Finding Alex - 26. Chapter 26

The following week was, literally, a nightmare for Sacha. After passing out in the music room, he woke in hospital, with a raging fever from another infection in his surgical wound. They were, fortunately able to control the infection with antibiotics and he didn’t require further surgery. The length of his stay was primarily because of grave concern over his inability or refusal to eat, rather than the infection.

While in the grip of the fever, Sacha begged Nik for forgiveness over and over, pleading with him to come back. When the delirium faded, he stopped asking and merely wept over what he now considered to be a permanent loss. No matter how much Lacey tried to reassure him Nik would calm down and see sense, Sacha was convinced Nik would now see him for what he really was – worthless, spoiled goods incapable of fidelity – and want nothing more to do with him.

On the fifth day, the doctors lost hope of treating his lack of appetite and opened discussion with his psychiatrist as to whether the problem was more psychological than physical. They started talking about private mental health clinics and even psychiatric hospitals.

All the Prosser family resisted, preferring to have Sacha home with private treatment than put him through the further trauma of institutional psychiatric care. Fortunately they had the finance to carry through with their wishes should it become necessary.

For the present, the psychiatrist agreed to work with Sacha at the hospital, while the doctors did everything they could to keep him well nourished. However, even with the best they could provide, Sacha continued to lose weight, and his already slender, waif like appearance, began to look gaunt and emaciated. He was literally wasting away, fading before their eyes.

It was late evening of the fifth day and Sacha was dozing off and on, exhausted by the demanding assessment of the psychiatrist that morning. Lacey was sitting in the corner, reading quietly. She looked up and smiled every time he woke and looked for reassurance he wasn’t alone.

The opening and closing of the door intruded into his consciousness, which was wandering in deeper sleep, and in his dream doors opened and closed admitting all kinds of shadows and demons. He whimpered, fighting sleep, until he felt the soothing hand on his hair. He sighed and was about to allow himself to sink again, when he heard a voice calling. There was something wrong with the voice, and at first, he thought it might have come from a dream. However, that same sense of wrongness urged him to wake, so he did.

At first, the figure leaning over him was blurred and indistinct, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t Lacey.

“Hey you, what are you doing to yourself, huh? Can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?”

Quite suddenly, the voice and face came into sharp focus. “Nik,” he whispered,” unable to find the words or energy for anything more. “Nik.” Hot tears scalded his eyes and blurred Nik’s image again. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Sacha. What I did was unforgivable. Not only did I judge you without giving you the slightest opportunity to explain, but I ran and cut off all communication, so no one could reach me, to tell me what was happening to you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you when you needed me.”

“Nik,” was all Sacha could say, as the tears ran down his cheek. He couldn’t even raise his arms to Nik; he was just too weak.

Nik was crying too, and when he bent over to carefully put his arms around Sacha, the two sets of tears combined when Nik pressed his lips against Sacha’s. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over.

At first, Sacha returned the kiss, but he couldn’t sustain it and Nik drew back when he stopped. “Look at you,” Nik said, brushing his hair out of his face and wiping his tears with his thumb, while his own tears fell unchecked. “You’re a mess.”

“Sorry.”

“Will you stop saying that? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

Sacha managed to smile. He licked his lips, savouring the lingering taste of Nik. Nik misunderstood the gesture.

“Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink?”

“No.”

“Hungry then? You’re bound to be hungry; you haven’t eaten in such a long time.”

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“But you’ll eat huh? For me? Just a little?”

“I…. I can’t, Nik. I’m not starving myself, honest. It’s not because I’m depressed or anything like that. I’m just not hungry. It makes me sick.”

“Will you try a tiny bit, just for me? Just a tiny, tiny little bit?”

Sacha was pretty sure he’d be sick if he tried to eat, but how could he deny Nik anything? He was here. He was back, and Sacha would do just about anything to make sure he wouldn’t go away again.

“Okay.”

Nik’s eyes lit up, and it warmed Sacha’s heart. “What have you got?” Nik asked Lacey.

“We’ve tried about everything I can think of.”

“I have an idea. Wait here.” Nik shook his head and laughed. “As if you’re going anywhere.”

“Don’t go.”

“I promise I’ll be right back. Ten minutes tops. I saw something just outside that would be perfect.”

“Please.”

Sacha’s whispered plea was unheard or ignored. Nik was on a mission and nothing was stopping him.”

“Feeling better now?” Lacey asked. She smiled at him. Sacha considered. He didn’t, not really, but his heart was lighter and there was a smile in there somewhere. Maybe a little more energy, a greater desire to make an effort.

“I don’t know. Maybe a little.”

“A little better is better than a little worse. That’s what Mum always used to say.”

Sacha thought about it. “I guess.” He sighed. “I’m tired.”

“I know, honey. You look tired. Why not have a little sleep while you wait for Nik?”

“Will you wake me when he comes back?”

Lacey smiled. “I doubt I’ll need it. He’s so excited. I’d be surprised if he didn’t wake you himself, as soon as he walks through the door.”

Sacha smiled, sighed and fell asleep.

When he woke, Nik was dozing in the chair and Lacey had disappeared.

“Nik?”

Nik jumped as if he’d been stuck with a pin. He leaped to his feet and almost tripped over them getting to the bed.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You were sleeping so peacefully.”

“Yes, I was. No dreams, for a change.”

“Have you been having bad dreams? What about?”

“All kinds.” Sacha bit his lip. Some things he didn’t want to say and some things he didn’t want to think about.

“Were you worrying about me? Were you afraid I wouldn’t come back?”

Biting his lip, Sacha nodded.

“That was never going to happen, no matter what. I love you and I’m never going to leave you.”

