Second Shot - 46. Chapter 46: Lies

"Wow, Ethan. I'm sorry to hear that." Jason stopped putting his clothes away and stood by his bed. "How'd you find out?"

Ethan snorted. "Seems Anthony was telling guys in Philly that he and I were open. Dumb ass forgot we had friends in common. Joey Bruno called me out of the blue last week to see if I'd be into hooking up with him since me and Anthony were allowed to mess around."

"Yikes!" Grabbing his ear buds, he shifted the phone to his other ear so he could put them both in. "Bet that went over well."

The rueful laugh told Jason all he needed to hear. "After I got over my shock, I asked who said we were open? Joey went silent, stuttered some crap about hearing it around and then spilled that Anthony had told a few people he and I agreed we could sleep with others when we were apart."

"Dumb question, but I'm guessing you two never had that conversation, did you?"

"Oh we had it." Ethan's voice went up two decibels. "I told him I wasn't interested in an open relationship, or three-ways or whatever. I shouldda known then that this was coming."

"Geez." Trying to think what it would feel like if Peter did that to him, Jason didn't know what to say that would help. "I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I am."

Ethan loved Anthony the way he loved Peter, this had to be the worst feeling.

"Everyone said distance makes things hard." Ethan sounded calmer than Jason imaged he would. "I must be so stupid, 'cause I never expected Anthony would to lie to me like this."

"This won't make you feel better, I'm sure, but I didn't think he would either. He had me fooled too." He definitely liked Ethan better, but Anthony always seemed straight up.

"New topic, this one is depressing me. How are you and Pete doing?"

Ugh, why did he have to ask that? "Um . . . well, I don't know really. Things have been a bit weird the last couple weeks."

"Weird how?"

Hesitating for a moment, Jason considered what to say. Maybe this wasn't the right time to talk about this with Ethan. Not right after his break up.

"Just weird. I'm sure you don't want to talk about this tonight."

"Jase, it's cool." The answer was quick and a bit forced. "Let's me think about something other than Anthony tonight."

Why did Ethan want to talk about him and Peter? Didn't matter really, Jason was glad for someone who knew them both to give an opinion. Exhaling, he sat on the bed.

"First, our sex life has been off since the accident." Vague yet accurate, that was the best he could do. Talking about sex, especially when it involved him, always made Jason tongue tied.

"Off? As in nonexistent?"

"No, not that." So much for just skipping over stuff. "Okay, remember how I told you we're both versatile, but Peter usually wanted me to be on top?"

Ethan laughed. "Yeah, always gave me a huge boner thinking about you banging his ass."

"Anyway," Jason didn't want this to degrade into Ethan asking too many question about what he and Peter did, "since the accident, he hasn't let me do that. At first he said it hurt his back, then he wasn't in the mood, now it's just, 'no' without a reason."

"Really? That's so weird. Um, well, er . . . "

"Spit it out Eth, this isn't helping."

"Did he enjoy it when you fucked him?" The words rushed out, confusing Jason for a moment. When he finally understood what was said, he rolled his eyes. Typical Ethan.

"Yes, he enjoyed it." He laughed to cover his own uncertainty. It never occurred to him that Peter didn't like it when he was the top. Jason thought it was fun for both. "What part of, 'he usually wanted me to be on top' was unclear? Let me put it this way; most of the time when I was doing that, he would cum without touching himself. I'd say he enjoyed it."

"Then I don't know what that's about."

Jason sighed. Too bad, he hoped Ethan might offer some insight. "Then there's how up and down he's been around me. One day he's happy to see me, the next, he needs space. God forbid I ask 'why,' however, then he gets mad."

"Mad?"

Scooting back against the pillows, Jason closed his eyes. Why did he go into this with Ethan? "Yeah, mad. He gets short and tells me I need to give him space now and then."

"Oh." The way Ethan said that one word made his stomach twist. "Then what happens?"

"You know that's the most fucked up part." It was hard to find the right way to explain what was happening. "It's like when I agree to give him space, he suddenly wants to see me. Twice I've said, 'okay,' decided to do something else, and then he suddenly needs to see me that night."

He was not going to tell Ethan the details of what happened New Year Day.

"Why do you let him do that to you?"

"Good question." He knew he shouldn't, yet he still let Peter do this to him. "The easy answer is I'm trying to be understanding. I mean, he almost died from the attack. He's totally frustrated that he can't do things he wants. So I'm trying to cut him some slack, because he's on edge right now."

"Jase." Ethan stopped after saying his name. Jason knew he wanted to say more, but was holding back.

