9.11 - 57. Chapter 57

What better way to celebrate Jeremy's birthday than to post an early chapter of CAP!  (If I were Stef, I'd sleep with him then buy him a car, but this will have to do )

October 6, 2001

Palo Alto, CA

Darius, Austin, and I sat in the back of the plane, kicking back now that the rush of our takeoff and initial climb had faded. “Dude, this plane is kick-ass!” Austin said.

“Yep,” I agreed. We were in my father’s G-V, and it was one awesome plane. “Want something to drink?”

“Grab us a couple of cokes,” Darius said. “That work for you?” he asked Austin.

“Works for me,” Austin confirmed. I undid my seatbelt and wandered up to the front, pausing to talk to Dad, Grand, and Stef.

“Are you all comfortable?” Dad asked.

“We’re doing fine, just getting some sodas. How are you doing?”

“Fine,” he said, and seemed annoyed that I’d asked.

“Is Scott Slater coming to stay with us?” I asked, giving him shit.

“We’ll see,” he said.

“I just want to know so I can adjust the sleeping arrangements,” I said, acting all innocent.

“We’ll work it out,” he said, being grumpy. Stef was giggling, while even Grand was smirking.

“Does that mean he’ll be sharing your room?”

I had just been teasing him, but he suddenly got all serious. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“It’s fine,” I said soothingly. “Look, we have lots of room, so if he stays, we’ll find a place for him. Maybe we can put him in with Stef and Grand.”

“That is fine with me,” Stef said, bringing some levity back to the conversation.

“Austin seems like a nice young man,” Grand said.

“So does that mean you’re going to be nice to him?” I asked, giving him crap now. He gave me a foul look, while Stef chuckled. Grandmaman had pulled the three of them aside and told them to be nice to Austin. It had been hilarious to see Grand look like a child who’d been scolded.

“We will pour on all of our charm,” Grand said, being partly sarcastic.

“Is Kai staying with us?” Stef asked.

“No, but he’ll be coming up to surf,” I said. “I have to bring these cokes back.” I used that as an excuse to avoid talking about Kai, and headed back to sit with Austin and Darius.

“Took you long enough,” Darius grumbled.

“Next time get your own fucking drink,” I said, sounding like an asshole, but he knew I was joking.

“So this dude who dumped you is going to surf with you?” Darius asked, just to be obnoxious.

“He didn’t dump me,” I said. “We weren’t together; it was just a vacation fling. He just met this dude and now they’re going out.”

“Right,” Darius said, kind of pissing me off.

“According to Scott Slater, that’s how vacation flings work. Once you leave, they’re over,” I said.

“Oh yeah? What about that...”

I cut him off before he could finish his sentence and bring up Berto, or one of the other guys I’d been with. “You want to sit here and talk about all the girls you’ve been with who are with other guys now?” I asked acidly.

He looked at me, got what I was saying, and grinned. “No.” That cracked me up, and we were about to change the subject, when Austin chimed in.

“You need to have a boyfriend while you’re there,” he said.

“What?” I asked, not getting what the fuck he was talking about.

Even though I was clueless, Darius picked up on the situation right away. “Dude, he’s right. If you’re with someone else, then you won’t look totally pathetic.”

I rolled my eyes. “I am not going to look totally pathetic, I’m just going to go surfing with this guy I used to be with, who’s now a friend of mine.” And they thought gay guys were drama queens?

“It’s not that you look pathetic,” Austin said, “it’s that they’ll be all worried that them being together is freaking you out.”

“It’s not going to freak me out,” I said, even though it might.

“That’s not what matters, it’s what they think,” Austin insisted. “The dude you were with will be looking at you and he’ll be all worried that he’s hurting your feelings by bringing his new boyfriend around. The dude who’s with him will be worried that you’re back in Maui to try and fire up your relationship from the summer. He’ll be looking at you like you’re just trying to find a chance to fuck his man.”

“He’s right,” Darius said, acting like it was the same thing he’d said.

“That’s a whole lot different than saying I’ll look pathetic,” I spat at him.

“Whatever,” he said. “You don’t have to be so fucking sensitive.”

I just shook my head in frustration at how annoying he was being. “So just exactly how am I supposed to score a boyfriend between the time we land and tomorrow morning when we surf?”

“Dude, you move that fast,” Darius said.

“Look who’s talking. Man whore,” I shot back.

“How about the co-pilot. He’s only in his mid-twenties. That’s about your speed,” Darius said, piling on.

