The Glamor of Being Gay?

[Menzoberranzen]

There have been a lot of articles posted recently about different facets of being gay. They all have one thing in common; they present a glamorous, popularized and loving aspect. There is nothing glamorous about the troubles gay people go through. Yeah, some of these stories are heartwarming, and feel-good, but to the thousands of gay teenagers around the world who face terrible consequences for their sexuality, these are just cruel mockeries of an ideal they will never see. The media is making gay children in heroes that they are not. There is nothing heroic about cutting to escape the pain. There is nothing poetic about waking up day after day after day knowing people who you call friends would beat the shit out of you as soon as look at you if they knew you were gay. We are the last minority in the western world that it is still ok to openly hate, and I won't even discuss what gay people in Islamic countries face.

 

I have expressed frustration at articles that try an justify homosexuality, but these stories that present a false view of what most gay people (especially teenagers) go through anger me. I don't see anything other than cold, harsh reality where people do what they have to do to survive; there is no glamour, no poetic heroism in that.

 

I understand that not everyone has a hard time of being gay and coming out, and I understand that we should strive to make these stories a common occurence, but the reality is that they're not. For every parent who "...[is] proud of their courage in refusing to lie," there are a doezen more who think their kids are sinners and abominations. For every parent "...[is] outraged at the discrimination and physical violence" there are a dozen more perpetrating said violence.

 

 

"Our gay children have decided -

in defiance of a massive social tide of misinformation and hostility -

that accepting their God-given natures is part of their quest"

 

Tell that to the kids I see everyday who turn to drugs, cutting, and casual sex because they can't decide that.

 

I'm done ranting now, but I wanted to express the side of things that is never presented in these articles. We don't live in a very nice world, sadly.

 

Menzo

[97a]

i'm with you, i guess we all are, but i'm not sure if i completely understand what you're up to.

Do you think it would be better to just show the negative sides of being gay / a gay teenager?

Wouldn't that solidify a horrid image about homosexuals - and their life - in society?

Isn't it better to give gay people some hope with positive articles/examples in the media, even if they wouldn't come true for everyone?

Edited September 25, 2007 by 97a

[JamesSavik]

I have always been here.

[shadowgod]

What troubles are glamourous?

 

Articles discussing if hair swirl or the way a person walks aside. There have been a few articles that I've read that give me hope. Specifically one about openly gay Highschool and College atheletes. We've all read articles of horrid things. We know about Matthew Shepard, We've seen the signs being held aloft by 9 year olds shouting God hates Fags.

 

Whats wrong with a little positive re-enforcement in a sea of hate?

 

This is life theres good and then there is the ugly. And a group of christians picketing soldiers funerals with said signs is plain out ugly and nothing more that an attempt to get them mass coverage on 24hr news channels. So if the want to temper that messege with one of Gay teenagers being normal I'm all for it. What I don't want to see is another "does this cause homosexuality" Ive had my fill of those.

 

Steve

[NaperVic]

There have been a lot of articles posted recently about different facets of being gay. They all have one thing in common; they present a glamorous, popularized and loving aspect. There is nothing glamorous about the troubles gay people go through. Yeah, some of these stories are heartwarming, and feel-good, but to the thousands of gay teenagers around the world who face terrible consequences for their sexuality, these are just cruel mockeries of an ideal they will never see.

 

But it gives them hope. It let's them know that life can be better.

 

During many times in our lives, sometimes all we have is hope.

 

Let's not take that away from them too.

[Bondwriter]

My thoughts are similar to Shadowgod's on this one. Seeing a little hope, or having positive messages can empower people, especially young ones, and let them know they're not freaks.

 

Being on line got me to "witness" some drama, as a talented kid (the one whose art I posted in the laughter thread) first let me know of having found a BF, then got pulled off line by his parents when he came out. It seems some Marvel comic had given him the courage to do so, and he thought that it would turn out just as in the story... Hence a fun-loving, gifted kid is likely to grow bitter, thanks to bigoted parents.

 

So, no, life is not all pink and easy. At the same time, all the information this bot got, and the (hopefully) thoughtful words we exchanged may also help him to get through without being brainwashed.

 

And with positive stories and testimonies, you have to think about long-term consequences, when it will eventually become a non-issue.

