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How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex In Writing?


Hunter Thomson

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A lot has been said about how sex sells. There’s no doubt about that; sex and sexuality are hugely important to many marketing and advertising campaigns, and the fact that companies continue to experience commercial success after using sex as a marketing tool proves how well sex sells.

 

But, I’m not a marketer, or an advertising executive. I’m just a guy who writes young adult novels. Which leads me to wonder how much sex is too much sex for a novel, or even a series of novels. We’re all taught to hide sex in our writing, that if we really must have our characters be put in sexual situations then they must be off-screen, to be imagined by the reader instead of explained and detailed. All of this is done in fear of disturbing potential readers, or especially potential publishers. This moral paranoia extends to television and films, though not to the same degree. You see people on tv or the movies pre and post-coitus. Sometimes, you even see the sexual act in some clinical fashion.

 

Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way, as authors. I try to be a realist in my writing. I write about young adults who are on journeys of self-discovery, particularly relating to sexual orientation. They fall in love, and they have all the same urges that we had when we were young adults. We had sex. We didn’t let sex consume our lives; it was present, to be sure, but it didn’t dominate our existences. It was one thing among many other things that we did.

 

I like to think that my writing is the same. Yes, there’s sex in my novels. Boys kiss boys. Sometimes they stop, sometimes they don’t. They’re learning how to control themselves and figuring out how to satisfy those urges without causing problems in the rest of their lives. But, they have other things going on in their lives that are much more important. I think that part of the equation is incredibly important, that sex not become the defining quality of the novel or the character.

 

Frankly, the people who read my novels, and who read your novels, and who read anyone else’s novels? They all have sex.We’re deluding ourselves as an industry if we think our readers don’t know what’s going on when we fade the scene to black. Let’s be realistic with our writing. Write scenes the way that feels natural, not the way you think it needs to be censored in order to survive a publisher’s wrath. In an industry filled with things that defy reality, it will make your writing feel that much more connected to the lives of your readers.

 

Cross-posted from https://authorhunterthomson.wordpress.com (Check out my blog/twitter/facebook page in my profile!)

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We do allow stories with underage sex here, because it is a part of life, though there are guidelines of what is and isn't allowed, like under 13 is a no no and only like age groups, no more than 50% of the plot, etc... because there needs to be limits. That's the great part of the vast meta data Stories allows authors to use so readers can filter stories. If they don't like underage sex in their stories, they can search for no sex and teen if they don't mind it they can do teen and sex tags. You'll also find that some YA titles do have sex in them, though it's more common for those to have characters who are over 18 but still in school/at home with parents.

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We do allow stories with underage sex here, because it is a part of life, though there are guidelines of what is and isn't allowed, like under 13 is a no no and only like age groups, no more than 50% of the plot, etc... because there needs to be limits. That's the great part of the vast meta data Stories allows authors to use so readers can filter stories. If they don't like underage sex in their stories, they can search for no sex and teen if they don't mind it they can do teen and sex tags. You'll also find that some YA titles do have sex in them, though it's more common for those to have characters who are over 18 but still in school/at home with parents.

 

Hello Cia, I'm surprised that you're the first to comment, but I'm glad you decided to stop by and leave a note. I want to be clear that I've never felt like my writing was going too far for GA. I wouldn't have started posting stories here at all if you hadn't been willing to encourage me and confirm that my stories were acceptable for GA. I'm glad that GA has such a refined search feature, I've made use of it a few times to look for things, and it definitely helps to be able to narrow things down as much as you can through the search engine.

 

My concern is more for the world of publishing away from GA. There are a few publishers that GA authors work with and don't seem to mind sex scenes as long as they aren't omnipresent, but a lot of traditional publishers are still very wary of it, and I think that mindset still does affect writers to a certain degree. 

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You're right when you say we have sex, I do, you do.. yes but the fact is I don't need or necessarily want to watch you having it.  

 

And while I dont mind reading a sex scene now and again. I find they get boring when every other chapter has one. To me, then it's bordering on porn. 

 

I have written sex scenes and I remember writing one and then talking to my editor about it. Was it really needed here and we finally decided yes it was.

 

But I often have a character drag his husband away lustily .. we know what they are gonna do .. i dont need to see it in print. I'm happy knowing they lust after each other without reading about every thrust and groan. Often a little taste is enough.. a hint. That to me is sexy.

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You're right when you say we have sex, I do, you do.. yes but the fact is I don't need or necessarily want to watch you having it.  

 

And while I dont mind reading a sex scene now and again. I find they get boring when every other chapter has one. To me, then it's bordering on porn. 

 

I have written sex scenes and I remember writing one and then talking to my editor about it. Was it really needed here and we finally decided yes it was.

 

But I often have a character drag his husband away lustily .. we know what they are gonna do .. i dont need to see it in print. I'm happy knowing they lust after each other without reading about every thrust and groan. Often a little taste is enough.. a hint. That to me is sexy.

 

Hello Tim, thanks for stopping in and leaving some thoughts on the issue.

