Mark_l

I think i am always myself but there are times i am more myself than others, there are only about four people i will be completly myself with i will say what i am feeling no matter what it is and will act an idiot if that is what i am in the mood to do i am just me how i am feeling at that point in time. That said i have irrationale moods and go on a downward spiral and will tend to hide my moods when i feel that low simply because i feel like shutting everyone out when i am like that but i amw orking on it. I am many things just like Luc listed there is not just a few things to describe me parts of me are confident or insecure or irrationale whilst i can be very rationale, i am friendly but anti social, i have fun but get depressed, just too many parts to list really and it all depends who i am with at any given point in time and of course how i am feeling and if i want to share those feelings with the world.

*hugs you close* its good you got that out there, even if you cannot ever tell your dad how you feel i think just talking about it helps. There is nothing harder than being angry or hating someone you also love, and we can hate them and love them and it does make you feel like your the one in teh wrong for feeling that way. I am sure your dad did what he did because that is the only way he knew how to handle that, doesn't make it right and i'm sure he knew later on when it was too late that he made a mistake and whilst he was probably tying to save you from further hassle and torment and having what happened publically reported on it only served to make you feel that you are not important. I hope this somehow helps, we never get to say all we want to the people who hurt us even if you do let them know how you felt it never all gets across, you have spent years feeling that way and it could never be summed up in words and emotion to your dad even if he was still here, but its a start and a good one, it shows your willing to accept that anger isn't unfounded its a part of you because of what happened not because your a bad person and writing this here wont heal the wounds or let you forgivr your dad and let go of the anger you have for him, but hopefully it will help you start to heal a little bit and start to realise you are important, wont happen overnight but its a start *smiles* a good one, all this time i have known you, i have never known you to really talk about what happened, you told me about it in a detached round about way and you danced around the details and dismissed it as nothing and you have never come out and expressed how angry you feel towards your dad, i have seen the anger there but you have never connected that anger to him and i'm glad you are finally starting to, that is the point where alot of things in your life went bad and its not hard to see why they went bad but i know myself its not alwayseasy tos ee that from the inside, i just hope that by starting to look at this you can begin to heal and that youw ont shut it back down. *smiles and hugs you* and thank you for telling me to tell my dad how i felt before he died, it did help, didn't cure things or heal everything but it did help it was the start of healing and i'm still in the process even now it just takes time and i know itshard that you never got to tell your dad how you feel but i remember john made me write that letter to my mum once a letter filled with anger towards her i didn't know i had and i remember him telling me that we don't always need the right people to hear all we have to say, sometimes we just need to say it, and he is right, sometime syou just need to say it to take steps into letting it go and i know you will get there eventually because i happen to know your that great *hugs you tight* have rambled now i blame the high temp Mark

Full of grace The winter here

Some of you will have heard about the sad story and probably like me have opinions on the young girl being left alone, but the fact remains that she is missing, today she turned 4 and i hope she was alive to see it and i hope she is returned to her parents. It's been over a week since Maddie was snatched from a hotel in Portugual whilst she slept with her younger brother and sister, there have been no solid leads but it is believed she has been snatched by people involved in a paedophile ring. The full story and pictures of the little girl can be found here, http://news.sky.com/skynews/madeleine I am hoping that people will go to the below link and leave some words of support for her and her family they may have done wrong in leaving her alone buti don't think leaving messages saying that helps much as they must know that themselves and nothing anyone can say will make them feel worse but hope you will leave some words of support. http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007210268,00.html Thanks Mark The picture below is because maddie has distinct color in her eye

you already know i loved it, you write this area so well i just love the chracters even though the story isn't that long and the sex was great I am glad you can't write porn because porn to me is usually trashy, funny and totally fake not smething you could ever write. Mark

lol i would have a hug elist of stuff that i am avoiding having to do but i am putting off writing that list Mark