“He’s too short,” I said, as if that was the only impediment to him being my boyfriend. “Plus he’s too cute. Shit, with a dress, some make-up, and fake boobies he could pose as your girlfriend.”

They both laughed at that. “Ass is too small,” Austin said.

“You like big asses?” Darius asked. That sparked a conversation where they dissected women’s asses, trying to come to some agreement on what constituted the perfect female derriere. I was bored shitless, and zoned out on them until Darius brought me back into the conversation. “So he won’t work. Maybe you can find one of the dudes on the ground crew to be your boyfriend.”

He was actually stressing me out a little bit with his focus on me having a boyfriend, making me worry that since I didn’t, we’d all end up having a shitty time. At the same time, it dawned on me that Darius was doing the same thing to me that I did to him: he’d found a weakness and he was probing it just to annoy me. Brothers could be a royal pain in the ass. “Dude, I do not have to have a boyfriend. People will just have to fucking cope with the fact that I’m solo.”

“We’ll keep our eyes open for someone,” Darius said, more of a threat.

“Yeah, you do that. Let me know which guys you think are hot,” I said, hitting him in a place that I knew would bug him. He hated it when someone implied he might find men attractive. That finally shut him up.

“I’ve got a deal for you,” Austin said.

“What?” I asked.

“I’ll agree to be your boyfriend for the weekend, as long as I don’t have to do any gay shit with you. In exchange, you help me with my math homework for the rest of this semester,” he said, raising his eyebrow in a cute and compelling way.

“If you’re my boyfriend, I should at least get to blow you,” I said, pretending to bargain when I was really just joking.

“Nope. Not into that,” he said. “So we got a deal?”

“Dude, don’t convert him over to the dark side,” Darius said to me.

“You sound like those fucked-up TV ministers that think gay guys are always preying on straight guys, trying to turn them,” I said to him.

“Well aren’t you?”

“Not all the time,” I said, and winked at Austin. He rolled his eyes at me. “You got a deal.”

“That’s awesome, babe,” he said, in his sexy bedroom voice, which ironically enough made me laugh. “Now get me another coke.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Dude, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.” I undid my seatbelt and went up to get us more drinks, and some snacks too.

“Hello there,” Stef said cheerfully as I passed them.

“Hey,” I said. “I got a new boyfriend, but it’s only temporary.”

“Aren’t most of them?” Dad asked, giving me shit. It was actually funny, and made me laugh.

“Austin and Darius decided that I’d look totally lame if I showed up to surf with Kai and his new boyfriend, but I was solo, so Austin volunteered to act like he’s my boyfriend,” I said casually.

“And this is just an act?” Stef asked.

I thought about that for a second. If Austin really did want to get in my pants, and really did want to go for a walk on the other side, that would be a pretty good way to set it up, but I wasn’t getting that vibe from him. “Yep. Just an act. Won’t even let me blow him.”

“Let’s see if that’s how things still are when the weekend is over,” Dad said.

“We’ll compare notes,” I said in a snarky way, my oblique reference back to Scott Slater.

The flight was pretty non-eventful after that. It was still daylight when the limo pulled up to the gates to my house and I punched the code in. I noticed that there was another car there, and recognized that it was Malcolm’s.

“This place is awesome!” Austin said as he got out of the car. Malcolm opened the front door and came walking down the steps to greet us.

“Welcome home!” he said effusively.

“It’s good to see you!” I said, and gave him a French greeting, with fake kisses on the cheeks, as did Stef.

“Let me show you how it turned out,” he said, leading us inside. The foyer was painted in this orangish color that Stef had liked, only Malcolm had toned it down considerably, and now it looked amazing. The travertine floors were truly beautiful, and he’d had the contractor put inlays in strategic places that damn near made them a work of art. The kitchen was the bomb, with the dark cherry cabinets making it seem rich and warm. We toured through all the rooms until we got to the master bedroom.

“This whole place is just spectacular,” I told Malcolm, but winked at Stef so he knew that I gave him just as much credit.

“You can see that by walling off that room, we have been able to configure your bedroom better,” Malcolm said.

“Dude, this is unbelievable,” Austin said.

We walked into the bathroom, which was equally spectacular, then into the closet, where my big steel door blocked off the outside world. There was a card taped to the door with my name on it. I took it and made to open it, but Stef stopped me. “Open it later, when you are by yourself.”

