9.11 - 77. Chapter 77

November 22, 2001

Goodwell, VA

“When is everyone getting in?” I asked Nana, as I ate breakfast.

“Around four o’clock,” she said.

“I take it Ethan isn’t up yet?” I asked. He was a typical teenager, and rarely got up before noon unless he had to.

“We’ll be lucky if he wakes up in time for dinner,” she said with a rueful grin. Not even Nana had been able to cure him of that habit. “I’ll make sure he’s up, and I’ll protect him from the rest of the family members.”

“Thanks, Nana,” I said sincerely. It would be a relief to know she was watching out for him; one less thing for me to worry about.

“Where’s Matt?” She hadn’t been awake last night when I’d gotten in, so we hadn’t had a chance to talk.

“My understanding is that he was going to be in Cleveland with his parents,” I said.

“Your understanding? You don’t know?” she asked me, being the pushy old broad she could be.

“I don’t know,” I said. I saw her eyes focus on my left hand, where there was no ring. “We’re not together anymore.”

“That’s too bad,” she said sadly. “I like Matt.”

I found it annoying that she’d say that, because it made it seem like I was the bad guy, forcing Nana to break up with Matt along with me. “I like him too,” I said, and wondered if that was true. “I just don’t love him.”

“This hasn’t been an easy time, Wade,” she said soothingly, but in my current mood, it simply seemed patronizing. “Maybe in a few months, when you two get a little further from that horrible day, you can work things out.”

“It’s not like that,” I said firmly. Sitting here in the kitchen was not a good venue for me. I needed to do something active, to exert myself physically. “Go for a ride with me.”

“It’s a bit cold, Wade,” she said disapprovingly.

“Is it worth getting a little cold so you can hear all about my problems with Matt?” I teased. “Your call.”

She gave me a dirty look, but followed me out to the stables. We changed while they saddled the horses, then rode out across the paddock, and through the gate. It was chilly, but not miserably cold. We kept our pace to a trot or a walk, and that helped reduce the wind chill. “It’s beautiful here, even in the winter,” I said, surveying all this land that was technically Riley’s.

“Yes it is,” Nana said crisply. “Now what the hell happened?”

“I grew up, and he didn’t,” I said to her simply.

“Wade, he’s still in college,” she said, sticking up for him.

“I don’t need you to make excuses for him,” I snapped, showing both of us just how uptight I was about it. “He ignored me…I spent time with him maybe once a week, while he went out and screwed everyone on campus.”

“Didn’t you have an open relationship?” she asked, but in a caring way, not in a probing way. Evidently my outburst cooled her zeal for Matt down a bit.

“We did, but when he completely ignores me, and pays attention to every one else, it gets a little ridiculous. It was obvious that he didn’t really want to be with me, so I just solved the problem for him,” I said.

“You told him you didn’t love him?” she asked, as if that was an extreme reaction to his behavior. She paused when saw my frustration. “Look Wade, it doesn’t sound like that’s enough, him ignoring you for a month, to make you not love him. I’m not trying to pry, but it doesn’t add up.”

“You remember Tony Carbone?” I asked.

“He’s the boy that Will was gaga over,” she said. I rolled my eyes at her term. “Well, sometimes he was gaga over Tony.”

“Sometimes,” I said, chuckling then got serious. “Tony came out of the closet, and Will helped him along. Will and Tony weren’t together, but they were pretty tight.” How did I explain to my grandmother that they were friends who fucked?

She did it for me. “So Will was banging Tony, and they were friends.”

“That’s pretty much it,” I said chuckling. “Matt was joking about hitting on Tony at dinner a while back, and Will was pretty fired up about that.”

“That’s not unusual for him,” she said, thinking about how volatile Will could be.

“Yeah, but this was a big deal to him, and he made sure Matt knew that. Will told Matt that if he slept with Tony, he was going to set Matt’s GMC on fire,” I said.

“Let me fast forward,” she said. “There’s a GMC on fire in California?”

I laughed. “No. Actually Will did really well. I told him Matt and Tony hooked up, and coached him to not lose it. He did that. He just refuses to be around Matt at all.”

