How do you feel about marriage?

[West Coast Dude]

Marriage....

 

*cringe*

 

Never!

 

 

So I guess if skonie asks you to marry you him, the answer is no <BTW: I just realized you're 25, for some reason I thought you were an oldie - late 50s ha ha>

[West Coast Dude]

I don't consider myself 100% gay no, but I just can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I want a son yes, but I don't have to be straight to get one. I could do artificial insemination with a surrogate, or if that fails I could adopt. The Unitarian Universalist Church is a very hippy liberal type of church, so I wouldn't compare them to the much more conservative, traditionalist Catholic Church. I doubt I will live to see the day the Roman Catholic Church starts marrying same-sex couples.

 

You never know though, I mean look at what their priests do with little boys...And sounds like a really great plan. Recently I've been thinking more about adopting, but you know what it's years away! So i'll prolly change my mind before then.

[Friendship7]

I've got only a couple of thoughts about marriage. The shortest sentence in the English language is"I am". The longest is "I do".... Marriage means commitment,so does insanity.

[rustle]

I came close once or twice, but I sobered up.

[MusicalAlchemy]

I think marriage, as with all ceremonies, is a good tradition to have, purely because of what it does. It draws two families together in a way that would not happen if it didn't happen. It lets you see odd relatives that you thought had died years ago, meet people's new partners, and catch up that perhaps you would not do normally. I think even in this age of Facebook, that sort of thing is still needed.

 

I also believe in marriage for keeping a couple together. Not in a "they wouldn't stay together unless they were married" or even that a couple needs a piece of paper to keep them together, but in a realistic sense if you have built a life together, and one of you dies, there's a heck of a lot of paperwork to be done if you're not married. If you're married, it just goes straight (!) through. Same with children - if parents of a child are living together, have been together years, or whatever, this means nothing to a court if the birth mother dies. Marriage makes things simpler, from coping after death to just getting a mortgage. Banks still see married couples as more stable, and you're more likely to get support if you can prove that you will stay with that person for a long time. Maybe the argument is that banks shouldn't do that, but I think there is more stability in married couples.

[Guest Mikey99]

Marriage? Definitely. I would like to get married to some warm, cute guy some day. It like officially says you two are committed to each other. I understand some ppl don't think you need a piece of paper to that, but marriage is always a huge step. If you're committee enough to cross it, your relationship always sounds more stable.

[bigbear427]

There are actually more advantages. Right of survivorship for example. If my partner dies, I would not automatically get his half of everything. We had to spend a good deal of money for an attorney to make sure our paperwork ensured our rights as much as possible so that we COULD enjoy what straight married couples get automatically.

 

Recently, I had surgery and my partner was not automatically allowed in to see me, not automatically consulted by the doctors. I had to sign special papers that gave people permission to tell my spouse of 25 years, if I was alive or dead....

 

There is a great deal of inequality yet for gay people. I don't give a hoot about the religious aspect of weddings, but I am very clear in my belief that gay people deserve the same right to a legal union that straight people have.

 

ABSOLUTELY DEAD ON! This of course relates to the whole Prop 8 discussions over in the Soapbox, and anything else I'd probably want to say belongs over there...

 

But I know exactly what you mean. My partner will probably soon undergo surgery, and we are dealing with the same issues. A legal marriage would alleviate all that....

[West Coast Dude]

I think marriage, as with all ceremonies, is a good tradition to have, purely because of what it does. It draws two families together in a way that would not happen if it didn't happen. It lets you see odd relatives that you thought had died years ago, meet people's new partners, and catch up that perhaps you would not do normally. I think even in this age of Facebook, that sort of thing is still needed.

 

I also believe in marriage for keeping a couple together. Not in a "they wouldn't stay together unless they were married" or even that a couple needs a piece of paper to keep them together, but in a realistic sense if you have built a life together, and one of you dies, there's a heck of a lot of paperwork to be done if you're not married. If you're married, it just goes straight (!) through. Same with children - if parents of a child are living together, have been together years, or whatever, this means nothing to a court if the birth mother dies. Marriage makes things simpler, from coping after death to just getting a mortgage. Banks still see married couples as more stable, and you're more likely to get support if you can prove that you will stay with that person for a long time. Maybe the argument is that banks shouldn't do that, but I think there is more stability in married couples.

 

What about the gays or lesbians, whose parents won't attend their wedding, because they are against homosexuality. I've seen friends get married and sometimes part of the family is not there or the whole family. It's so sad, but that's life, and it's the family's loss.

 

And what about gay married couples, you really think Institutions would be more up for giving a loan to a gay couple to say a gay man? I have a friend who chose to work in one bank because thats the only bank that's really gay friendly..

[Cailen]

WCD, My opinion live so many others in this thread is unique since I seem to be one of the actually gay married. I feel marriage is a very long and old standing institute that has been ingrained into our society since the time of it's foundation and will probably last long after we have gone. In the course of many years it has changed and altered from property holding to a symbol of love. I also grew up with a strong religious and spiritual sense, and ever since being kicked out of my church have not hesitated to pray when things are hard.

