Finding Alex - 25. Chapter 25

“Oh God, I’m sorry.” James gasped. “Are you alright? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Just stop fighting over him, for God’s sake. You’re going to snap him in half.”

Blinking back tears of pain Sacha glanced up at the speaker. He vaguely recognized him, but while last time he’d been intimidating, this time he seemed cool, but friendly. Long black hair was scraped back into a pony tail, from a face that was angular but definitely not unattractive. He had eyeliner on today, and it made his light blue eyes sparkle and pop. Sacha smiled and the boy returned it.

“Sit over here. I’ll take care of you.”

“Spoilsport,” Suki said, pouting. “JonJon’s always stealing my thunder.”

“If stealing your thunder means keeping you out of trouble then too damn right I do.”

“Yeah, yeah, you just like being mother hen.”

The fourth boy snorted, flipping a long black and red fringe out of his eyes. “JonJon, mother hen? Yeah, right. Can we just get on with this? Watching Suki stalk prey has never been one of my turn-ons.”

Suki smiled and purred like a cat. “Come herrrre, little mouse,” he said, reaching for Sacha. Sacha sidestepped him, moved stiffly to the other sofa and sat down. “You wound me,” Suki said, putting a hand over his heart. He was grinning though, and Sacha grinned back.

Despite feeling like he’d been run over by a steamroller, Sacha was actually starting to have fun. That was something he hadn’t done very often.

“Okay,” JonJon said. “What do you know?”

“About what?”

“Singing.”

Sacha frowned, confused. “I know how to sing.”

JonJon rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s try again. What bands do you like? What kind of music do you listen to? What songs do you know?”

Feeling the conversation sliding out of control again, Sacha took a deep breath. These boys knew what they were doing so there was no point trying to pretend he did. Better to come clean from the start.

“I’ve never really listened to music. I wasn’t allowed to listen to bands, so I don’t have a favourite because I don’t know any. I have a feeling you’re not going to be interested in the songs I know. They’re mostly Sunday Songs, although Lacey taught me a few.”

“What did she teach you?”

Sacha ran through the very short list, eliciting groans from all four boys.

“Are you utterly insane?” JonJon asked James. “You said he could sing.”

“And he can. Just because he doesn’t know many songs doesn’t mean he can’t sing. We can teach him songs.”

“I learn fast,” Sacha said. “At least with music, I do. If you pick a song and let me listen to it a couple of times, I should be able to pick it up.”

“Yeah right,” JonJon said, clearly not believing him.

“Let him sing,” Suki said. “We may as well now we’re here. Let him sing a ‘Sunday song’, and if he’s good we’ll see how fast he can learn. Seems only fair.”

Sacha ducked his head as they all looked at him, their eyes stripping him bare.

“Okay,” JonJon said, at last. “Do you have problem singing in front of strangers?”

“No,” Sacha said, wondering if he was lying.

“Okay, then – sing.”

Sacha wished he’d left his hair loose so he could hide behind it, as he ducked his head to avoid the burning glances of the boys. Singing in public was fine, but this was different. This wasn’t just singing, this was being judged, and he found that he really didn’t want to be judged badly by these boys.

Taking a breath, he cleared his head, and started to sing.

When Sacha sang, he did it with everything in him. He got lost in the music, the words and the emotion, and for the duration of the song, was transported somewhere else, somewhere better, so it wasn’t until the last note died into silence, did he blink his eyes and look around. Although he was fearful of scorn he didn’t run from it.

There was no scorn in the eyes that surrounded him. If anything, they were filled with awe.

“That’s some goddamn voice you’ve got there,” JonJon said, as if he was saying it to have something to say.

“Still think we’re wasting our time?” Suki asked.

“Oh hell, no. I need to try that out with music. Can we use your music room, James?”

“What...? I…. Erm…. Yeah, yeah of course.”

James was staring at Sacha in a way that made him feel uncomfortable. Sacha couldn’t work out what the expression was all about. Was James proud of him? What he envious? Angry? Was he afraid Sacha would steal his thunder with the band? Then James grinned and him, and his legs turned to jelly.

“Wow, bro that was some singing. You blew me away, man. Awesome.”

“Thank you.”

Sacha was glowing as he got to his feet and followed JonJon and the other boy, whose name he’d learned was Aaron, across the room. Before they reached the door, Suki’s arm fell across his shoulders and the diminutive guitarist kissed his head.

“You’re pretty damn amazing, pretty one. Can wait to start working on…er with you.”

Sacha tilted his head to look into Suki’s eyes. He grinned back, then paused and half-turned to whisper in Suki’s ear. “I don’t mind you stalking me pussy cat, but it might be a good idea to remember where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing, before I let you catch me.” Encouraged by Suki’s shocked expression, Sacha pressed his body close and whispered even more quietly, directly into Suki’s ear. “I could do things to you that would make your eyes pop – and I wouldn’t even need to take your trousers off.” To underline his point, he ran his tongue around the shell of Suki’s ear, while blowing gently into it.

Sacha felt the shudder go through Suki’s body and smiled to himself. He was a fish out of water in many, many ways, but there was one part of the pool he felt really at home in, and not one of these little boys could find their way around in there like he could. He’d reached the top step when Suki whooped, “Yeah, man!” Sacha smiled to himself.

