Finding Alex - 21. Chapter 21

Sacha could barely contain his excitement. He hadn’t had a good night. Despite the medication he’d been in a lot of pain and couldn’t find a comfortable position to lie for more than a few minutes at a time. Needless to say, he’d barely slept and he was restless and bad tempered.

The last thing he’d wanted was to eat breakfast, but Lacey told him he wouldn’t be able to have Nik’s surprise if he didn’t, so he forced himself to eat whatever was put in front of him, and was promptly sick. Afterwards, he tried again, more slowly and managed a little fruit and half a croissant, although it was touch and go whether it would stay put.

He’d wanted to wear his new clothes for Nik to see, but Lacey refused point blank. There had been a short battle of wills Sacha simply didn’t have the energy to win. He had a suspicion that he’d be hard put to win against Lacey even if he was on top form. Not that he couldn’t; it would just be hard fought.

Finally, Lacey was satisfied, and helped Sacha get dressed and into his chair. By the time they’d finished, he was exhausted and bathed in sweat, but determined not to let Lacey see how much he was struggling. He was terrified Lacey would stop Nik coming.

Despite his best intentions, the exhaustion was too much to fight, and no matter how hard he tried to stay awake and alert for sounds of Nik arriving, it didn’t take long to slip into sleep. He was awoken sometime later.

“Hey you, sleepy head.” Sacha jumped and groaned as pain jabbed into his side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Sacha smiled. “You got to see me wake up this time.”

Nik laughed. “Yes, I did. Next time I hope it will be gentler.”

Sacha shrugged. “I go to sleep; I wake up. Nothing’s very gentle; not really.”

“It will be. I promise. Things will get better.”

“I know. One step at a time.”

“Are you ready for your surprise?” Nik asked.

“Yes. Oh. I loved your other surprise. Lacey told me you helped her choose. I wanted to wear it so you could see it. I-I hoped you’d tell me I look pretty.” Sacha gave Nik a soft smile and Nik bit his lip. “Lacey wouldn’t let me.”

“Just as well,” Nik said in a choked voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I-I mean if you were still dressed in your night clothes, you wouldn’t be ready for your surprise.”

“Why do I have to be dressed?”

“Because we’re going out.”

“Out?” Sacha said nervously. Although he knew Ryland wasn’t there anymore, he was still nervous about being outside. He didn’t even feel safe inside yet.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. You know you’re safe with me, don’t you.”

Sacha thought about it then smiled. “Yes,” he said. “I feel safe with you.”

“Don’t feel too safe.”

Lacey’s voice made him jump. He’d been in a comfortable bubble, just him and Nik. “What do you mean?”

“Keep your wits about you. There are plenty of dangers out there. Dangers you don’t see coming.”

Sacha was confused. Lacey seemed to be speaking to Nik and she didn’t sound too happy. Nik scowled back. Were they having an argument? And what did she mean about dangers?

“Lacey, for goodness sake, you’re scaring him. He was nervous enough as it was. Don’t listen to her, Sacha. There’s nothing dangerous out there. I can protect you, I promise.”

“I know,” Sacha said. “Why is Lacey mad at you?”

“She’s not mad, not really.”

“Just be careful, honey,” she said and kissed Sacha’s head. “And you….” She turned to Nik. “Take care of him…properly.”

“I will.”

Sacha got the sense there was way more to the conversation than he was hearing and it made his head ache.

“Come on. Don’t worry about Lacey. She cares about you a lot, that’s all. She worries.” Nik helped him to his feet, and steadied him against his side.

“Oh. I’m sorry for making you worry,” Sacha said and hugged Lacey.

Lacey laughed and hugged him back, gently. “Don’t you worry, honey. Just have a good day. Try to behave yourself,” she said to both of them, her eyes flicking to Nik. He sighed and nodded. Again conversation was going on behind the scenes. Sacha didn’t understand.

“Do you think you can walk to the door?” Nik asked, “or shall I carry you?”