 

So yes, we don't have to ignore the problems and discrimination; let's try to voice out a positive message, and then fight for what's right. These go pretty well together.

[JamesSavik]

I seek balance and truth.

 

Yes there are parents who will completely accept a kid coming out.

 

There are others who will send them to quacks or religious fanatics that will mess with their heads. Some parents will simply disown them. A small but dangerous minority of hard core bigots or psychos who will try to beat or torture their sexual orientation out of them, or pour boiling water on their genitals so they won't get those urges. Some nut cases in the Cuban communities in South Florida have been reported killing young people in unauthorized exorcisms to expel the demon of homosexuality.

 

This is because people aren't always rational when it comes to the subject of homosexuality. Others who don't appear to give a rip will go bonkers when homosexuality shows up in their family.

 

We do no one any favors by creating propaganda pro or con.

 

The best we can do is tell the truth and that truth is, while conditions are much improved, we still have a long way to go.

 

When I write, my stories show a spectra of reactions to homosexuality from so what to get thee behind me abomination and every variation in between. This is the reality that I know. If it wasn't for the spelling checker, I couldn't even spell utopia.

[clumber]

I think trying to Glamourise being gay is also going to cause problems if we carry on with it the way its going. I agree, there is more than enough propaganda telling the world that Gay people are worse than straight people, but I don't see how that will be solved by adding a load of propaganda that says that gay people are better than striaght peopel. And that is the message that will end up coming across, that we think we're 'better'.

 

There is no point trying to stop people hating, it won't work. People all seem to be naturally gifted when it comes to hating. We're good] at it. So trying to tell people to stop hating by flooding them with these fluffy stories isn't going to work. We need to just try and get this hate turned around and directed at the thoughtless bigots around the world. The happy stories about how someone was gay and they fought and it all turned out happy in the end... there fine for people who need reassuring. But they aren't going to change the way gay people are treated. They might help people get through the hard times, but the hard times will still happen.

 

I think that we need to go right to the base of the problem and try and get it so that its the thoughtless bigots that are not tolerated. (and that means all bigots, because I don't doubt there are gay bigots as well, and they are just as bad as the straight ones).

[Graeme]

Giving young people an unrealistic expectation is definitely to be avoided. Giving them fair hope is, however, highly desirable. The problem is that only the person in question can determine what's "fair". For someone who lives in a strongly conservative area, a realistic expectation is going to be very different to someone who lives in a very liberal and diverse area.

 

I suppose I'm lucky in that I would consider many parts of Melbourne to be liberal and accepting. There are sections that aren't accepting -- but I would the majority wouldn't be extreme. A teenager in Melbourne who has a bad coming out (which will and does happen) doesn't have to move very far to find a better environment. The main problem will be if they come out too early they'll have trouble supporting themselves.

 

I agree with Menzo that creating false expectations can hurt -- and hurt badly. It's good to focus on the happy stories, but ignoring the bad ones isn't healthy. As James said above, balance and truth... with a sprinkle of hope

[Adrian Michaels]

Oh yeah, when I think of the inability to get married, and discrimination in the workplace, and isolation from family and friends, the first word that comes to mind is "Glamorous".

 

The portrayal is a stereotype, and it's just as harmful as the image of a limp-wristed fairy. To assume that every gay male likes, or even has a knowledge of fashion is rather appalling.

 

That's all I'm going to say on the subject right now, I'm too tired.

[Menzoberranzen]

"He who lives on hope will die fasting."

~Benjamin Franklin

 

I guess my point is not that we shouldn't give young people some hope, but that that hope should be tempered by the unfortunate reality. It is a parallel to the whole 'you can do anything you put your mind to.' Well, um, no, you can't. I will never be an artist, no matter how hard I try, and some people will never be doctors. Giving people an unrealistic sense of hope or possibility only leads to disappointment. I'm not advocating expecting the worst.

 

What troubles are glamourous?

 

My point exactly, Shadowgod, but they are often portrayed as some heroic, cosmic struggle and with that association, comes glamor.

 

Menzo

[shadowgod]

"He who lives on hope will die fasting."

~Benjamin Franklin

 

I guess my point is not that we shouldn't give young people some hope, but that that hope should be tempered by the unfortunate reality. It is a parallel to the whole 'you can do anything you put your mind to.' Well, um, no, you can't. I will never be an artist, no matter how hard I try, and some people will never be doctors. Giving people an unrealistic sense of hope or possibility only leads to disappointment. I'm not advocating expecting the worst.

