Blue sky shows up when you least expect it.

I will admit that my last blog entry was a little dejected. I don't tend to fall for the first cute face I see on the street, or the first guy I meet. Between July last year and this March I used the services of a dating site. In all, I met 4 guys. For various reasons which I won't get into here, two relationships blossomed and quickly died. I was very drawn to a third guy (although I never got to really know him), but he wasn't feeling the same towards me. After the last attempt to get a date with him, which I described in my last blog post, I unsubscribed from the site. I vaguely planned on using another dating site: I even started filling an online form, but couldn't be bothered to finish it. I decided to give dating a break for a while. I wasn't giving up on love, just giving myself the time to think about my priorities.

Meanwhile, there had always been another guy on my mind, someone I'd met through a different site. I had developed a big crush on him, but he had been on and off the site, and I had never really planned on telling him about my crush, perfectly convinced that he would not be in the least interested. He was someone whose personality was both appealing and intriguing, whom I quietly admired from the sideline.

Over the months my crush had settled in my heart; it was part of me. I hadn't forgotten about it, but I didn't exactly expect anything to happen. I left clues here and there but they were so subtle that there was no way he could really detect anything; that was the beauty of it: being able to satisfy my need to give small signs of my interest for him, without having to reveal myself. Who wants to see their feelings reduced to ashes in one instant?

Then a few days ago, right out the blue we ended up chatting, and lo and behold, my crush seemed to find its match in him. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. A small part of me thought that it must be a prank; a bigger part of me was frantically trying not to mess it up. But he was actually more nervous than I was, and in the end, instead of losing my mind, I felt strangely elated and serene all at once.

Let's just say that the past few days have been interesting and rewarding. I have only felt this kind of buzz once before. This time, however, it feels—for want of a better word—purer. It doesn't feel like we're trying to seduce each other, to play the dating game. We know that the road ahead is a rocky one, so we're just trying to discover each other by spending all day chatting. Whole aspects of his personality have become known to me now, in as much as you can get to know someone through an online conversation.

All the right signs are there: my heart beats faster if I see him online; I want to rush home to speak to him when I'm out running errands; he makes me smile and laugh with just a few words…

In this emotional rush we are aware that all this, though necessary to start with, does not make a relationship. For it to work out, we have to build the rest together, and it will take time. But we're in this together, getting strength from one another, so why doubt that we can make it?