Happiness - whatever that is.
Someone said, "I just want you to be happy, tim."
He's a sweet man. A friend.
i thought about what he said.
Happy. What is that? I'm not unhappy all of the time. Sometimes i am. Suppose everyone is.
Most of the time i am aware of the hollowness in my chest. It sits next to my heart and i wonder about the ache and emptiness there. It feels like a hole or entrance to the past. i fight to find and to shut that door, but it never truly closes.
I don't believe in happiness.
There are moments of laughter, or a good day or night. But a day never passes where i don't think of the life i lived and cannot leave behind me. How do i just forget the first 20 something years of my life? Didn't it make me who i am now?
What would i be without it? Chop it off, like a rotten limb?
Just put the past behind you. So far, no one has been able to show me how that magic trick is done.
Ain't gonna happen. Deal with it.
There seems to be a need or drive to 'be happy'. To live a happy life, to find happiness. Is it a state of mind? Can we learn it?
Maybe some have. i never will, but i'm not sad all the time.
i'm not unhappy.
i laugh with my Husband. He's a very funny guy. i like talking to my friends, and family.
i love to laugh.
Mostly, i'm content. For me, looking at where i came from, and where i got to ...
That's enough.
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