 

I definitely agree that it shouldn't be every chapter or even every other chapter that characters end up having sex. It does get predictable because as much as we'd like to, there's only so many things that can be done sexually that make sense for the plot. And that is the important part, I think. It should make sense within the context of the plot that there's going to be a sexual encounter. For example, after a date the happy couple goes upstairs to the bedroom for a nightcap. That's a logical point for a sex scene because that's something that would plausibly happen in a real life scenario. On the other hand, my random hookup in the locker room that I have in Extra Innings, while potentially titillating, is not something that would be particularly realistic. In hindsight, it shouldn't be there at all.

 

That's interesting that you find it sexy to have the scene fade out instead of describing it. Is there any particular reason why you find that so interesting, often more so than describing the details of the scene?

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Hey Hunter! :D Here is a thread similar to what you are asking. Many authors provided wonderful responses that are really helpful.

 

 

As a reader: it really does depend on what I'm looking for in a story. For example, if I want to read smut, I'll go to Nifty, but if I want to read a story that focuses less on sex, and more on characters, setting, themes, etc., I'll go here or other similar sites.

It matters not if the story has sex or doesn't, all I care about is if it's good. 

 

However, if I do have to state a preference, I prefer a story to have both on and off scene sex. What I mean is, say I'm reading a romance, and we reach the point where the couple makes love for the first time, I want it to be on scene, because I think that is an important part in any relationship that should be showcased in a romance. :) But, unless it fits the plot/narrative, the other times the couple has sex, can be left off screen. 

 

As a writer: I am a virgin (still). *Sigh*  So since I don't have any first hand experience with sex, I don't think I would be able to write a sex or love scene and be able to do it justice. Some of the best sex scenes I've ever read were due to the love, passion, and romance the authors brilliantly and beautifully showed between the characters. And I know I would fall far short of that standard, if I was to attempt to write one, right now.

 

Will that change after I have sex for the first time? I really have no idea.

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Hello Tim, thanks for stopping in and leaving some thoughts on the issue.

 

I definitely agree that it shouldn't be every chapter or even every other chapter that characters end up having sex. It does get predictable because as much as we'd like to, there's only so many things that can be done sexually that make sense for the plot. And that is the important part, I think. It should make sense within the context of the plot that there's going to be a sexual encounter. For example, after a date the happy couple goes upstairs to the bedroom for a nightcap. That's a logical point for a sex scene because that's something that would plausibly happen in a real life scenario. On the other hand, my random hookup in the locker room that I have in Extra Innings, while potentially titillating, is not something that would be particularly realistic. In hindsight, it shouldn't be there at all.

 

That's interesting that you find it sexy to have the scene fade out instead of describing it. Is there any particular reason why you find that so interesting, often more so than describing the details of the scene?

Why? Because it's up to my imagination or the reader's what happens there. The imagination is a very sexy place. If I read it, my imagination isn't really engaged. That's not always a bad thing and as I said, some sex is fine.

 

And frankly writing good sex is difficult. It's difficult to make it not sound like porn. 

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To me, the question has always been "why put sex into the story?" Some stories almost require you to include some sex. For other stories, a sex scene feels intrusive and disruptive.

 

In that thread Drew linked to, I stated that I don't write sex scenes, and that still remains true. However, I recently had a chapter that almost called out for the sex to be explicitly described. That's the first time I've been strongly tempted to include sex in one of my stories...because the story demanded it. I managed to write it so there was nothing explicit (I had the lead up and the aftermath, without the act itself), but it's the only time I would've felt comfortable including sex.

 

In all other cases, I have scenes end with the sex about to start, or a scene start after the sex has ended...because the sex wasn't the point of the scenes. The scenes had other purposes, such as showing the love of the two characters involved. Yes, sex can be used to show love, but it can also be a distraction when it comes to the reader seeing the love and not the act.

 

I don't write for publication, so I'm not bound by what the publishers want to see. Indeed, most publishers of gay novels won't be interested in what I write, because they largely require the use of American English, and my novels are all in Australian English 0:)

 

Leaving that aside, though, the reasons I write don't require me to include sex. I don't write to sell. I don't write to titillate. I write because I enjoy it. I write because I have a story to tell. I write because I like to create. None of those reasons require me to include sex.

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Hey Hunter! :D Here is a thread similar to what you are asking. Many authors provided wonderful responses that are really helpful.

 

 

As a reader: it really does depend on what I'm looking for in a story. For example, if I want to read smut, I'll go to Nifty, but if I want to read a story that focuses less on sex, and more on characters, setting, themes, etc., I'll go here or other similar sites.

It matters not if the story has sex or doesn't, all I care about is if it's good. 

 

However, if I do have to state a preference, I prefer a story to have both on and off scene sex. What I mean is, say I'm reading a romance, and we reach the point where the couple makes love for the first time, I want it to be on scene, because I think that is an important part in any relationship that should be showcased in a romance. :) But, unless it fits the plot/narrative, the other times the couple has sex, can be left off screen. 

