Second Shot - 48. Chapter 48: After The Break

Plodding up the steps, Jason shook his head when he noticed the light in the stairwell was out. Hell it'd been out for weeks, why did it bug him only now? Turning the key, he was glad Darryl said he was going out. The last thing he wanted was to talk. Maybe in the morning, after he'd slept on it.

No, what he really hoped was once Peter slept on it he would feel different. Out of habit he kicked off his shoes; something he never did before he met Peter. Neither he nor D cared much about how best to keep the place clean. No reason to stop doing it just because …

Closing the door to his room, he pressed his head against his pillows. How did it get to this?

"Stop!" Hearing his voice made him feel foolish, but it was true. Things happened, things he couldn't explain or control. Feelings, Peter's feeling, were one of them. Nothing he did, or could do, would change Peter's back to the way they were when they'd been happy.

A thought struggled to be heard: Maybe he will still come back. Squeezing his eyes tight, he shook his head. No, he couldn't think like that. It was a long shot and hoping for it would only make it worse.

A text message chime broke his self reflective wallowing. 'Dean: Call me when u can.'

Breathing deeply to calm himself, he hit Dean's number. A tug reminded him he missed his brother.

"Hey, Jase. That was quick."

"Yeah, not doing anything tonight." Did that sound too pathetic? Better work on it.

"Where's Pete?"

Damn, wrong question bro. "Um … he's at his place."

Dean didn't answer right away. Before Jason could ask what Dean wanted to talk about, his brother asked, "You two okay?"

"Not really." Swallow. Don't lose it. "We're … err taking a break from each other right now."

"Geez, Jase. Sorry. What happened?"

He knew Dean was only trying to be supportive, but it was too soon, too raw to talk about. "Dean, not today. Okay?"

Another pause. He knew Dean was trying to decide if he should ask again or move on. Jason decided for him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Um … it can wait." Dean's voice told Jason he ruined something important.

"Dean, c'mon. You wanted me to call." No way he was going to bring his brother down too.

"Well … it's just … "

"Spit it out, bro." Too angry. Drawing in a lungful of air, he held it, hoping it would calm him. Dean didn't deserve him being testy.

"I decided where I'm going to college." There was a hint of excitement back.

"Sweet." This was good news, he hoped. "Where?"

"Graydon." Dean's voice held a hint of uncertainty.

"Really? That's great!" He sat up, smiling like a fool. This he didn't need to fake. "Coach is gonna go nuts."

"You think so?"

"Fuck yeah, Dean." Unable to sit still, he hopped up and began pacing his room. "He couldn't say it to me, but you were his top recruit."

"Wow, I didn't know that."

They talked for a few minutes, making plans for Jason to come home and be there when Dean signed his letter of intent. They also arranged for Dean to come visit for weekend.

When he hung up, he stared at his phone. His brother's news was something he secretly hoped would happen, but didn't want to push. Aside from being his brother, Dean was that good. He would be a huge help next season, Jason's last.

He laid down the phone on his night stand, sucking in a breath as he saw his framed picture of him and Pete. Reality crashed down on him. Before he got into too much of a funk, he decided this could be a sign. He hoped, but didn't expect Dean to come to Graydon, and he was. Maybe things would work out the same with Pete. Even if they didn't, there was no harm in being hopeful.

*****

Walking slightly ahead of his friends, Jason pulled the pockets of his Pea Coat closer to keep warm. Never failed. Whenever they decided to walk anywhere from Wendy's dorm, it was always cold and windy. When would he ever learn to say, 'no', when she said, 'let's walk, it's close to my dorm'?

Wendy slipped her arm between Jason's and his body, nearly forcing his hand from the coat pocket. Giving her a thin smile, he almost jumped when Ethan did the same on his left side.

Rolling his eyes at Wendy, he said, "You planned that didn't you?"

"Not me." The serious expression told him she wasn't kidding.

"Hey," Ethan shrugged, "why should she get all the fun?"

The smart retort died on Jason's lips when his friend flashed him a goofy grin.

"I'm damn glad you only have two arms," Darryl called out from behind. "No way I'm gonna walk arm in arm with you."

Finally a real smile cracked his face. "Wendy's got a free arm if you want to join us."

Twisting back, Ethan waved his arm at Darryl. "I do, too, if you wanna change teams, Darryl."

Snickering, he marveled at how well Ethan and D got along. From the moment he arrived, Ethan wasn't shy about flirting with Darryl; nothing serious, of course. Just little remarks once in a while that, to Jason's surprise, Darryl didn't seem to mind.