“Alright,” I said, smiling at him. We went downstairs and we were all pretty drained from a long day, so we just ordered pizza for dinner. Watching Stef eat pizza was hilarious, since he refused to hold it in his hand, but instead ate it with a fork and a knife. I got everyone situated in their rooms, giving Darius and Austin the guesthouse, then retreated to my domain. The first thing I did was open the card, and when I did, a key fell out.

Will,

I perhaps did not react very well to your idea for a playroom here in your house, so I have taken the liberty of having the lock picked, and creating a space for you to enjoy.

All my love,

Stef

I smiled, and all but ran over to the door in the closet. I turned the key and opened the door, and it was all I could do not to laugh my ass off. It was so awesome. I methodically looked at every nook and cranny, from the video library, to the sex toys, to the sling that hung from the ceiling and the motorized cock on the wall. I was shocked that he’d do this, that he’d create this place where I could indulge in all kinds of fantasies, until I took a more reasoned look at it. The whole room was designed not for me to host an orgy, but for me to jack off in. Everything was pretty much set up for that purpose.

I took off my clothes and lined the sling up with the motorized cock, then flipped through the video library until I found a movie with a dude that looked sort of like Austin. I popped it in and lined myself up with the auto-fuck machine, added some lube, then started playing with the remote control as I figured it out. It was awesome. I lay there for the longest time, watching the movie and letting the machine fuck me while I slowly stroked my cock, keeping myself on edge, until I’d finally had enough. When I blew, it was a massive orgasm, one that left a smile plastered on my face. There were high-grade paper towels for clean up, so after I got things all spiffed up, I grabbed my clothes and headed to bed, thinking about how much fun that had been. Shit, with a room like that, who needs a boyfriend?

October 7, 2001

Maui

I sat at the table, eating cereal and missing Carmen, our cook at Escorial. I craved bacon and eggs, but knew I was totally useless when it came to cooking. Austin came into the kitchen and looked at my breakfast, shaking his head. “Dude, that is not enough protein.”

“You want protein?” I asked in a slutty way, making him laugh.

“Right,” he said, and started getting pots and pans out.

“What are you doing?”

“Cooking breakfast,” he said, looking at me like I was an idiot.

“You can cook?”

“Bacon, eggs, and pancakes are not hard,” he said.

“I only like hard things,” I flirted, making him laugh.

“Watch and learn,” he said, as he fired up the stove. “Here, crack these eggs open.”

“How?” I asked. He shook his head at me in frustration, and then showed me how, but I fucked up the first few and we had to toss them out. Then I got the hang of it. “Wait a minute, where’d all this food come from?” I hadn’t really paid attention to the stuff in the fridge when I’d grabbed the milk, and I hadn’t even questioned how we’d ended up with milk and cereal in the first place.

“Darius and I went to the store last night, after you all went to bed,” he said.

“I thought you were tired.”

“I was, but I was also hungry. That won,” he said, shooting me his killer smile.

“Dude, you are so handy to have around. You sure you don’t want to try out some man love?” I asked. He was used to me now, so that didn’t bother him.

“I’m not going there, doing that gross shit you guys do,” he said, acting all revolted. “You can look, you can cop a feel once in a while, but that’s it.” That was hilarious, and I laughed pretty hard.

It only took him half an hour to pull together a pretty kick-ass breakfast. Darius managed to appear as soon as it was ready, the little shit, and thus he avoided having to help cook. “I’ll clean this up while you’re surfing,” he said as he stretched. That was a really nice thing to do.

“Thanks,” I said, then looked at the kitchen disdainfully. Austin was a good cook, but he wasn’t very neat. “If I have time, I’ll help you out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, and we started eating. The smell of food roused Dad, and we were joined shortly by Grand and Stef.

“I think we will just enjoy this nice weather and the pool today,” Stef announced.

“That is fine with me. I have some reading to do,” Grand said.

“How terribly exciting,” Stef said to him sarcastically. He liked to give Grand shit about how much time he spent reading.

I heard the doorbell gong, and then Kai came in with his new man, some dude named Ron. Even though I was trying to be calm, my eyes rocketed toward Ron as I checked him out. He was a skinny dude, but pretty cute. He had a flattened nose, with brown hair and freckles, and seemed to be mostly Caucasian, although he may have some Latin blood in him too. I had to grudgingly admit that he was pretty cute.

“Hey!” Kai said, and rushed over to give me a big hug. I hugged him back, clinging to him, remembering how tight we’d been this summer, but then I broke it off because I was worried about how Ron would feel. “Will, this is Ron.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said, and shook his hand. He had a firm handshake, just like you were supposed to have. I was almost disappointed that it wasn’t all noodly and gross.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said pleasantly. “I’ve heard a lot about you!”