“Can’t say that I blame him,” she said.

“I came home a couple of weeks ago to find Matt packing up the GMC. Didn’t tell me he was moving out, he was just going to leave. If I wouldn’t have come home in the middle of the day, I would have completely missed him,” I said bitterly. “He moved back on campus. He’s rooming with Tony.”

“I can see why this has Will’s panties in a wad, but how does it affect you?” she asked.

“Because it’s a huge breach of honor, to screw over a family member like that, especially one who’s going through some pretty tough times. And it’s even crueler for him to move in with Tony; like rubbing salt into the wound. And Matt’s supposed to be Will’s de facto brother, and brothers don’t do that to each other.”

“Some do,” she said dourly.

“He was ignoring me while screwing everything else on campus like a college freshman who just discovered how his dick worked, and then when he intentionally went after Tony despite Will asking him not to, I gave up hope for him. If he could sleep with Tony after all that’s happened, I really don’t have a place for him in my life. I’m moving on, going to law school, and I’m going to spend more time with Riley and be a better dad. He’s just focused on the next party, and the next guy.” Neither one of us said anything for a bit.

“Thank you for explaining it to me,” she said. “I shouldn’t have pried, but it wasn’t adding up, and it would have kept bothering me if it didn’t make sense.”

“I understand,” I said.

“No, I think that’s my line,” she said. “We’ll have to hope that Matt pulls his head out of his ass.” I nodded, and found that I did hope that he did, even though I knew it wouldn’t make any difference at this point. “How shall we seat the table?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Clearly you’ve been thinking about this, so you must have some idea,” I said with a smile.

“Well, in the past your father and mother have been at the heads of the table. The tradition is that the eldest male Danfield, the owner of Goodwell, sits at the southern head of the table, and his wife sits opposite him.” I knew that intuitively, from the paintings and pictures of past family dinners.

“What happened when the oldest son didn’t have a spouse?” I asked, wracking my brain to remember a time in family history where that was the case.

“Then the man’s mother sits at the other end of the table,” she said. “So by tradition, your mother should be there.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said skeptically.

“You know how I feel about your mother,” she spat, “but traditions and customs are important. So that’s where I am on it.”

“You didn’t tell me what you’d do, you just summarized it for me,” I said, laughing, as we made it back into the paddock.

“It’s your decision,” she said, dodging the issue.

“Nana, what would you do?” I asked.

“I’d let her sit there, at the other head,” she said. I stared at her, shocked. I didn’t realize this custom was that important to her.

“I’d rather have you there,” I said.

“I’d rather sit down at the end by you, far away from her,” she said.

“I’ll think about it,” I said. I took a shower and went ahead and dressed for dinner, then went in to check on Tiffany and the kids. “Doing alright?” I asked Tiffany.

“Peachy keen,” she said sarcastically. “How are you doing?”

“I had to tell Nana that Matt and I weren’t together anymore. It was like she was breaking up with him, not me.”

She chuckled. “It’s not easy on any of us, but that can’t impact your decision.”

“You think I did the right thing?” I asked, a meaningless question.

“I do,” she said. “You put up with a lot of shit, but the bottom line is that if you don’t love him, you shouldn’t be with him.”

“You know how I know I did the right thing?” I asked her rhetorically. “I’m sad, and I’m worried about Matt, but I’m not unhappy. I actually feel pretty good, and the thought of us being back together makes my stomach turn.”

“The girls I dumped, hell, they were bad enough to make my stomach puke,” she said, cracking me up. “By the way, if you want to piss JJ off, tell him you saw Johnny Weir skating, and he was really good.”

“Johnny Weir?” I had no idea who that was.

“You know how JJ can be a little bitchy once in a while?”

“Once in a while?” I asked, rolling my eyes. That kid was super bitchy most of the time.

“Right,” she said. “Multiply that by at least ten, and add in a good dose of asshole. That’s Johnny Weir.” That sounded pretty horrible to me.

“JJ doesn’t like him?”