Happy Birthday hope you have an awesome day Patrick Mark

LOL i was just browsing around and thought iw ould read your blog and glad i did that quiz is great but your answers are brilliant they made me laugh wish i had the patience to fill in the quiz that size might do it eventually lol I especially loved when you answered you are right handed but can do all kinds of things with your left LOL I think we all need more details Hope the move goes well Kevin Mark

i LOVE harry potter and i loved this book its when the kids finally stand up for themselves and become moody teenager which i love the trailer looks really awesome and Ron is finally looking legal enough to lust after lol I will probably be there at the first screening just have to convince my housemate sto gow ith me. Mark

*grins and gives you 100 birthday bumps too HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANCEY Hope you have an awesom day with Sam cause you are the best love and hugs Mark

*Grins and pounces on you and gives you 100 birthday bumps* thats how old right? *clears throat and shouts loudly in your ear* HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN Hope you have a great day will look forward to having a drink with you later to celebrate Mark

Happy birthday Lughie, hope its a good one

i'm sorry this is all my fault and your friends who blame me on msn were right it is my fault, i never wanted you to hurt yourself or take sams dad away and the things i blamed you for are all my problems and are not your fault but this is my fault and i am so sorry to you and everyone but that sounds pathetic in light of everything so bye luc and everyone. Mark

Happy birthday Dan hope you made it a special one Mark

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES Hope you have a great fun day Mark

your doing all the right things vancey and yeah eating healthy is damn expensive have been eating healthy since january and cutting out all thebad stuff from e numbers to gluten and wheat and fats, its hard when you pay double for the organic or wheat free range and fresh veg and salad does not come cheap and it never lasts long so you have to shop twice in one week lol ok will stop bitching about it but you should stick to the healthy eating and stop eating that peanut butter and quit those cigarettes which really wont help, i hope they do get it sorted out though vancey you need to be healthy cause i wont accept you having a bad heart love you Mark

awwwww i know you told him already but i thought it was great and he is agreat kid too, love him tons and love seeing his work

Happy birthday Noah Hope its a great birthday Mark

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON Your one of my best and greates friends and your a wonderful guy so hope your day is wonderful too you loads and will finish the strip sometime Mark

Goo Goo dolls - Iris savage garden - keep moving staind - ugly no one song is perfect i have a few and even they don't fit perfectly but they fits me well dependant on my moods. Mark

i wont suggest any drewbie as i am not in the US but when i was buying my PC everyone recommended not getting one with built in speakers as they are not good quality if you listen to music and such from your computer. it is better getting some cheap speakers seperately

i actually prefer off screen i love books and i love the whole sense thing that comes with reading a book, books smell right and feel right i have always loved the smell of a library filled with books that had worlds to escape into and libraries have always fascinated me since a child and i have always loved to read anything and everything so i definetly prefer losing myself in a book that smells like a book yes i am odd i especially love new books that are unfolded and i love folding over that first page. that said i do enjoy finding such diverse stories online but i wish i could afford to print most of them off because i still find it difficult after all this time of reading online something is just different and not as cosy when reading froma screen but i still read them just takes me longer to start stories online cause i am always reading offline.

i voted for happy endings but if i am honest the stories and films that stick in my mind most and effect me the most are the sad ones or the bittersweet endings i don't like the ending to be pure gloom though i guess i like when there is a message of hope that even though sad things happen it was for a reason like if a chracter dies i like it to fit the story and for their life to have meant something to at least one person and for the story to end with some kind of hope that whilst that life has ended another has begun, i also love angst ins tories throughout it is good to see the chracters tested to their limits and if done well angst can really make a story but yeah sad will tend to get me remembering it but i do tend to prefer a nice happy ending because it makes me feel good lol Mark

*hugs you tight* its beautiful and all very very understandable even if no one can quite feel what you feel *hugs you*

it depends cause i would not be interested in reading erotic stories with straight people but that said i love seeing any kind of relationships in stories be that gay or straight, i am a fan of many tv shows and most of them are purely based on straight relationships and i was probably sighing happily like thousands of others when buffy and angel got it on because it was great to see that relationship unfold and develop, so its the same for me with stories though i tend to like stories with gay characters in too but the most important thing for me is that i like the chracters so i don't mind if they are gay or straight really so no if the sex scene or straight scene in a story is done well and is relevant then i don't skip through it and can enjoy it just not in the same way as i do the gay scenes. Mark