AFriendlyFace

Damnit, Jamie! You've gone and pissed me off and now I'm going to have to hit you with both barrels! Damn right that isn't the way it is. If people don't like you, f**k THEM! As long as you're living for other people's approval you'll always be miserable. You've got to do it for yourself. You've got to find meaning and purpose in yourself. You don't need anyone else to justify you. You're a person in your own right and nothing and no one can ever take away your humanity or your worth. First off, I doubt that many people really dislike you or are disappointed with you to begin with. Even if they are though (and as I said, I doubt they are), so what? Since when did you start breathing to make other people happy? Ignore the SOBs. Go one with your life and do your own thing. They aren't worth your time if they can't care about you and support you as you are, and if they can care about your and support you the way your are, then they aren't going to want you to sacrifice yourself and your happiness for their sake. Of course you do; that's human nature. I remember once in one of my psychology classes they were talking about negative memory bias and they showed this cartoon of a guy getting all these compliments. Everyone was saying how wonderful he was and how much they liked him. Then this one person said he was joke and a loser. The caption read, "this is what he's going to remember later." And it is. A dozen people could tell you you're awesome, but if one person says you're a jerk that's what's going to stand out and you can't really help it. However, it is worth remembering that a dozen other people just said you were terrific. Does it matter because they like you and care about you? Actually it doesn't. That isn't going to give your life meaning either. But maybe it will remind you that you do have a lot of great characteristics. You think they're lying or just saying it to make you feel better? Why would they? Sure maybe they're nice people, but I'm a pretty nice guy, and when I don't like someone I just don't say anything to them. I wouldn't be wasting my breath if I didn't like you and care about you. I'd have just ignored this post or said something trite like, "aww, it'll get better." Instead I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I think you're f**kin awesome and I really like you, care about you, and desperately want good and happy things for you. No, it wouldn't. What would be ideal is if you quit thinking everyone hated you and instead focused on the positive tings in your life, or at the very least got over the negativity and moved on. And, even assuming that's true - which it isn't - that isn't enough? Love is pretty damn powerful stuff. If two people care about you that much, I think that makes you pretty damn lucky and special. I think it speaks very highly of your relationship with them that despite everything else you're able to get over your self-doubt and negativity and focus on the fact that they really do care about you. How many people can truly say that they're confident in the unconditional love and acceptance of another person, yet alone two? Seems pretty frickin special and important to me. First of all, who says you're a failure? The only person whose opinion matters in this is you yourself, and I think it would be advantageous to ask yourself by what ideal and values you're living. So get a job, go back to school, meet new people, find something stimulating, and f**king enjoy yourself. Sounds too simple right? Yeah well it is, but if that's what you need to make yourself happy then you're just going to have to frickin do it. Since when is "failure" this permanent thing? I think the whole "better luck next time" thing applies here. First of all, please don't let your job or your education define you. No matter how great or crappy they are those are just pointless measures of life (at least in my opinion). You're not any better or worse for having a good job or a good education, or for lacking them. They just are. YOU, the real you, the you underneath at all, matters way more than that. As for friends and family, well it sounds like you have at least one loyal member of each, and I bet you'd find even more if you looked beneath the surface. Regardless, all this goes back to not living for other people's approval. Amusement and satisfaction? That's so fleeting and subjective. You could amuse yourself with a dandelion and find satisfaction in the way your breath scatters the tiny seeds. Or maybe you could amuse yourself with a good book and find satisfaction with the way the author punctuates. Regardless amusement and satisfaction are easy, albeit temporary, escapes. If you want amusement and satisfaction then by all means go do something amusing and satisfying, but please don't think you'll ever have these states permanently or that you'll ever quit having an infinite number of opportunities to re-attain and enjoy them. Because I said so and whether you believe it or not I care about you, like you, and respect you. So now all you can do is tell me to f**k off, in which case you accept that other people's opinions don't matter - which should go a long way toward making you feel better to begin with - or you're stuck accepting my will and my opinion. In which case you realize that there's another person out there who cares about you and you're just stuck continuing to breath and trying to be happy. Jamie, I can't fix your problems. I want to, and believe I would in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't. I will listen and be there for you while you work on them though. If you ever need anything just ask. -Kevin

