Your most annoying euphemisms?

[jfalkon]

The doctor will be with you in a moment.

 

Perhaps this is not technically a euphemism. Nevertheless it's still annoying!

 

Two hours later is not in a moment!

 

I hate that too. Why can't they do what the amusement parks do and post a sign like "estimated wait time: 1hr 45 min". At least you would know what you are in for.

 

Another medical one is "This will only hurt a little." No one has ever said that to me but I hear that the it is code for, "This will hurt like hell. Try not to wet your pants."

[GaryK]

I hate that too. Why can't they do what the amusement parks do and post a sign like "estimated wait time: 1hr 45 min". At least you would know what you are in for.

It's not always easy to guesstimate how long to wait will be. I've had visits I thought would be brief only to have them last an hour or more. Conversely, I've had visits I was certain would take a long time only to be finished in mere minutes. I think it all depends on what the doctor finds during the examination.

 

With entertainment parks the length of a ride is a given. Multiply the know time by the number of people in line and the estimate is fairly accurate.

 

When it comes to tech support the estimated wait times depend on how dense the techie or the customer is. Wait times are notoriously inaccurate.

 

Another medical one is "This will only hurt a little." No one has ever said that to me but I hear that the it is code for, "This will hurt like hell. Try not to wet your pants."

Yeah, I love that one. This will only hurt a little bit. Then they stick a large diameter IV needle in my hand and I scream like a little wuss. Bastards. I'd prefer honesty so I can prepare myself for what's about to happen.

[jfalkon]

It's not always easy to guesstimate how long to wait will be. I've had visits I thought would be brief only to have them last an hour or more. Conversely, I've had visits I was certain would take a long time only to be finished in mere minutes. I think it all depends on what the doctor finds during the examination.

 

With entertainment parks the length of a ride is a given. Multiply the know time by the number of people in line and the estimate is fairly accurate.

 

When it comes to tech support the estimated wait times depend on how dense the techie or the customer is. Wait times are notoriously inaccurate.

 

 

Yeah, I love that one. This will only hurt a little bit. Then they stick a large diameter IV needle in my hand and I scream like a little wuss. Bastards. I'd prefer honesty so I can prepare myself for what's about to happen.

 

You have a good point about the problen with estimating time.

 

I prefer honesty too. For some reason medical people take a look at me and assume that I will scream so they usualy tell me something is going to hurt a lot more than it really does. Then they go and tell someone else that the same procedure is only going to hurt a little and that person screams. Why can't they just say "for most people this is a five on a scale from one to ten"?

 

Here's another euphamism: "big and tall" = fat.

[GaryK]

Here's another euphamism: "big and tall" = fat.

While this is sometimes true, it's not always the case. I am big and tall but I am not fat.

 

I have trouble finding clothes that fit me in regular stores because I'm 6'1" and weigh around 220 pounds.

 

Most retail outlets don't carry jeans in a 36" waist and a 32" length.

 

So I custom order my jeans online. I order most of my clothes online. That's because I hate shopping and it's so much easier to find what I want online.

 

The first e-commerce website I wrote the software for has been a huge success. I wrote the software for free in exchange for a commission on gross sales. It was a risk. But it was also a challenge. It's paid off big-time. Plus I have a website where I can buy most everything I need in the way of more formal attire.

 

The only things I don't buy there are jeans, socks, t-shirts and boxer-briefs.

 

The Levis are ordered online. The rest is purchased from the Hanes website. I will tolerate nothing but cotton against my skin cause it feels so good!

 

It's late so I hope this made sense.

[AFriendlyFace]

I hate that too. Why can't they do what the amusement parks do and post a sign like "estimated wait time: 1hr 45 min". At least you would know what you are in for.

 

 

It's not always easy to guesstimate how long to wait will be. I've had visits I thought would be brief only to have them last an hour or more. Conversely, I've had visits I was certain would take a long time only to be finished in mere minutes. I think it all depends on what the doctor finds during the examination.

 

With entertainment parks the length of a ride is a given. Multiply the know time by the number of people in line and the estimate is fairly accurate.

 

I agree that it can be difficult to estimate wait times for doctors, but I also agree that it would be VERY useful. I very much appreciate knowing how long I can expect to wait, even approximately, because then I know exactly what I can and can't get into.

 

For example if I call my cable company and they tell me my approximate wait time is 10 minutes, then I know I can jam out to at least one or two full songs at full volume without worry about missing them when they come on the line. Or I know that I have time to set the phone down for a few minutes and take care of other chores while I wait. If I'm physically waiting in line I know that I have time to go the restroom and then come back and grab a beverage. Or maybe run back out to my car and pick up a magazine or something else I may have forgotten.

 

In general I think approximate wait times are very useful! My solution for doctor's offices would be for them to maybe have an electronic listing of the next 5 patients to be seen. It's not at all precise, but if your name isn't even on the list yet then you know you're in for awhile longer. Granted it would be somewhat expensive and time consuming to set this up, but it wouldn't be too bad, especially in newer, high traffic offices.

 

Here's a phrase that I've always found amusing:

 

"I'll let you go now"

 

For when someone is on the phone and wants to hang up. It's exactly the opposite of what they mean to say, which is essentially:

 

"Please let me go now"

 

[Drewbie]

I agree that it can be difficult to estimate wait times for doctors, but I also agree that it would be VERY useful. I very much appreciate knowing how long I can expect to wait, even approximately, because then I know exactly what I can and can't get into.

