Thirdly's Thoughts

[Thirdly]

12 hours ago, CassieQ said:

Cold and allergy medicines do funny things to my body too, especially my heart. 

Aaaaaaah, no, Cassie, we need that organ to keep functioning! Well, that and the one between our ears, I imagine. 

Edited February 25 by Thirdly

[Thirdly]

3/5/2026 Update:

Why can't I ever be paid a livable wage?

I get paid barely more than an intern or new graduate on over 20 years working experience with a Bachelor's. All I want is to pay rent, medical expenses, dental expenses, and still have some money left over to not eat microplastic as food. That's all I ask, and yet my resume can never speak for itself.

No, I have to also have the charm, confidence, and charisma (aren't those all the same things?) to bullshit my way through an interview (if they don't take one look at my Native American skin and just decide I'm an illegal alien or applied to the wrong position because Hispanics are only mean to have janitorial jobs). 

This is what happens when I have only a few months left in a contract that will no longer renew and I can't afford therapy. 

[BendtedWreath]

You have an active resume. Don't lose faith just yet. 

[Thirdly]

Just now, BendtedWreath said:

You have an active resume. Don't lose faith just yet. 

I worked all through the pandemic, too, and I carried a whole department for months (a five-person job). You'd think that'd show I can handle just about anything, but no, if I can't actually articulate these things without tipping it too "over the top" where I end up sounding like I'm bragging instead of advocating for myself, it's all moot.

It's all moot. 😢

[BendtedWreath]

You never know how you really come off as to someone else, but there are experienced hiring managers that can see through all that nervousness to focus on the skills. It might be one in ten, but they're out there. 

[Thirdly]

Yeah, I'm just not exactly chomping at the bit to go through 100 just to find those 10. That, and 100 people are out after the same jobs I'm applying for, so even if they do exist, I might get beaten to the punch.

I won't feel like this forever, but until I lose myself in the new Pokopia game tonight at 9pm, I'm just going to wallow in this depression for a while longer.

[Thirdly]

3/6/2026 Update: I'm going to miss my boss, but she is still doing everything in her power to support me while job hunting herself. What a shitshow. It's nice to know almost every supervisor from other departments is concerned about losing me to the point of conspiring together for me. Then again, it's deja vu for me because the same has happened in almost every workplace I've had. When other coworkers leave, no one says or does much. The moment they realize I'm leaving, almost every coworker pays a visit with parting gifts and tears. 😂 So while the stress of instability until a new work position is secured and I can pay rent is going to live beneath my skin for the next 3 months, it still is nice to feel that level of appreciated.

[Thirdly]

3/11/2026 Update:

This has nothing to do with anything, but this is one of the days I feel bad that I swing so dang hard toward women. Some men have the guts to let you know "damn you look good" in so many different ways. 😂 There are at least 3 occasions when I was given lurid "rake overs," which I narrowly appreciate more than unsolicited "copping a feel," but I got the message either way. I like to think I dress neutral as possible to discourage drawing attention to myself (except when I'm going with a cosplay group to an event full of nerds). But my version of "neutral" is apparently still attractive to some people. 

I feel flattered, guilty, and pity all at the same time. 

 

[Bill W]

On 2/24/2026 at 7:52 AM, CassieQ said:

That's crazy.  Cold and allergy medicines do funny things to my body too, especially my heart. 

You should be on the drugs I have to take!  They're doing all kinds of strange things to me, and they even affect my ability to write my stories.  My mind is just so jumbled and foggy that I can't think straight or concentrate, so I have to set my writing aside until theysubside.  I can't stop taking them though, because I need them to control the pain, which also affects my ability to write, except for maybe short bursts, but writing long chapters are nearly impossible to get through, so I'm trying to do them in sections.  What used to take me a day to accomplish, no takes me three or four day to do the same amount, so it seems as if I'm stuck in a no win situation! 

[Thirdly]

On 3/11/2026 at 9:44 PM, Bill W said:

I can't stop taking them though, because I need them to control the pain, which also affects my ability to write, except for maybe short bursts, but writing long chapters are nearly impossible to get through, so I'm trying to do them in sections.  

That sucks! If it makes you feel any better, I am currently typing with only my right hand and my left pinky because my graceless, uncoordinated behind went and pinched two fingers on my left hand and now they both have blood blisters. 😂 Won't stop me from editing and posting the next chap I'm working on, though it will surely slow my progress on the other story I was working on on the side... one of the other stories I was working on on the side.*  I think this is how my ADHD deals with the endless ideas in my head that have no real future outlet because, you know, my body has to eventually actually pass away at some point. 

[Thirdly]

3/16/2026 Update:

Still job hunting/praying for a transfer in the same company. A coworker in a senior position and without real risk of being let go was saying how difficult it was for teens and youths to find jobs and I had to bite my tongue because my department has a gag order regarding our entire department being dismantled, otherwise I'd have told her "it's hard for adults to find jobs, too!"

Off on a total tangent, I have a friend that I adore, but has zero filter and zero tact. We were talking about fun things, like her crush on a coworker. She brought up "types" and I blurted out that I preferred redheads to blondes, COMPLETELY FORGETTING that the friend sitting across from me was not only a redhead, but a redhead with Rapunzel-long hair. Girl blurts out "[Friend's Name], watch out!" Which was embarrassing as all hell. Thank god that friend didn't hear anything that we talked about because, despite the beautiful long hair, he was 100% MALE. 

I could have sworn I told this friend that I specifically dated girls, and always used female pronouns regarding my "type." But that could have been such a disaster if our male friend grasped what we were talking about. 

