I never got to say goodbye...

[Chaz]

It amazes me how many people knew Green. Today as I sit here getting ready to let him go forever I realize that losing him will never compare to anything else that can come or has passed. Just hearing that doctor say I'm sorry will forever be implanted in my head.

So many people have come and gone through this house today that it unnerves me. I can't face them not now. At the funeral service I found myself more concerned with his family than myself. His mother is devastated and so are his fathers.

David however is taking it the hardest. There hasn't been a point where he isn't crying. It occurs to me that Green wasn't just mine. He belonged to everyone that was a part of his life. He touched so many people.

Selene and I just sat away. We are both still in shock. He was taken away from us so quickly. There are so many things I wanted to say and I wasn't allowed to. I never got the chance. His mother had to sneak me into the icu just so I could see my boyfriend in the worst condition.

I want to thank all of you guys for everything. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I am going to be away for a while. Things here have to settle you know? Plus I am going to move back home for the summer. I will be back though, I promise.

 

CHAZ

[Julian Alexander]

I was going to say something insperational, but my mind keeps going blank. Its sad that you had to be sneaked in to be able to see Green. I hope that you can get through this part of your life Chaz, remeber that we are here for you.

 

Jules

[AFriendlyFace]

Oh Chaz, there is nothing I can I say

 

I wish I could make you and everyone else feel better, but I can't . Take care of yourself and take the time you need.

 

Still thinking of you guys and keeping you in my prayers

-Kevin

[rekop1]

Only time will heal your pain Chaz, take good care of yourself. Take the time you need, we will always be here for you, you are part of our GA family

 

 

 

keeping you in my prayers

anthony (rekop)

[rknapp]

All I can say chaz is I'm sorry for your loss, and that I know what you're going through. I lost my aunt prematurely a few years ago, and some of us never got better. I know my uncle was a mess for months after the funeral, as was my grandmother who had depended on her while she was living in assisted living. Honestly, I have yet to accept her departure as I was not allowed to go to the funeral (it was in Florida, and I was still in high school).

 

Just remember, if you need someone to talk to, almost everyone here is ready and willing to lend an ear and offer kind words.

[Xiang_Xiang]

 

Do take care, Chaz.

 

Colin

[Bev]

Chaz

 

From what you wrote, Green was truly loved...but so are you. And for Green's mum to sneak you in to icu, so you could see him one last time, shows how much respect she had for the relationship you had with her son and how much love she has for you. She risked being ejected from the hospital and forced away from Green for you, and that is a demonstration of how much she cares for you. I just wanted to remind you how special you are to Green's family.

 

Chaz, I also understand the need you have to get away and spend some time putting your life back into some form of perspective. It might take a while, so just keep breathing and remember that all you can do is take one step at a time.

 

Come back to GA when you are ready and you will always be welcome here...we are your family too.

 

Bev

[Former Member]

 

Tob

[Drewbie]

Green Touched us all Chaz. Come Back when your Ready. I just can't believe green is not here anymore. Chaz take as much time as you need. It won't be a easy road but we will be there for you.

 

Love Drew

Edited April 26, 2006 by Drew

[pep]

 

Although I didn't know Green (meaning I didn't talk to him or posted messages, but I read his stories) and didn't follow his blogs, it still devestated me to hear he passed away a few days ago.

 

My Prayers are with you Chaz and of course David, Selene and the rest of the grieving family.

 

Take Care Chaz

 

 

Peter

[Rocketcnj]

Chaz,

 

There are no adequate words to express our sympathies for the loss of Green. However, as Bev said, you are also our family and we love you dearly. I hope that you find the time you need to heal. As Bev said remember to breath. Also, if you need help to grieve, it couldn't hurt to see a grief counselor and a therapist. In time, when you are ready. Please know we are hear and here for you. Chaz, you and Green and both of your families and friends are inmy thoughts and prayers.

 

I do hope we will hear from you when you feel up to it. Remember, as Bev said, we are your family to...so don't be afraid to call upon us (my email is in my profile) and we are here to support you however we can for you.

 

Take the time you need, for however long you need, to recover.

 

Please extend my condolences to all and I hope David, in time, will begin his recovery, both physically and emotionally.

 

Just know in our own ways that we are here for you, David, Green's parents and family and for Selene and all your and Green's friends..who are just as much family to you and Green. Hold each other close and closer still. It is the way Green was with everyone and the way you are too! It's part of why he loved you so very very much!!!

 

As Bev said, Green's Mom saw you as her son too and as Green's husband. Just remember, we are your family and you are as loved too. As Bev said, remember to breath (Kitty would tell you that too...there are those of us when we are in stress, who forget to breath.....so remember...deep clensing breaths, and its ok to scream, cry, shout, yell, laugh and make sure you all get lots of hugs.

 

I hope if its not too painful for you before you head back to your family that you can spend time with Green's Mom and Green's family and David and Selene....you all need each other now and always.

 

Love and Hugs and Prayers and Good Karma sent to you and each of you.

 

Michael

Edited April 26, 2006 by Rocketcnj

[Conner]

"To Where You Are"

 

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory's so clear

 

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be (?)

That you are my

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above

 

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

 

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

 

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

'Cause you are my

Forever love

Watching me from up above

 

And I believe

That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

 

Fly me up

To where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile

To know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

 

I know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

 

Music: Richard Marx; Lyrics: Linda Thompson

Recorded by Josh Groban, CD: Josh Groban

[buttershots]

Hi Chaz.

 

I really don't know what to say. Nothing I say can make it better, only time and patience can do that. It's completely understandable your need to get away for a while. I just hope you decided to come back to all of us when you're ready. You say you're surprised by how many people cared about Green, but you'd be surprised by how many people care for you on this website. I haven't lost someone who was as close to me as Green was to you, but I did loose my oldest brother a few years ago. The one song that really made sence to me (and I can't bear to listen to it now...memories you know?) is "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. I'm not sure if you or anyone else would be interested in it or maybe you've already heard it. But I still like it.

 

Please take good care of yourself and be safe!

 

- Kaiten

 

p.s. If you ever feel the need to just talk to someone, please feel free to e-mail me. butter_shots@hotmail.com

 

Artist: Brooks Garth

The Dance

 

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

 

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

 

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all

 

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

 

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Edited April 27, 2006 by buttershots

[Former Member]

If there's anything we can do, please don't hesitate to ask.

 

Try to take care of yourself right now

 

-Kayla-