Saying 'I Love You' in general

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi all,

 

I was wondering what your experiences were saying 'I love you' to people. Not necessarily significant others, but the people you love in general. Do you say it easily and often? Is it difficult for you to say? Do you reserve it for special occasions?

 

My own experience is that I never have trouble saying it back to people whom I do love, and I occasionally initiate it if it's someone I'm very close with and say it to often. The only problem I seem to have is saying it to my grandfather. I love him very much and he was the main father figure in my life, but it always feels a bit weird to say it and I very rarely do. Apart from that I don't seem to have a problem saying it although I also don't throw it around casually. ?

 

Personally, with him I know it's there and mutual, and I'd like to say it, and I know I'd have no problem saying it back...but I dunno, I just never manage to initiate it. Apart from that I like to think I'm quite good at appropriately expressing affection, so I'm not sure what the deal is.

 

What do you folks think about this? Is it important to say it or is it more important to show it? Or are they equally important and you really need to do both?

 

Anyway, take care all and have an awesome day

Kevin

[BeaStKid]

To my mother, I say it almost every other day and mean it... to my sister, I say it occasionally and mean it.. haven't lived with Dad in 6 years, and I do not like saying it on the phone...

 

To my friends, I have said it once or twice, and meant it...to my ex-girl friend...never...

 

For me, 'love' is a very deep term and I cannot say it...even to the guy I have a crush on right now...but crush, again, is a shallow term for what I feel for him.... Sigh!

 

I think I pretty much tried to stay on topic, but I went off tangent at the end...so I'll end here...

 

BeaStKid

[Tracy]

I have no problems telling my mom, brother, sister and a few of my closest friends 'I love you' when the situation calls for it, but my dad is a completely different story though. And I won't even bother going into detail about that. It's a guy thing, I guess.

 

You can never say 'I love you' enough. It's more than just words being muttered, it's also an expression of your heart. But, words alone are not enough to convey your feelings, so I think there should be a balance between saying 'I love you' and showing it.

 

tracy

[scoopny]

I've pretty bad at saying it to almost anyone really, I freeze up really, although in certain contexts, like a letter, I find it easier to say. But if someone I care about a lot says it to me, I will definitely say it back to them.

[Ieshwar]

I almost never say it. The few times I said, I never meant it. And the worst part is that I find this normal! :wacko:

 

I'm one of those who believe in 'showing love' rather than 'telling'.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Benji]

I almost never say it. The few times I said, I never meant it. And the worst part is that I find this normal! :wacko:

 

I'm one of those who believe in 'showing love' rather than 'telling'.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

 

 

.....That's interesting, I say it all the time and mean it!

[Tiger]

I don't say it very often, but when I do, I really mean it. It's never good to say it if you don't mean it.

[Tiff]

I almost never say it. The few times I said, I never meant it. And the worst part is that I find this normal! :wacko:

 

I'm one of those who believe in 'showing love' rather than 'telling'.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

I'm the same. I rarely say it, even to family members. I'm only close to my mother, but even then, I rarely say. If I do, of course I'd mean it, but I'm also one of those who show their love, like bending over backwards to do something for someone else. For some reason, I just have trouble saying it, whether significant others, or family members.

[Benji]

I'm the same. I rarely say it, even to family members. I'm only close to my mother, but even then, I rarely say. If I do, of course I'd mean it, but I'm also one of those who show their love, like bending over backwards to do something for someone else. For some reason, I just have trouble saying it, whether significant others, or family members.

 

 

..........Coming from a family that only Mom, the Brothers & Sister are very close it was natural (evil Step-dad didn't count) so if you had this interaction all your life, it is easy to say it.

[AFriendlyFace]

To my mother, I say it almost every other day and mean it... to my sister, I say it occasionally and mean it.. haven't lived with Dad in 6 years, and I do not like saying it on the phone...

I have no problems telling my mom, brother, sister and a few of my closest friends 'I love you' when the situation calls for it, but my dad is a completely different story though. And I won't even bother going into detail about that. It's a guy thing, I guess.

Actually that's the other half of my question. Is it harder for males to say 'I love you' to another male? Especially a straight male?

 

Not to pry, but Tracy you said it wasn't a problem saying it to your brother. Is he younger? (I would guess it's easier to say it to younger males).

 

Beasty, you said you didn't like saying it to your dad because it would likely be over the phone. Do you think that's the only reason? Could you say it to your mom over the phone?

 

Personally, my grandfather is really the only straight male I'm close with. My dad and I have a perfectly pleasant relationship, but my parents divorced when I was very young and he's always lived very far away, so we've just never had a close relationship, so I would expect it to be difficult to say regardless.

