Your Irrational Fears

[Tristan Thinks]

Well, based on some of the responses to the question Would you have sex with someone who is HIV positive? I thought it might be interesting to find out peoples irrational fears - that is, those fears you have, know that logically they don't make sense, but can't control them.

[Graeme]

I have a chronic one -- that one or more of my wife and two sons are killed.... If they're late getting home, I start to worry.

[AFriendlyFace]

Well, I'm sure I do have some "Personal/relationship" fears, but none of the ones you listed and I can't think of anything else off-hand.

 

I'm not afraid of anything relating to the internet, except perhaps that my unreliable cable provider will go down when I really need it...but that's certainly not an irrational fear since it's happened before, and I also seldom even think about it so it's most definitely not debilitating either.

 

As for the world around me, I am afraid of snakes. Not horribly, in fact if a snake wandered into my personal space and leaving wasn't a viable option (because for example the snake probably wouldn't leave and it's somewhere I need to stay/go back to) I would just take the bull by the horns and either kill it or scare it away myself versus letting it remain. But yeah, I'm pretty uncomfortable around snakes.

 

Spiders is sorta the same thing but to a much lesser degree. I just consider them "icky" and a bit frightening, I routinely and quickly kill spiders when I see them in my space though. I'm also obviously much calmer around them and better at dealing with them than most of my friends since I usually have to kill other people's spiders as well

 

That's about it though. I love heights and far from being uncomfortable with them I have a preference for them. Similarly, I enjoy "cozy" spaces as long as they're comfortable. Obviously these instances wouldn't be true if I had good reason to believe I might fall, or the wall/ceiling might cave in, but those thoughts don't really cross my mind and if I had a good reason to think that would happen it would just be a very rational fear. I'm pretty neutral about open spaces.

 

One thing that sometimes flusters me is confusing, loud, and chaotic situations. I admit my eyesight isn't great, and I suspect I have some minor attention problems (though they've never interfered with my life and I've never been diagnosed) as a result if I'm in a loud, overly-stimulating, new environment I can at times get pretty uncomfortable. It's definitely not a social anxiety though, because while crowds can cause it, anything new, noisy, and overly-stimulating can as well, even if I were completely alone. Also, I'm a pretty people oriented person, I enjoy meeting new people, and I have no trouble with public speaking. I make this distinction because when I first looked into problem most of the information I could find pointed toward it being some variant of social anxiety, but I'm pretty sure that is not the case for me.

 

Instead I think it just comes down to the way my mind works. It is undoubtedly related to the fact that I can't stand to have music or the TV or something on when I'm trying to do anything other than focus on the music/movie or do a very mindless routine task. I hate trying to read, write, or converse with someone under those circumstances. In fact I always insist or turning the music down, or muting the movie if someone wants to talk to me while they're going on.

 

Oddly, I don't seem to be especially bothered by these problems in club/bar/party settings, though occasionally I am.

 

-Kevin

 

Edit to add:

 

I have that one too Graeme. If someone I care about isn't where they're supposed to be and I have no reason to assume that they're simply running late, I worry a lot, especially if they were driving. I worry much more about people I care about being in a car accident than I do about myself (despite the fact that I've never been in a serious car accident and neither has anyone else I care about).

 

I'm much better about these types of things than I used to be, but I still very much want and expect a text/call if someone who isn't normally late is going to be late. I for example am rarely on time so with people like myself I know it's just "how they are" (indeed my friends and family know that whatever time I say I'll be there they should add 10-30 minutes too ). It's the usually punctual ones I worry about!

Edited February 28, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Tristan Thinks]

I have a chronic one -- that one or more of my wife and two sons are killed.... If they're late getting home, I start to worry.

I was going to add an option "Loosing partner or family" but then that led me to think about "Cheating on my partner" and then *that* triggered a whole bunch of other possibilities so I thought I'd try and be minimalist and let people describe.

[Tristan Thinks]

...but I still very much want and expect a text/call if someone who isn't normally late is going to be late. I for example am rarely on time so with people like myself I know it's just "how they are" (indeed my friends and family know that whatever time I say I'll be there they should add 10-30 minutes too ). It's the usually punctual ones I worry about!