Tiffany laughed. “They’re like hissing kittens when they’re around each other. It’s hilarious.” I laughed with her, even as I visualized them in my head.

“I’ll try to remember the name.”

“He’s based on the East Coast, in some hellhole like Delaware, so he competes in sectionals out here.”

“Why does that matter?”

She shrugged. “You want to move to Boston. JJ may be open to a move there, so he can kick Johnny’s ass on his home turf.”

“That is good news,” I said, happy because it meant I might be able to keep Tiffany and Riley by me during law school. I put my arm around her. “It would be nice to have you around.”

“You’re stuck with me,” she said. “That’s what happens when you have kids with someone.”

“Kids? Plural?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe,” she said, smiling back. That was great news. I liked having sex with women. It wasn’t even close to my experience with a guy, but it was nice. But of the women I’d been with, Tiffany had been the most fun. And it would be really cool if Riley had another sibling.

“Awesome,” I said, then made her look into my eyes. “I’m doing alright with this whole thing, but I was feeling pretty alone. I’m not feeling that way now.”

“Good,” she said, and gave me a nice kiss. It started out innocently enough, then the passion built, until we weren’t kissing, we were making out. I finally broke it off, and we stood there, staring at each other, panting and crazed. I held out my hand, and led her up to my room, and for a gay boy and a lesbian, we had one hell of a time.

November 22, 2001

In the air, over Pennsylvania

We were kicking back in the plane and snacking on some of the munchies. The pilot called me and I answered the phone, then explained to the others what he said. “We’ve got an hour until we land.”

“Bathroom break,” Gathan said. He stood up and sauntered back to the lavatory. Zach caught me looking at Gathan’s handsome form and grinned.

“So we’ve got an hour to kill,” Zach said. “I’ve got an idea.”

I giggled like a chick. He was usually horny after a game, so that was no great surprise. “Dude, that’s pretty rude, leaving Gathan all alone.”

“We don’t have to leave him alone,” Zach suggested. He must have seen my expression and misinterpreted it. “We don’t have to do that.”

I smiled at him and stood up. “Sounds like fun.”

“Really? I didn’t think you’d be up for it,” he said.

“Dude, when am I not up for some fun?” I asked. I’d messed around with Gathan, and he’d even fucked me once. He was fun, nothing like Zach, but he was fun. I got the feeling, though, that this was less about me, and more about Zach and Gathan. I stood up and walked back toward the lavatory, with Zach behind me.

We heard the water running, as Gathan washed his hands, then he came out, looking a little absentminded. He almost bumped into me, because he was surprised I was there, and I took that opportunity to push him into the small bedroom. He staggered in and landed on the bed, while I followed him into the room, with Zach closing the door behind us. “What the fuck?” he demanded.

“Exactly,” I said. I kicked off my shoes, then pulled off my shirt, and glanced over as Zach did the same thing.

“Dude, no way,” Gathan objected.

I unzipped my jeans and pulled them down, along with my boxers, exposing my rapidly hardening dick. “Way,” I disagreed. I pushed my dick into his face, and Zach stepped up next to me, doing the same thing.

Gathan grinned, then shrugged, and inhaled my dick, giving me some really nice head, and then he pulled off of my dick and latched onto Zach’s. I pulled Zach’s face to mine and started kissing him, and it was weird, because he didn’t respond at first. It was like it was when we first started hooking up. I pulled Gathan up and made him get undressed, and then we returned the favor. Zach latched onto his dick, so I spun Gathan so his ass was in my face, and spread his big, solid cheeks apart so I could rim him. “Fuck yeah,” he murmured, totally enjoying the stimulation from our mouths. I reached between Gathan’s legs and found Zach’s cock, hard and pulsing, and stroked it a few times.

That seemed to trigger his libido into high gear. Zach lay back on the bed, grabbing his ankles. “Fuck me.” I didn’t know who he was talking to, so I took the bait.

“I’m gonna fuck him, while you fuck me,” I said to Gathan, in my sexy bedroom voice. I slipped a condom on, grabbed the lube and really prepped Zach’s hole, then slowly pushed into him. His ass enveloped me, that pulsing, euphoric feeling that I loved; even as I stared down at his body, so honed and fit, as it writhed in as much pleasure as I felt.

