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Breaking Up

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AFriendlyFace

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So I'd been dating that guy from my last entry until tonight. Tomorrow would have been three weeks and I knew I just wasn't seeing it as a long term thing so we broke up tonight. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I'm getting better at breaking up with people. I was kind but firm. In the past I haven't been blunt enough and things have been apt to drag on. I did fumble a bit though. I decided to approach it from the angle of, "now seems like a good time to evaluate where this is going, doesn't it?" From there I was going to lead into, "And I just don't think this is going to work long-term." Unfortunately after I broached the subject he said, "yeah, I was thinking maybe we should get more serious." :blink: Not what I was expecting. Made it suckier to go ahead with the break up too. He took it pretty well though.

 

The problem was the conversation...there wasn't much. It seemed like all we ever did was make small talk. Personally, I'm one for long, in-depth conversations, and that just wasn't happening. Unfortunately he was the only one who didn't see the break up coming. I kinda suspected it was going to be a brief thing from the start, and all of my friends reacted with things like, "yeah, I kinda figured you'd break up" or "that's what I thought." or something like that. Indeed, he was the only one who didn't seem to know it wasn't working for me. He was hella cute, and we had some fun, but I just don't think there was enough common ground. One of my friends even made the implication, albeit quite nicely, that I was only dating him because he was hot. That's not entirely true. I was also dating him because he was really sweet, and quite well-adjusted. In the end those things didn't seem like enough though.

 

 

 

In other news one of my good friends seems to be suffering from acute depression and I'm at a loss for how to help her. I've already suggested therapy and/or medication and she's been very resistant to both ideas. "Therapists don't tell me anything I don't already know or can't figure out." "Medication takes so long to start working that there's no point, and I don't want the side effects." I don't want to pry or push, and I already feel like she's pulling away. Over the past two weeks I called her three or four times and texted her a good five or six. Got no response at all until yesterday when she texted me apologizing for being a bad friend and confessing that all she does is stay at home crying.

 

I'm torn between giving her some space and letting her work things out for herself with the knowledge that I'm there to help if she needs me (my current approach) and trying to do some sort of pushy, tough love thing where I barge in unannounced or something and drag her out of the house. Meh, the latter option just isn't really me. I have already tried everything else I can think of to cheer her up in the preceding few weeks/months and I really think she needs professional help and/or medication. I think I'm pretty good at being a supportive friend, but I think she needs an unbiased, detached professional.

 

 

Hmm, what else? I'm frickin hating this damn weather we're having. I live in Texas; it's supposed to be warm damnit! If I wanted to live somewhere with a colder climate I'd have damn well moved there instead of here. I swear I get less able to cope with the cold/gloom/winter every year. Actually, I think that's her problem too. IMO, she has several symptoms of Seasonal Affect Disorder which is unfortunately coinciding with a bout of situational depression. I think I probably have borderline SAD too, but mine is pretty manageable and I'm functioning pretty well. Was downright euphoric and chipper until the last week when it got really cold and rainy. All in all I think that, emotionally, I'm handling this winter pretty well so far, but I just really hope we have a warm, sunny spell soon. I even forced myself to make plans for tomorrow and Saturday even though, truth be told all I feel up to is staying in doors. I'm not really depressed in an emotional sense though, more of an energy sense. I just haven't been able to muster any energy or enthusiasm the last few days, but I'm not actually unhappy emotionally. Actually I'd have to describe my mood as quietly content. Still, I could really use some warmth and sunshine soon. Thank God I do live in the South instead of anywhere colder and drearier!

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Personally, I'm one for long, in-depth conversations,

lmaosmiley.gif

Sounds like you handled it really well Kevin. I think that if you break up with someone and they don't go away too badly damaged, you'd done amazingly well. It kind of sucked that he was more into you than you were into him...but kind of flattering at the same time.

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It's good that you ended that relationship if it wasn't right for you. It's best not to be in a relationship that's not right for you.

 

As for your friend, maybe she needs to go to a tropical island for a week or two. I could sure use some time like that myself. You're so right about the weather. It's too damn cold here now. Even in Dallas, it's usually at least in the 60's, but lately it's been cold, and there's even been snow. It's terrible. :(

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Break-up suck.... I've never had a nice break-up anyway.... always trouble.... Ahwell, everybody gets over it at some point.

 

Maybe you could barge it at your friends place with a lot of chocolate and funny movies. Sometimes people just want company but don't know how to ask for it and instead push people away. It's always worth a try right?

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I was so against medication for depression for a long time - but now I am so glad that I'm on prozac. I've been on it for a few years now - it does take a little while to kick in at the start, but usually just about 3-4 days. For me it helps - especially in the past, I would just get into what I would describe as circular thinking, going round and round a subject and getting more and more depressed. On the prozac, I break out of the cycle faster.

 

Prozac of course is not for everyone - but let your friend know, medication DOES help some people. I shudder to think of having to go through everything in the past year (the chemo, treatments, losing my dogs, etc) without being on prozac - ack...

 

As for yourself - keep bright lights on around you. If you have just 45 or 60 watt bulbs in rooms you're frequently in, see if you can change them to 75 or 100's... or those bluish "true light" bulbs. It may help when outside isn't as bright as it should. :-)

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I'm frickin hating this damn weather we're having. I live in Texas; it's supposed to be warm damnit!

 

OMG! I feel exactly like you do, except substitute California for Texas.

 

I hate coming home in the evening and it's too cool and dark to go biking. I can tell I'm getting more down and depressed because the days are so short. And when I go running at 5am, it's FREEZING, like in the low 40s. I have to wear a hat, gloves, & two long sleeve shirts. Pretty soon I won't even be able to wear shorts sad.gif .

 

The only time it's sunny is when I'm indoors for work thumbsdownsmileyanim.gif .

 

 

Let's hope it's a short winter!

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I'm glad your breakup went so well. There is nothing worse than months of false hope.

 

As for your friend....yeah therapists/psychiatrists won't tell her much she doesn't already know, but it allows someone to put their thoughts into words and that is often enough to do a lot of good. Therapy can sometimes also involve confrontation when we refuse to see reality...that can help too.

 

I'd personally lean towards barging in and just laying on her bed, eating chocolate and providing a pair of ears.

 

Hopefully she gets better soon either way. :)

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OMG! I feel exactly like you do, except substitute California for Texas.

 

I hate coming home in the evening and it's too cool and dark to go biking. I can tell I'm getting more down and depressed because the days are so short. And when I go running at 5am, it's FREEZING, like in the low 40s. I have to wear a hat, gloves, & two long sleeve shirts. Pretty soon I won't even be able to wear shorts Posted Image .

 

You live in Northern California. Of course it's cold. There's a reason I don't live in that part of the world anymore.

 

But yeah, this winter is shaping up to kind of blow. Hopefully it'll rain more, so some good will come out of it.

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And when I go running at 5am, it's FREEZING, like in the low 40s. I have to wear a hat, gloves, & two long sleeve shirts.

 

Whimp!! Low 40s is a nice winter day on my side of the country. I leave the house in the morning with a light sweater. I don't even bother to find my gloves until it gets into the 30s.

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