 

For example if I call my cable company and they tell me my approximate wait time is 10 minutes, then I know I can jam out to at least one or two full songs at full volume without worry about missing them when they come on the line. Or I know that I have time to set the phone down for a few minutes and take care of other chores while I wait.

 

Yet most times it's all day wait for the cable company to come out. also be eaiser if they just said okay it might take longer then an hour or three.

 

I see, when you tell em an answer, I used to mock my mum on the phone all I would heard right, right uh huh

[AFriendlyFace]

Yet most times it's all day wait for the cable company to come out. also be eaiser if they just said okay it might take longer then an hour or three.

LOL, that's something else I hate! When they say, "oh we'll be there sometime between 2:00 and 5:00"...well which is it?!? Am I just supposed to give up my day and wait around all afternoon? Even if they get there on the early end of it, there's a good chance I've cancelled or avoided making plans because I thought I had to keep 4pm open for them.

 

hehe, on the other hand lately I've been doing the same thing to a lesser extent, "Oh, I'll meet you between 3:30 and 4:00 then". So much easier than trying to pin myself down to 3:30 or 4:00!

[tator_tot2010]

Oh gosh, reading this thread makes me feel incredibly guilty... I use euphemisms a lot, not necessarily ones named, but I do use a lot, haha.

 

Let's see.... There's "going potty", which I'm not sure WHY I say, I guess it's just fun.

 

There's fudge in place of f**k, tinkle instead of urinate, poo instead of defecate (incidentally no one said Number 1 and Number 2!), poke instead of have sex with, vertically challenged instead of short, fun/travel-sized instead of small of stature.... Oh, the list goes on and on.

 

But the funny thing is the euphemisms that actually annoy me are the ones used in things like radio edits for songs.

 

T-PAIN IS IN LOVE WITH A STRIPPER, NOT A DANCER! Jeez, that one always annoyed the crap out of me...

[Tipdin]

I worked in the corporate world for a long time so I have a million of them!

 

take-aways

on your plate

an opportunity for a best practice

I really want to help, but...

you need to partner...

 

 

It's not you, really...

call me sometime...

his manhood was inflamed

peepee

I don't know, just cuz...

[writeincode]

Here's another euphamism: "big and tall" = fat.

Yes! I hate that.

 

And 'voluptuous' or 'healthy' for fat women. Especially 'healthy'- there's nothing healthy about being overweight.

 

I also can't stand anything involving "meaning well."

[Sir Galahad]

Big-boned = Fat (Never understood this one, some people must have dinosaur bones in 'em!)

 

Large and In Charge

 

Bun in the oven (It's not a f****ng bun, one of my pet hates)

 

Cut & paste this next section, basically gives meanings to what people put in personal ads, some of them are quite funny.

 

WOMEN

 

Affectionate = Possessive

Artistic = Unreliable

Athletic = Flat Chested

Exotic beauty = Would frighten a Martian

Free spirit = Substance user

Fun = Annoying

Loves animals = Cat lady

New Age = All body hair, all the time

Outgoing = Loud

Spiritual = Involved with a cult

Stable = Boring

Wants Soul mate = Stalker

 

THE GUYS

 

Athletic = Sits on the sofa and watches ESPN

Average looking = Average hair growth on ears, nose and back

Educated = Will always treat you like an idiot

Employed = On management track at Radio Shack

Financially Secure = I will spend so in return for which I to obey my every whim of your moral life.

Free Spirit = Sleeps with your sister

Huggable = Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben

Professional = Owns a white button-down

Sensitive = Needy

Stable = Stalker, but never convicted

Thoughtful = Says "please" when demanding a beer

Edited March 8, 2009 by Sir_Galahad

[writeincode]

Big-boned = Fat (Never understood this one, some people must have dinosaur bones in 'em!)

 

Large and In Charge

 

Bun in the oven (It's not a f****ng bun, one of my pet hates)

 

Cut & paste this next section, basically gives meanings to what people put in personal ads, some of them are quite funny.

 

WOMEN

 

Affectionate = Possessive

Artistic = Unreliable

Athletic = Flat Chested

Exotic beauty = Would frighten a Martian

Free spirit = Substance user

Fun = Annoying

Loves animals = Cat lady

New Age = All body hair, all the time

Outgoing = Loud

Spiritual = Involved with a cult

Stable = Boring

Wants Soul mate = Stalker

 

THE GUYS

 

Athletic = Sits on the sofa and watches ESPN

Average looking = Average hair growth on ears, nose and back

Educated = Will always treat you like an idiot

Employed = On management track at Radio Shack

Financially Secure = I will spend so in return for which I to obey my every whim of your moral life.

Free Spirit = Sleeps with your sister

Huggable = Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben

Professional = Owns a white button-down

Sensitive = Needy

Stable = Stalker, but never convicted

Thoughtful = Says "please" when demanding a beer

Oh my god that's all so true!

 

Shamefully I say the "in the oven" thing, without the bun though. I think it's cute. When I (hopefully not too soon) get preggo I wanna use this euphemism a lot.