Have you ever fallen in love with someone who is straight?

[Hylas]

Ok, I just watched Summer Storm on YouTube, and I LOVED IT.

 

Thank you very much DLP! I hope I can find it in DVD someday.

 

I'm just wondering how many of you guys/gals have fallen for someone straight before. I noticed that it's been a recurring theme in stories, movies etc. about homosexuality. I imagine, with the meager percentage of 'available' partners in the population, this would be quite widespread among gays.

 

In my part, yes I have. I fell in love with someone I've been to school with since elementary. He didn't have a girlfriend in high school, so I had hopes that he could be gay too. He was one of my best buddies. Then in college, he found a girl. I experienced much of the same things Tobi in the movie did. The unreasoning jealousy whenever he was with a girl. The yearning to be just with him. Heh. That movie made me cry a lot of times. *me is a crybaby*

 

I never did tell him (As I have yet to come out). And I got over him after about 2 years of depression. But that experience shaped a lot of what I am now. I am a bit more pessimistic when it comes to dreams coming true, but yeah, that doesn;t stop me from dreaming. Hehe. I've channeled some of those experiences in my stories though.

 

So I'm asking how many of you have once fallen, or is in love with somebody who is straight. And how much this has affected your outlook in life. This applies to both guys and girls, gay or bisexual. This only applies to same-sex attraction. Obviously this doesn't apply to our straight members.

[Tiger]

I voted, "Yes, but I am over him/her." It's rather problematic in the fact that he was curious. He may be bisexual, but he will never act upon it if he is.

[Graeme]

I voted for 'No, I had straight crushes, but I've always been careful to just keep it at crushes'. This isn't exactly the case, but it's the closest. I was attracted to a friend, but it never went any further than looking and daydreaming. I can't say I was in love with them because I never learnt enough about them to say I loved them.

[BeaStKid]

Been there done that!!

 

voted for 'yes, but over him'.

 

I had a physical relationship (oral only) with a straight guy from my hostel. I developed major feelings for him! Sigh! Now that I have shifted from the hostel, I can say that I'm over him, even though I still, sometimes, think about him. I don't know if I would have been over him if I was still in the hostel with him, but that I will never know.

 

I am now in infatuation (can't call it love as of now) with a friend of mine whose sexuality I am unsure of. He gets teased a lot about being gay (friendly teasing) but he has also been behind a girl for the past 2 years. (She never said yes, and he never stopped asking her. Finally, this year, he called it quits!! Sigh! This is the year I met him! )

 

So, as of now, the option 'I don't Know' would suit me better...

 

BeaStKid

 

P.S

He didn't come to school today!!

[Ieshwar]

First of all, damn you for bringing me down the memory lane and making me all depressed. (It must have ben the sad song in the background also!)

 

Sorry, but I have a question- define love! I always find myself stumbling at this. What do you mean by love? This is so vague. Is it the crazy obsession, bordering on psycho? Or that sweet stuff where you gaze in stars and think of him? Or that relationship that buds from friendship? Or love at first sight? (or what Jamie would say Lust at First sight? ) Or that instant chemistry? Or all of them? Or something unearthly...

 

Am i going into philosophy? *shrugs*

 

And another question. Is it possible to be 'over'? I mean, if it is love, there has to be something left! (especially first love)Even if it is very deep in. Something that surfaces on those lonely nights and brings you on the lanes of 'what if's.

 

No, it will never be over. I think.

 

Sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Matt]

I voted for "No, I had straight crushes, but I've always been careful to just keep it at crushes"

 

But it's not that i'm 'careful' it's just that i'm realistic but a little crush is fine

 

And what Ieshwar says about real love being 'over', i've got to agree, i still think about my first love, more than i should i think and i'd say there's certainly still love there... even though i've now been in love with my second love for over 2 years! I don't think he'd appreciate knowing i still have strong feelings for my first love... but, anyway, I don't really fall in love with anyone i don't know very well already, so i'd hopefully know they were gay before i started letting myself (all hypothetical, of course)

 

Matt

Edited January 7, 2008 by Matt

[Tarin]

Unfortunately I have to be the first to vote for "Yes, and I still am. With no hopes of my love ever being returned."

 

When I met him, I was his 'babysitter.' He was too old for one then anyway, but it made his mommy feel better. Well, we became friends. Over time, I...fell for him. I tried desperately to not fall for him. I came out to him at some point and he was ok with it, but he was sure to point out he's straight (which I already knew).

I still love him, even though it has been months since I've seen him. I think I always will love him. I mean, he's the first person I can say I love. I really love him. Not a crush, not lust.

Even now I still think of him as I wake up, as I fall asleep, at random points in the day. Only now it brings a sadness along with the in love feeling. I guess I'll be "over" him eventually, but not yet.

[Benji]

...........Voted "no", str8 crushes only, wanted to live, therefore got on with my life!

