[Corvus] Corvus

[C James]

Corvus

[C James]

Review by TL the Writing Tiger

 

Rarely does a story move me to tears. In fact this story is one of only two on GA with such an exception. The subject hits so close to home. That could have been me. So many teens suffer from depression, especially those living with secrets they do not want their parents to know. There use of foreshadowing in the story was magnificent. Some might not pick up on the clues to the reasons, but I did. I look forward to reading more of his stories in the future. Excellent work!

[Tiff]

Hey Corv, it's your favorite stalker

 

I have to agree with Tim's review: extremely moving and of course sad and emotional (your typical style, curse you!). I thought it was great to have it written from his mother's perspective, yet you still managed to convey the sadness and hopelessness Jason felt, even though he wasn't alive. Through Mr. Bradley, his friends, and his mother, you learned a lot about his life- how he had to hide, how he felt ashamed.

 

I think the part that made me stomach clench and my chest ache was when Mrs. Gordon was in such huge denial of it being suicide, but then found the "I'm Sorry" note. It was the most beautiful and gut-wrenching scene ever.

 

Excellent job, as always!

 

But seriously though, next time, something happy!!!

[GaryK]

Begging your pardon Tiff. We are his favorite stalkers!

 

You made me cry twice you naughty boy.

 

First was the last line of the poem. I was well familiar with it. I knew you meant he had remained faithful to his mother's beliefs. What a great kid he was to put his mother's feelings above his own. How sad it was that it meant he couldn't go on. Somehow neither one surprised me.

 

Second was everything that came after her phone call to Orson. Especially the final paragraph. A happy ending? Satisfaction at least that she wasn't as stone-cold as I thought she was. Too bad it took such a tragedy to make that happen after it was too late.

 

I agree with Tiff. Try something with a happy ending for a change!

[Ieshwar]

Hey,

 

That was beyond awesome. I did tell ya!

 

The characters you have created is...incredible. I found all of them great!! Of course, Mrs Gordon, Orson, Mr Bradley, the three guys (Jim, Philip, Dustin) and Jason too. Each of them with their own style and with their own story. I would love to hear more about each of them!!!

 

And plot was very touching of course. I have to agree with Tiff that scene with the note made me cry too.

 

You got a great talent, corvus!

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

 

P.S What does 'carnation' and 'larkspur' signify? I read that in the cemetry scene.

[rec]

Well done.

[Tiff]

Begging your pardon Tiff. We are his favorite stalkers!

 

My bad, Gary!! WE are indeed his most favorite and loyal stalkers. I must have been reading too much and way too long, that I only thought of myself.

 

We should get special "Corvus stalkers" t-shirts or banners or something.

[moonwolf]

I said it when I beta-read your story and I'll say it again

 

a real nice story but it's weird to see your name, writing poetry and planning suicide when you're a teen... especially when I was like that in my teens...

 

Good work Corvus but please next time you use the name Jason and he writes poetry... let him live

 

Jason aka Moonwolf

[AFriendlyFace]

So very moving and powerful. Well done, Corvus.

[jfalkon]

Showing the point of view of someone so in denial was interesting. I also liked the way most of the action took place after the son's death.

[Bondwriter]

The portrays of the ladies were really well done, neither caricatures nor judgments. This adds to the strength of the drama.

[corvus]

Thanks everyone for the reviews

 

This was a difficult story to write and, I imagine, to read, since Mrs. Gordon was such a... recalcitrant character, to put it lightly. It's easy to dislike her, but at the same time, she's the one who has to live and endure the consequences of what happened. So I feel very sorry for her as well.

 

Again, thanks everyone who read and responded... I'm glad people got something out of reading about such a stubborn old lady.

[Benji]

Thanks everyone for the reviews

 

This was a difficult story to write and, I imagine, to read, since Mrs. Gordon was such a... recalcitrant character, to put it lightly. It's easy to dislike her, but at the same time, she's the one who has to live and endure the consequences of what happened. So I feel very sorry for her as well.

 

Again, thanks everyone who read and responded... I'm glad people got something out of reading about such a stubborn old lady.