 

It's very easy for me to express affection with my gay friends, and say it when appropriate, but we have a really close relationship, and I expect it's different with other gay males.

 

I almost never say it. The few times I said, I never meant it. And the worst part is that I find this normal! :wacko:

Didn't you tell us once that saying 'I love you' was very common and prevalent in your society? Or is there a different phrase with a more serious meaning?

 

..........Coming from a family that only Mom, the Brothers & Sister are very close it was natural (evil Step-dad didn't count) so if you had this interaction all your life, it is easy to say it.

I guess it would be!

 

 

Take care all,

Kevin

[moonwolf]

Saying I love you... saying the words out of my mouth is not something for everybody to hear... If I leave out Sacha, mostly no one will hear it... my brother and mother will really not hear it often... though they'll feel it...

 

As for my dad... let's not go there...

 

 

Jason aka Moonwolf

[FrenchCanadian]

For me, saying "I love you" has different meaning,, I will say to my close friends, but by close, I mean those that i got some feeling for,,,

 

as for jason,, well, I don't have any difficulties to say it, for me it just comes out naturally.

 

but of course, everytimes I say it,, I mean it

[NickolasJames8]

I used to tell everyone I love you, but in the last couple years, I've had a really hard time with it. I can barely say it to my dad anymore, and we used to always say it. Funny thing, though, I always say it to my stepmom. When I first get up and go downstairs for a cold redbull, she's usually cooking breakfast for me and I say it out of habit. I tell my gf I love her like 55 times a day, too, but I think it's different with her than it is with family and friends.

[Krista]

Well, I say, "I love you," a lot. I do it when someone makes me laugh, out of habit, I would say, "You know what, I love you." Of course, I don't mean that version of the words to be too strong.

 

I do also tell my friends that I love them, because they are too important to me for tha to go unsaid really, and we've been doing it for such a long time that it's become second nature and easy.

 

I have never told my Step-father that I loved him, maybe because I was practically an adult when him and my Mother married and I didn't feel the need to be that connected with him - I'm still not all that connected with him, as I don't need the father figure in him, and I don't see him as that really. So that's one person I would never be comfortable enough to say that to. My mother herself, it took my a lot of years and a lot of changes in our relationship for me to say that I loved her, I always have, but she just made it too hard sometimes.. lol. Now though, we're close, so it's a lot easier.

 

I tell the brats I love them every time I put them to bed or if I'm leaving.

[AFriendlyFace]

Well as someone who wants very very much to become a father I'm a bit saddened by the fact that majority of responders seem to have the most trouble saying it to dads/step-dads/father figures!

 

I really hope my kids won't have a problem saying it to me!

 

I know that really in any relationship, especially as the individuals get older, this is a two-way street, but in many ways I feel like it's primarily the responsibility of the parent/older person to make sure the younger person knows they are loved. So maybe as long as I make sure to say it to my kids and make sure they know it, it'll be less of a problem. I hope so anyway.

[BeaStKid]

Beasty, you said you didn't like saying it to your dad because it would likely be over the phone. Do you think that's the only reason? Could you say it to your mom over the phone?

No, I usually do not say it over phone, period. Be it anyone. But yes, I have said it, in fact just day before yesterday, to a friend of mine via text message...we were chatting... (yes, he's the same friend )

 

To my Dad, I have said it in person on numerous occasions...

 

BeaStKid

[Tracy]

Not to pry, but Tracy you said it wasn't a problem saying it to your brother. Is he younger? (I would guess it's easier to say it to younger males).

 

Kevin, my brother is 3 years old so I tell him 'I love you' as often as I can. He's a kid, so there are never any awkward moments when those words are being said

 

I think men in general have trouble saying 'I love you' because they would be exposing their vulnerability, and in my opinion, that's something guys(like me) find extremely hard to do, especially when done in the presence of another male. I think some guys believe that these words need not be spoken since they show their love in other ways. Actions, after all, speak louder than words.

 

Just my opinion

 

tracy

[Ieshwar]

Didn't you tell us once that saying 'I love you' was very common and prevalent in your society? Or is there a different phrase with a more serious meaning?

 

In fact, that's y I dnt say that. Coz first, it's only said between boys and gurls. Saying it in other places is unthinkable, at least to me. And the three words have been so 'mutilated' that if ever someone says it to me now, there's a high probablity I feel insulted. Seriously. Unless perhaps, I know that the guy/gurl does love me! It's so easy to show your love, than say it!!

 

Dn't worry, Kevin. You'll be a great Dad, and I believe yourchild will have all reasons to say 'I love you' to you.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Demetz]

"I love you" is something I've been reserved with for a very long time. There is one person who I took a huge chance on, said the words to, meant them, and still do to this day when I tell him still. That kind of love will never go away, even if the intensity may rise or wane at times, or get mixed with other emotions. I expect it will be a long time before I find someone else I feel "safe" speaking those words to.