"Thanks, but I'm fine with the one I'm on."

"Pity." Ethan kept his face turned so only Jason could see his smirk. "I hear … "

"That's enough." Jason yanked both arms free and stepped back.

Ethan earned a glare from Wendy, which quickly faded when he slid over and offered her his arm. "His loss, not ours."

Crowded, but not packed, the four found a table with two chairs. Wendy and Darryl managed to find two more while Ethan and Jason ordered drinks.

Noticing Jerri behind the counter he turned to Ethan. "Watch, she'll call me sweetie."

Jerri looked up when they reached the counter. "Jason, sweetie. How are you?"

Turning to Ethan, he raised both eyebrows as his friend struggled not to laugh. "Good, thanks. Jerri, this is my friend Ethan. He's visiting from home."

"Welcome." She nodded once and was back to work. "What can I getcha? The usual for you and Peter?"

Unexpected, the question froze him momentarily. He forgot Jerri knew them both so well. "Um … no. Pete's not out with us tonight."

Staring at him, she nodded slowly. "Okay, so what's it gonna be?"

Seated finally with their drinks, Jason turned to the door every time it opened. Stupid really, the odds of Peter coming in here on a Friday night were minuscule. Jason wasn't sure Peter ever came here before they met.

After he did it for the umpteenth time, Wendy leaned over. "You okay, JT?"

Glancing back, he forced a smile. "Yeah, fine."

"Checking the door every time someone walks in hoping it's him won't help."

Biting back the flash of anger, he shrugged. "Sorry, I know I'm being ridiculous. It feels so weird being out without him."

She reached over and rubbed his hand. Dropping his other hand loudly on hers, she countered by dropping her free hand on top of the pile.

"It'll get better."

"Yeah, I know, I'm being stupid." That sounded half-hearted and he knew it. He added a small shrug and a frown. "Like I am the only person who ever broke up with someone, right? Happens every day, so why do I think I'm so special."

"Jase," she whispered louder than he liked. Ethan and Darryl stopped talking and were now watching them. "You do have a right to be upset, after all you did for him… "

"Wendy, stop." This time it was he who spoke too loud. People turned to see what they were doing. Slightly red, he continued, but kept his voice down. "I know what you're going to say and you're wrong. No matter what I did, it doesn't obligate him. He didn't ask me for anything, I just did it. And he's probably stayed with me longer than he would have because of those things. It's not his fault. Peter didn't do anything wrong. It just … happened." The last word came out barely a whisper, and he felt himself tear up.

Ethan quickly pulled him closer, letting Jason bury his face against his hoodie.

A couple people were watching, but Wendy's glare forced them to go back to their own conversations.

Jason sat up. "Can we go? I don't think I want to stay here right now."

Not waiting for an answer, Jason grabbed his coat, almost running for the exit. Darryl was a step behind, leaving Ethan alone with Wendy.

"Sorry," she said, grabbing her jacket. As tears formed in her eyes, Ethan held her coat out for her.

"Hey, it's not your fault." Pushing it over her shoulders, he turned her around to face him. "You were being his friend. Soon he's gonna get out of his funk and he's gonna need you to still be his friend, just like you were tonight. This is his first real breakup."

"You just broke up with your first real boyfriend."

Ethan shrugged and held out his arm. When Wendy took it, he moved for the door. "Unlike me, he doesn't have any reason to be angry. The way he tells it, Peter tried, is still trying maybe. It's easier to move past when your ex was an asshole."

"That's a crappy choice." Wendy pulled her scarf tighter. "Be heartbroken without an outlet or have your boyfriend cheat on you."

"I'd take the former if I had a choice." Ethan's lips grew thin and his face tight. They caught up to Jason and Darryl at the corner. Silently they crossed the street heading to Wendy's dorm.

*******

Watching Ethan walk into the bathroom, Jason knocked on Darryl's door.

"Yo, yo."

Rolling his eyes, he smiled and slowly let himself in. In just his boxers, Darryl was stretched out on top of his bed. Anyone else and Jason would still be checking him out, but it felt creepy doing that to his best friend.

"What's up, Jase?"

"Just wanted to say thanks for tonight." Unsure what else to do, he gave Darryl a lame salute and started to leave.

"Thanks? For what?" Darryl sat up, unceremoniously adjusting himself once he was off the bed. "All we did was go out with Wendy and Ethan."