A whole new sensation hit me, making me moan, as I felt Gathan’s hand on my ass, encouraging me to fuck Zach, even as he brushed his fingers over my hole.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom,” Gathan said.

I turned and looked at him. “You OK?”

“I am,” he said. “You trust me?”

“I do,” I said, and meant it. Gathan gave me a big smile, then a nice kiss, and with that, I felt like we’d done a lot to restore our friendship. My unquestioning trust reminded him of how much I respected his honesty. I’d had doubts about Zach, doubts that I’d largely put to rest, but I didn’t have those doubts about Gathan. I knew Gathan would never bareback me if he hadn’t been safe. I plunged in and out of Zach’s ass, going slow, feeling Gathan pushing his cock against my hole. I paused, to let him take charge, and he did, pushing his big dick inside me in a slow but steady way. “Aaaahhh!” I moaned.

“That feel good?” Zach asked, as he watched my face contort with pleasure. “You like that?”

“Feels so fucking good,” I said. They let me take charge, let me set the pace, thrusting my dick into Zach while spearing myself against Gathan. We picked up a rhythm, Gathan and I, while Zach just lay there, slowly stroking his cock, his head flailing back and forth.

“You feel so good,” Gathan said, nibbling my ear. “So fucking good.” And then I let myself go. I had been annoyed with him for the past month; I’d forgotten what a good friend he was, and how much I cared about him. Being with him like this, healing the rift between all three of us, was like an emotional bong hit.

“Dude, I’m gonna cum,” I said. “I’m gonna cum!” I cried out, way too loudly, and then I came, blasting into the condom.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Gathan shouted. “Me too. I’m gonna cum too!”

“Fill his ass up, Gathan,” Zach said. “Fill him up.”

“Blow inside me,” I confirmed, riding my own orgasm down as Gathan’s fuse blew.

“Fuck!” Gathan roared, then grabbed my hips and just pounded me, blasting what must have been a record load for him right into my rectum.

Gathan pulled out of my ass, and then I pulled out of Zach. Zach lay there, hard and crazed, staring up at me. It was weird, because now it was all about the two of us. Gathan got that, just like I did. “I’m gonna clean up,” he said. He gave me a nice kiss, and then he gave Zach a more perfunctory one, grabbed his clothes, and all but charged out of the room.

“I think he had fun,” I said, winking at Zach. I took the condom off, and was about to throw it away, but his eyes were fixed on it. Inspired, I held it over his face, and started dripping my cum out of the end, so it landed on his mouth. He licked it up, totally getting into it.

“Is his load leaking out of your ass?” he asked me breathlessly.

“Yeah,” I said. “Wanna see?”

“Yeah,” he said.

I knelt over him, in a 69 position, with my ass over his face, and my mouth over his cock. I relaxed my sphincter, and felt Gathan’s cum start leaking out of my ass. Zach’s cock twitched as it did; he really got into that. Then I felt something different, and realized it was Zach’s tongue, as he leaned up and lapped up Gathan’s load as it poured out of me. I looked down at his cock, and it was harder than I’d ever seen it. I licked the head, and the shaft, teasing him, even as he probed me with his tongue, as if trying to get every drop of Gathan’s cum out of me.

But I had teased him enough, so I took it to the next level, and actually started sucking his cock. I knew it wouldn’t take long to get him off, and I was right. I felt him howl, a loud moan, as he uttered it straight into my ass. Then his cock exploded, and it was my turn to take a load in my mouth, a damn big one. I sucked him until he was done, and then got up. “That was fun,” I said, grinning.

“It was pretty kinky,” he said apprehensively. He looked ashamed, and I felt bad for him.

“Fuck that,” I said. “I thought it was fun.” That got a huge grin, as he got that I wasn’t going to judge him for being a little freaky. We cleaned up and went back up to sit with Gathan. He was in his seat, his belt buckled, and he was blushing.

“You were a fucking blast,” I said, winking at him.