“And you still wanted to meet me?” I joked. He smiled at me in a totally cute way. No wonder Kai was with this dude.

I felt a presence behind me, then a hand on my waist as Austin came up to meet these guys. “I’m Austin,” he said, and shook hands with them. He was handling this so well, with just enough body contact to make Kai and Ron think we were together, but not enough to be overdone.

We got them plates and they joined us for breakfast, then we went out to the ‘surf shack’ and grabbed boards. I’d ended up buying a few extra surfboards this summer, which Kai gave me shit about, but with Austin here, it worked out perfectly.

“Dude, put some sunscreen on me,” Austin said, handing me the bottle. I squirted some on my hands and rubbed it into his back really well, almost like it was a massage. “Nice,” he said, in his huskiest voice. God, he was sexy. I was glad he reminded me to put some on, otherwise I probably would have forgotten. Usually the wetsuit covered up my skin enough to protect if from the sun, but since the water here in Maui was around 80 degrees, we didn’t need them. He put lotion on my back in a pretty sensuous way, and then I put some on my dad’s back in pretty utilitarian manner. After we were done with that, the five of us navigated the trail down to the beach, while I hung back with my father. “Scott’s not coming?”

“He said he may meet us later,” Dad said. “He’s got some shit to do.” I knew him well enough to know there was more going on, but I left it alone.

Once we hit the water, we pretty much shut up and surfed, or at least Dad, Kai, and I did. Austin was a decent surfer, and so was Ron, but they weren’t in the same league as Kai, Dad, and I. It’s not like they couldn’t handle the waves, they just weren’t quite as good as we were. But they ended up having a lot of fun, mostly just bullshitting with each other and laughing when they wiped out.

We took a lunch break, and found Scott Slater waiting for us. “Hey!” he said, as we finished climbing up the cliff to the patio. He gave my dad an enthusiastic but playful hug, and then did the same for me. “Looking good,” he said, flirting with me.

“Eat your heart out,” I taunted, cracking him up. I introduced him to Austin, who eyed him with caution, like one wolf sizing up another. A quick lunch, then we hit the waves again, only this time, Dad really punched up his game, and so did the rest of us. I was used to that, because it seemed that whenever Scott was around, Dad was so much more competitive.

After we were done surfing, we went back to the house to take showers. Kai and Ron went home to clean up, and then we all met at the restaurant where Kai’s mom worked. It was pretty busy on a Saturday night, but she’d saved us a table. When she saw me, she smiled broadly and all but rushed across the restaurant to give me a monster hug. “It is so good to see you!” she said. Only my reaction was different. Having this woman, who had been a surrogate mom to me this summer, show me major affection like this, seemed to trigger one of my spells. I hugged her tightly until she pulled away and looked at me, worried. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” I said. “It’s just really good to see you.” She looked at me, and seemed to understand my weird emotions, then patted my cheek.

“I’ll make something you like to eat. No fish tonight.” I chuckled, then sat down, a little disoriented, until I felt Austin’s soft skin against mine as he put his arm around me.

“You good?”

“I’m good,” I said, smiling at him weakly. Dinner was a blast after that, primarily because Stef was on fire, at his witty best, and Scott Slater played off of that perfectly. The other patrons looked at us with mild amusement.

After dinner, we all went back up to my house. Kai, Ron, Darius, Austin, and I went down to the beach, dragging some vodka with us. We built a small fire and passed the bottle around, getting shitfaced, and then I passed a joint around, and that fucked us up even more. Ron kind of snuggled into Kai, because they were comfortable around us now, and Austin mirrored their moves, letting me sink into his soft body. Darius was the odd man out, but he was fine with that.

“Dude, I need to pass out,” Kai finally said, cracking us up.

“You can crash here,” I said, then wondered where I’d put them. We got up and tried to walk up the cliff, but we staggered more than walked, laughing our asses off. When we got to the top of the cliff, we seemed to be energized, so for some stupid reason, we decided to go in the pool. Darius opted to bail on us at that point, which didn’t surprise me at all. We were all pretty fucked up so we just stripped off our clothes, giving me a chance to totally scope on Austin’s fine body.

We splashed around with each other, and then sort of drifted off to different parts of the pool, two couples, only Austin and I weren’t a couple at all. “Let them have my room,” he said. “I can sleep with you.”