"What?" More silence. "Ethan, just say it."

"You can't let him treat you like that. You're his boyfriend, not some fuck buddy he only calls when he's horny." Ethan paused, before Jason could defend himself and Peter, he added, "Unless you're into that kinky shit."

He sucked in air and held it for a moment. Exhaling, he couldn't repress a smile. Same old Ethan. "Whatever. Finishing this conversation. . . "

"Wait, I was joking about you being into it, but I was serious that he can't treat you like shit. That's not right."

Ethan's concern made him glad they were friends. "I know and I am working on not letting that happen. We, his mom, sister, martial arts instructor, me, are trying to get him to go to counseling. I'm not the only one to notice how moody he's been lately."

"Okay, just promise me you'll really try to not let him do this to you."

"Promise." He needed to get off this topic, it was depressing him. "Hey, why don't you come visit next weekend? You're off 'til the end of January right?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to take a class in the winter session."

Jason laughed. "I still don't get the whole, 'Fall Semester, four week Winter Session then Spring Semester' set up."

"You don't know what you're missing dude." The amusement in his voice made Jason feel better. "Take one class during the winter quarter, and you only need four the spring semester. Makes it easier to schedule days off."

"Or skip fewer classes when it's nice outside." Seeing the time, he realized he needed to get going. "So, what about next weekend? You wanna come visit?"

"Um . . . you sure Pete will be okay with that?" Ethan didn't sound eager to come.

"It's cool, but I don't want to pressure you. I just thought it'd be good for you to hang out with friends." Now he regretted asking. Maybe Ethan didn't want to be around him and Peter because it would remind him of Anthony.

"What the hell." Jason could almost 'see' Ethan shrug as he spoke. "Mom says I'm just moping around. It'll do me good to get away."

"Cool." He felt happier already. "Let me know if you need a ride, I'll come get you."

"Okay, let me see what I can do first."

Bouncing off his bed, Jason looked for his sneakers. "Great. I gotta go meet Pete. Wish me luck."

"Stop." Ethan's voice lost any hint of humor. "Don't think like that, or you'll jinx things."

"Ha! I'm already in a good mood knowing you're coming next weekend. I'll be fine."

"Good, go have fun."

**

"Pete?" Turning the lock, he slipped off his shoes

"In the bedroom, Jase."

Seated on the bed, Peter was sorting papers. Without looking up, Peter said, "How are you?"

"Good." Leaning over to kiss Peter, Jason was met with the barest of glares. Peter recovered, giving him a forced smile that did nothing to make Jason feel better. Before their lips met, Jason stopped. "Sorry."

They stared at each other for a moment, before Jason closed his eyes and sadly shook his head. "I'll go watch TV or something."

Maybe he should just go. Nothing changed. He thought the day apart would make Peter glad to see him; clearly that wasn't the case. If that was the look he got for interrupting paper sorting . . .

"Hey?" Peter grabbed him before he made it to the futon. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Everything. "I could tell I was bothering you."

"Jase, you're not a bother. Not getting a kiss, now that's a problem." This time the smile felt less forced. Still off, but at least it wasn't fake.

Their kiss felt perfunctory, emotionless and almost required. Nothing like he wanted, or needed. "Sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Peter grabbed both sides of his face and pulled him back for a second, longer more satisfying kiss. "Feel better?"

His smile was answer enough. "Yeah, much. What were you doing?"

"Oh." Peter seemed taken aback by the question. "Just sorting out papers, bills, that sort of stuff."

"Bills?" He thought he had them all under control. "Are there some I missed?"

Peter's face went tight. Shaking his head slowly, he said, "No, nothing like that. These were old ones and bank statements. Just trying to figure out what I should toss and what I should keep."

Old bills? Something sounded wrong with not only the answer, but how he said it. And, why the hell was he doing that on a Friday night?

"Okay." It was all he could think of to say.

"Let me go put stuff away, and we can decide what we're going to do tonight."

Unable to shake the feeling something was not quite right, he resisted the urge to follow to get a better look at what he was doing. Instead, he went to the kitchen for a drink.

Grabbing the water pitcher, he almost shut the door when he did a double take. Checking closer, he filled his glass, looked again and shut the door. Glass in hand, he made his way to Peter's bedroom.

"Hey, Pete. What happened to the bottle of champagne we saved for Valentine's Day?"

Peter expression stopped Jason's heart for a moment. Why did he look so guilty? What happened?

Averting his eyes, Peter pretended to go back to gathering up his papers. "Um . . . well Bryce stopped by and we ended up drinking it."

