Finding Alex - 24. Chapter 24

The next few days were an utter nightmare for Sacha. He carried his cellphone with him wherever he went and checked it constantly, but there was nothing from Nik, and when he tried to call Nik’s number it wasn’t there.

Lacey tried her best to distract him, but there was nothing anyone could do or say to take away the constant pain in his heart. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and everything was starting to hurt. It didn’t help when, the day after Nik left, James told him why.

They were sitting in the pool room. Sacha wasn’t well enough to go into the pool, but he enjoyed sitting in there, on one of the loungers, with all the doors open. Today, was one of the typically British summer days, where the weather was warm, even when the skies were grey and emptying rain. The doors were open, drawing in the smell of grass and rain, and for once, Sacha felt peaceful.

“Are you okay?” James asked, and Sacha started awake from a doze. “I’m sorry,” James said hurriedly. “You just stopped talking and I was worried.”

“No, I’m sorry. I keep doing that, falling asleep in the middle of stuff. I’m really tired all the time.”

“I guess it’s because you’re still sick. Lacey says you’ll be better soon, and I believe her. Hey, she says you can sing. Is that true?”

“Everyone can sing.” Sacha stretched and winced. It was a toss–up between his rib and his wound, which hurt most. They both burned like fire if he caught them wrong.

“True, but not everyone can sing well. Lacey said you’re really good, and she doesn’t say things she doesn’t mean. Have you ever thought about singing with a band?”

“I haven’t thought about singing with anyone.”

“Well, I play drums in a band. We’re pretty good, but our singer’s gone off to study in Paris or something. Anyway, he won’t be here and we’re looking for a new singer. Want to try out?”

“I don’t know what that means?”

“Just singing and having the rest of the guys listen to see if they like you…your voice I mean – to see if it fits with our music and stuff.”

“Um…okay. I don’t mind singing for people.”

“Cool. I’ll get the guys around. They’ll love you, and I think you’ll like them.”

Sacha frowned, feeling nervous. “They’re not the ones who came before, are they?”

James ducked his head and blushed. “Some of them. That whole thing was a horrible mistake. I promise they’ll be respectful this time. I really came under some serious stick for it. Nik ripped me a new arsehole and all the other guys - apart from Lasher, the one who groped you, who won’t be coming – all gave me hassle over it. They’re as embarrassed as you are.”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m just scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“They’re all big, and the way they looked at me…. I was scared, James. I still am.”

James stared at Sacha, absolute horror in his eyes. “Did you think…? Hell, I can be a dick, bro, but never that much of a dick. If Nik hadn’t stopped Lasher, I would have. Laughing at you is one thing – and I’m not proud of that either – but no one would have done anything bad to you, not without having to deal with me.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely, and this time you won’t be dressed like that and no one will say a word to you that isn’t cool with me.”

Sacha peeked at James through his hair. “You’ll take care of me?”

“Absolutely. Cross my heart; I promise.”

“Okay. Will Nik be there?” Hope sparked in Sacha, as he remembered Nik was there last time. Hope died with the expression on James’ face.

“That’s not going to happen, is it? He won’t be allowed.”

“Allowed? What do you mean?”

James’ eyes widened and he stared at Sacha. “Don’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“Nik’s been sent away…because of you.”

Sacha’s heart dropped, and his stomach turned over. Horror crept through him like ice in his veins. “What do you mean?”

“Well….” James looked ridiculously uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. “Maybe it would be better to ask Lacey.”

“I asked Lacey and she obviously lied to me. Tell me. Please tell me. Was Nik punished because of me? Why?”

“Well…. Nik’s dad really important. He’s a Lord and a High Court Judge.”

“People keep talking about Nik’s father. What does he have to do with anything?”

“It’s all about scandal and stuff. It would, like…ruin his reputation, or something, if it came out in the press that his son’s…well…well, that he’s gay and…um…seeing…in a relationship… well… with… with….”

“Someone like me.” Reality settled on Sacha like a rock on his chest. How had he never realised it before? He might be part of this world, because of his family, where he was born, what he was born to… but he’d never be good enough for them. He’d always be the freak; the whore; the broken one; the dirty one. He’d been protected from it until now, because it wasn’t important to his family. He’d seen glimpses of it with James and he really should have realised then.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Yes, it is. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. I’m not good enough for people like you.”

“That’s rubbish. Of course you are, and I’ll lay out anyone who says otherwise.”

“You’ll be fighting the world, then.”

“If I have to. I don’t give a crap for all that shit. That’s why I’m in a band, because we’re going to make it out of here, out of all the pretentiousness and bullshit. Don’t you know everyone already looks down on this family, because of Dad?”

“Dad? What wrong with him?”

“He wasn’t ‘born to money’. He was a commoner, a nothing. And he still works and gets his hands dirty. I hear it sometimes at school, with the new kids. Everyone else knows better.”