“Cool,” I said, and raised an eyebrow suggestively. He just shook his head.

“I had a really nice time today,” he said. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

“You’re welcome,” I said. He pulled my chin up so I was looking at him, then he moved in and kissed me. I felt his lips on mine, felt his arms wrap around me, and felt his whole body envelop me. God, he was a good kisser. His mouth just moved perfectly, and his full lips seemed to just suck my lips right in like one big monster suction cup. Only there was absolutely no spark there, nothing at all, and it wasn’t just from him, it was from me too. I moved my leg slightly and it brushed across his dick, which was totally limp. “Let’s go to bed,” I said in a sexy way, so Ron and Kai could hear.

We got out of the pool and I got them situated in the room Austin had used, and then led him up to my room. I let him shower first, and then I took my turn. I figured he’d be asleep by the time I got to bed, but he was wide awake, lying on his back. “Come here,” he ordered.

I scooted over to him and he pulled me up to him so my head was on his chest. “Dude, you are so straight it’s scary.”

He laughed, his chest making my head go up and down as he did. “Yeah. But this is nice. You’re OK, aren’t you? I mean, I don’t want to lead you on.”

I looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. “This is really nice, and you’re not leading me on.”

“Good,” he said. And even though it was totally platonic, I let myself sink into his amazingly soft but firm body and drifted off to sleep.

October 7, 2001

I watched Will, Darius, and their friends walk toward the cliff on their way to the beach, laughing and joking as they went. It was so good to see them enjoying themselves, and to see them happy. I wondered if I’d ever feel that way again. It would probably just get worse next year, when I hit forty. I’d still be alone, still be miserable, only I’d be even older. That sounded awful.

“We should go with them, B,” Scott said. I rolled my eyes at this guy I’d known since high school. Then he’d been ‘Lark’, but I’d shut that name out of my mind, and now I only thought of him as Scott Slater. I was worried that if I let myself think of him as Lark, I may slip up and reveal his former identity, so I internalized his new name, so now Mark Clark was but a distant memory, and the man who sat on the patio across from me was Scott Slater.

“You’d fall on your ass walking down the cliff,” I said.

“I’m way more coordinated than that,” he said with a leer. “Or have you forgotten?”

“Do us both a favor and save your game,” I said, probably a little too harshly. “It’s lame anyway,” I joked, to soften the blow.

“That why you’re avoiding me?” he asked, almost pouting. Christ. Like I needed to deal with his insecurities.

“I’m not avoiding you,” I said, even though it was a lie.

“No?” he challenged, but I said nothing. “That why’d you wait to call me until you actually landed and got here?”

“I know this is hard for you to believe, but you are not always at the forefront of my mind,” I said.

“Right,” he said, but with his playful tone. “Now you’re lying to me. I can’t possibly believe that you don’t think I’m as important as I do.”

I sighed. “You are important to me, but I was kind of avoiding you.”

“Why?” he asked, all hurt.

“Because I don’t want you to fuck me,” I said. That really hurt his feelings, but then again, he was the one pushing this topic. “It’s not about you, it’s about me. I’m not ready for that. I’m just in a mood to crawl up in a ball.”

“It’s not like I’d rape you,” he said sulkily.

“Look, I knew that if I tried to explain this to you, you’d get your feelings hurt, and be all dramatic about it. I knew I’d fuck it up, and I did. So that’s why I was avoiding you, so I wouldn’t do what I just did.”

“You don’t have to be a dick about it,” he snapped.

“You’re pushing me, demanding that I tell you what I’m thinking or doing, so don’t get all bent out of shape when you don’t like the answers,” I snapped back, but even more bitchily.

We sat there quietly, both of us angry, while I downed my drink in two gulps. “I’m sorry, B. I didn’t mean to pressure you,” he said, relenting. “I guess I feel like I let you down.”

It was all I could do not to throw my glass at him. I did not need this emotional rollercoaster ride he was trying to take me on. “You didn’t let me down.”

“I should have gone to the service,” he said, referring to Robbie’s memorial. “I should have been there for you.”

“No you shouldn’t have,” I said, forcing myself not to sound as bitchy as I felt. “If you’d have been there, it’s just possible someone could have figured out who you are.”

“That just doesn’t seem as important as it used to.”

“You cannot go there,” I said firmly. “You cannot get complacent. If you do, you’ll get found out, and it will mean you die. And you cannot die.”

“Does that mean you do care?” he asked, almost like a chick flirting. He was driving me fucking crazy.