I don't think that's irrational though - if you've made an arrangement or got an understanding and the person is inexplicably overdue I think that is reason enough to begin to worry (as long as it isn't an immediate assumption that the worst has happened), especially if they are the punctual type.

 

I get really annoyed about the whole "text me when you get home" thing. It really irks me when boyfriends ask me to. I wouldn't ask a boyfriend to do that for me, I'd have enough confidence in him being able to sort himself out that I don't need that kind of constant reassurance. That said, I have modified the attitude (under protest!) sometimes when I know they will drive themselves silly with worry if they don't hear from me.

 

I think there's a fine line when it comes to family being overdue. On the one hand it can seem to be overbearing and interfering if you're constantly wanting to know where they are if they do anything spontaneous that changes their plans, and yet on the other you don't want to think of them lying injured somewhere without help due to an accident.

 

One other situation I just thought of - losing contact with Internet buddies.

 

I recently became concerned that a buddy I was exchanging emails with several times a week suddenly went quiet, and specifically hadn't responded to a couple of my emails, which seemed unusual. I managed to wait almost two weeks before I emailed him saying I was concerned and please drop me a one-liner so I knew he was okay. Turned out he was ill with a cold and just hiding himself away feeling down.

 

I've had that happen before - buddies have gone AWOL, I only had email or instant-messenger contact, and they never reappeared . It can be quite unnerving.

[old bob]

I answered "I dont have any (irrational)" .I'm too old to have "Irrational Fears"

My only real fear is not irrational : to leave this world without having my work finished and without having said good bye to all my friends.

"Carpe diem" is my motto

[Tristan Thinks]

My only real fear is not irrational : to leave this world without having my work finished and without having said good bye to all my friends.

Yeah, I have this fear I'll never finish reading Kevin's posts before I

[AFriendlyFace]

I get really annoyed about the whole "text me when you get home" thing. It really irks me when boyfriends ask me to. I wouldn't ask a boyfriend to do that for me, I'd have enough confidence in him being able to sort himself out that I don't need that kind of constant reassurance. That said, I have modified the attitude (under protest!) sometimes when I know they will drive themselves silly with worry if they don't hear from me.

HAHA, once again we seem to be in complete disagreement!

 

I love the "text me when you get home" thing. It relieves any worry - however minor - that I may have had when they do it, and I feel cared about when they ask me to. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned. I did it just tonight when I left a friend's home. I used to only do it with my best friend who was very insistent about it (though like I said it never bothered me that he was) and I would sporadically do it with others if it was very late or rainy or something, but gradually over time I've begun to do it almost every time with all three of my closest friends (this is probably thanks mostly to my original friend who once again spearheaded the movement in our little group ).

 

I think it's rather nice. I didn't used to particularly worry about them, but it still makes me smile and relax a bit when I get the text letting me know that they're safely at home.

 

I think there's a fine line when it comes to family being overdue. On the one hand it can seem to be overbearing and interfering if you're constantly wanting to know where they are if they do anything spontaneous that changes their plans, and yet on the other you don't want to think of them lying injured somewhere without help due to an accident.

I agree with you of course, but I think the key is just not to be possessive or overly demanding. I respect my friends' and family's right to privacy. I'm not going to pry at all. A simply "got detained...gonna be late" is certainly sufficient.

 

I think the interesting thing is that one (certainly me anyway) rarely worries about their friends and family when they don't know where they are or what they're doing. Right now, of all the people I care very much about, I can only say with certainly that one of them is home (the one from above that I exchanged texts with!). The rest could be doing goodness only knows what and I wouldn't have a clue. Yet I'm not worried about them. I know that very often my friends and family go places and do things which I have no knowledge about and which are just as likely to get them hurt as when they're coming/leaving to do something with me. So I know in some ways that is irrational.

 

One other situation I just thought of - losing contact with Internet buddies.

 

I've had that happen before - buddies have gone AWOL, I only had email or instant-messenger contact, and they never reappeared . It can be quite unnerving.