Sacha almost choked. Did Nik say what he thought he’d just said? “You…you love me?”

“Is it alright for me to say that? I know it’s scary. It scared the hell out of me when I realized. I know I’ve never had a proper boyfriend before but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t feel like this if I wasn’t in love with you. You drive me crazy, every minute of every day. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t settle. It was horrible when Father told me I couldn’t see you, and even worse when I ran away. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.”

Sacha smiled. Warmth flooded him, then the fear came back. “But what about your father? What about the newspapers and—”

“It’s alright. They’ve all been taken care of.”

“They…they know?”

“Someone may have leaked a story.” Nik smiled.

“But, your father? What about you?”

“You worry too much, and that is definitely not something you need to worry about. The press have the story straight; not some sensationalized version started by a hack reporter. They’re treating it as a tragic love story and we’re all painted in a good light. They love you.”

“They do? But they don’t know me.”

“Alright then, they love the idea of you. You’re a ray of sunshine and everyone knows it.”

“How?”

“I might have talked to someone – briefly.”

“You? It was you who leaked the story?”

Nik smiled, but didn’t answer. “I’ve got you something,” he said, and Sacha turned his head as Nik grabbed something from a table cluttered with food, drinks and the horrible milkshake things the hospital kept trying to feed him. How, in God’s name they expected him to drink that, when the very thought of food made him nauseous, escaped him. They kept pointing out that the milkshakes were better than the feeding tube. As if he needed that pointed out to him. He hated the bloody thing. But what could he do when he threw up whenever he tried to drink one, and being sick with a feeding tube up your nose, is no fun at all.

Sacha was deeply concerned about what Nik was going to present to him. He was going to eat it; of course he was; it was Nik – and then he was going to be sick, and it would be horrible. However, he was interested, despite himself, when Nik produced something wrapped in cellophane. It was bright red and green.

“Watermelon,” Nik said triumphantly, as he unwrapped the slice. “It’s easily digested and has all sorts of good things in it to help you get better when you’re not well. I’m sure you can manage a little of this.”

The coldness of the watermelon on Sacha’s lips felt like heaven, and it slipped down his throat with soothing ease. He managed half the slice before he had to stop. Nik was beaming, and best of all, he wasn’t even nauseous, let alone sick.

“Can I have more later?” Sacha asked.

“I’ll get a whole bloody watermelon if it helps you. Hell I’d get a field full if I had to.”

“I don’t think I can eat all that.”

“In a few days you will.”

It took more than a few days for Sacha to be well enough to eat a whole watermelon, let alone a field full, but he made steady progress.

Within a few days, the dreaded feeding tube was removed, and in a week he was home, albeit with a private nurse to help out for a while.

By the end of the summer, Sacha was as well as he had ever been, and ready to perform his first gig with the band. He’d started practicing almost as soon as he came out of the hospital. JonJon was a hard taskmaster, and sometimes, in the beginning, Sacha would sleep for twenty four hours or more afterwards, but everyone agreed it did him good, so he practiced hard.

At first it was strange to sing with the background of instruments, and other voices weaving with his own, but he got used to it very quickly and enjoyed it immensely. It had given him something to focus on during his recovery.

The only fly in the ointment was Suki, who seemed to have become an entirely different person. Apparently, he’d visited the hospital with the rest of the band only once. Sacha had been too ill at the time to acknowledge the visit and didn’t remember. James told him he’d been very upset at seeing Sacha so ill and changed completely from then on. He’d stayed away from Sacha until he had to join the practices. He was polite, but cold and distant, which hurt Sacha. Once or twice, Sacha had tried to talk to him, but Suki shut him down entirely.

Nik, of course, had been Sacha’s constant companion, and now he was out there in the audience; right at the front.

It was an open air venue and Sacha was cold, but very excited. He’d never seen so many people together in one place, and the boys kept asking if he was nervous. Of course he was nervous, but it was more excitement than fear, and he was itching to get on stage and start. The boys were already out there, doing sound checks or something else he didn’t understand.

Suddenly. Suki came bounding off the stage. “You’re up,” he said and Sacha was about to go up onto the stage when Suki stopped him.

“I can’t do it,” Suki said. “I can’t watch you being incredible and amazing up there without you knowing. You have to know.” Suki spoke with such intensity, it startled Sacha. “I’m crazy for you. I can hardly bear to be near you, because all I want to do is touch you, to hold you. It’s so hard seeing you with him.

“When I saw you in the hospital…. I won’t make a move on you, I swear, but if you get tired of Mr Clean And Shiny, I’m here, waiting, and you’ve no idea how bad you’re screwing me up.” Suddenly; unexpectedly, Suki flashed him his bright smile. “But it’s okay. I can live with it.”

Before Sacha could open his mouth to say anything, he heard his name called and Suki disappeared back onto the stage.

For a moment, Sacha froze. He couldn’t process what just happened. Then he shook his head. They were calling his name again and the crowd was cheering. It was the best feeling. He was so excited, if he didn’t let it out he’d explode. Running up onto the stage, he pumped his fist in the air and the crowd erupted, and so they should. Sacha was dressed in leather and lace, his hair streaming behind him as he leaped about the stage. He still didn’t have the stamina to keep this up for a whole set, but right now, with the blazing excitement buoying him, he was indestructible, swept up by the sheer energy coming from the crowd.

Looking down from the stage, Sacha saw Nik, right at the front, jumping up and down, a look of pride on his face. Sacha felt his heart would burst with happiness. If he died right here and now he’d consider his life fulfilled. But he wasn’t going to die. Not now. Not for a long time. First, he had a life to live.

THE END