Dude, are you me? Seriously, vegetarian and trying to let a guy down easy without explicitly breaking up with him....sounds like I wrote this post! I'd help you out...but obviously I'm not the best person for that since I get myself into these situations all the time

I want to wish a very terrific and special birthday to my fellow Domoholic, Mayamys! Wow, 18! That's a big one! I hope you find yourself with all the happiness and contentment that you deserve and may the coming year bring you the answer to all your questions! -Kevin

I wanted to wish a very awesome and enjoyable birthday to the other Kevin around here! I hope your day is filled with happiness, excitement, and fulfillment and may you get exactly what you want this year! -Kevin

Just wanted to wish Tom a very happy and special birthday! I hope the day is filled with all the joy and peace that you deserve and may the coming year find you ever closer to your goals! -Kevin

Jamie, they'd have almost certainly thought you were just babbling still!

LOL, you know "Cowboy Junkies" is also the name of a band (also known as "Cowboy Mouth") I briefly had the complete wrong end of the stick! Anyway, welcome aboard, Indie! -Kevin

Isn't Billy just adorable?! Very Dapper, Old Bob! You look so sophisticated and happy! Nice pic I like this one best, very cute Cool highlights, dude!

Woo HOO!! Happy Mother's day everyone! You gals are the best!

I'd never heard of it before, but that Wiki on it made it sound really interesting! I'll definitely check it out if I ever come across it

Celia, this is a fantastic movie! I'm about a half hour into it so far (one of the reasons I rarely watch movies is because I generally have trouble getting through them in one sitting. So I'm taking a break ), but I'm thoroughly enjoying it! It does have quite a few themes that I find very fascinating and relevant. Amina is a fantastic character and definitely my favourite! She had me from the beginning with her, "How hard is it to make tea?" line Thanks for recommending it! I'll let you know what I think when I get through the rest

Wow! That was completely awesome! It literally brought tears to my eyes! So, I'm completely unfamiliar with how this all works. Did she win the competition/show? Only if you promise to bring them back when you're done! I tend to like pretty, young blonds Dougie is definitely the hottest! (and has an adorable name!) Very true! I hadn't made the connection until you pointed it out. I think Bon Jovi was/is very attractive as well. Now, can I point out one incredibly obvious and relevant observation? We're in the middle of a thread about a talented, but fairly plain looking, woman and whether or not she's "got it what it takes" to make it, and what happens? We get side tracked by a band full of cute boys! Now in truth, I have no idea how good or bad they are; I don't think I've ever heard anything by them. Yet, I think it's pretty damn obvious that without even having to listen to them, they've stolen all this attention in a thread specifically created to discuss a talented but homely performer. Can Susan Boyle make it? Well she's got the voice for it as far as I'm concerned, and I'm in her corner. However, if she's always got to worry about the "Mcfly's" out there stealing her thunder I really don't know. -Kevin

What a wonderful and informative thread!

Some of your experiences have really made me feel better! Not to mention given me a good laugh! Thanks for sharing, guys

A terrible book indeed! I would agree with these statements!

LOL, had you said "Southern Baptist" I probably wouldn't have even argued Personally I most closely identify as a very liberal Methodist, but I have a pretty non-traditional sort of spirituality and don't really fit any very well in any category.

Cool list! My favourites (with the absolutely favourites bolded): Alot of great artists on this list! However, I agree that I wouldn't classify all of them as metal. Many/most could probably more accurately be classified simply as "Rock." That's funny; I only liked her after she became a skank. Seriously, her last two albums have been by far her best IMO. In fact I bought them. I wouldn't have dreamed of owning any of her earlier stuff. She's okay.