[Benji]

Well as someone who wants very very much to become a father I'm a bit saddened by the fact that majority of responders seem to have the most trouble saying it to dads/step-dads/father figures!

 

I really hope my kids won't have a problem saying it to me!

 

I know that really in any relationship, especially as the individuals get older, this is a two-way street, but in many ways I feel like it's primarily the responsibility of the parent/older person to make sure the younger person knows they are loved. So maybe as long as I make sure to say it to my kids and make sure they know it, it'll be less of a problem. I hope so anyway.

 

............My kids & I don't have any problem saying it to each other, sadly my step-dad wasn't a person you could get close to. In fact you wanted to avoid him. Kevin, I doubt you'll have that problem.

[Procyon]

I don't tell my family and good friends that I love them, I know that they know that anyway, and I can't recall ever having heard anyone say they love someone except on (American) TV. It's probably a cultural thing; in many European countries we don't say it at all, except possibly lovey-dovey couples. I did hear it from two of my boyfriends, and on both occasions I had to avoid saying it back since I didn't love them.

 

I don't not say it because I find it hard to say, but because those around me would think I was drunk or something if I suddenly began saying it for no obvious reason. Harhar. They certainly wouldn't appreciate it or anything, so it'd be no use anyway if I said it.

[AFriendlyFace]

I don't tell my family and good friends that I love them, I know that they know that anyway, and I can't recall ever having heard anyone say they love someone except on (American) TV. It's probably a cultural thing; in many European countries we don't say it at all, except possibly lovey-dovey couples. I did hear it from two of my boyfriends, and on both occasions I had to avoid saying it back since I didn't love them.

 

I don't not say it because I find it hard to say, but because those around me would think I was drunk or something if I suddenly began saying it for no obvious reason. Harhar. They certainly wouldn't appreciate it or anything, so it'd be no use anyway if I said it.

Oh wow, that is a difference in cultures I suppose. So parents don't even say it to their young children?

[Procyon]

Oh wow, that is a difference in cultures I suppose. So parents don't even say it to their young children?

 

I don't *think* I ever heard anyone say that to a young child... Of course it might still happen, but it's definitely unusual. If it does happen.

 

Does nobody else here live in a country where people don't keep saying 'I love you' all the time? When I hear it on American TV it doesn't ring true at all, but I guess that's due to bad acting. How often do you people say it anyway, usually? Maybe not as often as it seems.

[AFriendlyFace]

How often do you people say it anyway, usually? Maybe not as often as it seems.

LOL, well for most people I think they develop 'times' when it's said to someone.

 

I said it today to one of my closest friends when I was hanging up the phone. We used to say it every now and then more spontaneously when she lived in the same city, but now that she's moved away we say it at the end of most phone conversations and talk once or twice a week.

 

Similarly I say it at the end of every phone conversation with my mom, and we talk about 2 or 3 times a week (well this week only once because it was so hectic, but on a good week 2 or 3). Again this only developed after the time I moved away, before that, when I lived at home as child/adolescent it was generally said nightly before bed and occasionally during the day spontaneously or for special circumstances.

 

I think most Americans develop something akin to this habit. They may say it nightly with family/spouses/partners, and at the end of phone conversations if these people, or other close friends, are away. Similarly some people seem to throw it around more at birthdays and holidays, although personally I've never been more or less inclined to say it/hear it for those reasons.

 

Of course the 'habit/routine' way is the most functional and least...emotional or joyful I guess. I mean it's still nice to hear/say, but I personally prefer if it's a more, 'in the moment' kind of thing. Those 'in the moment' type 'I love you's' are far less common (otherwise they become routine ), personally speaking I guess I only have 2 or 3 of those a month with someone, be they friend or family member, TOPS, and even those are usually of the more playful, casual variety. The best kind are the spontaneous, but also very serious sort, and I think those are exceedingly rare.

 

On the other hand 'I love you's' of any variety are probably far more common when involved in a romantic relationship of some kind (especially one that's gotten serious, but that's still not routine). Personally speaking I've only been involved in one of those ever, and while I convinced myself I felt it eventually I think he said it too soon and the first several times I said it back were more 'because I had to' than genuine feeling. On the other hand I do still 'love' him in the affectionate, this is someone I care about and want to see happy way, but not at all in the romantic way.

Edited April 11, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[corvus]

I can say it, but even at my most emotional, even when I've meant it the most, the words have tasted fake. I'm sure circumstances exist in which I'd be able to say them without feeling that way, but said circumstances haven't occurred yet.