When? Last night? His stomach was twisting faster than he could think.

"What's wrong?" Peter's question was more challenge than concern.

"What's wrong?" Taking three deep breaths he matched Peter's stare. "We saved that for us to have on Valentine's day, not so you and Bryce could drink it. Hell, if you were going to do that, why didn't we bring it to Ed's?"

"Ease up, Jase." Peter's lips grew thin and his eyes narrowed. "Just ask your Pop for another bottle."

Tilting his head to the left, he stared at Peter, trying to process what he heard. Ask his grandfather? Did he hear that right? "You're kidding, right?"

"No. What's so wrong asking for another bottle?" The cold, defensive tone spoke of how Peter knew he was wrong.

Jason refused to let Peter toss this back on him. "Pete, you can't be serious. Pop gave those to us as a gift. I can't go back and say, 'Hey, Pop. Can you give me and Peter another two hundred dollar bottle of Champagne. We liked the first two so much, we want another for Valentine's Day.' That's not how things work with us."

"What the fuck? He just gave you millions of dollars in cars and you're afraid to ask him for a crummy two hundred dollar bottle of Dom Perignon? Just say I accidentally broke one."

Blinking, he just stared. This wasn't the Peter he knew. An image of Wendy asking if Peter was cheating on him was followed quickly by his conversation with Ethan. His eyes were trained on Peter, but they were so unfocused he didn't see anything. Paralyzed by doubt, he realized he stopped breathing.

"What's going on?" he finally managed. "This is so not you. Crummy bottle of booze? When was two hundred dollars for anything, 'crummy' to you?"

"You know what I mean. . . ."

"No, I don't." Jason interrupted. Peter was doing something, and it wasn't good. "Tell me."

At first Peter matched his glare, but soon his shoulders slumped, and he looked away. "Jase . . . I'm sorry. I didn't plan to drink it without you, really. Bryce came by last night. When he saw the bottle, he freaked out. Asked if it was good, what did it taste like, could we drink it, that kinda stuff. He's been my best friend forever. This is the only time I've ever had something better than something his family had. I guess I wanted to impress him."

The sad, almost embarrassed words, tugged at Jason. It must have been hard for him. He finally had something of value and now Jason made him feel like shit. What was so bad about him sharing it with Bryce? He was about to apologize when it hit him.

"Wait." Gone was all hint of understanding and compassion. "Last night? The night you said you were too tired to have me come over? So, what you really meant was you had plans with Bryce and didn't want me around."

Anger and disbelief pushed him out of the room without waiting for an answer. What a fucking idiot. Peter was doing shit behind his back when he claimed to be tired or needing time alone. And being the stupid fuck that he was, Jason believed him.

He put the glass on the table and fumbled with his shoes. Intent on getting away, he didn't hear Peter come behind him.

"Jason, wait. It's not what you think." For the first time, Peter sounded repentant and maybe a bit scared.

One shoe on, the other in his hand, Jason whirled about. "What did I get wrong? Was it someone else who said he wanted some quiet time to think when I asked if I could come over last night? . . ."

"No . . . "

" . . . Or did I get it wrong when I heard you just say, you and Bryce drank the entire bottle, here in this apartment, last night, when you supposedly wanted to be alone?"

His words came out fast and angry. He'd never been this mad at Peter, never felt this betrayed since . . . since . . . . Holding up both hands, including the sneaker, he glared at Peter.

"Ugh!" Turning his back, he slipped on his other shoe and grabbed his backpack.

A hand grabbed his arm as he opened the door. "Jase, wait, please."

Turning slowly, he squinted as he met Peter's gaze. "Pete, now I need some time alone. You understand what that's like, don't you?"

Color drained from Peter's face and he swallowed twice. "Please don't go. I'm sorry."

One hand on the door, the other gripped by Peter, Jason closed his eyes. Mad as he was, he still didn't really want to leave, especially not like this. An image forced its way into his mind. They were standing, just like this, in the same place, an angry Jason about to leave, Peter holding his arm. Squeezing his lids tighter, he bit back the hurt, the bitter, angry dark feeling of betrayal. Slowly he shut the door and let Peter pull him back toward the futon.

He allowed himself to be guided to a seat, refusing to look at Peter. No matter the explanation, he wouldn't feel better. Even if Bryce just came by, it didn't change things. When Peter said he wanted to be alone last night, what he really meant he didn't want to see him. Just him.

"Jason," Peter's voice was soft, unsure. It begged Jason to turn and look at him, but he didn't. Couldn't. The hurt was still too raw. If nothing else, Peter wasn't going to see the pain in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but it's not like you think."