I agree; redheads are terrific! They're definitely one of my favourite types.

Oh how terrible! I'm so sorry

Here's a fun one: Bad Influence By Pink Ladadadada
 Ladadadadada 
Ladadada
 Dada
 Ladadada Alright sir sure I'll have another one it's early Three olives, shake it up, i like it dirty (dirty) Tequila for my friend it makes her flirty (flirty) Trust me I'm the instigator of underwear Showing up here and there uh oh (oh no) I'm always on a mission from the get-go (get-go) So what if it's only 1 o'clock in the afternoon It's never too soon to send out all the invitations to the last night of (your life) Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! I can't help it i like to party, it's genetic! It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go Where she stops, nobody knows A good excuse to be a bad influence on you and you (x15) Alright ma'am (ma'am) Calm down i know your son said he was in my house (my house) He was the captain of the football team but i turned him out He wasn't the first and he won't be the last, to tone it down This happens all the time [bad Influence Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ] I'm a story to tell the alibi They wanna go home i asked them (why) It's daylight (not night) They might need a break from all the real life (get a life) It gets to be too much sometimes It's never too late to send out all the invitations to the last night of (your life) Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! I can't help i like to party it's genetic! It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go Where she stops, nobody knows A good excuse to be a bad influence on you and you (x15) I'm off to see the doctor I hope she has a cure I hope she makes me better What does that even mean? (we don't know!) Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! I can't help it i like to party it's genetic! It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go Where she stops, nobody knows A good excuse to be a bad influence on you Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! I can't help it i like to party it's genetic! It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go Where she stops, nobody knows A good excuse to be a bad influence on you Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! I can't help it, i like to party, it's genetic! It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go Where she stops, nobody knows A good excuse to be a bad influence on you and you (x15) I'm a good excuse (good excuse) To be a bad influence on you and you and you You're too tired You're not too tired!

Hmm, I think I'll have to disagree with Mark, Going back to your Baptist example there are at least two GLBT friendly Baptist congregations in Houston. I know this because I attended a GLBT vigil for a hate crime victim at one of these Baptist churches, and there were several GLBT or GLBT friendly speakers at the group. It most definitely was not an instance in which the church was preaching "hate the sin; love the sinner." The explicit message was that it was okay to be different, that acceptance was the way to go, and that violence and hate were never the answer. I also had a friend (he moved) who routinely attended a different Baptist church with his partner, whom he openly introduced to people as his boyfriend. From what he says it was never an issue and everyone was perfectly warm and accepting. By the same token I believe it was Graeme who mentioned once that Baptists in Australia weren't overly likely to be homophobic. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure it was someone around here who mentioned that Baptists from their country weren't homophobic per se). As yet another example, I used to frequently attend a Methodist church (as I side note my only experience of Methodists concerning gay issues is that they tend to be very progressive and supporting). There was a girl there who once mentioned how ashamed she was about the way the Westboro Baptist Chruch was behaving because she felt it was unfairly giving Baptists a bad name. From what she said, in the area where she grew up Baptists were more sensible, moderate people. I think that last point gets at what I'm trying to say. I can easily imagine someone being Baptist for reasons other than homophobia and thus not at all appreciating being labeled or assumed homophobic. Should they convert? Of course not, not if there are good reasons for them to be Baptist. There are certainly other characteristics of Baptists that one might appreciate. If I felt dogmatically tied to the Baptist faith I certainly wouldn't want to have to convert just because people wrongly assumed me to be homophobic, and quite evidently, depending on one's particular branch of Baptism it is possible to be dogmatically non-homophobic. Another example is the GLBT/ally community. Theoretically most of us belong to that community, yet I'd be surprised if there were any of us who identified with all aspects and perceptions of the community and felt that it perfectly summed us up as individuals. Should we all then have to quit identifying as such because we don't want to wrongly be associated with one or two specific perceptions? I think it makes more sense for people to be sensitive in their statements and not automatically make fallacious assumptions while at the same time the individuals in question remain calm, don't take things overly-personal, but politely correct any false assumptions about themselves as individuals. Again, just my thoughts, lol -Kevin