Funny thing is, if he were female, he'd have had many offers from our friend group. Personality wise, he's the male version of me. 🤣 We finish each other's sentences and sometimes answer things at the same time as if we were twins. 

[Gary L]

On 3/12/2026 at 5:44 AM, Bill W said:

You should be on the drugs I have to take!  They're doing all kinds of strange things to me, and they even affect my ability to write my stories.  My mind is just so jumbled and foggy that I can't think straight or concentrate, so I have to set my writing aside until theysubside.  I can't stop taking them though, because I need them to control the pain, which also affects my ability to write, except for maybe short bursts, but writing long chapters are nearly impossible to get through, so I'm trying to do them in sections.  What used to take me a day to accomplish, no takes me three or four day to do the same amount, so it seems as if I'm stuck in a no win situation! 

Can empathize. I saw gasto specialist before Xmas: “Wow, your blood results are amazing, what have you done?” Stopped injecting myself with biologic pens as I was travelling. “Oh, I fear they are toxic for your liver, then.”  He was right.  

[Thirdly]

2 minutes ago, Gary L said:

Can empathize. I saw gasto specialist before Xmas: “Wow, your blood results are amazing, what have you done?” Stopped injecting myself with biologic pens as I was travelling. “Oh, I fear they are toxic for your liver, then.”  He was right.  

La cura es más mala que la enfermedad. 

[Gary L]

1 minute ago, Thirdly said:

La cura es más mala que la enfermedad. 

Pues, parece que sí 

besitos amiga xxx y tengo los dedos cruzados para el trabajo 🤞

[Gary L]

7 minutes ago, Gary L said:

Can empathize. I saw gastro specialist before Xmas: “Wow, your blood results are amazing, what have you done?” Stopped injecting myself with biologic pens as I was travelling. “Oh, I fear they are toxic for your liver, then.”  He was right.  

 

[Thirdly]

Just now, Gary L said:

Pues, parece que sí 

besitos amiga xxx y tengo los dedos cruzados para el trabajo 🤞

😭¡Gracias! 

[Jason Rimbaud]

9 minutes ago, Thirdly said:

La cura es más mala que la enfermedad. 

In that same vein, 

I have an elderly friend, 68 years old, who for about a year, would have a sudden loss of blood pressure and he'd pass out wherever he happened to be. Once it was in a library and he grabbed a shelf as he fell and broke two of his ribs when it tipped over. Another time he was getting out of his car, blacked out, did the splits somehow while falling and tore his groin, an injury he's been dealing with for almost a year. 

He finally blacked out, went to the emergency room, not his usual one, he was out of town. The ER doctor looked at him, looked at his medical records, and said, I know what your problem is. 

The doctor told him to cut out all his medications, and after a month, add only two of the six he had been taking in half the dose. No more black outs, no more sudden loss of blood pressure. The ER dude knew the combination of those particular drugs caused this all the time. 

Over a year he spent agonizing and going to doctors who all wanted to up his meds or add more into the cocktail he was already taking. Turns out, less was better.  The cures are worse sometimes. 

[Thirdly]

2 minutes ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

The ER doctor looked at him, looked at his medical records, and said, I know what your problem is. 

Thank goodness that ER doctor had seen similar things before! As advanced as medicine is, there are some side effects that just don't play well together. Glad your friend's finally doing better. 

[Thirdly]

3/17/2026 Update:

Just had an additional cup of coffee than usual.

I regret everything. 

[Gary L]

My older sister was diagnosed today (finally) with FLD, frontotemporal dementia, nearly seven years after she first saw neurological specialist.  It appears to have started around 20 years ago and is “surprisingly slow in developing”. That last was the good news.  She is amazingly positive. 

[Thirdly]

28 minutes ago, Gary L said:

My older sister was diagnosed today (finally) with FLD, frontotemporal dementia, nearly seven years after she first saw neurological specialist.  It appears to have started around 20 years ago and is “surprisingly slow in developing”. That last was the good news.  She is amazingly positive. 

I'm glad they finally understand what is happening and can hopefully provide at least some treatment. Sucks that it's dementia. Sending many hugs your way!

[Thirdly]

3/18/2026:

Aaaaand first rounds of interviews, here I come. I started hearing back from some of the places I applied to. I usually make it to the second or third round of interviews. But all rounds are so mentally and emotionally draining to me. I don't have a poker face, so most of the time, my candid reaction shows up immediately. Most days, I can't tell whether it's my rambling mouth or my body that's more honest, but both have been known to betray me... often times more than actual people... what was that song again that is the background music of my life? Right. That one:

Anyway, wish me luck... or wish me more control over my own body. Whatever helps land me a new job. 😂

[CassieQ]

You've got this!  

[Thirdly]

3/20/2026: 

Here's to hoping I move on to in-person interviews next week. Doesn't make sense for someone to ask for your availability only to not schedule an appointment around that availability. So, fingers crossed!

Off on a tangent, even the pants that used to fit me way too tightly are now too big on me. 😱 I've been trying to set a weekend aside to sew all of my pants up (I've a sewing machine, so it's not an overly time consuming thing), but there's a friend's birthday tomorrow and a group movie outing on Sunday... I haven't even had time to play Pokopia and Monster Hunter Stories 2 & 3.

Edited March 20 by Thirdly

[Thirdly]

3/23/2026: 

I'm trying not to appear too desperate as I wait for second interviews to be scheduled. So, I'll likely reach out tomorrow after 10am. 

I managed to sew three baby clothes over the weekend (for coworkers' children) that will likely only be worn once. But I learned a lot in the process. 

I still very much just want to spend hours playing Pokopia instead of doing anything productive. 😂