"So, if I think Bryce just stopped by, and you decided to hang out, that's wrong?" Sarcasm lent his a measure of control. "Or did you plan to invite him over all along?"

"He just showed up."

Perhaps Peter thought that Bryce's deciding to come by unannounced made it less upsetting. It didn't, not by a long shot. Jason's angry glare caused Peter to exhale and slump further in his seat. The hand that rested on Jason's slowly fell away.

"In all the time we've been together, Bryce never stopped by without calling first. Never. Do you really expect me to believe he knocked on your door unannounced?"

"Well, not exactly." This time Peter looked away. "He called and asked what I was doing. When I said nothing, he wouldn't take no for an answer."

Nodding slowly, Jason stood up. The Bryce he knew wouldn't have insisted if Peter said no. "I'm going home Pete. Call me when you want to be honest with me."

"Jase!" The urgency caused Jason to turn quickly. "I haven't seen him since August. He didn't even come home for Christmas. I tried to tell him I didn't want company last night, but he kept insisting. Then he guilted me by saying we hadn't hung out since summer. Really, I didn't plan to have him over, and I never expected we were going to drink your champagne."

The use of 'your' instead of 'our,' added to the tightness in his chest.

"Who gives a shit about a bottle of champagne? Do you really think that's why I'm upset?" Drawing a breath, he managed to hold back telling Peter he could buy ten bottles like that if he really wanted to. It wasn't about the money or the booze. "All I wanted was to come over and see you. Let me guess, Bryce spent the night."

The guilty look told Jason more than the small head nod. Of course he did, he was shit faced from the champagne. No doubt they slept in the same bed. If it had been anyone but Bryce, he would have been suspicious Peter was doing what Anthony did to Ethan.

A wave of nausea struck him hard. Was it really Bryce who was over last night? Wasn't this hockey season? Why was Bryce even home? Thus far, Peter hadn't been straight forward with him. What if he were making up things as he went along to cover his lies?

Struck by the impact of that thought, he sank onto the couch, staring blankly ahead. They sat side-by-side, neither speaking. Jason could feel Peter's eyes boring a hole into him, waiting.

"Pete." His voice was so soft, he wasn't sure it was audible.

"Yea?"

He wanted to vomit, almost did, but he had to know. "Was it really Bryce who came over last night?"

Afraid of the answer, he needed to see Peter's face when he answered.

"What?" The confusion, followed by realization seemed genuine. "Oh! My god, Jase, yes. Why would you even ask that?"

"Anthony was sleeping around on Ethan. They broke up yesterday." Saying it out loud made his fears seem foolish, which was confirmed when he turned to find Peter squinting at him, tight faced.

"So because Anthony's a dick, you think I am too?" Then again, anger wasn't the answer he expected from Peter. Jason thought his question was legitimate.

"Actually, last I heard Bryce was still in Minnesota for hockey. This is the first I'm hearing he's even back." Much as he tried, Jason's heard the accusations in his voice.

Standing, Peter moved toward the bedroom. "He was back east for a game. Rather than fly back to Minneapolis, he stopped home to see his parents. I couldn't tell you he was in town, because I didn't know myself until he called me."

One hand on the door frame, Peter stopped. After a moment, he turned on Jason, still tense. "I can't believe you thought I was cheating on you. Have I ever done anything to make you feel I would do that? Fuckin' eh, Jason, that hurt."

Not waiting for Jason's response, he returned to his room. How did this turn from Jason being upset Peter lied to him about last night into, him feeling like shit? It was like everything he said or did lately. The accusation at the end felt too much like a defensive mechanism. It didn't seem like it really hurt, rather it felt like Peter's attempt to flip it back onto Jason.

For the second time in the last ten minutes, he grabbed his backpack. Poking his head into the bedroom, Peter steadfastly refused to look over, pretending to focus on the papers laid out on the bed.

"There is no way you're turning this on me. You've been distant and weird all week. Last night we were supposed to hang out and you said you wanted to be alone. If you can't see how hanging out with Bryce when you didn't want my company would bother me, then I don't know what to say. Hell, you didn't even bother to tell me when we talked earlier, I had to drag it out of you. But then to lie to me about it, what else should I think? If you lied about that, why shouldn't I question if you're sleeping around? You have no right to be mad at me after you lied about this. At least I was honest about how I felt at that moment. Can you say the same?"

He didn't look, speak or acknowledge that Jason was there talking to him. Halted, almost labored, Jason drew in a breath. No reaction. Peter continued to ignore him, refusing to give him an answer. No, Jason had his answer.