[BeaStKid]

And another question. Is it possible to be 'over'? I mean, if it is love, there has to be something left! (especially first love)Even if it is very deep in. Something that surfaces on those lonely nights and brings you on the lanes of 'what if's.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

That is so true, Ieshwar. One can never forget their first love. As I said, I still think about him. One always thinks about his/her first love at some point of the day/month/year. There's not a single week (day would be too much ) where I have not thought about my first love.

 

About your question of defining love? Personally, I've never thought it that way, but now, Love for me is something that makes your eyes go glossy when you see the person you love. You have a goofy smile when you watch his/her antics. You listen/hang on to almost every word he/she says (not every, but almost) You want to spend more and more time near him/her. You can never get enough glances of that person, making you want to look/stare at him/her all the time.(though that can be infatuation as well.) When he/she isn't there, you miss him/her more than anyone else, even your best friend.

 

Sigh! I think that was enough... This is love for me...

 

BeaStKid

[Menzoberranzen]

I am curious about the definition of love you use. Infatuation and crushes seem likely, but I find it hard to imaging falling in love with someone whom you had never dated or shared really intimate moments with (although that could happen with a close friend, I guess.) I've never been in love, and I've never felt anything more than a mild physical attraction for a straight guy. Some of them are all right, but nothing that would cause me to fall in love.

 

Menzo (who thinks love is overrated anyway)

[BeaStKid]

Menzo (who thinks love is overrated anyway)

[Graeme]

I am curious about the definition of love you use. Infatuation and crushes seem likely, but I find it hard to imaging falling in love with someone whom you had never dated or shared really intimate moments with (although that could happen with a close friend, I guess.) I've never been in love, and I've never felt anything more than a mild physical attraction for a straight guy. Some of them are all right, but nothing that would cause me to fall in love.

And that's why I went for the 'crush' option, even though 'crush' is still strong a word for what I was feeling.

 

I agree with what you've said, but Tarin gave an example of how it can happen. When you've spent a lot of quality time with someone, even if they don't realise it, it can be like being on a date. It'll be rare, though.

 

Having said that, I know others have a lot looser definition of 'love' than I do. I know of someone who seemed to fall in love every week... something that's alien to me. It takes time for me to fall in love with someone.

[YaP]

when i saw "Sommersturm" (summer storm) the year before last at the movie theater, it reminded me that there are some good things about German/European politics - the movie was sponsored by the German government and i think they got some money from Europe as well.. and yes, they show movies like that in the theaters ;-).

 

I voted "Yes, but I am over him/her", but thinking about it i should have voted "No, I had straight crushes, but I've always been careful to just keep it at crushes"... hmm, well, its hard to draw the line between "falling in love" and "having a crush"... it did happen to me more than once, and it always hurt when i was finally aware that the guy was totally str8, even though i was always prepared for the outcome. Sometimes i think i had str8 crushes because they are "safe" (nothing can really happen, can it ?), whereas having a crush on a definitely gay guy can be "dangerous" (there could something happen, so you would have to really admit you ARE gay....).

[Menzoberranzen]

And that's why I went for the 'crush' option, even though 'crush' is still strong a word for what I was feeling.

 

I agree with what you've said, but Tarin gave an example of how it can happen. When you've spent a lot of quality time with someone, even if they don't realise it, it can be like being on a date. It'll be rare, though.

 

Having said that, I know others have a lot looser definition of 'love' than I do. I know of someone who seemed to fall in love every week... something that's alien to me. It takes time for me to fall in love with someone.

 

I'll wager that that person is significantly younger than you. I find many people my age throw around the word love far too often for it to have any real meaning. I once had someone ask why I would bother dating people I didn't love and the notion that love takes time seemed completely foreign to them.

 

Menzo

[JamesSavik]

It's inevitable I suppose. When a boy is born, he is expected to be heterosexual. From our earliest years, we are raised with and by heterosexuals. Go to school with them. Play with them. Have friends of family that are heterosexual. It's no wonder that occassionally we might fall in love with one.

 

Sometimes, usually in early adolesence, a gay kid may actually have a physical relationship with a str8 friend (more factually, a bisexual leaning str8). Sometimes even later in their teen years boys who are predominatly heterosexual may have a relationship with a gay person. In my experience, these relationships are quite emotional and tender. The bisexual partner would never consider having sex with another man. These relationships may have a strong sexual component, there is much more to it than hormones. Str8 males often have difficulty showing their softer, more vulnerable sides. If they find a gay person that they trust and feel safe with, it can be a beautiful and positive thing.

 

On the other hand, some men are simply pigs and want oral sex any way they can get it. They don't mind using a gay person to get it. These guys are usually at least mildly abusive to some extent and relationships like this will cost you more in self esteem than they are worth.

 

Then there are the str8s that won't cross over. They will break your heart. It niether bad or necessairly self destructive to love them. Just keep their love in the context of a brother or cousin. Resist the urge to fool around with them when they are drunk. Such liasions can cause big problems later and give str8 guys big time complexes.

