Ashi

OMG! I want my horse ride! Happy birthday.

I knew at least two Jereme's (they spelled their names with e at the end), but then I am older.... It's a nice name. I think one of the Jerry back in high school was actually a Jereme/y. And the boys' names for my birth year is about right.... Lots of Michaels when I was in high school. Several Erics/Eriks, tons of Chris's. Robert, William, John, etc. are perennials. I do like the name Josh a lot. A classmate was called Kelly and remember that was back when Married with Children was popular, and Christina Applegate's character was "Kelley." I wonder how he liked his name. He was painfully shy, talked only with his coy smile sparkled with braces. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out gay and grew up to be a major bae now, because I just can see it! Behind that fugly hairdo, he had very nice features.

I live in a cul-de-sac so not a lot of kids come..., so Halloween is kinda meh in my neighborhood. Mom's church is also against celebrating Halloween..., so you see...

Happy birthday Amon.

Congratulation.

I remember 1995, vaguely. I am not from LA area but from Northern California. I'll confirm some of the stuff I read on the Reddit thread you linked that I think especially epitomize the era. Alex0135's recollection. I am pretty sure he lives around Chino area (I know..., Chino means Chinese but it's mostly a Latino area). It reminds me of a movie called Quinceañera, which is set in Chino, so check it out what it is like to be gay in a Southern California ghetto (and how gay people always seem to think they could improve the property value of a ghetto. LOL). Yes, lots of tabloid talk shows. Most famous ones were Jerry Springers, Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones (that's the show when one guest confessed to this guy he's gay and had a crush on him, and that guy killed him in backstage). Once a while you'd find they'll have a theme like telling their spouses they are going for a divorce because the guy has an affair and it's not with a woman, but a guy, and the audience will be shocked and laugh like some sort of freak show. Keep in mind this was pre-YouTube, so everyone wanted a five-minute fame would do it on national TV. I was in high school (junior/senior year in 1995) and I just couldn't wait to watch such stupid shows after school, though it's not appropriate for a supposedly preppy student like me to watch it.... One very important fact to keep in mind when writing a fiction set in mid-90's. The Internet wasn't super widespread yet, and there was no cell phone! Yes, there was this thing called mobile phone, but only rich people driving a BMW had it. And mobile phone at the time looked and weighed like a dumbbell and you probably could kill someone with it, too. Think "Clueless" the movie... AS IF! My ex-bf didn't have a mobile phone but he had a beeper.... LOL. If you don't know what a beeper is, google it. It's too difficult, if not hilarious, to explain it. I don't think Gay.com existed. If they did..., probably wasn't mainstream yet. But then, I wasn't out of the closet to be cruising on such place. I just knew I had BBS, not HTTP Internet at the time. Internet was dial-up, not broadband at the time, so it was inefficient (and too expensive) to have HTTP. BBS was all ASCII text. And I would find where has computer show through BBS bulletin board. It would take FOREVER for a jpeg image to load (actually most pictures were 8-bit GIF to save bandwidth and download time). Video? You probably have to download that overnight.... I mostly used BBS/FTP to download shareware games like Doom or Duke Nukem (you guys heard of those, right?). LOL Before Reddit, there was this thing called newsgroup, which was later replaced by Deja News, then Google bought it then now disappeared. But basically newsgroup is Reddit's predecessor, and where guys like Ashi hung out with other guys talking about games and stuff. Then before IM, there was IRC and ICQ, those are all chat clients. I was too closeted to use the Internet to hook up. Don't laugh..., I still don't. But I was beginning to hear the saying "the Internet is the gay Mecca." Yes, Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a big thing, so was OJ Simpson Trial. My recollection of DADT was..., it was very progressive for its time. Bill Clinton told military people not to tell their superiors of their sexual orientation so they couldn't be fired, and those who insisted on asking would be reprimanded. I'd never heard of such thing where the bully of gay people would be punished, and now we had a law to protect us from being forced out of the closet. Glen Close starred in a movie about that policy shortly after. Yes, Boys Don't Cry was a good movie, but that was set in rural America. I think Latter Days is more appropriate. It felt 90's, too, though I have no idea what time frame it was actually set. But it wasn't too far-fetched from what late 90's was like. MrM's website is very nice. Just remember, '95 was sort of a cut-off line. Late 80's, Early 90's is one era. 1997 onward it's very different. 