“Fucking right,” Zach said, and fist bumped him. And in that weird way, the tension and the irritation between the three of us seemed to fade away.

November 22, 2001

Goodwell, VA

“That was not how I planned to spend this afternoon,” Tiffany said as we walked down the grand staircase.

“It’s how I planned to spend it,” I said with a grin. “At least in my dreams.” We’d had sex, then we’d lain there in bed and just talked about shit, including all the drama about the seating arrangements at dinner; then we’d had sex again. It had been one fun afternoon for me.

She smacked me playfully. “I’m going to check on the kids.”

I walked into the dining room, and saw how the place cards had been set up. I took my mother’s card and swapped it with Tiffany’s, putting my mother next to Beau, and Tiffany at the opposite head of the table. After that, I went into the great room, and found Mary Ellen lounging around with Trevor.

“Hey there!” I said enthusiastically, and gave them both big hugs.

“And where have you been?” Mary Ellen asked.

“Some afternoon delight,” I joked, making Trevor chuckle.

“Is Matt here?” she asked. “I haven’t seen him.”

“We’re not together anymore,” I said. Trevor looked worried, but it was even more strange that Mary Ellen did too.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Trevor said.

“It’s OK,” I said, then smiled. “Maybe you can fill in for him.”

“Maybe I can,” Trevor said, making us laugh.

“That’s really too bad,” Mary Ellen said.

“You know, we went through all this crap together, then we grew apart, and then I realized that I didn’t love him anymore,” I said, oversimplifying things.

“That happens to me all the time,” Mary Ellen joked. “You seem to have rebounded from it pretty quickly.”

I shrugged my shoulders slightly. “I think that if things are bad and stressful for a long time that can just wear away the feelings.”

“So who were you delighting with?” Trevor asked.

“You think I’d tell you?” I taunted.

“I know you’d tell me,” Mary Ellen said, trying to sound menacing.

“I went for a walk on the other side of the fence,” I said.

“You banged a chick?” Trevor asked, amazed. “Cool. I like to do that.”

I laughed, which was not unusual when I was with Trevor. “I like it too,” I said.

“I thought you were gay,” Mary Ellen said, but it was more of a question.

“I am gay, but I like women too.”

“Then doesn’t that mean you’re bisexual?” she asked.

I stopped to think about that. “I think it’s like Kinsey’s scale. I think I’m about 80% gay, and 20% straight.” I paused to marvel at how open I was being about my sexuality, and about me having sex in general. That was pretty out of character. Maybe it was the people I was around, or maybe just being at Goodwell helped me relax.

“So you let your 20% out to play,” Trevor said with his sexy leer.

“Yep,” I agreed. We were interrupted when Nana came in, leading Beau. He gave me an enthusiastic greeting. I’d just poured them drinks when Trevor’s brother Travis came in, along with his parents, my Aunt Emeline and Uncle Davis. We relaxed around the television, drinking, talking, and watching football.

We were all pretty tuned into the game and the conversation when Ethan walked in. He looked nervous, which made sense, but I was determined to make him welcome. “Hey there!” I said enthusiastically. “You slept almost the whole day.”

“Almost,” he said in a slightly grumpy way. I gave him a hug, more as a gesture to the others than to him. By wrapping my arms around him, I was also wrapping my protective shields around him, symbolically demanding that they treat him with respect.

“Y’all,” I said, a word I rarely used. “This is Ethan.”

I was most worried about Mary Ellen and Beau. Beau looked at him dubiously, but Mary Ellen jumped right in, turning on her social charm. “So you’re my half brother? I’m Mary Ellen. It’s so good to finally get to meet you!” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and put her arm around him.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said shyly.

“I’m Beau,” he said, shaking Ethan’s hand a little cautiously, but Beau was a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, and as long as Mary Ellen and I lined up on being nice to Ethan, he would too.

“Ethan,” he said, as he shook.

“Look at that!” Davis said, gesturing at the television, as Green Bay scored a touchdown. That distracted attention away from Ethan, something he seemed very happy about, and we all refocused on the game.