The walk to the front door took an eternity. Would Peter get up and ask him to stay? Amidst the continued silence, he let himself out. Ears on alert for any sound during the short walk through the parking lot, he kept one eye on the door as he started the car and drove off.

What the hell was going on with them? Was this them breaking up? The same gut wrenching pang he felt when he saw Peter in the hospital hit him so hard he almost pulled over.

How could this be happening? Since Peter was released, what had he done to get them here? Spent too much time together? He was Peter's ride everywhere, what else could they do? Did he fail to show Peter how much he loved him? Was it too much?

A tear slid down his right cheek as the water in his eyes made it hard to see. Every week it seemed they were further apart. Fights, curses, time apart, even the sex was different. Now Peter wasn't being totally honest. Worse, when he was caught, he tried to make it about Jason rather than man up.

The sign for Foxhill Apartments appeared suddenly on his right. Lost in his thoughts, he had almost no recollection of driving home. Parking next to Darryl's car, he turned off the ignition and sat back. Fixed on the steering column, his eyes couldn't focus through the tears.

What else was there to try? Could he even do anything? Peter controlled everything lately; when they met, where they stayed, if they went out or stayed in, even their sex life. There was nothing he did or didn't do that would've made a difference.

Peter was leaving him, he could feel it. But he still loved Peter, as much as ever, and couldn't just let go.

Staring at the roof of the car he said, "Why, why, why?" No one heard him, which was good. He wasn't sure he could explain the problem without sounding paranoid. Peter never said they were breaking up, but the words didn't need to be spoken for him to know it was happening.

Wiping the tears away, he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back. Images and thoughts swirled so fast, he couldn't focus on what to do. Maybe there was nothing he could do.

A sound on the passenger window caused him to jump.

"Holy shit!" It took a moment before he realized who was knocking. "Pete, what're you doing here."

"Let me in?" There was no demand, only a question.

Fumbling for the lock, he tried to dry his eyes as he opened the door. How did Peter get here without him hearing the bike?

Seated with the door shut, Peter sat quietly. Jason couldn't read his face. It wasn't mad, more like confused. Was he supposed to speak first? If so, what did he say? He wasn't really sorry for what he said, it was a legit question if Peter lied to him.

"Jase," Peter's voice got him to turn to his right. "I'm sorry about last night and I'm sorry I lied and I'm sorry I got mad. In my defense, being accused of cheating on you hurt me a lot. It made me angry. You have to know I'm not like that."

"I do, Pete." He really did. "But I don't know what's going on with us; nothing makes sense lately."

Opening his mouth, Peter shut it and looked down. "I . . . I didn't cheat on you Jase. Bryce came over last night, that's it. I swear."

This wasn't what Jason wanted to know, but at least it was a start. "I believe you, but why did you lie to me about it? I mean it's just Bryce."

"Honestly?" If Peter understood the irony of how he started the sentence, he didn't show it. "I don't know why. Part of me knew you would be mad at me, so I guess I was trying to make it seem less nefarious. Lying to you about it was wrong. I know I shouldn't have done that, and I'm so sorry I did."

Peter looked down, slumped in his seat. Never meeting Jason's eyes, he voice soft and conciliatory. Reading the body language and hearing the words, Jason knew Peter was truly sorry.

"It's okay, Pete, I shouldn't have overreacted like I did." Why did he do that? Shifting the blame back onto himself wouldn't help. But, then again, he did overreact. Accusing Peter of cheating on him wasn't the way to get him to open up. "I know you aren't cheating on me, but after talking to Ethan, all I could think about was . . . ."

Suddenly the leather around the parking brake seemed so interesting. His hand traced the edges, keeping him from staring at Peter.

"Jase, it's okay, I get it." Finally he picked his head up and turned towards Jason. "Not asking me if I was cheating, but I get how my not being straight with you could make you feel unsettled."

Any other time, Jason wouldn't have let the 'straight' comment go, but he couldn't joke. He nodded, keeping his head down. Peter's hand appeared in front of his face, touching his chin lightly.

"I'm sorry, Jase." Peter inched his head closer. "Please forgive me."

Before their lips met, Jason managed to say, "Me too."

"C'mon back to my place?" He raised his brow suggestively, nodding toward the window.

"Sure. I'll follow you there."

He closed his eyes tightly as his hand turned the key. It felt better, but . . . . He heard the Honda's engine roar to life. Peter smiled at him before flipping the visor down. Yeah, it was better.