1995 was an in-between era. You heard Madonna, Backstreet Boys, N'Synch on TV like you hear 1D or Shawn Mendez nowadays. It was the era of MTV, and VH-1 was deemed inferior. People ordered cable just to watch MTV. Teens played Tetris on GameBoy, Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega Genesis. Kids watched Mr. Rogers and Barney the Purple Dinosaur on PBS. Back when I was in high school, people discussed about Beverly Hill 90210 and Melrose Place. Nike's Air Jordan was the coolest kicks you could put on your feet. Those guys on Reddit talked from a perspective of out-of-closet gays.... I just remember I was scared and suppressed any thread of gay feeling, at the same time I wanted to tell people (but I wanted to tell people what? That what was a very confused feeling). And like vVvOrganicBear's experience..., when I finally told my mom (albeit in late 2000's), my mom just told me not to tell anybody about it. It's just such a shameful thing to say..., what if other people find out? The Toga Pop Rally of 1995. One of the nerdy guys, I don't even remember his name, except he was tall and full of acnes, showed up in toga. Wow..., he never showed that much skin, so I was surprised how much muscle he had. I was smitten, but of course like all people, I avoided making any remark that would implicate myself as a deviant sex. All I remember was the guy who usually walked with him wasn't by his side. But he was really handsome that day. The Halloween Rally of 1995. In my PoliSci/Econ class, another nerdy guy (incidentally also full of acnes) showed up in Frank N Furter costume, completed with black mesh stockings in need of mending. He probably thought it was funny, and it was our Senior year so what could he possibly lose? Guess what? he was openly ridiculed by a girl in our class. Even with my super poor English at the time, I had to tell her she should be ashamed of herself. For crying out loud, the guy was about to cry with all her bullying. I dunno... something must've come over me to defend a sissy, nerdy, dorky faery. I probably was defending him because nerds gotta stick together..., not because I was gay..., right? I didn't even have that kind of feeling.... The guy smiled at me, but he couldn't thank me.... Why guys have to be so lonely? The Women's Lacrosse Playoff. At the end of the game, the all-male cheerleader team dressed in short cheering squad skirts and wore fake boobs. At the end of the performance, they popped their balloon boobs and flipped their skirts to moon everyone. It was amazing. The Prom of 1996. My school was progressive for its time. It announced over the PA system it's okay to bring your same-sex partner to the Prom. I had a feeling the suicide of a student might have played a role in it. I was not even out of the closet..., wasn't even connected with other gay people (we did have a Gay/Straight Alliance, but I was too afraid to join... as a straight supporter... ), but I just had a feeling, a very empathetic and sad feeling, nobody so bright and otherwise normal would commit suicide if it wasn't because of IT.... And worse, nobody openly talked about IT. But it was suffocating. I didn't even know him. My cousin and I went to a theatre to watch Pulp Fiction. It was one of those movies left you shocked and speechless. There was so much to discuss but at the same time it would be like describing what you saw through a peeping hole. It's just not done, at least, not by a socially awkward and morally uptight boy liked me. Though I could remember there was a narrow alley next to the theatre. Goths guys and gals were squatting on the floor smoking, looking up and staring at us in those begrudging eyes. Maybe behind all that heavy make up, the guy in leather jacket, studded boots and raven colored hair was a sweet guy with tender feeling. Another cousin decided to tell everyone at a family gathering an incident he found while he was working as a campus security. A male student was apparently sodomized and left on the ground. He said it as if it was funny. I didn't know why I wasn't more angry, but ashamed, ashamed that guy could have been me. Sad really..., but that's how much internal hatred I had, as if I deserved to be raped and then be the butt of the joke. But that's what 90's general attitude toward gay people....

