Is it unethical to try to get to know a guy from others because you wa

[Tara00]

I have been looking at a guy (and he at me). I like him. But I don't know if I should approach him before knowing him. I'm kind of skeptical like that. I don't have any other way than to make my friends do the dirty work for me. Is it ethically okay? It may sound stupid but I'm a worrier and I feel like I need to do it before it's too late.

[intune]

I know it seems tough, but just try to strike up a conversation. Most people are generally pretty friendly, and he'd probably be open to talking to you. Especially if you've both been checking each other out. I think YOU should go talk to him and if he's anything but charming he doesn't deserve you, so go for it.

[Nephylim]

Getting friends to make the approach is a VERY bad idea. I know from experience. It will give the guy all the wrong messages.

 

intune is EXACTLY right. You need to talk to him and see where it goes from there. If everyone waited until they know someone before making a move then... God knows what would happen but it wouldn't be good

[Marzipan]

Totally unethical you could also stalk, pry and spy on him, see what makes him tick and then make a move Just do it live your life to the fullest. Sometimes you burn (like I did only a few days ago) but at least you'll know.

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

[rustle]

Peerless, be a courageous human being, stand up, walk over there, and say hi. Trust me, it hurts less than obsessing, and it gets easier with practice.

 

You have everything to win.

 

Good hunting!

[K.C.]

You need to do this one yourself. Think of the first impression you're giving him if you don't. Just go for it!

 

 

[Cyhort]

Yeah, you should talk to him. I can't even tell you how many missed possibilities I've had because I was too shy/self-conscious to talk to someone who, in hindsight, was probably blatantly checking me out. Trust me, it's much better to know for sure. As for the ethics of it I'm not sure what could possibly be unethical about talking to someone and getting to know them. I'm sure your friends would understand. Just make sure you let them know if you won't be going home with them

[Goedric]

If you know his name you could try a less eye to eye approach if he is on facebook for example. You could send him a friend request with a little note saying "hey ive seen you around etc" and then take it from there.

 

Or approach him with a stupid question like... Hey do you have change for a dollar, or a pencil, great shirt where did you buy it, whatever to break the ice. If he is at all interested it will be easier once the ice is broken.

 

Good luck. Its never easy but just keep in mind that all you are doing is saying hello. A rejection to a simple hello isnt likley unless he is a total creep. Now after that there will be bigger questions perhaps but at least you will have started the conversation off and you can move as slowly as you need to and observe all you can.

 

Jeff

 

 

[Tara00]

Thank you so much for the replies.

 

I needed them to know if I was the only one who felt like that. Figures I was just being lame. It's more difficult for me to approach directly since I'm very shy when it comes to matters like those and also a bit cynical since I had a bad experience. I'd not think about it if I weren't a little more serious than I thought I'd be for a long time. But unexpected things happen and you can't ignore them. I'll try to be a better sport about it and go for it. Cheers!!

 

Tara

[comicfan]

You are not lame, just nervous. But stop and consider he is probably the same way if you both have checked each other out and neither of you have made a move. Sometimes you just have to put your best foot forward and say hi. At worst you might have a new friend, at best a boyfriend. Good luck either way.