It's not you; it's me
Entry posted by AFriendlyFace
649 views
So I've been thinking a lot about the qualities and characteristics I require in someone before I have a serious relationship with them and I've come to an unfortunate conclusion...I'm impossibly picky. 
I mean basically my criteria are such that they have to be impossibly gorgeous, brilliant, witty, and morally virtuous. All without being vain, condescending, mean, or holier-than-thou. They also need to be suitably unconventional, easy going and all around non-stodgy, and WANT me without NEEDING me. Impossible right? Yeah, well it gets even more complicated when you add in all my issues which seem to create conflicting desires. :wacko:
I've been dating a lot lately. I suppose it's a result of many factors. I'm not dealing with school so I have more time and energy. My shopping addiction has reached epic proportions ( 
) and I've therefore had more motivation to go out and thus utilize my ever expanding wardrobe. The "gay scene" is really quite large in Houston and I have a much wider array of real life gay and lesbian friends than previously. And perhaps most importantly I think I've just decided now's a good time.
The downside: I've been feeling kinda mean, kinda slutty, and kinda like a C*^&tease, depending on the circumstance of course. Logically I think that's unavoidable when you're "actively on the market", but it's still a bit troublesome where the actual people and emotions are concerned.
I don't normally like to discuss my actual personal life in my blog. However, I think I'll make an exception with this entry since I could definitely use the advice, input, and general opinions of those reading. I won't actually discuss my sex life though. I suppose these accounts might also help explain, at least in part, my reduced presence around here, lol.
I guess it all started with the English guy from my GLBT group. We flirted back and forth for weeks, finally went out one night. Had a lot of fun. Then we each apparently lost interest. No regrets there. He's cute, fun, and definitely what I wanted just then. Besides we're still friends and neither of us got hurt.
Next I met this guy online (not here). I had fun talking to him. He was delightfully unconventional and the picture he showed me was...beautiful. SO I figured why not meet somewhere neutral for a date. Here's where I feel mean and superficial. Let's just say that while I do believe the picture was genuine it had to have been 1) HEAVILY airbrushed and 2) not particularly recent. The unconventional I found so charming online also came out considerably less endearing in person. Unfortunately he was interested so I basically had to make up this BS about having major issues and not being in the right place etc...then I just pretty much cut contact with him...definitely feel bad about this one. He did end up getting hurt 
and while I don't actually regret my actions once we'd met (I just wasn't interested and I think I was as kind and gentle as possible), I DO regret getting into the situation at all. However, I do see it as a learning experience and I suppose since it did all turn out okay in the end it is a bit cool that I have an internet-dating gone bad story.
The next guy was perfect 
. He was exactly my physical ideal of beauty: cute, young, blonde, blue eyes, slender but well-built; however, he was also quite intelligent, really sweet, sensible, and charming. Sounds great right? Yeah, BUT he was also going to college in California. He was just visiting over the Christmas holidays. Certainly no regrets here though, just having gone out with someone who so perfectly matched my ideal of perfection is something I needed to get out of my system. It'll also probably be something that I'll always feel happy about when I think about it.
And then it all started getting complicated 
:wacko:
See I met this guy through my lesbian friends and we became friends and started hanging out. I had a really good time, he was fun and we enjoyed going to many of the same places and doing the same sorts of things. Then he started acting...weird. You ever just get this slight feeling that someone likes you? Well this wasn't like that! This was "suddenly I'm just going to start treating you like my boyfriend" . I can't figure out how he got this impression either. We never so much as kissed or held hands. I guess it was my fault for not setting him straight right away. Instead I just kinda kept hoping he'd snap out of it or something, and I tried to subtly let him know that I wasn't interested. I actually didn't end up handling this one. My absolutely amazing friends stepped in and gently set him straight. I do feel bad that I didn't take care of it myself, but I didn't ask them to do it; I guess they just got tired of me whining and worrying. Anyway I do feel bad about this one because 1) he definitely got hurt and 2) someone else ended up bailing me out.