For some reason that doesn't bother me or worry me too much...it's hard to explain. I do get very attached to people online, but actually I assume that our relationship with be somewhat transitory (unless/until we do establish "real world" ties), so if they just sort of disappear, I'll miss them and occasionally I think "gee, I wonder what ever became of X. I hope he/she is well" But I almost never assume something happened unless it was extremely sudden and I went from having a great deal of contact with them to absolutely none. Any tapering off and I just assume (probably wistfully and with well wishes for them in my heart) that the fates have decreed that our time together is at an end.

 

I also try to make it clear to people I interact with online that while I'll never purposely up and leave without an explanation I may very well leave eventually and gradually. This is actually my 4th "internet home". I have occasional contact with the people I was closest with from some of the previous three, I do respond to emails etc., and I like to catch up occasionally, but for various reasons my time there has run its course and I just take the happy memories with me without lingering in the past.

 

I guess that's one of the cases where I "have confidence" that my old internet buddies "will sort themselves out". As I said though, I welcome an enduring, and real world contact if it's mutually feasible and desirable, and I will still write back if people contact me

 

I answered "I dont have any (irrational)" .I'm too old to have "Irrational Fears"

My only real fear is not irrational : to leave this world without having my work finished and without having said good bye to all my friends.

"Carpe diem" is my motto

Mine too, Old Bob

 

Yeah, I have this fear I'll never finish reading Kevin's posts before I

 

True enough, brevity has never been my strong suit.

Edited February 28, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Graeme]

I think there's a fine line when it comes to family being overdue. On the one hand it can seem to be overbearing and interfering if you're constantly wanting to know where they are if they do anything spontaneous that changes their plans, and yet on the other you don't want to think of them lying injured somewhere without help due to an accident.

I don't do the former, only the later. I don't ask them where they've been, or insist on knowing what's happened. I just worry....

 

It goes both ways. I remember one flight back from Brisbane which was delayed due to a fault on the scheduled plane. They had to fly a replacement plane up from Melbourne, which meant I was home HOURS late (three or four, from memory -- well after midnight). I hadn't rung to say I was going to be late because I knew she would have already gone to bed. She told me she would prefer it if I rang in future. She'd woken up in the middle of the night and noticed that I still wasn't home....

[Tiger]

I chose HIV & AIDS, snakes, and identity theft. Those are probably my biggest fears of all. I know they are are irration too. I think I could possibly get over the snakes, but the other two are different story.

[Benji]

I chose HIV & AIDS, snakes, and identity theft. Those are probably my biggest fears of all. I know they are are irration too. I think I could possibly get over the snakes, but the other two are different story.

 

 

....for the 1st two, "I don't have any" for the 3rd ID theft, because it happened to me once, Thank G_d I was on-line with my bank when I spotted $1,500 being spent, they took two clothing stores, wal-mart and a casino for over $6,000. (I was not charged) they used my checking account number and re-created their own checks with my account number. Now this is the funny part, no one asked for their ID when they cashed these bogus checks and get this they signed the checks John C. Hancock.

[S.L. Lewis]

I chose cheating and leaving for the relationships, and spiders for the real world. The net, I have a fire wall that I update constantly.

[AFriendlyFace]

....for the 1st two, "I don't have any" for the 3rd ID theft, because it happened to me once, Thank G_d I was on-line with my bank when I spotted $1,500 being spent, they took two clothing stores, wal-mart and a casino for over $6,000. (I was not charged) they used my checking account number and re-created their own checks with my account number. Now this is the funny part, no one asked for their ID when they cashed these bogus checks and get this they signed the checks John C. Hancock.

Wow!!!

 

I'm so sorry that happened! It's a good thing you didn't get left holding the bag!

[Benji]

Wow!!!

 

I'm so sorry that happened! It's a good thing you didn't get left holding the bag!

 

 

......I'm glad too!! Get this, 5 years ago someone (I know this person) stole borrowed my credit card and bought a 1st class plane ticket bound for Dallas ( :wacko: I've never even flown 1st class) I found out, cancelled the reservation, went to file a police report. They asked me "Did the credit card company re-imburse you?" I said "yes" then there is no crime and you cannot file a claim. :wacko:

[Tiger]

......I'm glad too!! Get this, 5 years ago someone (I know this person) stole borrowed my credit card and bought a 1st class plane ticket bound for Dallas ( :wacko: I've never even flown 1st class) I found out, cancelled the reservation, went to file a police report. They asked me "Did the credit card company re-imburse you?" I said "yes" then there is no crime and you cannot file a claim. :wacko:

That sounds like a nightmare! I think it should be a crime even if the credit card company does re-imburse you.