I reached a point in my relationship when there was a need insdie me that made me what to shout from the rooftops how I felt about the man i fell in love with. I had reached a point within myself spiritually that i felt that i was ready. A, and myself had discussed our future plans, our desires and our hopes of having children one day and the decision to get married was an easy one. I can definitely respect a couple who does not want to get married but the stability it provides makes it worth it in my mind.

1. I am on my husbands health insurance.

2. He can make any monetary and health decisions if i am incapacitated.

3. If something were to happen to either of us, the other would be entitled to the others health insurance and retirement accounts.

4. We have the same last name, that our children will share to hopefully spare them some ridicule.

I met my husband when i was 11 and we were childhood friends, he has been a constant figure my whole life, being able to be together with him and for us to share our lives together has been the single best thing that has ever happened to me and i thank god every day i wake up that I have him and that i get another chance to tell him I love him. I hope that others get to share the fidelity and joy i have had and that we keep this tradition for a long time.

 

Cailen

[West Coast Dude]

WCD, My opinion live so many others in this thread is unique since I seem to be one of the actually gay married. I feel marriage is a very long and old standing institute that has been ingrained into our society since the time of it's foundation and will probably last long after we have gone. In the course of many years it has changed and altered from property holding to a symbol of love. I also grew up with a strong religious and spiritual sense, and ever since being kicked out of my church have not hesitated to pray when things are hard.

I reached a point in my relationship when there was a need insdie me that made me what to shout from the rooftops how I felt about the man i fell in love with. I had reached a point within myself spiritually that i felt that i was ready. A, and myself had discussed our future plans, our desires and our hopes of having children one day and the decision to get married was an easy one. I can definitely respect a couple who does not want to get married but the stability it provides makes it worth it in my mind.

1. I am on my husbands health insurance.

2. He can make any monetary and health decisions if i am incapacitated.

3. If something were to happen to either of us, the other would be entitled to the others health insurance and retirement accounts.

4. We have the same last name, that our children will share to hopefully spare them some ridicule.

I met my husband when i was 11 and we were childhood friends, he has been a constant figure my whole life, being able to be together with him and for us to share our lives together has been the single best thing that has ever happened to me and i thank god every day i wake up that I have him and that i get another chance to tell him I love him. I hope that others get to share the fidelity and joy i have had and that we keep this tradition for a long time.

 

Cailen

 

I love the I am on his health insurance. If you watch Grey's Anatomy Teddy marries Henry so he get's her insurance. But yup makes sense. After 3 months of living together in canada, your considered common law partners and I am pretty sure you have all the same rights as a married couple. But then gay marriage is legal through all of canada so why'd you not want to jump on that boat if you want marriage anyway...

[Prince Duchess]

So i've come to the conclusion that while I dont personally wanna get married, that if and when I meet the person I fall in love with and he has his heart set on getting married then and only then will I do it just for that person.

[thephoenix]

This is my opinion on hetero marriage.

 

 

 

As for gay marriage, I agree that those who want to do so, should be able to do so.

[colinian]

Doug and I became Registered Domestic Partners when I turned 18 a little over 3 years ago (in California both have to be at least 18 to become domestic partners). This gives us the same legal, financial, and taxation rights as any married couple.

 

If When DOMA is overturned we would marry if that would be necessary to get the federal legal, financial, and taxation rights that married couples currently have. However, if those same rights would be extended to domestic partners we don't see any reason to get married.

 

Colin

[Cia]

I think it's a hell of a lot of work I'll have been married for 11 years next month, after tying the knot when I was 19. Legally and financially, it was a smart move. Romantically... it didn't change us at all. Our relationship wasn't suddenly more important or take a bigger aspect in our lives because we had rings on our fingers. To some marriage is just another step to showing your commitment, to others it's a way to bind yourself together in the eyes of the law. Do I care who wants to be married or not? Nope. Do I think everyone should be considered equal in what they call their relationship or their commitments? Yep. Should governments have any say in that in my mind? No but that's the reality right now. It's changing for the better slowly, but at least it's changing. Love is love, no matter what it looks like on the outside and no one should be able to tell a couple how to express or validate their relationship. One day it will be that way all over and people won't understand why anyone cared about what was beneath the clothes of the 2 people being married at all.

[littlebuddy]

My aunt and uncle were together for 26 years before they finally got married and only because their accountant said it's better that they do for tax purposes. I stopped by one day after work and asked them how they were doing and my aunt said, "Oh we got married today." I was a little floored by how cavalier they were. Reflecting on this some, I realize that what they did seemed so in keeping with how they perceive their relationship; they didn't need a grand ceremony or rings to signify or justify their feelings for one another. They aren't religious, nor am I, so the idea of marriage seemed superfluous.