 

As a writer: I am a virgin (still). *Sigh*  So since I don't have any first hand experience with sex, I don't think I would be able to write a sex or love scene and be able to do it justice. Some of the best sex scenes I've ever read were due to the love, passion, and romance the authors brilliantly and beautifully showed between the characters. And I know I would fall far short of that standard, if I was to attempt to write one, right now.

 

Will that change after I have sex for the first time? I really have no idea.

 

Interesting response Drew, particularly how you have different views as a reader than as a writer. I like that you’ve pointed out that the on scene sex should fit the story, and that it should move the plot forward in some way. That’s something that a lot of people seem to be thinking when discussing the issue, and it’s something I agree with.

 

That’s an interesting point that you bring up about the authors being able to display the emotional connection between the characters as they’re having sex. As we both have read in other stories, sometimes the sex is just a means of relieving tension or biological needs. Do you find those kinds of encounters less satisfying to read, because there’s no passion behind them beyond the need to get off?

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Why? Because it's up to my imagination or the reader's what happens there. The imagination is a very sexy place. If I read it, my imagination isn't really engaged. That's not always a bad thing and as I said, some sex is fine.

 

And frankly writing good sex is difficult. It's difficult to make it not sound like porn. 

 

Welcome back Tim, thanks for responding. I agree with you that the imagination can bring to life all sorts of things that the writer may not be able to put into words, and that words themselves are often not a good medium for transmitting ideas.

 

I do know what you mean when you say it’s difficult to write good sex scenes. There’s a nagging feeling that you have to describe everything and make it read as though the parties know what they’re doing, and I think that’s a big part of how it ends up sounding like porn. That, and there’s so many unspoken limits about what people are ready to see and read, and whether it fits the story at all. I sort of like it when I read that the characters are fumbling around and aren’t smooth operators. It makes it sound more real and less like rehearsed porn.

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To me, the question has always been "why put sex into the story?" Some stories almost require you to include some sex. For other stories, a sex scene feels intrusive and disruptive.

 

In that thread Drew linked to, I stated that I don't write sex scenes, and that still remains true. However, I recently had a chapter that almost called out for the sex to be explicitly described. That's the first time I've been strongly tempted to include sex in one of my stories...because the story demanded it. I managed to write it so there was nothing explicit (I had the lead up and the aftermath, without the act itself), but it's the only time I would've felt comfortable including sex.

 

In all other cases, I have scenes end with the sex about to start, or a scene start after the sex has ended...because the sex wasn't the point of the scenes. The scenes had other purposes, such as showing the love of the two characters involved. Yes, sex can be used to show love, but it can also be a distraction when it comes to the reader seeing the love and not the act.

 

I don't write for publication, so I'm not bound by what the publishers want to see. Indeed, most publishers of gay novels won't be interested in what I write, because they largely require the use of American English, and my novels are all in Australian English 0:)

 

Leaving that aside, though, the reasons I write don't require me to include sex. I don't write to sell. I don't write to titillate. I write because I enjoy it. I write because I have a story to tell. I write because I like to create. None of those reasons require me to include sex.

 

Hello Graeme, thanks for chiming in. This is a busier blog post than I thought it’d be, and as Drew and you pointed out, there’s also a thread from last year that discusses this same issue.

 

It’s interesting that you’ve pointed out that sex scenes can be a distraction for the reader, and make it more difficult to see the actual feelings between the characters in the story or scene. Society and our culture seem to intermix the ideas of sex and love, and they’re still very different things from each other, so even though they’re not totally related to each other, a lot of readers and writers will equate the two.

 

That’s good to see that you write for yourself and that doing so doesn’t require you to add sexual components to your stories. I’ll have to read more of your work when I have less work to do.

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A very interesting discussion for someone like me who comes from the other end of the writing spectrum (my first writings were almost pure porn and writing for GA has forced me to develop other aspects). I shall have to consider carefully when and how to write sex scenes in future chapters.

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I have to agree with some of the fellas here who replied. A brief or detailed scene of sex is must when the situation or the story demands. As a reader and as a writer, I too not support a full novella of sexual content.And as for the age content, we write our stories as practical as we are experiencing a life. So sometimes some secrets looks great when they are kept as secrets. No need of detailed info, but just let it to the imagination of the reader. And sometimes they are necessary to give a brief talk.So the demand of the situations, is what we need to consider before we write something. :thumbup:Need example???

 

As a writer: I am a virgin (still). *Sigh* So since I don't have any first hand experience with sex...........standard, if I was to attempt to write one, right now.
:o Hand experience hah, Drew... :gikkle:
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Hi Hunter.  Lots of good advice has been given here.  I think that it comes down to what the story requires.  Sex for the sake of sex is actually acceptable if that is what the story needs (but most stories don't).  The best sexual scenes are those that advance the plot or give an insight into the characters.  If the characters need to have sex and the readers need to see it then it should be there.  If the character is improved upon because of the scene then it should be there.  If the sex scene doesn't advance the plot, or give insight into the characters, and is simply there to titillate, then it probably doesn't need to be there.  It all relies on what the story requires.

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