“You’re sitting next to me at dinner,” Nana said to Ethan protectively. “That way I can keep an eye on you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said to her with a smile. That would keep him safe; none of these people were brave enough to mess with Nana. The Green Bay Packers beat the Detroit Lions this year by a score of 29-27. After the game was over, we went in to eat.

“Is your mother joining us?” Aunt Emeline asked.

I looked at Beau, since he was closest to her. “I thought she was, but I don’t know,” he said.

“Then I propose that we go ahead and eat,” I said. We all took our seats, with Nana giving me an odd look as Tiffany took the seat at the other end of the table. Before everyone started eating, I stood up, and that shut the rest of them up. “Normally, before Thanksgiving Dinner, we say a prayer. I’m going to make an exception to that tradition. This has been a very hard year for all of us. I’ve always been trained, conditioned, that Danfields don’t lose, and that Danfields overcome adversity. It’s ironic that the loss of the man who taught me that has been one of the toughest tests of that mantra. He has not been gone all that long, but already I miss him. I miss him a lot.” I paused to restrain my emotions, and saw Mary Ellen wiping away a tear. “But we, as a family, have become closer, and more united, since then. We are acting how we should have been acting all along. I think Father would be proud of us.”

“Hear hear!” Beau said, raising his glass in a toast. We joined him.

“I inherited the mantle of ‘head of the family’, and it’s normally the custom for my spouse to sit across from me,” I said. “While Tiffany and I aren’t married, she’s very important to me, and the closest thing I have to a partner at this point, so I’ve given her this place of honor.”

“A dubious honor,” Mary Ellen joked, making all of us laugh. “Does she have to sleep with you too?”

“She doesn’t have to,” I said, winking at her, and making her blush. We got a disapproving look from Aunt Emeline, which made Mary Ellen giggle a bit. “So before we start dinner, I’d like us all to take a moment of silence to remember Jefferson Danfield.”

Mary Ellen stood up, surprising me, but her example caused the others to rise as well. We stood there for a minute, thinking of my father with all of his strengths and weaknesses, remembering how much we’d loved him, until we heard the huge grandfather clock begin chiming. And somehow, remembering my father seemed to seal Ethan’s place amongst us, since he shared our pedigree, and he shared our grief.

“That was a very nice tribute to your father, Wade,” I heard my mother say coolly, as she entered the room.

“Thank you,” I said. “And welcome.” We sat down, and she took her place next to Beau. I smiled at Nana, who looked like she just might jump across the table and strangle Mother.

“What a surprise to see you here, Elizabeth,” Emeline said. “How have you been?” Mary Ellen and I smiled at each other, as those two did not like each other, and Emeline had probably been savoring the hope that my mother would show up so she could gloat over what a horrible person Mother was.

“I am managing,” Mother said evenly.

“I’m so glad to hear that,” Emeline said. “This wine really is wonderful, Wade,” she said, and then turned to my mother. “Would you like a glass?” My mother had battled alcoholism for as long as I could remember, but I still maintained, at least in my own mind, that part of that was a convenient excuse, an escape valve for when things went wrong.

“No, thank you,” Mother said. “Is Riley here?”

“He and Maddy are sleeping,” Tiffany told her. “They’re still on California time.”

“You should check in on them after dinner,” I said to her, an olive branch of sorts. She gave me a fleeting smile.

“Have you met Ethan yet, Elizabeth?” Emeline asked with delight.

“I have not,” she said. She stood up and so did Ethan. “Elizabeth Danfield,” she said crisply.

“Nice to meet you,” he said, then they both sat down. A more tense encounter was hard to envision.

“I think he looks a bit like Jeff,” Emeline persisted, only that line of prodding served to irritate all of us, not just mother.

“He’s very handsome,” I said firmly. Emeline looked at me intently, as if trying to decide whether to challenge me or not.

“That’s precisely what I meant,” she said. Will had talked about how his psychologist had said he was like a medieval king, requiring people close to him to pledge their loyalty. I felt much the same way now, requiring my aunt to acknowledge me as the rightful head of the family. After that, we all focused on eating. It was a tense dinner, and we endured it with light conversation for about ten minutes, until Mary Ellen had enough.