“I’m fine,” Sacha said automatically, then thought about it. “I don’t know.” The door seemed an awful long way away suddenly, and then he’d have to walk all the way across the hall. He started to sweat at the thought.

“Hey, it’s no hardship to carry you. You hardly weigh anything at all.”

“Yes, I intend to change that pretty soon,” Lacey said, glaring at him with mock severity. Sacha laughed, knowing she was teasing.

Sacha looped his arms around Nik’s neck as Nik scooped him up and carried him across the hall. Being this close to Nik was nice. He smelled good. Spicy and warm.

Outside, Sacha was surprised to see the car that stood at the bottom of the steps. It was big and square, with huge wheels. Nik carried Sacha straight to the car and, when Lacey ran to open the door, Nik settled Sacha into the seat. It was like sitting in an armchair, really high above the road. Nik then strapped him in and hurried round to the driver’s seat.

Lacey stood on tiptoe to kiss Sacha, then closed the door and waved as Nik started the car and drove away.

“Where are we going?” Sacha asked, sick with nerves. He wasn’t good with surprises. In his experience surprises had never turned out well. He needed to know things.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise,” Nik said with a smile.

“I don’t like surprises,” Sacha said and it came out in a petulant whine. Sacha had to admit he sounded like a spoiled brat. That was so far from the truth it almost made him chuckle.

“Mr Impatient. Well, you’re going to have to wait for this one. You’ll find out soon enough.”

You’ll find out soon enough. How often had those words presaged something bad; something terrible? That’s what Ryland said when he took him to the client who cut him, and to the doctor when he did things that hurt. He said that when they went to pick up a new boy, and when that man had pulled his tooth out with a pair of pliers. He’d grown to hate those words, to fear them.

“Please.”

Nik totally failed to catch the hitch in his voice, or the way it trembled.

“No, you’re going to have to be patient.”

Sacha sank back into the seat and stared out of the window. He shivered, although the car was warm, maybe too warm, from the summer sunshine beaming in through the window. Sacha saw nothing through the glass. His eyes were turned inward. He saw Ryland with that smile on his face, the one that said I own you. He heard the hated voice again, the sneer, the cruelty. You’ll find out soon enough.

Sacha hadn’t realised at the time, how wrong it was, how evil Ryland had been. He’d just got on with it, did what he was told and picked up the pieces afterwards. Those pains had faded. He had new ones now.

You’ll find out soon enough. One by one the scenes unfolded. Time after time, when Ryland spoke those hated words. The things that happened. The things he did. The things that were done to him. One by one. Sacha squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut them out; the images; the memories, but they just kept replaying, one after the other.

Sacha didn’t realise he’d started to rock. He didn’t hear Nik’s questions. He wasn’t even aware the car had pulled over and Nik had got out. The first he knew, there were strong arms around him, holding him tight and a voice speaking into his hair. His face was pressed against a familiar chest and he could hear the heart beating. It was beating hard and fast.

“Ryland.” He knew immediately it wasn’t, but he’d been so present in his memories. He could even smell him; feel Ryland’s hands on his body.

“Sacha? Sacha, it’s me. Nik. Please don’t. Please stop. What did I do? What made this happen? You were so happy.”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Sacha whispered, through sobs. “You’ll find out soon enough. You’ll find out soon enough. Don’t fight it. Can’t run away. Can’t do anything. What are you going to do to me? You’ll find out soon enough.” It was all he could manage. The closest he could get to telling Nik what happened; what was happening.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say something? Jesus, you did and I wasn’t listening. I’m sorry, Sacha. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think, not for a minute. I’ll tell you where we’re going. We’re going to the beach. I want to take you to see the sea. I promise I won’t ever say that to you again. Never. I promise.”

Gradually, Sacha stopped rocking, then he stopped shaking, then he stopped crying. Nik still held him tightly.

“I’m okay,” Sacha said, at last, even though he didn’t feel okay at all.