LOL. What words would you put in it? I'd love to learn some. LOL.

Dentist gave me amoxicillin (also an antibiotic). Hopefully you got better. I'll find some way to get root canal done.... :stares at Drew's missing tooth: It's kind of cute.

Happy birthday and congrats on your marriage!

Yeah, that's a good one, and it reminds me of another BBC drama theme: Upstairs, Downstairs.

And you forgot to mention that's the incomparable Tilda Swinton in the clip you gave! OMG.... :revokes AC Benus's gay license: Tilda Swinton, Kate Blanchett, and Meryl Streep are the three goddesses of cinema IMNSHO.... OMG.... Did he do what I was thinking with his accordion from 2:05-2:32? Not in the freckin' public!!!!

Congrats Puppilull!

No problem. I am very happy to do that for my friends.

Sorry for the late reply since I need to curate a bit and find clips from YouTube that I think best represent the music I posted. Here are some of my favorite to sooth me and cheer me up (i.e., not many super heavy stuff). They’re arranged by era. I probably missed some great ones.... Some of these music/songs require further explanation that's too long to write it here. I might or might not write a blog entry to each one of them (it can take a huge amount of time to write them). Instrumentals: Baroque J.S. Bach - Brandenburg Concertos (all of them are quite relaxing) J.S. Bach - Sheep May Safely Graze https://youtu.be/TYjqnlc7MRw J.S. Bach - Air (you probably heard this a billion times, so are Albinoni's Adagio or Pachelbel's Canon but they're and relaxing) J.S. Bach - Sei Lob und Preis mit Ehren BWV 231 https://youtu.be/vm5azD_cWWw J.S. Bach - Cantata No. 147, BWV 147 “Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring” https://youtu.be/S6OgZCCoXWc J.S. Bach – Unaccompanied Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major BWV 1007 https://youtu.be/zvYLw_n9Z3c Vivaldi - Concerto for 2 Violins No. 11 in D Minor, Mvm II "Siciliano" https://youtu.be/qkAcxCHraHw Classical Mozart - Horn Concerto No. 3 in Eb, K. 447 - I. Allegro https://youtu.be/1LZFkeB1Yw0 Mozart - Concerto No. 10 for Two Pianos & Orchestra in Eb, K. 365 - III. Rondo Allegro https://youtu.be/4CZUNZTvWwI Romantic Beethoven String Quartet No. 15, Opus 132, Mvm. III "Heiliger Dankgesang eines Genesenen an die Gottheit, in der Lydischen Tonart" (German. In English it means "Holy Song of Thanksgiving by a Convalescent to the Divinity in Lydian Mode") The story behind this song is too long to post it here. I might write a blog about it. This is one of the first (perhaps the very first) classical music Ashi exposed to he could remember. https://youtu.be/PiZRq6sJKeg The entire five movements are all very satisfactory, but obviously third movement is special enough Beethoven gave it a name. Actually the entire Late Quartets ensemble is considered Beethoven's crowning achievement. Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 2, "Moonlight Sonata" (People already mentioned this, but all three movements are good) Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 8, Opus 13, "Pathetique," Mv II https://youtu.be/9SbvOKy9Z44 Chopin - Nocturne Op. 48 No. 1 https://youtu.be/107Iwx5RKSM Chopin - Prelude Op. 28, No. 7 https://youtu.be/yLU4wgtpjGs (shortest music on the list, Chopin made a statement in its simplicity) Franck - Prelude, Fugue, and Variation Op. 18 https://youtu.be/eOd1RvwqTps Franck - Sonata for Violin and Piano in A Major