“Why are you here?” she asked Mother.

“I was invited,” Mother said defensively.

“I know that. The decision to invite you was made by all of us,” she said, meaning it was made by me, Mary Ellen, Beau, and Nana. “But I want to know why you came.”

“I am not sure how to atone for my sins, and I am not sure that I can,” she said flatly. The lack of emotion in her voice was most likely in direct contradiction to the conflict brewing behind her face. “I feel as if I belong here, even if I don’t think you all really want me here. So I decided that I would show up, let you take your shots at me, and perhaps that would be a start.”

Beau grabbed her hand supportively, but the rest of us weren’t there. “Actually, showing up here is a good start. Sitting there and waiting for the rest of us to flagellate you is not,” I said. In a brief flash of clairvoyance, I realized that I truly had assumed the mantle of leadership in this family, and that the others accepted me as such, since none of them argued with that, they just sat there waiting for our conversation to unfold.

“Then tell me what to do, Wade,” she said. “I don’t know, so tell me. I have wracked my brain, trying to figure out how I can repair my relationships with you all, and I can’t see how that is even possible. I came here because I don’t have that answer, and I’m desperate to find it.” She’d started out almost defiantly, but with each word she uttered, she melted down a little more, so by the time she was done, she was almost hysterical. Beau looked at her supportively, but said nothing. Mary Ellen and I were simply shocked at seeing her lose it like this.

“Wade,” Nana said to me, “I’d like to respond to that, if you don’t mind.”

I smiled at her to thank her for further validating me in my role as head of the family. “I think, Nana, since you have the biggest grievance with Mother, it is appropriate for you to answer her question.”

“Elizabeth, even as a little girl, you were a scheming little bitch. You took after your father too damn much,” Nana said, launching into her. “You learned to say you were sorry, but you never learned to mean it. What you’ve done to most of us here have not been acts of accidental harm, they’ve been acts of malicious harm. Things where it seems that you may have even enjoyed inflicting the pain you did. So I understand why you’re in a quandary.”

Mother didn’t, couldn’t, fight back. “So what do I do?”

“You have to make your peace with everyone at this table, one at a time,” Nana decreed. “And we may forgive you, but any of us with half a brain won’t trust you.” Mother looked around, partly understanding, but partly still confused.

“I think you are addicted to power,” I hypothesized. “I think that the more you get, the more you want. I think it corrupts you, and you forget and discard the important things, like morals, and family, and ethics, in the face of that temptation.”

She still looked baffled. “What Wade is saying is that as long as you’re playing DC powerbroker, none of us want you around, because you’ll happily toss us into the fire again to close the next deal,” Mary Ellen said.

“I think that your apology has to be followed by atonement, and that means that you have to retire from politics, and focus on doing something good,” I said.

“Good. Now that would be a challenge for you,” Nana said dismissively.

“A challenge?” Mother asked, raising her eyebrow at Nana, and then looked at the rest of us. “Thank you for explaining things to me. It is difficult to know whether to buy something until you know the price.”

“So you’re not going to do what they suggested?” Emeline asked, with a justifiable sense of outrage. “Your family isn’t important enough for you to sacrifice your power?”

Mother gave Emeline a patronizing look. “These people know me well enough that if I agreed to what they said right here, right now, they would not believe me. They know that I need to think about it, weigh the consequences, and develop a plan of action before I can make a commitment to them.”

“That never stopped you before,” Emeline responded.

“It did now,” Mother said. “I have to be able to make a promise this time, and keep it, or I lose everything. I won’t even be able to sit here if I screw up again.”

“I agree with everything you just said,” I told Mother, intervening to save her from my predatory aunt, waiting to feast on her bones. “Quite frankly, I wasn’t very optimistic that you would ever be able to achieve your goal of repairing your relationships with all of us. Your realistic read on the situation has given me hope.”

“Thank you, Wade,” Mother said, and gave me a genuine smile. Dinner continued, but with a lot less tension.