Scrunching his face, Jason nodded slowly. "Gonna make it hard on me, eh? Fine, thanks for hanging out with me instead of meeting Tamara. I needed it, you, tonight."

Darryl waved his hand absently, then held it out for Jason. Smacking hands together, they pulled each other in for a shoulder bump. "Whatever, it was fun. We used to do it all the time. Feels good to go out without … "

The 'Oh Shit' expression on Darryl's face was priceless. Rather than let his friend stumble, Jason flashed him a grin. "Without significant others to entertain?"

It took a second for a smile to appear. "Yeah, that. Believe it or not, Tamara told me to go out with you tonight."

"Really?" He barely knew her, other than hanging out for a few minutes when they were both in the apartment, which was rare.

"Yup," he leaned against an empty part of the wall, "said I owed you for all the times you made yourself scarce."

A soft chuckle escaped his mouth. "Does she understand I did that so Pete and I could have privacy, not you two?

Grinning, Darryl shrugged. "Hey, I'm not gonna argue with her. Besides, I think she was looking for an excuse to hang out with her sorority sisters without me. Evidently I put the brakes on their 'rowdy' behavior."

Jason snickered, then saw that Darryl was trying to hold back as well and burst out laughing. When he recovered, he asked, "Rowdy behavior?"

The smirk still etched on his face, Darryl shrugged. "No clue, but that's what I was told."

Shaking his head, Jason looked as his best friend and smiled. Nothing changed with them. "Anyway, thanks again. It felt good."

"Anytime, bro." Another hand slap and Ethan opened the bathroom door just as Jason turned to go. Darryl grabbed his door, preventing Jason pulling it shut. "Hey, Jase, do you mind if I go in next?"

"Knock yourself out, I gotta get Ethan settled first."

Slipping into his room, he pushed the door closed before Ethan could see Darryl head to the bathroom in just his boxers. Hand on the cheap knob, he tried to find a reason other than jealousy for doing that. Darryl didn't mind Ethan's flirting, so why was he trying to protect Darryl?

Shaking his head, he turned just as Ethan peeled off his sweatshirt. The two underlying shirts came off as well. Tossing them onto the floor, he flopped onto the bed.

"That was fun, Jase. Darryl's really cool and I love that you have your own fag hag."

Jason laughed, something Ethan made him do a lot tonight. "Shit, don't let Wendy EVER hear you call her that. She'll rip off vital parts of your anatomy and maybe mine too for not stopping you."

"Yeah, don't want that for sure." He sat up and moved to the edge to remove his shoes.

Watching, Jason wondered if the pants were next and what, if anything Ethan brought to sleep in.

"All clear, Jase." Darryl's voice carried through the closed door.

Blinking, he turned away. "Be back in a few, Ethan."

The noise from the bed told him Ethan stood up. "Take your time, I ain't going anywhere."

Jason resisted the urge to check on Ethan, moving to the bathroom instead. Pee, wash hands and face, brush teeth. He lingered over the last, longer than normal. Brush still in his mouth, he paused. Nothing was going to happen between him and Ethan. He and Peter weren't even officially broken up yet, just taking some time apart for Peter to think about things. Besides Ethan wasn't thinking about them hooking up anyway. It was just Jason's imagination.

Running the bristles over his teeth one last time, he stopped again. If Ethan wasn't thinking they were going to connect, why was Jason's mouthwash left out? Picking it off the sink, he noted Darryl's was still in the cabinet so he hadn't run out and used Jason's. Ethan must have left it out. Was it a hint or did he just forget to put it away?

Instantly he felt a rush in his groin. The image of the two of them naked in the shower fueled what was rapidly becoming an obvious problem. Damage control, as he used to call it, was called upon. In high school and to a lesser degree now, whenever a hot guy in the shower threatened to 'out' him he would go through a list of things designed to 'bring him down.' Dirty sneakers, the day he outed himself to Jordan, antique car auctions, snarky old men hitting on him, chemistry class, orange soda - god he hated that stuff. His routine never failed him so far.

After the seventh image, puking after running wind sprints during high school, the pressure let up. Without thinking, he took a swig of mouthwash, and held it, shocked. Swishing it around, he grabbed the side of the sink and spit it out. For a three count, he stayed there, holding his breath, keeping his mind blank.

"No problem," he whispered, putting the mouthwash away.

When he cracked open his door, his suspicions were confirmed. Ethan lay on top of the covers, wearing just a pair of black skin tight trunks. Looking down, he realized under his jeans he had on the same thing. Worse, Ethan was completely hard and not trying to hide it.

