and much more experienced guides! Looking disappointed and moping, Biny sauntered back to the others.

Clearly, I still had to choose another experienced guide. Who else would want to take me under their protective wings, now that my older friend Misha wasn't free anymore? Hesitatingly, I stepped away from the already forming group of coupled kids, and started to look for another experienced guide. By now, all our experienced minors had already found a younger kid to be their guide. Or, to say it more correctly, all our younger kids had already found an older and more experienced minor to guide them. They were already standing next to their chosen guides and waiting for the things to come.

That is, all our youngest kids had already found an experienced guide to pair up with, except for ME. What should I do now? Because I was the only young kid who was still looking around, I involuntarily started to feel a little bit rejected. Why had none of our older minors wanted to choose ME to be my experienced guide, except for Biny who turned out to be too young, and my friend Misha who wasn't free anymore? Why had nobody else wanted to guide me? Clearly, all my older friends were still waiting for ME to find such an older and more experienced guide, but nobody in our entire group of minors seemed to know what to do about it, or how to help me...

Involuntarily, I started to feel like an outcast. Didn’t my older and more experienced friends REALLY like me, and had they been telling me only empty words? Were my so-called 'friends' not really my friends, as I had assumed in my youthful naivety? Or, could they be afraid to guide their so abundantly praised little Chef Cookie? Well, they certainly didn't have to be afraid of ME, still being the youngest kid ever in our group of minors.

What should I do now, now that I obviously couldn't find an experienced older kid to guide me? Should I now leave our group of minors and go home, to play hide and seek with our 'infants' and 'toddlers' for the remainder of the day? That would feel like a disaster, now that I was used to accompany all those much older and therefore also more experienced minor friends into our surrounding woods. Or, were they assuming I was still a too little puppy to have any real fun with? Of course, although this 'little puppy' hadn't planned to bite any of them, how would THEY know they didn't have to be afraid of my too big mouth and perhaps razor sharp teeth?

Despite my involuntarily welling tears, I started to laugh at my own silly joke. Fortunately, I had still some dry humor left! Chuckling inwardly, I suddenly decided to be proud of myself, as both my Dad and Michail always told me I should be all the time. Therefore, after furtively drying my teary face with the backs of my hands, I took a few deep breaths, raised my involuntarily slumped shoulders, straightened my back, and then decided that my older friend Misha would be my experienced guide! Of course, instead of waiting for someone else to decide to take me under their protective wings, this 'dangerous' little puppy could easily choose such an already very experienced older guide all by himself! Why shouldn't my already fourteen-year-old experienced Real Trapper friend who had been scouring our surrounding woods and dense forests all his life, be able to guide TWO younger kids at the same time? In a beeline, I stepped towards my older friend Misha and looked at him with a questioning face...

At the same time, Misha seemed to reach his own decision. Perhaps, he had seen my already welling tears and therefore decided to do something about my undeserved sadness? Whatever it had been, my older trapper friend Misha started to smile broadly when he suddenly saw me stepping towards him. Looking determined, Misha told Jonno to stay where he was, and then he straightened his back and stepped in a beeline towards ME, with a questioning face. We met halfway, stopped, and first grinned a bit sheepishly. Then, Misha took my small hand into his much bigger one and guided me towards a suddenly confused looking Jonno. With a resolute sounding voice, he asked his still waiting friends:

"Because I am one of our oldest minors plus a very experienced Real Trapper, I can easily guide TWO younger kids into our woods and forests. Does anyone disagree with my decision?"

Very much to my happiness, all our experienced guides seemed to feel relieved, because they immediately nodded understandingly. By using my inherited Shaman abilities, I sensed that, although they had felt embarrassed about my difficult situation, they also didn't know what to do about it; because all of them were already guiding another young kid, and nobody had ever thought about guiding TWO kids. Clearly, I had been wrong in my earlier presumptions, and all our minors were still my friends!

Only Jonno seemed to be unhappy with Misha's decision. For a moment, he glared at me with his dark brown eyes, as if he wanted me to disappear completely. Then, he walked around and demonstratively grabbed Misha's other hand. Well, okay... Today, I had to find out that not everybody in my group of minors always wanted to be my 'friend', as I always assumed in my youthful naivety.

Now that all our younger minors had paired up with an older guide and felt content with their decisions, the oldest kids told us what they had planned to do. First, we would go to our old traps and gather the last caught animals if there were any; and then we would take our empty snares with us. Every single pair of kids would take a different route into our dense forests, to start looking for any hibernating or still foraging animals. After we went as far away from our camp as would be safe, we would set our new traps in absolute silence, so as not to disturb or chase away any wary animals. Then, we would return and meet at our waterfall, to count our heads and maybe go for a swim in our mountain lake, if its water hadn't become too chilly.

Again, our oldest minors warned us to be very careful in our rather dangerous 'dense forests', because they still didn't want to set up a rescue team at the end of the day!