We all go through some very emotional times in our lives, some of those times are fairly easy for us to handle and don't become a problem, unfortunately some are those times are not so easy and they hit us hard. I'm sorry that you are experiencing the latter, but encouraged that you recognise that and have found your outlet to help you handle it, it shows your strength. It still won't be easy, at least not at the start, but this is your beginning of your journey in learning how to move forward and improving your situation and your life, and things will improve and become easier in time. I wish you well and encourage you to continue to post, many of us will support you and your posts will help us to understand and give you that support. And please do not apologise for being human and having feelings.