https://youtu.be/TblEJdopikA (I know the link is for 1st mv only, but prescription is for the entire sonata. ) Schubert - String Quintet in C major, D. 956 Mvm. II Adagio (couldn't find a good version on YouTube. If you could try Tatrai Quartet) Schubert - Piano Trio No. 2 in Eb, Op. 100, D. 929 Mvm II Andante con moto https://youtu.be/e52IMaE-3As Late Romantic Rachmaninoff - Symphony No. 2, Mvm. III https://youtu.be/mO6nBOAvx3A (Eric Carmen took the melody and did his "Never Gonna Fall in Love Again" https://youtu.be/YVP-6eepYtY Ashi sings this one in shower once a while ) Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 2, Mvm. II https://youtu.be/xa7GhdVLg1c?t=11m38s Second movement ends at 23:46. (Eric Carmen turned the melody into his "All by Myself.") Rachmaninoff's slow movement often has a very "anal-retentive" orgasmic moment. This particular movement the orgasm is at the last two minutes (Symphony No. 2's orgasm is in the middle). I have a recording which perfectly torture you with "release (but not quite), stop, release (but not quite), stop" that I believe a perfect Rachmaninoff slow movement should have. Rachmaninoff - Sonata for Cello & Piano in G minor, Op. 19 - III. Andante https://youtu.be/lXpI7xVIuRw Satie - Gymnopedie https://youtu.be/S-Xm7s9eGxU Debussy - Clair de Lune Tchaikovsky - Serenade for Strings Op. 48 in C - I. Andante Non Troppo, Allegro Moderato https://youtu.be/xcR_TKWONBc Contemporary/New Age (these composers are not quite dead! ) Ennio Morricone - The Mission (two songs from the movie made into medley) https://youtu.be/Bf2UbAiPads Ennio Morricone - Se (from the movie Cinema Paradiso. Search Unforgettable Nuovo Cinema Paradiso, I won't post it here, as the final scene of the movie has a few nudity. Watch out for the watery eyes of the main character affected by nostalgia, brilliant performance) Jossh Groban sings https://youtu.be/cOK51GVHfDc Vince Guaraldi - Linus and Lucy (from A Charlie Brown Christmas) https://youtu.be/x6zypc_LhnM Jerry Martin - Morning Commute (this Philip Glass-esque score is actually a soundtrack from Simcity 4 Rush Hour) https://youtu.be/g51cj_XYRHk Jerry Martin - Illumination (from Simcity 3000) https://youtu.be/kiVYs-VB55U, Infrastructure https://youtu.be/HR9Ed883xws, Magic City https://youtu.be/LkMZtXFdlso Vangelis - Love Theme from Blade Runner https://youtu.be/C9KAqhbIZ7o Songs: Henry Mancini - Moon River https://youtu.be/BOByH_iOn88 Victor Young & Ned Washington - My Foolish Heart (Bob Mintzer https://youtu.be/tSdYjgMgJT4) Warren, Gordon - There Will Never Be Another You (Chet Baker https://youtu.be/3xpcBx1Gm-c) Joe Cocker - You Are So Beautiful https://youtu.be/spsVigJCvNU Five Stairsteps - O-o-h Child (Nina Simone https://youtu.be/6odkM5o038A) Billy Joel - Piano Man https://youtu.be/gxEPV4kolz0 Ashman and Menken - Beauty and the Beast - Angela Lansbury version (there is just something special about her voice that’s soothing) https://youtu.be/uQ0ODCMC6xs Elton John - Can You Feel the Love Tonight https://youtu.be/25QyCxVkXwQ Sade - It’s Only Love That Gets You Through https://youtu.be/E7RLvQvVBzY Coldplay - Everything Is Not Lost https://youtu.be/0IywjWWlxF8 Foster the People - Waste https://youtu.be/UbEVzpdOlVg Passion Pit - Carried Away https://youtu.be/DiEwJTOderQ

Hey..., if you want more music which soothes the soul, I have quite a bit I can list.

OMG, Drew!!!! You're such a nerd! In the most affectionate way of course. I love it.