Then a couple of weeks ago (exactly two today actually), I went out clubbing. While I was dancing I saw this cute guy dancing shirtless. We made eye-contact and proceeded to dance (rather dirty) (quite dirty 
) for the next hour and a half. While we were dancing I came to a conclusion that once again makes me feel like a mean, superficial so-and-so: gorgeous body, ho-hum face. To further complicate things this was actually during the incident mentioned in the previous paragraph. So I got the rather odd feeling like I was somehow cheating on the other guy even though we WEREN'T dating. I suppose it's because in his position I'd have wanted to know how the person I thought I had...something with felt before he started bumping and grinding on the dance floor with someone else. Anyway those two things added up to me not wanting anything more than a dance from. However, by the time we'd stopped the least I could do was exchange numbers with the guy.
He called an hour later and we had our first actual conversation (you can't really talk to someone over the loud music while you're dancing). Anyway on the one hand I thought it was kinda cute that he called an hour later, on the other hand the impression I got from the phone call was that we just weren't that compatible, even though we did talk for a good half hour. I think it's just that I like making conversation and talking to all sorts of people. Anyway we made one of those "We'll have to get together sometime" dates. At least I thought it was one of those. He called me back a week later while I was at work and left me a voicemail in which he sounded a bit angry and hurt, but also pleading, and encouraged me to call him. By then everything had been sorted out with the other guy so I figured even though I didn't think I was interested in him, I'd might as well at least go out with him and give it a chance.
So we went out Tuesday; I actually had a great time. We went to this piano bar, then played some pool, and got to meet all sorts of interesting new people. The thing is while I definitely had a lot of fun it just wasn't...like that. I mean I think I just had fun because I had fun. I'd have probably had fun with anyone. Unfortunately, he's definitely convinced the date was a complete success (which maybe it was??), and uh....well he just came on really strong. Like I said it was the first date, but he already mentioned living together! And again he called like an hour after it was over - which I'm sure I'd think was adorable and really sweet if I were interested. Anyway the way he was talking it just definitely seemed like he was making plans for me to be a major part of his life. But yeah I'm just not interested. For one thing he's obviously a drama queen, he more or less tried to get me to fight some guy who'd upset him (Yeah, me; like I'd ever pick a bar fight with someone over something minor), and that was just the most salient example of drama queenness; there were others. And anyway I just don't feel that "spark".
Anyway, I know I should probably just call him and gently let him down, and I suppose I will, but a couple of people have said he seems like the dangerous stalker type and I'm best off just cutting all contact and never calling him again or answering the phone if he calls (he doesn't know where I live). I don't really think that's the case, but it's easy to freak me out about stuff like that so now I'm all paranoid.
Anyway tonight (Thursday), my GLBT group met and during the meeting I noticed this cute guy and this girl kinda sitting to side and hanging back, but seemingly listening. Everyone else either didn't notice, or didn't think they were here for the meeting, but I had a strong hunch they were and I didn't want them to feel excluded (plus the guy was cute ) so I figured it couldn't hurt to go and introduce myself afterwards. They were indeed there to see us, but too shy to throw themselves into the mix. So I introduced them to everyone else and invited them to hang out with us (we always have dinner and then go out or something afterwards). I think they had fun and Phil - that was his name - said he'd definitely come back to the next meeting.
Anyway I'd been kinda flirting with Phil off and on all evening (I was also catching up with a bunch of other people I hadn't seen for awhile, plus everyone wanted to talk to the new guy so we didn't really get to talk that much). Anyway I got the impression he might be interested too, but of course it's hard to tell since he may have just been friendly and stuff since I was the one that brought him over. So as he was leaving he asked if I had facebook. I don't really do the facebook/myspace stuff so I said "no", then I thought oh why not? so I added, "but you can have my number". So we exchanged numbers 
Anyway I definitely think I'll actually like this one if he likes me back...now all I have to do is figure out if he does. I'm planning to call him Saturday and see if he wants to get together. In the meantime I've got to decide what to do about club guy. I'm also planning to do some serious cleaning, and hopefully writing, tomorrow (well technically today, but I haven't slept yet so I'm saying tomorrow ).
So there you have it, more or less what I've been up to lately. I feel uncomfortably exposed with this entry, but any thoughts are welcomed. Have an awesome day everyone and take care 
23 Comments
Recommended Comments
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now