“Look, what I need from you right now is to be my friend, and to help me think of something besides Robbie,” I told him.

“I thought you didn’t want me to fuck you?” he joked. “That’s the best way to keep you distracted.”

“Let’s see you be creative and think of a different way,” I said. He pouted again, and I found that almost as annoying as Robbie’s whining, so I ignored him.

“So I’m wondering...did you actually conceive Will, or did you just clone him?” It figures that he’d try to provoke me over Will. That was almost as annoying as trying to keep him from fucking me.

“Ha ha ha,” I said, but figured I’d share the latest issue with him. “He bought a car for one of Robbie’s nephews, and now everyone is all pissed off.”

“Why’d he buy a car for the dude? Was he fucking him?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“So who’s pissed off?”

“Wally and Clara Hayes,” I said. “They’re his parents.”

“Someone buys their kid a car and they’re pissed? What are they, mad that he didn’t get them one too?” This is what I got for having this discussion with a person who has no scruples at all.

“No, they’re worried that now that he has a car, he’ll get in trouble. He was into some bad shit when he was in Claremont, according to them, so now they think with a car, and being away from home, he’ll go apeshit.”

Scott shrugged. “He’d do whatever he’s going to do anyway,” which was annoyingly similar to what Will said.

“I think it also has a lot to do with them not wanting to lose control of him,” I said. He laughed at me. “What?”

“So you can totally relate to them?”

“Fuck you,” I said, so sick of people giving me shit about being a control freak. I let myself mellow a bit, and then went on. “They’ve been nervous about their sons ever since Robbie came into their lives. They’re worried that if they have money, the kids will get corrupted, and make bad decisions. They’re worried that their kids will turn into Jeff Hayes.” Scott knew who Jeff Hayes was: JP’s former lover, who had died of a heroin overdose.

“This kid do well in school?”

I cringed as I answered that, knowing that I was on shaky ground. “He’s got about a 3.5 GPA, and he’s a star running back. He’s being heavily recruited.”

“Sounds like a total fuck up to me,” he said sarcastically.

“He was doing steroids and fucking half the town,” I said.

“You suddenly seem to have issues with people having sex. Is this something I’m going to have to worry about when I get to be as old as you?”

“You are as old as me,” I said. “I don’t have issues with sex.”

“Good. Let’s go,” he said, making to get up. I just glared at him, so he sat back down and got serious. “So Will sees this kid whose parents are control freaks, and have no confidence in him at all, and the kid has no way to get around. He’s a virtual prisoner. Never mind that the kid does great in school and in sports. That doesn’t matter.” He stared at me, waiting for me to get it. “What the fuck did you expect him to do?”

“Well, the appropriate thing would be to talk to me or the kid’s parents first,” I said. He laughed at me so hard he almost fell out of his chair.

“You have gotten so fucking old it’s scary,” he said. I gave him a truly evil look, but it didn’t really faze him at all. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand him?”

“Explain it to me,” I said, dreading what he’d say.

“He sees this guy in the same position he was in, and he likes the kid, he fucked the kid, so he’s going to help him out. He’s not like you. He actually cares about people,” he said, throwing that last line in to give me shit.

“Fuck you,” I said, but not in an angry way.

“You ever notice how Will always goes for the underdog? He did it with this kid, and he did it with Kai this summer. He’s a sucker for a charity case,” he said.

“I’m worried that this guy will take advantage of him,” I said.

“God, you are so fucking stupid!” he said, and not in a friendly way. “Seems to me that when we were in high school, there was this kid being picked on, and you jumped in and saved him, and he ended up living with you. You remember him?”

“Mouse,” I said, smiling as I thought of him.

“So why are you busting his balls for doing a good deed? Especially when you would do the same damn thing!”

“It’s not the same thing,” I said, knowing as I did I was damning myself as surely as if I’d said the words to JP.

He stood up and shook his head at me. “I’m going up to our bed to crash. If you’re lucky, I’ll let you get close enough to stay warm.” I watched him disappear into the house, and then I sighed and followed him in. We both undressed and got into the big king-sized bed.

“I’m sorry if I was a dick to you,” I told him honestly.

He rearranged the covers so I was under the top sheet, and he was above it, with just the blanket over him, then he spooned up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. It was the same thing he’d done to me when I’d found him on the lam at our house in Santa Cruz, and I couldn’t sleep with him because I was with Robbie. So he’d done this so we could have intimacy without sex. It was really sweet, and really touching, and for the first time in a long time, I slept soundly.