Can't stay here tonight. Keeping his eyes off Ethan's crotch, he quickly grabbed a pillow, then walked about the bed toward the closet.

Ethan sat up, knees under him. "Yo, Jase. What're you doing?"

"Getting a pillow and blanket to go sleep on the couch." He tried to keep a matter of fact tone to his voice, but wasn't sure he succeeded. Sitting up, Ethan's arousal was even more visible.

"No way." Scooting off the side of the bed closest to the door, Ethan blocked Jason from leaving. "If anyone's sleeping on the couch, it's me."

"It's no big deal. When Dean was here, I slept on the couch." Ethan held up his hand, stopping him from leaving.

"I'm not your brother." Tugging on the pillow, Ethan pulled them closer when Jason didn't let go.

Inches part, he found himself staring into Ethan's brown eyes. Ethan didn't say anything, but he didn't let go either. Frozen with indecision, he felt Ethan's attempt to draw them closer. He wanted to, god he wanted to, but . . .

"It's okay, Jase," Ethan whispered.

They were so close Jason could smell his wintergreen breath when he spoke. Summoning an image of Peter to help pull away, all he could see was Peter unable to say he loved him. A small sigh, almost a whimper, escaped and he closed his eyes to clear his mind.

Two soft, moist lips softly brushed against his as he felt Ethan pull them closer. The second kiss was firmer, more lasting, as the pillow and blanket fell to the ground. When he felt a tongue touch his lips, he parted them, allowing entrance.

Carefully, almost as if any sudden movement would break the spell, Ethan guided them back to the bed. With a hand behind his head, Jason felt Ethan pull them tighter as they each moved a leg back onto the bed.

While their tongues moved around, exploring each other's taste, Ethan gently unbuttoned Jason's jeans. Unzipped, Jason moved both feet onto the ground, never letting their lips part. He felt his pants slide down with the help of Ethan's free hand.

Bolder, perhaps for meeting no resistance, Ethan deftly slipped his hands under Jason's tee shirt. Lifting them, they broke their kiss long enough for Ethan to remove and toss aside the blue crew neck leaving them both wearing only matching black trunks.

Lost in Ethan's scent and taste, Jason let his desire push aside his thoughts. He firmly moved a willing Ethan back against the mattress, hovering, waiting for him to get settled. Pressing against the slim body beneath him, Jason ground together the thin layer of material that separated their hard cocks.

Eagerly, he moved for Ethan's mouth and was met with the same hunger he felt. Keeping some of his weight off his partner, Jason felt a pair of hands running over his back and sides. Each pass brought them closer to the black cotton trunks that kept Jason contained.

Finally, as if he couldn't wait any longer, Ethan thrust his hands beneath Jason's underwear, pushing them over his taut butt. Lifting high enough for the last bit of clothing to come off, Jason rolled over, bringing Ethan with him.

He didn't waste time working his way closer, and from the way Ethan kissed him, it didn't matter. With a bit of maneuvering, he had Ethan's underwear on the ground, and felt their naked bodies mash against each other. Breaking their lip lock, Ethan whispered, "God, I've wanted to do this since summer."

And the spell was broken.

Summer, when they refrained from doing anything because he was committed to Peter. This time when he closed his eyes, he didn't see the anger, or the failure to say, 'I love you.' Instead he saw the first time they kissed, felt he rush of emotion when Peter touched him, and how happy Peter could make him with just a smile.

"Lost you, didn't I?"

When he opened his eyes, Ethan was staring down at him, their groins still firmly together.

"What?"

"The moment, it's gone, isn't it?" Ethan turned his head side to side, before rolling toward the emptiest part of the bed.

"Ethan … " What could he say? He let them get naked and aroused, then ran away.

"Jase, no." Ethan took Jason's hand and brought it to his lips. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have pushed it. But … "

Ethan's head was inches from his, as the two shared the only pillow left on the bed. He was staring at the ceiling when Jason worked up the nerve to look over. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I want to, really I do, but I can't right now."

"Right now or ever?" The rejection in Ethan's voice stung.

Rolling to his left, Jason stared down at his friend. Leaning forward, he kissed him deeply. "Just right now."

Trying to give him as real a smile as he could manage, he was rewarded by a smirk on Ethan's face. Turning so they were face to face, Ethan said, "Really?"

"Um, did it look like I don't think you're hot?"

Ethan looked away, but suddenly Jason felt a hand on his still rigid cock. "Nope, looks like you still do."

