In The Arms of an Angel - 7. Chapter 7 - Cosing Sides

Pasha stared at the angel for a while, his head spinning. The fact he was beautiful, vulnerable and distressed, did nothing to help him in his quandary. If he made the wrong decision someone who didn’t deserve to be hurt would be— horribly. If he chose the angel and he was what the men said he was, he’d expose his family to terrible danger. If he chose his family and the angel was who he said he was, the angel was probably going to die.

It also didn’t help that his mind kept drifting back to the dream, feeling the angel’s hands on his body, remembering the look in his eyes, the curve of his shoulder, the…. Shit. He was getting hard and actually starting to feel those hands. He looked up and the angel was staring at him, his eyes wide and his body showing his arousal.

“What are you doing to me? How can I possible believe you’re innocent when you’re trying to seduce me, to cloud my mind and my decisions.”

“I…I’m not. I swear it, Pasha. It isn’t me. It’s you. You are doing this to me, not me to you.”

“I’m doing it? Don’t be so ridiculous. That’s the last thing I’d be thinking of at a time like this. I told you… I don’t have sexual feelings for men. I’m not gay.”

“I…I don’t know what gay is but I know you desire me. If…if that is not what you want then I… understand but, Pasha please, please believe me I’m not trying to… to… u…um what you said. I’m not doing this. I swear I’m not doing this.”

Pasha stared at him. It was impossible. Whatever was going on wasn’t coming from him, which meant the angel must be lying, which meant he probably lied about everything. He was playing on Pasha’s attraction— not that he was attracted, of course. He must be what they said he was. He must be. But… if he wasn’t. Could he bear to stand by and watch those terrible men take the angel away? Could he ever forgive himself if he was the cause of the beautiful man’s death?

“If I trust you and I’m wrong…. If, when you get your memory back you are what they say you are, I’m putting my family at risk. How can I do that?”

“I’d never hurt you, Pasha, never, nor your family. I won’t hurt anyone.”

“Can you absolutely guarantee that?”

“I…” The angel bit his lip and bowed his head. “No. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything. I feel I’m not bad, but I don’t know it.”

Pasha dropped his head and ran his finger back and forth along the seam of his jeans.

There was silence for a while, a thick, dark silence. Then the Angel sighed deeply and sniffed. “I…I see it now, Pasha. I…am a danger to you. I can’t tell you I’m not. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, because I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to protect you. I want to protect you and take care of you. So…” He closed his eyes and the diamond tears tinkled as they scattered his knees. “I am afraid, Pasha. I am so afraid but… You must call them. You must let them take me. It’s the only way I can make you safe. I feel… I feel you are in danger. I don’t think it is from me but I don’t know and either way you will be safe if I am gone. Please do it quickly. Let it be over soon.”

Pasha was horrified. The more he thought about it the more it made sense. If the angel was evil wouldn’t he have sworn they were all safe? Wouldn’t he have promised not to hurt them. By telling him he couldn’t guarantee his safety he was effectively signing his own death warrant. Would he have done that if he was what they said he was?

Even if he didn’t remember anything he was still essentially himself, his personality intact. If he was a liar and a cheat, a vicious, heartless brute, he would have done anything he could to persuade Pasha to protect him. Instead, all he cared about was that Pasha be protected, even if it meant his own life. He just couldn’t be bad.

“No. No, I won’t call the men. I believe you. I trust you, and I want to help you.”

“You… you do?”

“Yes, I do. You’ll be safe here until you get your memory back. I’ll take care of you.”

“You…will?”

“Yes, I will. I promise.”

The angel’s face lit up and he threw himself at Pasha, hugging him close. “Thank you, Pasha. I love you.”

Pasha jerked back. “But let’s get one thing straight. I’m not gay. I don’t desire you and I definitely don’t love you.”

The angel looked terribly confused but nodded slowly. “Whatever you say, Pasha. Whatever you want.”

“Good. I need to talk to my brother.”

“A...all right. Can I…?” The angel was looking at him as if he was scared one wrong word would be bring disaster. “Can I come with you? I…I’m scared.”

Pasha opened his mouth to say no but the angel looked so frightened and he was shaking.

“Angel, I’m not going to hurt you. No one here is going to hurt you. And we won’t let anyone else hurt you either. You’re safe here.”

Slowly, the angel shook his head. “No, I’m not. None of us are. But I don’t know why. I…. I’m weak Pasha. I should walk away and take the danger with me but I can’t. I can’t leave you. I’m weak.”

“You’re weak because you’re shocked and hurt. You’ll be better soon.”

Wordlessly, the angel nodded.

“Come downstairs. Sit in a comfy chair and we’ll talk—all of us.”

Again the angel nodded and allowed Pasha to lead him down the stairs.