[Benji]

That sounds like a nightmare! I think it should be a crime even if the credit card company does re-imburse you.

 

 

.....Unfortunately the cops didn't think so

[corvus]

Those are all legitimate fears -- it's just the degree of fear that might be rational or irrational. I don't think I have phobias, but I'm not voting that because I don't want to jinx myself.

 

I know my mom used to get terrified whenever my brothers or I crossed the street. And when my youngest brother was four and we went to the Grand Canyon, I was petrified the entire time. The ground was crumbly and there weren't any guard rails! And he was just bouncing around like a rocket! My palms still get sweaty when I think of it...

[rknapp]

I'm claustrophobic, to a degree. If I can't move my arms and legs, I start to panic, even if they're just caught in my sheets. Hence why I don't tuck them in.

 

I also chose commitment and identity theft. The former because it was convenient, and the latter because my old bank tried to pull a fast one on my dad and wound up striking me instead. Long story short, they opened a credit card in my name, used my SSN, lied to our faces about it, and we are now in the process of cutting off all of our ties with them. My dad still has a checkbook with them and I still have a basic student credit card.

[FrenchCanadian]

I guess this one enters in irrationnal weird fear,, the Alarm system at home,, lol, I don't mind it by itself,, just when it goes off, or when I know it will have to. It's just so darn loud. It's enough that when we do some cooking and something gets burn enough, that I fear the fire alarm could go off, I get all shaky.

 

Something that's related, I fear robbers,, specially when I'm home alone at night/overnight (for the latter what is weird is that I'll put on the alarm system on, lol).

[Krista]

Well, I voted for.. the Fear of Commitment, and the falling for an internet scam.. and I think snakes. I'm not really scared of them, I just don't like to touch them.. all that much.. the little non-venemous ones are ok, but not the ones that can kill a person or eat a person.

 

Anyway, I like thinking that I don't worry or that I'm not scared of things. I am scared of falling. I'm tall, so I fall hard... and often, as I'm pretty clumsy, but each time it does end up scaring me, or at the least the feeling of it, I know I'm one of those sleepers that jerk myself awake at least once a night as I usually have at least one short dream where I'm falling.. lol.

 

I'm starting to have the fear of commitment as I've been burned on that twice now I'm starting to feel apprehensive about the other person I'm with.

 

I worry about my Mother and the brats as well.

[Tiff]

I chose partner cheating, flying, and identity theft--- it's not a fear that consumes me, but it crosses my mind every now and again. The cheating because of issues with my Dad. The flying- well, can't help it, especially when turbulence occurs and all these plane crashes happening left and right. And identity theft, it's almost out of my hands because it seems so easy to get personal information these days and I can only imagine the heartache, hassle, and stress of trying to fix the problem.

 

I really try not to think about this stuff. I let it cross my mind for a good few minutes and block it out by engaging in conversation or just blocking it out. Or my favorite- worry when the time comes.

 

Does that count as an irrational fear if I'm not really actively being scared by it?

 

Ah well, those are my thoughts anyhow.

[JamesSavik]

other, other & other

 

 

I'm afraid of the plague. Not the old plague but the new one that we're contributing to by throwing anti-biotics around like candy and deforesting parts of the planet that are best left alone. We are forcing pathogens to become drug resistent while exposing new pathogens all the time. It's only a matter of time before this lethal combination rolls snake eyes and we're all royally f-ed. Whether you believe in it or not, evolution is happening all the time and at the level of microorganisms generations occur hourly.

 

I expect the resulting plagues to kill at least 2/3rd of the worlds population and the remaing 1/3 will be endangered by the population crash and afterkill-- additional causalties caused by collapse of services. Typically starvation and death caused by minor diseases for which there is no care available.