Ethan let his hand linger. For a moment Jason didn't object, hoping it would salve some of the hurt. When he didn't let go, Jason worried Ethan was going to try to arouse him enough to try again. Before Jason asked, Ethan released his hold.

"Sorry, Jase. I know I need to be good." Ethan sunk his head against the pillow and closed his eyes.

"Ethan, I'm so sorry. I'll go sleep on the couch."

Lightning quick, Ethan's hand shot over and held fast. "No, don't. It's not you."

Jason stayed in place, watching for some sign Ethan was lying. "It feels like it's me."

"Tell me why you stopped." It was so matter of fact, Jason was shocked by the question.

"Huh?'

"Please tell me?" Ethan started to look away, but jerked his head back. "I need to hear it."

Although he didn't want to talk about it, Jason felt guilty after what he'd just done. Let happen was more accurate, but he was a willing participant once it started.

"Hang on." Jason grabbed his missing pillow and flicked off the lights. The small amount of light from outside was barely enough to see. As soon as his eyes adjusted, he stumbled back to the bed. He almost grabbed their underwear, but didn't. Facing Ethan, he settled back. A part of him knew they were still naked, but it didn't matter.

"This is more than I want Peter back. I mean I do, but that's not really why I stopped. Being realistic, he probably isn't going to call me and say he woke up and realized he can't live without me. When he couldn't say he loved me, my mind told me it was over, even if my heart won't give up yet."

Looking away, he waited for Ethan to comment. When it was clear he wouldn't, Jason shrugged.

"Anyway, before I left, he asked for some time to think about us. Maybe he won't break up with me in person, hell he might not tell me it's over at all. He'll probably let me figure it out for myself. But he asked for time and I said okay. It doesn't seem right if I told him I'd wait for him to think about it and then, I don't know, say the hell with it and move on."

Turning back he found Ethan staring at him, a small thin smile on his face. "So, I guess I want to give him a chance to decide what he wants before I break it off for good."

"You don't owe it to him, you know." Ethan tucked his left hand under the pillow to move his head up. "I mean, he's had time. You can't wait forever."

For a brief second, Jason felt a flash of anger, but the more he let Ethan's words sink in the better he felt. His words lacked any hint of seduction. This was Ethan his friend, not the friend who wanted to sleep with him.

"I know that, really. It might not seem like it, but I get that sooner or later I'll have to give up if he doesn't say something. But if you'd been there you would've seen how he struggled to answer me. Pete knew what I was asking and why. Not saying he loved me looked like it hurt him almost as much as it hurt me." He shrugged, hugging his pillow tighter.

"You still really love him. I can see it in your face and hear it in your voice." His left hand slowly inched over and gently rubbed the side of Jason's head.

Jason reached up, putting his hand on Ethan's. At first he pulled back, but Jason held it against his face. For a moment he forgot the disappointment and heartache reliving that night caused. When Jason released his grip, Ethan put his hand back under the pillow and smiled.

"I envy you that, Jason." Jason felt his heartache echoed in Ethan's voice. "Not the pain, but that you can still see the good in Peter and the fun times you had. All I see when I think of Anthony is how he betrayed me."

Even in the near darkness, Jason could see a tear on his friend's cheek. Running his thumb gently across Ethan's face, he tried to wipe it away. Ethan sniffed and closed his eyes.

With all the jokes and smiles, Ethan made it easy for Jason to forget how badly Anthony hurt him. Jason's rejection must have reinforced Ethan's insecurities about why his boyfriend cheated on him. Sliding his hand down Ethan's arm, Jason pulled him closer.

"C'mon here."

Ethan let himself be rolled over so Jason could hug him. Wrapping his arm around Ethan, Jason felt the inevitable arousal the contact caused.

"Sorry about the hard on, I can't help it being this close, Ethan." He knew he had to be careful or they would be back to where he didn't want them to go.

"It's okay, Jase, I promise not to take advantage of you again."

Damn he felt like crap. "Ethan … ."

Ethan twisted until he was on his back. "I'm good, really. At first I thought it was that you don't find me attractive." He reached over, squeezing Jason's cock. "But that clearly isn't the case. So I don't feel rejected, just disappointed because I really want to do more with you, but I can't, I won't."

Moving back, Ethan pulled Jason's arm around him again. "Is it okay for you to hold me tonight if I promise to be good?"

Jason didn't miss the plea mixed in with the humor. "Sure." He hugged Ethan hard for a moment, then let go. "But we need to put our underwear back on first."