[Jack Frost]

Love...no...

 

Crush...yes...

 

Source of fanasty...yes...

 

hihi

[Hylas]

Infatuation and crushes seem likely, but I find it hard to imaging falling in love with someone whom you had never dated or shared really intimate moments with (although that could happen with a close friend, I guess.)

Love. LOL Menzo, you're so bitter sometimes

 

Of course, I meant heartbreaking, soulwrenching, tearjerking love. That's why I've added the crushes option.

 

I've had crushes a lot of times and I've been in love once. I know the difference. Crushes can bring snatches of that yearning, love can bring it on full force.

 

No, it will never be over. I think.

 

Sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass.

aww Ieshwar. Yes, I too believe first love never fades away completely, and may even color the way you handle future relationships.

 

It's inevitable I suppose. When a boy is born, he is expected to be heterosexual. From our earliest years, we are raised with and by heterosexuals. Go to school with them. Play with them. Have friends of family that are heterosexual. It's no wonder that occassionally we might fall in love with one.

 

Sometimes, usually in early adolesence, a gay kid may actually have a physical relationship with a str8 friend (more factually, a bisexual leaning str8). Sometimes even later in their teen years boys who are predominatly heterosexual may have a relationship with a gay person. In my experience, these relationships are quite emotional and tender. The bisexual partner would never consider having sex with another man. These relationships may have a strong sexual component, there is much more to it than hormones. Str8 males often have difficulty showing their softer, more vulnerable sides. If they find a gay person that they trust and feel safe with, it can be a beautiful and positive thing.

James! You always sum it up so beautifully! Yes, I know of straight-gay/straight-bi relationships which is why I've added the third option. Personally, I envy that kind of relationships, mostly because it's deeper. Deep enough to go beyond the boundaries of normal attraction.

 

Then there are the str8s that won't cross over. They will break your heart.

too late, he already did. LOL but yeah, he's now relegated to a poignant memory. Most of the yearning that once came with it have disappeared. Thank goodness.

[Graeme]

I'll wager that that person is significantly younger than you. I find many people my age throw around the word love far too often for it to have any real meaning. I once had someone ask why I would bother dating people I didn't love and the notion that love takes time seemed completely foreign to them.

No bet, because you're absolutely right It was a teenager I was talking about.

[Tiger]

First of all, damn you for bringing me down the memory lane and making me all depressed. (It must have ben the sad song in the background also!)

 

Sorry, but I have a question- define love! I always find myself stumbling at this. What do you mean by love? This is so vague. Is it the crazy obsession, bordering on psycho? Or that sweet stuff where you gaze in stars and think of him? Or that relationship that buds from friendship? Or love at first sight? (or what Jamie would say Lust at First sight? ) Or that instant chemistry? Or all of them? Or something unearthly...

 

Am i going into philosophy? *shrugs*

 

And another question. Is it possible to be 'over'? I mean, if it is love, there has to be something left! (especially first love)Even if it is very deep in. Something that surfaces on those lonely nights and brings you on the lanes of 'what if's.

 

No, it will never be over. I think.

 

Sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

In my case, it was a friendship at first. I tried to stop myself, but it just did not work. <sigh>

[Tiger]

No bet, because you're absolutely right It was a teenager I was talking about.

You were infatuated with a teen? How old were you at the time?

[NaperVic]

Infatuation and crushes seem likely, but I find it hard to imaging falling in love with someone whom you had never dated or shared really intimate moments with (although that could happen with a close friend, I guess.) I've never been in love, and I've never felt anything more than a mild physical attraction for a straight guy. Some of them are all right, but nothing that would cause me to fall in love.

I'll wager that that person is significantly younger than you. I find many people my age throw around the word love far too often for it to have any real meaning. I once had someone ask why I would bother dating people I didn't love and the notion that love takes time seemed completely foreign to them.

Love. LOL Menzo, you're so bitter sometimes

Menzo's not bitter, he's just wise beyond his years.

 

Single yes, but wise.

[Demetz]

Fell in love with a bi(?) guy with a pregnant ex-girlfriend... doesn't get much worse than finding out you were a great distraction till reality catches up and the baby is born

[Benji]

Fell in love with a bi(?) guy with a pregnant ex-girlfriend... doesn't get much worse than finding out you were a great distraction till reality catches up and the baby is born

 

..........OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I also predict that when "reality" sinks in he will be back to old tricks

Edited January 8, 2008 by Benji

[Tiger]

Fell in love with a bi(?) guy with a pregnant ex-girlfriend... doesn't get much worse than finding out you were a great distraction till reality catches up and the baby is born

Oh you poor dear. He may as well have inserted a dagger into your back. The song, "Love Bites", comes to mind.

[FrenchCanadian]

Fell in real love with someone straight? no, fantasize of having sex with some str8 boys I know, heck ya. Lust? also. Hoping that one friend is gay so that things can happen? also.

 

maybe for me it's more, the idea of finding a guy that is like one of my str8 friend.