 

I did chat with a straight friend about this and he feels emotionally and spiritually compelled to be paired with someone with the bonds of holy matrimony so I can respect that for some people it's not just something you do. Do I believe in marriage? No, not really. It's not necessary to me, but as I am relatively young, my feelings can certainly change on the subject.

 

lb.

[DragonMando]

People tend to say I have a rather unique stance on marriage. I see it as it was thousand of years ago: a political deal.

 

Sure, you aren't trading two pigs and a dozen chickens for a woman now, but in reality it hasn't changed all that much. You're still signing a contract saying someone belongs to you and the traditional vows make it pretty clear you shouldn't be able to escape it. "In plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live."

 

As long as we both shall live.

 

That's marriage to me. It's willingly (or still unwillingly in some cases) signing yourself off to being someone else's pet.

 

Even worse, "marriage" has so many religious ties it isn't even funny.

 

Personally, I'd rather have a relationship just stand on its own merit than rely on a piece of paper, especially when the thought of it makes me feel like I'm turning a partner into a piece of property.

[Percivial]

Depends on my mood, but my thoughts usually range from Not a snowballs chance... to Maybe. Though, my thoughts on some things have changed as I've matured and who knows marriage might be one of those things.

Edited August 23, 2011 by Percivial

[sucre]

This is going to sound really unromantic... but only for legal and financial benefits, and if I was REALLY sure that I'd have an inkling of a chance of remaining with my partner for at least a few years... I mean, divorce can get pretty hairy. As for the ceremony of marriage, I do not believe in it as I'm not religious, but if you want to do it, go ahead. It's a harmless tradition, although sometimes I think that it's become so status quo that society expects you to get married. I think that's an unhealthy assumption to make, since most people I know are always shocked and/or horrified when they hear about alternate lifestyles. Okay, I'm rambling. Basically, I believe that if you want to get married or have a civil union or not, it's no one else's business, and you should make the most out of whichever route you take.

[Greg_A]

I thought it was illegal in the States. After all, didn't the Constitution guarantee no cruel and unusual punishments....

 

[bookjunky18]

I think marriage is great b/c of the legal benefits that comes with it. If couples could get those same benefits w/o actually getting married I think many people wouldn't even bother.

[Jdonley75]

I feel that marriage is an important institution and commitment between two people to combine their lives in both a legal and spiritual sense.

I think the flaw in the concept of marriage is the people who treat it as a formality or those who impulsively rush into it without really feeling deep down in their heart that this other person is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with.  More over, that feeling should be a mutual one between the two people involved, regardless of gender or gender identity.  I can understand why some people would find the idea of getting married repugnant.  Far too often, we hear about marriages falling apart.  That two people fall out of love, one cheats on the other, or worse, one becomes physically or emotionally abusive.  That could dissuade anyone.

There are also those who prefer to have a polyamorous relationship with multiple partners.  It is my opinion that a marriage arrangement wouldn't fit properly in that kind of relationship.  

Legally, marriage confers many benefits beyond just the usual issues of inheritance and property rights which are too numerous to mention.

On a more spiritual level is where I feel the truth of marriage lies.  It should only be entered into with no doubts, hesitations or concerns on either party.  There is a reason why there are vows and that the person officiating requires each of them to acknowledge, in front of witnesses, their commitment to each other.  It should always be a binding pact that should be the last great step in a relationship.  It should never be entered into lightly, nor should it be tossed aside carelessly at the first sign of trouble.  If you are that certain in your love and commitment to each other, then you should both understand that it is for life, not until you have your first fight and communication breaks down between you.  If you believe in a higher power no matter what form you comprehend it, you owe it to that god or goddess whose name you invoked that you will stay committed to each other.  And if there is any doubts you might harbor beforehand, then you should speak up and deal with them rather than stay silent and let it slowly eat away at the life you decided build with a person you loved.

If you have a boyfriend and you get along great and have a lot of fun together but don't really take it all that seriously and know that if he left tomorrow you'd be broken up about it for awhile but eventually move on from it, then obviously, I'd say marriage isn't in the cards for you.  If you like your independence too much and you don't want to be weighed down in your life with someone else and you'd rather just go from one person to the next just for the occasional fun, some affection and great sex, then you should do that.  Don't get married just because people around you say you should.  Don't get married because your religion says you should.  Don't get married to make your parents happy or your friends who've been wanting to throw you the biggest, greatest bachelor/bachelorette party the world has every seen.

But if you find someone who you know completes your life...  Who makes you feel emotions that make the word "love" feel inadequate to the task of describing them.  If you spend every day feeling like it's been a better day because they were there with you.  If you find yourself thanking God for having them in your life when you never believed in God to begin with (or Allah, or Zeus, Odin, Hera, Athena, Bridget, etc.) then perhaps, you should ask them how they feel.  And maybe you should go find a priest.

Just my opinion.