Prokofiev's Piano Concerto 3 I had to think a bit before choosing this piece. Since AC Benus's intention is to introduce classical music to new comers of the genre, so I am not entirely sure this piece is appropriate for the purpose. BUT..., it's such an exciting piece to hear AND watch, from the Hitchcock-like first movement to the grand finale that's truly a technical tour-de-force. I picked young Martha Argerich's performance for several reasons. Despite I am like a big fan of Evgeny Kissin, but I picked Argerich instead because her performance exhibited the vivacious energy that I believe works better. And you get to see her pompous air when she was young. Her more recent performances mature quite a bit, and you almost feel she was like, "I've only played this like for the 392nd time, not counting private performance," which is quite a marvel, because she played in such precision.... Kissin's performance is good (and he's Russian to boost), but it seems this piece can stumble even Kissin. I own his recording, which is my favorite performance, but I've seen him screwed up once in a live recording that's posted on YouTube..., so yeah, even one of the greatest pianists alive can screw up the grand finale. One of the YouTube clips I've seen (sorry I don't know where is it now), it shows the music sheet. It makes you wonder what kind of schizophreniac genius wrote this.... Absolutely strange, tons of dissonance, and yet when all the music instruments played together, they work! I've played piano a little bit in high school, though I am absolutely lousy at it, but I can appreciate how difficult it is to play such a piece where you have to watch out not be dragged by the syncopated sound of the orchestra. And when you are practicing, you have no idea whether you played it right or wrong, unless you can imagine the orchestra playing along with you. The dissonant piano sound by itself is not music, just bunch of crappy bangs. If it's difficult to play, how fiendish it is to write this? This is one of the songs you have to watch to appreciate. See how she moved her fingers. There are two ways to play the last couple minutes of the grand finale. She used the traditional method, by playing each keys individually, using pure force and speed. That's how the composer himself played it when he performed his own creation. I doubt many people can do it. That's why the knuckle method was invented to play a piece so fast, sometimes the video recording would just show motion blur if frame rate isn't fast enough. If you don't have the patience to listening through the entire concerto, at least listen to the first few minutes and last five minutes. If this one is too radical for some of you, I do have other pieces I can suggest. But please give it a chance.

Skin cancer.... I hope you get recovered soon. Sun nowadays can be pretty harsh. Use sunscreen and be careful with UV since the environment is pretty polluted (and ozone layer is not in good shape).

Happy birthday James.

I think the purpose of the thread isn't about vanity, but whether you took time to appreciate what others have done for you. Give something back rather than just receiving. That's what I thought when I read CB's thread anyways.

Thank you Riley for writing this story! I know it can be hard entertaining suicide thought, especially for younger people who is so afraid of being different and don't know whether they would ever be accepted. I think the ending leaves a positive note. I was afraid of reading the story because the powerful prologue terrifies me.... I am glad I read it through. Thanks.

Great thinking exercise. 1) I don't remember. Honest answer. I had to think hard. Probably a lot that should garner my attention. My coworkers helped me a lot on my education at work (out of altruism). My boss gave me the authority to run the office while he was gone (he knew I was in a distressed situation, especially doing a job so much below my education level). 2) I don't remember either. Mostly because I don't expect anything back, so it's really nothing to me but it might mean a lot to someone. And honestly I don't know if anything I have done has special meaning to them. One I can think of was trying to help a homeless lady filing her income tax (she had work last year), which in turn was actually a favor for a coworker. It was a very easy thing to do, but it might mean a lot to the homeless lady. Now I think of it, all the good things I do to people probably is out of personal compensation. Due to my jobs (one job earlier in this year is especially troublesome to me), we had to do a lot of decision that could affect people's personal well-being (healthcare job).... Saying the company policy is EXTREMELY rigid is an understatement. I don't think I've done enough good things to compensate.... Maybe being laid off in that job is a salvation now I have time to reflect. But I see why your friend proposed the questions. I'll let other people answer the questions first.

Happy birthday, Emi.

Emi.

What a beautiful ending.