“Are you sure?” Nik pulled away a little, so he could see his face. “You don’t look okay.”

“Relatively okay.”

Nik smiled. It was only a little one, but he seemed relieved.

“I’m sorry,” Sacha said.

“Sorry? What on earth for?”

“Freaking out and spoiling things.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for that. It’s my fault you freaked out, and you haven’t spoiled anything. We’re still going to the beach. I’m still going to walk in the sea with you. You’re still going to feel sand between your toes.”

Sacha stared at him with wide eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll like that.”

“If you don’t we’ll stop. I’ll carry you over the sand and if you hate the sea we won’t walk in it. But I bet you won’t hate it.”

“I’ll find out soon enough,” Sacha said, dully, the spark of excitement that had kindled, extinguished.

“Don’t say that. Or say it and think about good things. Make the badness go away. Take the power out of those words. Maybe you’ll like the wide blue ocean, that stretches as far as you can see, the cool sea breezes that smell of salt and freshness. You’ll find out soon enough. Maybe you’ll like the soft sand that feels like walking on feathers, that sinks under your feet and crumbles between your toes. It will be warm this time of year. You’ll find out soon enough. Maybe you’ll like dipping your feet in the cold ocean, feeling the sand sucking at them, and little waves washing over them. You’ll find out soon enough.”

Sacha stared at him, his eyes getting wider and wider. Nik’s blue eyes started to sparkle and the anxious expression changed to one of hope and excitement.

“Will I really see those things? Do those things? Will you carry me over the sand? Will walk in the water with me?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“I’ve never been to the sea. I’ve only seen pictures. Is it really like that?”

“Better. You’ll see soon enough.”

Sacha laughed. “I will.” He heaved a sigh and sank back into the seat. “I’m tired.”

“I bet you are. Here, recline the seat back and you can sleep for a while. It will take about an hour to get there. I’ll wake you before we get the first glimpse of the ocean.”

“Okay.” Sacha would have loved to talk more about the sea, and all the things they were going to do, but he was bone achingly tired and his eyes were sore from crying, so he allowed Nik to recline the seat back, until he was almost lying down. With some difficulty he turned on his side so he could look up at Nik.

“That’s not the way you’re supposed to lie,” Nik said, getting back into the car.

“Don’t care.”

“Oh well, whatever. As long as you’re comfortable, and your seatbelt’s on securely.”

“Mhm. Warm.”

“Is it too hot? I can turn the air con on if you want.”

“Don’t know what it is. Don’t care. Warm. Like it.”

“Good.” Nik smiled at him and Sacha fell asleep, purring.

Sacha woke to Nik calling him. He stretched and yelped in pain. When he tried to sit up it left him gasping.

“I told you not to go to sleep like that,” Nik said mildly. Sacha whimpered and Nik sent him a concerned glance. “Are you okay?”

Sacha shook his head and whimpered again. Nik sighed and pulled over to the side of the road. It wasn’t easy because it was a very small road with hedges on either side.

Nik got out of the car and walked around to Sacha’s side. Carefully, Nik released the seatbelt and helped Sacha turn over onto his back. Then, he raised the seat until Sacha was sitting up.

“Okay now?”

“No. Did Lacey give you my pills from the hospital?”

“Yes, do you need one? How long since you last had one?”

“Yes. I don’t know.”

“I’ll call Lacey.”

“Please, Nik, I hurt.”

“I’ll call Lacey.”

Sacha closed his eyes and bit down hard on his lip. Waves of pain washed over him and he cursed himself that he hadn’t listened to Nik. He had to be bloody stubborn. He’d known when he was dropping off that the position would be trouble, but it was nice and warm, and he could see Nik. He’d though it was worth it. He was wrong.

Sacha jumped when Nik touched his shoulder. He groaned.

“Lacey said you had pills about two hours ago. You can’t have any more just yet.”