 

The survivors will be faced with additional outbreaks for some time. For some time after the worst of the plagues the number one killer will be suicide. The population will continue to decline.

 

Humans will reach a critical point: that point is the number of people left that will be able to sustain advanced society. This crash could take us all the way back to tribal units or even extinction.

________________________________________________________________________________

________

Now that you've had a peek inside my head you'll understand why they keep upping my medication.

[Tiff]

other, other & other

 

 

I'm afraid of the plague. Not the old plague but the new one that we're contributing to by throwing anti-biotics around like candy and deforesting parts of the planet that are best left alone. We are forcing pathogens to become drug resistent while exposing new pathogens all the time. It's only a matter of time before this lethal combination rolls snake eyes and we're all royally f-ed. Whether you believe in it or not, evolution is happening all the time and at the level of microorganisms generations occur hourly.

 

I expect the resulting plagues to kill at least 2/3rd of the worlds population and the remaing 1/3 will be endangered by the population crash and afterkill-- additional causalties caused by collapse of services. Typically starvation and death caused by minor diseases for which there is no care available.

 

The survivors will be faced with additional outbreaks for some time. For some time after the worst of the plagues the number one killer will be suicide. The population will continue to decline.

 

Humans will reach a critical point: that point is the number of people left that will be able to sustain advanced society. This crash could take us all the way back to tribal units or even extinction.

________________________________________________________________________________

________

Now that you've had a peek inside my head you'll understand why they keep upping my medication.

Whether you're in need of increased medication or not---I loved reading this post of yours.

 

One word: amazing.

[Tristan Thinks]

Well, I didn't expect such great reactions when I started this thread! There's some excellent seeds for storylines in here, so who's gonna write the Gay-Authors Paranoid Android compendium?

[AFriendlyFace]

They asked me "Did the credit card company re-imburse you?" I said "yes" then there is no crime and you cannot file a claim. :wacko:

Seems to me that the guy essentially stole from the credit card company, so I'm surprised they weren't pressing for a claim to be filed~

 

And when my youngest brother was four and we went to the Grand Canyon, I was petrified the entire time. The ground was crumbly and there weren't any guard rails! And he was just bouncing around like a rocket! My palms still get sweaty when I think of it...

Yikes! I'd have used one of those sweaty palms to insist that he hold my hand lol!

 

I guess this one enters in irrationnal weird fear,, the Alarm system at home,, lol, I don't mind it by itself,, just when it goes off, or when I know it will have to. It's just so darn loud. It's enough that when we do some cooking and something gets burn enough, that I fear the fire alarm could go off, I get all shaky.

 

Something that's related, I fear robbers,, specially when I'm home alone at night/overnight (for the latter what is weird is that I'll put on the alarm system on, lol).

I used to have the robber one really bad when I was a kid, now it seldom crosses my mind though.

 

As for loud noises - and I suppose in some ways this goes back to what I was saying earlier - yesterday I was getting ALOT of texts while I was driving, and I knew I was going to keep getting more, and I had the volume on my phone turned way up, and it makes this irritating noise when I get a text...so I was actually really nervous and stressed out about all the texts I was getting

 

Come to think of it I need to change the notification sound to something more pleasant and less startling.

 

Anyway, I like thinking that I don't worry or that I'm not scared of things. I am scared of falling. I'm tall, so I fall hard... and often, as I'm pretty clumsy, but each time it does end up scaring me, or at the least the feeling of it, I know I'm one of those sleepers that jerk myself awake at least once a night as I usually have at least one short dream where I'm falling.. lol.

I was visiting a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and he has a two story home, I'd just climbed to the top of the landing when his big, friendly, excited black lab came bounding over to greet me...and jumped up

 

I was really freaked out and scared she'd knock me down the whole flight of stairs backwards! Thankfully though, while she did jump up she didn't jump forward, so all was well.

I'm starting to have the fear of commitment as I've been burned on that twice now I'm starting to feel apprehensive about the other person I'm with.

 

Well, I didn't expect such great reactions when I started this thread! There's some excellent seeds for storylines in here, so who's gonna write the Gay-Authors Paranoid Android compendium?

LOL, perhaps we could just have an "irrational fear" themed anthology