“Did you have to fight them?”

“At first, but Nik really made a difference. He’s a big name because of who his father is… well, and him really. I think he gets a title too, when his dad dies. If he’s being really offish or there’s something formal going on he can call himself ‘The Honourable Nikolas Buckingham’. He doesn’t go for it much though.”

“I don’t understand.” Sacha was about as confused as he ever had been. Most of the words James was saying had no meaning at all to him, certainly not in the context they were being used.

“Well, it’s the nobility, isn’t it? The aristocracy.” Seeing Sacha’s blank look, he pressed on. “Look, I can’t say I understand it all myself. Dad made sure we weren’t exposed to too much of that nonsense. It goes way, way back to medieval times; before. At some point in history, the king gives someone a title – like Earl, or Baron, or Duke, or Lord. They can use the title in their address. I mean the way people speak to them. It’s like…Earl this, or Baron that, or Marquis or Lord. Do you understand that?”

“Kind of.”

“Then, the oldest son of someone with a title, takes over the title when his father dies. So, if your dad was an Earl, you’ll get to be an Earl when he dies.”

“Okay.”

“Some of the titles have land attached to them, so you get to inherit, sometimes entire counties.”

“But Nik’s not…I mean…Is he?”

“I don’t think so. Not entire counties; just the title, oh and the house. Maybe the whole estate. They’ve got their own coat of arms and everything.”

“I really don’t understand.”

“I’m not very good at explaining these things. I’ll get you a book, or you can look on Wiki™.”

“What’s that?”

“God, you really don’t know anything, do you? It’s an online resource. You can find information on just about everything on there. And I bet if you googled Nik’s name you’d find out loads about his family.”

“I…don’t know how.”

“I’ll show you. Anyway, Nik’s dad is a real big shot; really, really important – and he’s a judge too. They have to be whiter than white…free from scandal, you know?” Sacha shook his head. “I think someone must have seen you at the beach, because His Lordship must have been furious to have sent Nik away like that.”

“Is he being punished?”

“I guess so.”

“Because of me?”

“I suppose, but it’s really not your fault. It’s those utter arseholes, with all their stupid titles and ideas about honour.”

“Honour is important.”

“Not their version. Not when it hurts people so much. You’ve no idea what Dad’s gone through because of that garbage. Our grandparents haven’t spoken to us at all since Mother died.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re polluted by Dad’s ordinariness.”

That managed to coax a tiny smile from Sacha. “Thank heaven for that,” he said and shivered. “What would have happened to me if he’d been like them?”

James looked at him with a strange frown on his face. “I don’t know. I’m not sure they would have been looking for you in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, they’d have been really sad, but I don’t know if, once they knew what happened….”

“They wouldn’t have wanted me back?”

“Maybe. Look, it’s all going to blow over eventually. People move on to other things. They forget. Nik’s dad isn’t a complete arse. I should think that in a couple of months, Nik will come back and you can pick up again, as long as it’s under the radar, so to speak.”

“So, Nik and I can only be friends if no one knows about it.”

“I guess so. Kind of.”

Sacha stared at James in utter horror. Every word he’d heard, drove a vicious sliver of glass deeper and deeper into his chest, passing right through his heart. He couldn’t bear to be here anymore, especially not with James.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said. “I…don’t feel well. I’m dizzy. Can you help me back to my room?”

“Oh hell. Look, I’m sorry. I thought you knew. I thought you ought to know. I didn’t think….”

“It’s alright, James. You were right. I needed to know. I wanted to know. I’m glad you were honest with me. At least I can trust one of you.”

“I’m sure Lacey would have told you. She just… I suppose she was worried, what with you being ill and all….”

“I suppose. Can I please just go lie down now?”

Sacha lay awake all that night in a delirium of pain. He relived every moment he’d spent with Nik and wept hot tears that he was likely never to do so again. Lacey tried to reassure him, saying pretty much the same things as James had – that things would calm down in a few weeks and Nik would come home. But that was no comfort to Sacha. They would have to sneak around and he was damned if he was going to by anyone’s dirty little secret. And, besides, it could get Nik into serious trouble and he wasn’t about to be responsible for that.

No, he had to face it, he and Nik were over, before they’d even begun. Sacha hadn’t decided yet, whether he wanted to, or even would be able to be, Nik’s friend. It might be better just to sever all ties. A clean cut would be easiest.

The following day, he wandered around like a ghost with no appetite and no energy. By late afternoon he was so fed up of people trying to coax him – to talk, to eat, to be interested in something – that he crawled up the stairs on his hands and knees, so he could get to his room and lock the door.

Another night of agony, when the pain in his heart was joined by extra pain from his body, saw him collapse onto the sofa and finally find sleep in sheer exhaustion.

He was woken by frantic hammering on the door. “Sacha, are you in there? Don’t worry, I’m not going to hassle you. The boys are here and they want to hear you sing. We’ll do it up here if you want, so you don’t have to go downstairs.”

