pvtguy
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Cadet Third Class • III
pvtguy commented on Carlos Hazday's story chapter in Cadet Third Class • III
Another great chapter full of fun, adventure, anxiety and a good, deep breath of satisfaction at the end, knowing Ritch and Ed were safe. When I visited cave dwellings in Flagstaff, AZ, I was also amazed at imagining the lives of the former residents. I guess it was time for the end of Defiance: it is time for Ritch to step out on his own rather than with a "hand-me-down", lol. Thanks for sharing another great chapter in the larger CJ world! Tony F -
Gus is going to be the reason Rick will finally have the courage to "out" himself and live a more satisfying life. Great chapter!
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Your cliffie about Don has me most intrigued to see what happens! The chapter was a nice combination of the naive Robbie and the more maturing one. There are more smiles now, and that is wonderful.
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And the mystery of "who" increases...I can't wait for a possible twist in the plot.
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I do understand...I just feel so emotionally attached to the story and characters. Not to worry...you're stuck with me as a loyal reader! You've earned that! And as for the length of the story, size could matter, but satisfaction comes in all sizes, lol!
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5000 words....so what? 10,000 would not have been too much here! You've left us thirsting for more - a sign of the great story teller you are!! And, only two more chapters? As has been suggested in the comments, another volume of Camp Refuge or further development of this story would be most welcome! I don't want to leave here just yet! All the comments made so far have covered everything I could have said, but I just want to say that the growth in confidence, faith and trust that both Avery and Lee show in this chapter has been made possible by the very supportive atmosphere of Camp Refuge in its people = all human, all flawed, but all sharing a basic value of love. I love your writing style, your story-telling ability, and your artistry. Keep the stories coming! Tony F
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You have definitely brought me back to my academic days of research. Loved it! But you're correct, it is not the style which is the most engaging for most readers.
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Excellent presentation of research of a competent lawyer putting together a case.
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There's a reason I look forward to Friday mornings: another chapter! Would that every day started this way...however, that would require you writing like a madman - and speed would reduce quality, I'm sure! Excellent job! Ritch is growing up! As a parent, it is so satisfying to see the lessons you drill into your children become part of who they are as adults. It is then worth all the work and sweat and worry that it took to instill those values. Tony F
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Tyler will finally get to be "alive" again, it seems.
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In words, you have created the feeling I get when listening to the Barcarolle from Tales of Hoffman...from the rustling of the waves, to the light, the sounds of nature - all highlighted by the growing love between Gus and Rick. Story wise, I guess this might well be the calm before the storm! Absolutely lovely.
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You are absolutely correct: Greg's personal self-talk at the moment won't allow him to break; however, he might lash out in anger (based in fear, feelings of failure and disrespect, distrust, and possibly hubris. Hopefully, either Joseph or Clay can help him see things more rationally before any explosion. You are most correct: therapy comes in many forms - looking at the river, pounding a hammer, splitting wood, fishing, music...
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In the Arms of the Enemy
pvtguy commented on Littlelovestories's story chapter in In the Arms of the Enemy
And the action ramps up! Can't wait for the next chapter! -
You have the perfect setting for redemption, but it will take a lot of work to get there: Avery now has the opportunity to reflect on his actions and his relationship fears; Lee is an addict and has relapsed (though, hopefully, not full-fledged); Joseph is there to work with both; Greg and Clay both can be models of love and discipline for both Lee and Avery - with their backgrounds in law enforcement and their passion in creating the camp; Harlan's ability to do what law enforcement has not been able to do yet with Eddie and now the high school sources of drugs. I love the layers of complexity you create so succinctly and efficiently with the minimum of words. As a retired counselor, I would love to see Lee and Avery assisted in their reflection on their actions and beliefs - also helping Greg to work through his disappointment and anger, though perhaps, he has the ability to do this on his own.
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You never fail to amaze me with the power of your words. So much here to reflect upon: Bill and Anna's desire to connect with Avery; Avery's reluctance to relate with Bill and Anna for fear if they "knew" him, they would abandon him as have all the parental figures in his life; Lee's two steps forward and one step backwards; Greg's genuine act of caring for Lee and getting kicked in the teeth (in his view at the moment). Can't we have a chapter a bit sooner, please? Tony
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How wonderful to follow the maturation of Ritch(ie)! One can already see how discerning he is becoming in assessing people. Great chapter!!!
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By the way, intermezzo was a wonderful musical way to get people in their places for the major act to follow....Great title!
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Oh, Rita is going to be doing some screwing - and it won't be with Rick! He'd better be prepared to start his own business when she finishes with Heinrich!
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As a retired counselor, of course I was caught by the title first, and then with the story as it progressed. I find it actually more realistic - disjointed and all - as it truly depicts the working through grief and finding out the truth of his existence. Of course, the anger, anxiety, fear, and determination to find the truth would follow the circuitous route you so aptly described. Once I started reading, I did so every moment I had a chance over the past two days! Tony F
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Adrian's plan has worked so far! Edward has finally grown a spine but the muscles will need to be strengthened to stand up to his father. So well written!
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Excellent chapter! The interaction between Joseph and Anderson was so spot on! Great chemistry! Lee has come a long way. His pride in enjoying a place of his own - something for which he paid - is a wonderful step towards healing and maturing. I love the budding relationship between him and Avery. Your story-telling abilities just keep getting better and better. Thanks for sharing with us, your loyal readers! Tony
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Cadet Fourth Class • IV
pvtguy commented on Carlos Hazday's story chapter in Cadet Fourth Class • IV
I hope Wendy isn't out to trap a Cadet! Fun chapter. Ritch is definitely emerging as a leader in his own right. -
In keeping with the story the second half of Sonata 14 (the allegro section) would match the rise in adrenalin!
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Just wondering if the statement of wanting to kiss for so long was a "nocturnal admission"...
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I see confidence building for Rick: perhaps the oncoming storm with his father and Rita can be met with an inner strength that finally allows Rick to be his own person!
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