Jump to content

peter rietbergen

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    954

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Everything posted by peter rietbergen

  1. peter rietbergen

    Three Days

    peter rietbergen commented on Tony S.'s story chapter in Three Days

    This was a moving chapter, if only because Kitt (also) recognised what Matteo feels, and means to him.
  2. peter rietbergen
    I agree with Jjef. This story, though still well-told, is being spun out beyond the realm of belief.
  3. peter rietbergen
    Well, this is a way to end the Mateo-episode. But I feel it does not solve the issue that has been building over do many chapters. As to another point: when will K finally stop speaking in whispers, as he must have been doing a hundred times or more. Notwithstanding his emotional problems, I have never found this convincing.
  4. peter rietbergen
    If the Nimrod-thing is a let-down that would be a total hoot.
  5. peter rietbergen
    I'd love Josh: no small talk is heaven.
  6. peter rietbergen
    My impression is that Mateo loves Matt. In what way(s)?. Hard to say....
  7. peter rietbergen
  8. peter rietbergen
    But what about Mateo...?
  9. peter rietbergen
    I think I have read your story on another site. But it is as delightful as then.
  10. peter rietbergen
    This is definitely good. But it would've been even better without the glimpses into the future, the previews of things, emotions and problems to come. With a few tweaks in the narrative, in the descriptions of the present, we would already have felt without telling what tensions lurk beneath the golden surface.
  11. peter rietbergen

    Two Worlds

    peter rietbergen commented on Tony S.'s story chapter in Two Worlds

    The story continues to be well-written. The emotions are deep. Even so... Everybody seems to continue in some sort of stasis that, I feel, narratively speaking is not realistic. Of course it wouldn't be right for all concerned (except poor Matteo, for what will be his fate?) to just rush into each others' arms and say I love you. But yet...
  12. peter rietbergen
    The essence of this story is obvious. It is valuable. The emotions are deeply-felt, and beautifully worded. But it is becoming repetitive. And, in the time-line that a good story should adhere to - yes, the "less is more" rule, it now increasingly fails to grasp me. That is, I feel, a real pity.
  13. peter rietbergen
    Impressive
  14. peter rietbergen
    This is a beautiful chapter. Though it could, or perhaps should have come sooner, with some slight pruning of the previous chapters, it gives us, readers, what this story has to offer.
  15. peter rietbergen
    The story's cleverly moving forward. A pity the end is in sight.
  16. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 6

    peter rietbergen commented on Mikiesboy's story chapter in Chapter 6

    This is indeed a deeply felt and, what's more, convincingly and movingly told story. One would wish all people who lose a loved one might heal this way.
  17. peter rietbergen
    The edges of new lives... So the author is promising us slow change. Slow is a quality of this very good story. Yet, it would be even better if it were just a little bit more compact.
  18. peter rietbergen
    Definitely a promising beginning, also style- and dialogue-wise!
  19. peter rietbergen
    So not really a happy reunion.
  20. peter rietbergen
    Complicated, but definitely well-written!
  21. peter rietbergen
    This is an increasingly complex emotional triangle. Many of us have been there. Solutions are never easy and assumedly, will not be in this tale, either.
  22. peter rietbergen
    Interesting. Disconcerting, too. It takes some believing to "follow" R's emotions and, if applicable, reasoning, and then accept the actions he takes. By the way: too much repetition of: face only known through the pc-frame.
  23. peter rietbergen
    Obviously, and whatever the ways we propose, the author will make M find K. But while this misery lasts, we are emotionally involved.
  24. peter rietbergen
    Interesting. But really: does Dean think that one "date" will convince J of a fact that years of friendship haven't been able to tell him, yet?
  25. peter rietbergen
    Are the repetitions intentional?
×
×
  • Create New...