Sacha sat up slowly, wincing with pain. Although he’d slept he was still exhausted, and the thought of singing for James and his friends was almost unbearable, but he’d said he would, so he had to.

“Hang on,” he called, then dragged himself to his feet. He looked down. His clothes were crumpled from having been slept in, but they were clean. He quickly un-braided his hair, dragged a brush through it and braided it again, by which time, the boys at the door were getting restless.

“Sacha, what the hell are you doing in there?”

“Sorry,” Sacha mumbled and tied off his hair, as he opened the door.

“There you are,” James said. “Finally.”

“I’m sorry. I was asleep.”

“Oh.” James gave him a close look and his eyes widened. “Shit. Sorry. Lacey will have my ears if she knows I woke you. You look like crap. Do you want us to go away and come back another time?”

Sacha shook his head with a tired smile. “No. It’s as good a time as any. I guess I could do with a bit of distraction. I just keep going over and over things in my head and I’m even boring myself with it now.”

Sacha stood back and allowed the boys to file in. There were three, plus James. Two of them he very vaguely recognised, probably from having glimpsed them on the last occasion. The third he was very, very sure he’d never set eyes on before. If he had he would have remembered, of that he was sure. The boy smiled at him. He was Asian, almost as small as Sacha, slender and petite. Sacha was captivated by his latte skin, white blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Is that really the colour of your hair?” he asked, never one to procrastinate.

The boy laughed. “Hardly. These are not my eyes either.”

Sacha gasped, visions of the boy taking out glass eyes, flashing in his head.

“Coloured contacts,” the boy clarified. “Hi. I’m Suki, I play lead guitar so we’ll be getting up close and personal on stage.”

Sacha blinked, utterly confused.

“Leave him alone, Suki,” James said. “I told you, he’s not a freak like you. He’s quiet and sweet, so don’t try to seduce him or I’ll throttle you.”

Suki smiled. “Don’t worry,” he said, in a silky smooth voice, “I’ll be gentle with him.”

Suki had made no attempt to pass Sacha and move into the room. He stood, entirely at ease, leaning against the wall. Sacha started to feel like a mouse between the paws of a cat. The look Suki gave him was feral.

“Um…we should go in.”

“Should we? I’m quite happy where I am.”

Sacha smiled nervously, and was extremely grateful when one of the other boys appeared and dragged Suki into the room. “Leave him alone, will you? You don’t have to hit on everyone you meet.”

“I don’t,” Suki said, his voice full of amusement, “only the really cute ones.”

“Just sit down,” James snapped. “Is it okay if we have some drinks, Sacha?”

“What? Yes, of course. I think there are some in the fridge. I haven’t looked for a while.”

Sacha perched on the edge of the sofa, while James filled drink orders. All the while, he was acutely aware of Suki’s eyes on him. He wasn’t averse to the fact the pretty Asian was observing him. In fact, in other circumstances, it would have made him feel good, but he was too raw from the whole situation with Nik, and too tired, and he didn’t feel at all well. Nevertheless, when Suki slid over and snaked an arm around him, he didn’t pull away. It was nice to rest his head on Suki’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Suki asked and Sacha was surprised by the genuine concern in his voice.

“Yes, just tired. I… haven’t been well.”

“I know. Major respect for that. I don’t know how I’d have coped. I don’t think I would have. You know, I didn’t believe it at first — when James told us; right back at the beginning. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could have lived through that and come back. I wish I’d come when James set up that nonsense. Then I would have been the one to save you, not Nik Buckingham. Trust me, beautiful, I wouldn’t let anyone or anything come between me and all this sweetness.”

Sacha held his breath, when Suki ran a thumb over his lips. He had the strangest feeling that Suki was drawing him into his eyes, sucking out his resistance, like a snake. Hypnotising him, almost. Lost in the incredible blueness of the eyes that gazed down at him, and entirely zoned out from the voice that murmured to him, Sacha let his lips part and sucked gently on the thumb that slipped inside.

“Hey! That’s enough, Suki. Leave him alone.” James voice shattered the illusion and Sacha shuddered, drawing back.

“I wasn’t doing anything he didn’t want me to do,” Suki said, sounding outraged.

“He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s all over the place and you’re taking advantage of him.”

Suki smiled his sexy smile and turned his 100kw eyes on Sacha again. “Never let it be said I fail to take advantage of any situation that gets me this close to someone as beautiful as this.”

Sacha gasped, his eyes widening, and warmth swept through his body from the arm that was still settled on his shoulders.

“Leave him alone,” James repeated, and grabbed Sacha’s arm, literally dragging him out of Suki’s grip. With a cry, Sacha fell against James, who steadied him. Not, however, before pain shot through him and tears filled his eyes.

“That. Hurt,” he gasped.