Hi all, Have you ever known someone's name and interacted with them on a semi-regular basis and yet still had a tendency to call them by the wrong name? At work one of the ladies at another company with whom we often deal is named "Dayna." I know this, I speak with her at least once a week, and she's a very nice person whom I do not wish to offend. Yet at least half the time I accidentally call her "Dena." This really drives me crazy because I'm usually very good with names! I did a quick sampling among a few of my friends via text and it turns out that I'm not alone! I have a friend who routinely calls "Thomas" by the name "Jeremy." Another friend who mistakes "Veronica" for "Victoria." As well as a buddy who calls "Miguel" "Armando." I also had several responses of "Yeah, I do that too," without the person elaborating on a specific problem instance. So does this embarrassing occurrence happen to you as well? -Kevin

I agree with what Kit, Mike, and Graeme have said. Basically, I think what it comes down to is not making such simple, blanket statements. I would find this remark offensive: Christians have a tendency to be homophobic. I would not find this remark offensive: In my experience, it seems like many (which implies that this is not true of all or even most) Christians are homophobic. I'm certainly not going to argue with someone else's experiences. At most, if I find that my own experiences are different I'll simply say something to the effect of, "that has not been my experience." I'm also not going to become upset because "many" is a relative term that is almost meaningless. "Many" could be five or six individuals if the person has only encountered a fairly small handful of Christians. I'm sure there are thousands of homophobic Christians out there, and that is "a lot," (thus one might say "many") but considering how many Christians there are in general, it's fairly insignificant. Another factor is the words "seems." That casts doubt on whether or not the generalization is true. It might seem true, but the speaker is conceding that he/she is going by appearances and may not be trying to make a factual statement. So, my general advice would be that when you want to make generalizations make sure to water them down as much as possible. It's even better if you say something explicit like: In my experience, it seems like many Christians are homophobic; however, I realize that this is probably not the case for all Christians. In that case even if I feel that as a whole Christians aren't homophobic, I'm still not going to get defensive or argue. I'm likely to only say something to the effect of, "you're right, not all Christians are homophobic." So instead of arguing or becoming defensive I'm implicitly agreeing because of the way the person carefully worded their statement. Just my thoughts* *(which is something I routinely use as a way of signing off because it implies that the words contained in my post are only my opinions and not something which I'm purporting to be absolute fact. Now if someone comes along and says, "No! Even if someone phrased it like that, I'd still be irate!" I'm covered ) Kevin

Wow! I had sort of "forgotten" about this scandal until I decided to check this thread for more updates. How terrible! Thank you so much for keeping us up to date on this, Libby! I completely agree! I was basically ready to "forgive and forget," but after reading that last post above I'm going to rethink that. I don't intend to patronize Amazon for the foreseeable future. -Kevin

Yes, that sort of homophobia really annoys the hell out of me as well. It's my opinion that some of the 'worst' homophobes are the maladjusted gay people. I say this because while I'm certainly not in favour of anyone being homophobic I think a lot of homophobic straight people don't cause that much damage to themselves or others. Of course a lot of them do, but I think very often someone can be homophobic and think homophobic thoughts without really acting on them or taking any initiative to hinder the rights of gay people. On the other hand, a gay person who is homophobic is going to be causing themselves a lot of major harm and considering that there's a good chance they are regularly interacting with other gay people they may also be hurting a lot of other people (for example the person with internalized homophobia who keeps needlessly breaking up with and hurting boyfriends). It's also a good bit harder for me to tolerate in gay people. Again, I'm not too thrilled with homophobic straight people, but I can make 'excuses' for them and it doesn't seem quite as personal. I have very little patience with homophobic gay people, especially if they've had ample time and opportunity to deal with their issues. Just a few of my thoughts -Kevin