“But it hurts, Nik. I can’t….” Sacha fought to control his breathing because breathing hard hurt.

“Okay, try to relax. Don’t get upset or it will make things worse.”

Sacha tried to make his breathing shallower, and eased his position, to take the pressure off his ribs. He groaned as this caused a sharp, stabbing pain through his stomach. It was too much, and he started to cry. Nik stroked his hair and held his hand and it gave him what he needed to fight the pain until it faded.

Eventually, Sacha opened his eyes, blinking away tears. He stared up and Nik who was bending over him, with a worried expression on his face. Something about that expression, and the twinkling of his blue eyes, made Sacha feel weird. His stomach tightened, not in a bad way this time.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice tight. He found his throat had somehow closed up and his mouth was dry. Was it because he was ill? He didn’t think so. Sacha licked his lips and a tiny smile tugged at the corners. An answering smile crept onto Nik’s face.

“Please don’t do that to me again. I couldn’t bear it. It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain, and it’s the second time today.”

“I’ll try,” Sacha said, his eyes remaining fixed on Nik’s. Nik’s hand was soft and warm against his face, the thumb absently wiping the tears from his cheek. Sacha rubbed against it and sighed. “I don’t mind hurting if you make it better.”

“I’ll always try to make it better.” Nik’s voice was husky, his eyes wide. They dominated Sacha’s vision, seeming to grow bigger and bigger, or were they just moving closer? Sacha stopped breathing; afraid to move, afraid to breathe. It seemed as if Nik felt the same way, because he froze, his eyes searching Sacha’s face. Nik was so close Sacha could feel the warmth of his breath and if he just raised his head a little…. Slowly, Sacha’s lips parted and his eyes fluttered closed. He waited.

Nik’s hand disappeared from his face, leaving it cold, and when Sacha opened his eyes, Nik was already out of the car, closing the door on him. It was like a slap in the face. What happened? What had he done wrong?

“You’ll see the sea soon, over there.”

Sacha didn’t look the way Nik indicated, he was too busy staring at Nik. He wanted to ask what happened but how could he? Maybe Nik hadn’t felt the same way. Maybe Nik had just been worried about him. Maybe he’d imagined the whole thing.

“Nik….”

“Don’t. Let’s just have a good day, okay?”

“But—”

“Please, Sacha. I really want to have a good day. We’ll talk later, okay?”

Nik turned his head to look at him and Sacha nodded, then turned to look out of the window. He felt as if he had a brick in his chest and a hammer pounding his skull. He was so confused; so hurt.

“Look, there’s the sea. See? That glitter in the distance. Keep your eyes on it. It will get closer and clearer all the time.”

Sacha looked where Nik had pointed, and despite his sadness, he couldn’t help but be entranced by the shimmering horizon, and his delight grew along with the strip of blue.

Nik turned into an even smaller road and Sacha lost sight of the sea, as they entered a tunnel of trees.

“Where are we going?” Sacha asked.

“Wait and…. Oh, sorry, I almost forgot. We’re going down to a private beach, where we can drive onto the sand and no one will disturb us.”

“A private beach? Are we allowed?”

“Don’t worry, I know the person who owns it?”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Don’t worry. Would I do anything to hurt you?”

“No. I know you wouldn’t.”

“Keep your eyes open. When we come out from the trees, the view is amazing.”

Feeling excited, Sacha leaned forward and stared out of the window. Moments later the road turned sharply, and descended. The trees vanished and the scenery opened up. Sacha gasped. They were driving down a hill on a single track road. At the bottom of the hill a golden sandy beach stretched down to sparkling water. Sacha opened the window and inhaled.

“I can smell it. I can. Just like you said. I can smell the sea.”

Wait until you get out there. It won’t be long.”

The car descended the last few hundred feet and stopped at a gate. Nik got out and opened it, then got back into the car. On the other side of the gate, the road took them straight on to the sand and Nik stopped.

“Are you ready?”

Sacha nodded eagerly.