 

 

 

My point exactly, Shadowgod, but they are often portrayed as some heroic, cosmic struggle and with that association, comes glamor.

 

Menzo

 

Agreed, for the most part.

 

I usualy disregard articles that are... However you want to describe them, fluff?? maybe? Anything retelling David vs Goliath would probably fit that bill. I can't recall reading anything that glamourized coming out. Most often in the articles I read The author talked about the bigotry and social isolation some of the kids faced, and still do.

 

Like James said, we've come a long way, and still have miles to go. Also as he and Graeme mentioned, another persons story should be viewed with a healthy measure of reservation. Some places are by far more tolerant then others and Teens who may be impressed by such stories should be more aware of their surrondings and community before hand.

 

So, thats what, meeting you 3/4 of the way? Thanks for the post though, it's been awhile since Ive had a chance to excercise that muscle in this forum!

 

Steve

[AFriendlyFace]

Of course everything isn't sunshine and roses, but if there's one thing I believe it's that there's no point dwelling on the negatives that you can't change. Certainly some people won't be embraced with open arms for coming out, but I think it's important for them to realize that that has nothing to do with them and more to do with how F**%ed up the people in their lives might be. By showing them that some people are accepted, that some families and friends DO realize what's important it not only gives them hope, but it gives them perspective. It says, "it's fine for some people and it can be fine for me as well".

 

This hopeful message shouldn't just be directed at gays in the first place. It should be directed at the average person. Over and over again families should see that the proper, loving response to someone coming out is one of acceptance and not ostracism. If we can make the bigots and a$%holes feel like the shameful minority, GOOD!

 

The other point is to actually remove the self-pitying, internalized homophobic crutch that a lot of gay people do have. By showing them that other people are getting along just fine I think it can often act as a kick in the backside to show them that they can and should overcome their own problems, because when it comes down to it no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness but the person themselves. There comes a point when you have to say, "F*&) the bitterness and bad luck" and get on with living the life you want to have.

 

So if a little "positive propaganda" can give these people encouragement and hope, if it can raise the level at which they set their sights (even if they don't ever reach that level), if it can make them say "I want THAT life and I'm going to go and get it", then I say let's give it to them! Let's show them this message instead of "yeah, your life sucks, the people in your life sucks, and I guess you'll just have to accept it".

 

Still, excellent point, Menzo. I definitely see where you're coming from even though I don't quite agree.

 

-Kevin

Edited September 26, 2007 by AFriendlyFace

[jfalkon]

I'm all for giving people hope and certainly have nothing against telling stories with happy endings. I don't think I have read many of the articles in question but I think I know what you mean by glamorizing. It is like the movie based on a true story where the director can not resist making something look good when it really isn't. For example, a scene where someone jumps off a tall building often shows a gracefull dive and possibly an expresion of peace comming over the character's face. It almost never shows the body hitting the ground. Another example is a low buget tv movie about eating disorders or alcoholism. The person is shown running into the bathroom to vomit but the character never looks malnourished. The stomach acid never destroys his teeth. His hair is falling out in clumps yet he always has a full head of hair. The suffering is depicted as something with a beauty of its own. In reality these people die slow and painfull deaths with no makeup artist on hand to make them look good.

 

The problems of gay people are probably presented in the same way. It is as if someone wants to say, "Look, he's gay and everyone hates him. Doesn't he look brave and handsome as his classmates beat the crap out of him!"

 

I think that if you want to tell a trajic story you should not air brush it. If there was no happy ending do not make one up. If it was not a prety scene there is no reason to change it. Some times life actually does suck. There is nothing wrong with admitting that.

[Liddy]

Hm. All these comments made me think of the mayor of Berlin we have in Germany. He had this big coming out and there was a real hype around him but after a while everything quietened down and now he's just the mayor (who to some people is great and to some is incapable). He isn't even the only one, the mayor of Hamburg (third biggest city and like Berlin is a city and a state) is also gay. They are old, they are average and they are boring. And that gives me hope, not the glam-teen that I don't even know is real. I'm not saying that everything is candy here either, but I think it's a start and I like that.