 

 

...........Perfect title for the story, it's a shame her bitterness carried thru so long in her life that she failed to realize its effect on her son. I imagined that there was little display of affection in her household and believe his suicide is the result of further rejection from his mother.

[Graeme]

This was a difficult story to write and, I imagine, to read, since Mrs. Gordon was such a... recalcitrant character, to put it lightly. It's easy to dislike her, but at the same time, she's the one who has to live and endure the consequences of what happened. So I feel very sorry for her as well.

My personal opinion is that if people dislike Mrs. Gordon, then they should take a look at themselves. They are showing the same intolerance and lack of empathy that she showed. She's a tragic figure, someone who created a hell by her actions, but that hell wasn't created because that's what she wanted. She wanted what was best for her son. She just didn't realise that only her son can decide what's best for him.

 

In her own way, she loved her son. Her problem was that she told her son what to think (which created an intolerable strain on his emotional state), rather than leading him to think for himself.

 

I can't dislike her. I can feel sorry for her. I can hope she'll change, though it's too late for her son. She deserves pity....

 

A great story, corvus! You've done a great job of characterisation, because Mrs. Gordon came over as so real. Indeed, I think all the characters came over as real, though you only really showed them in her shadow so we didn't get to see their full personalities. My first thought was that her ex-husband was weak, but even there that's realistic. For someone as strong as Mrs. Gordon, her husband would either have to be weak, or a lot stronger. I'm guessing, but I suspect she divorced him, rather than him divorcing her (once he accepted he's gay).

Edited April 11, 2008 by Graeme

[old bob]

I liked the story very much I don't know what to say more that what was already said in the first comments. So I quote to express through others what I feel myself.

A great story, corvus! You've done a great job of characterisation, because Mrs. Gordon came over as so real. Indeed, I think all the characters came over as real, though you only really showed them in her shadow so we didn't get to see their full personalities.

The unfolding of the different phases of the sentiments of Mrs. Gorden, the words used and the feelings they suggested... each step underlined through conversations with different persons, really a great work .

This was a difficult story to write and, I imagine, to read, since Mrs. Gordon was such a... recalcitrant character, to put it lightly. It's easy to dislike her, but at the same time, she's the one who has to live and endure the consequences of what happened. So I feel very sorry for her as well.

That was the same for me as reader. First anger, then mixed feelings and pity at the end.

In a few words : sorrow, grief and understanding for the participating characters (with an exception : Mrs Olson, but her character was important as conterpoint ).

My next step : to read your story in eFiction (Mike and Winston) .

Old bob

[Procyon]

I'm finally getting around to reviewing this story; I've been meaning to for a long time.

 

First things first: it's a great beginning you have there, the phone call and all those little things that Agnes sees that tell you a lot about Mrs Gordon's personality. You introduce her the same way you're later going to describe Jason -- seeing her through someone else's eyes. Above all though, the beginning is compelling and makes you want to read on.

 

While I felt like I somehow came close to Mrs Gordon in the beginning, there was more of a distance in the second part, though it was still compelling. It was quite painful to read about Marge and Orson's reunion under such horrible circumstances, so I couldn't really let myself think too closely about that part of it -- their dialogue was great though, especially some parts.

 

Mrs Gordon's way of imagining her own version of the world and, specifically, of Jason was very well done. Then slowly all the walls around her world were torn down and it's a wonder that she survived at all. The scene where she gives Mr Bradley Jason's poems was one of the most painful ones in the story, and it also had some good lines, such as 'He wore pink shirts, but he did care about his students and what he taught' which showed how she'd developed.

 

Her phoning Orson at the end and the part leading up to that was very well written -- the last two paragraphs were almost unnecessary after that, in a way you were stating the obvious there.

 

As a whole it's a very interesting story which I think you could expand a bit (unusual for you). Even though you were showing two other interesting stories in it -- Jason's tragic one and Orson's one that was also sad in its own way -- Mrs Gordon was still the central character in it. It was so sad that she only made all these realisations after it was too late.