By the time they got to the music room Sacha felt sick and dizzy. Maybe he should have something to eat. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had any food at all.

He felt better when he sat on the large sofa, with James, as the others poked about, searching for something. Suki appeared and squeezed in between James and Sacha. James made a sound of annoyance.

“You don’t give up, do you?” James said. “This isn’t one of your star struck twinks, Suki. This is my brother. I told you hands off, and I mean it. Don’t make me get physical with you.”

Suki grinned at him. “Sorry to disappoint you, James, but you’re not the one I want to get physical with.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“I can’t help what I’m thinking, James, and right now I’m thinking about doing something very dirty with your brother.”

Suki draped his arm across Sacha’s shoulders, and Sacha thought James was going to have a heart attack. He went red in the face.

“It’s alright, James,” Sacha said. “I can handle it. I’ve handled a lot worse.” He slanted a look at Suki. “And a hell of a lot better.”

Suki’s eyes widened. “You wound me,” he said, pressing his hand to his heart and adopting a devastated stance. He didn’t move his arm, though.

Sacha squirmed under the expression on James’ face. He was quite at home with flirting and sexual contact, but he didn’t want to upset his family. He remembered that James was very young and regretted his behaviour. He had a feeling he was in too deep to back off, and a flutter of fear churned his stomach.

“You should stop,” he said to Suki. “I had fun, but it’s upsetting James and that’s not fair. I don’t even know if it’s legal.”

“Don’t worry about James. For all his bluff he’s a terrible prude. What do you mean not legal?”

“You um…. I don’t know what the law is about…well age and stuff. I don’t know what I’m allowed to do.”

Suki laughed. “Honey, you have nothing to worry about. James is the baby here. The rest of us are of age, so you can do whatever you want with us.”

“Speak for yourself, gay boy,” Aaron said, good naturedly. “The rest of us are not interested in what’s on offer.”

“You straight guys are so boring. You’ve no idea what you’re missing, cutting off half the population. Besides, you can’t tell me that Sacha isn’t as pretty as any girl, and I’m sure that sexy underwear I’ve been hearing about would ruffle your feathers.”

“That’s true.” Aaron said. “However, I’m afraid he doesn’t have the right equipment to float my boat.”

“Will you just stop with the sex talk?” JonJon said. “Or at least keep it until later. We’ve got business to do. Here.” He handed Sacha a set of headphones. “Listen to this song and let me know when you’re up to having a bash at singing it.”

“Okay.”

Sacha took the headphones and put them on. He closed his eyes and waited. When the music started, he listened carefully, then took off the headphones.

“I’ve never sung anything like this before. I don’t know if I can make my voice like that.”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out,” JonJon said. “No offence, but we don’t sing ‘Sunday songs’, and we don’t have a place for someone who can only sing like that. If you can’t sing our kind of music, you can’t sing in our band, it’s as simple as that. We’ll help you all we can, but we need to know right from the start if you can do it.”

Sacha nodded. That made sense. “Can you start again?”

Sacha settled the headphones back over his ears and lost himself in the first bars of ‘Helena’ by My Chemical Romance. The first time, he didn’t even think about singing it, he merely soaked up the music. The second time, he concentrated on the notes and music. The third time, he heard only the voice and words. The fourth time he hummed, and the fifth time he growled.

Finally, Sacha took off the earphones and was surprised to note that Suki had his hand on his thigh. He hadn’t noticed. No doubt Suki had taken his failure to remove the hand as acquiescence. He sighed and moved the offending article. Suki grinned.

“I’m ready now,” Sacha said.

“Okay, let’s see what you can do.”

Sacha started to sing. No one moved or made a sound, even when he finished. He began to grow nervous.

Finally, JonJon got to his feet. “Get your instruments, boys. Let’s see what we can do.”

Sacha watched, bemused, as the boys retrieved guitars and set up equipment, plugging in to an amazing sound system, with hidden speakers. There would be no draughty garages or dusty basements for these boys.

When they had done setting up and making all kinds of weird noises, JonJon called Sacha up. “Here,” he said, handing Sacha a mic. “Don’t worry about trying to perform. That will come. Just sing. Try not to get confused by what the rest of us are doing. Just keep in beat with the drum.”

“Okay.”

It was one of the weirdest things Sacha had ever done. He remembered the right places to stop and wait, and he remembered the musical bits and some of the other parts. Initially, JonJon cut a lot of the bits where Sacha wasn’t singing, but he soon realized Sacha had the whole song and not just his own part, in his head. He stopped everyone and went back to the start. Then they played it properly.

There were a few slips – missed cues, and lost notes – but they made it through to the end.

“That was fantastic,” JonJon said. “You’re in. Let’s go again.”

“Hang on,” Aaron said. “It’s a band decision, not just yours.”

JonJon looked at him in surprised. “Don’t you want him in?”

“Hell yeah, but that’s not the point. It’s supposed to be a group decision.”

“Okay. Anyone against having Sacha in the group? No? Good. He’s in. You’re in,” he said to Sacha. “Can we please go again?”

Sacha’s head was spinning. He couldn’t keep up with the conversation, but he did get that they accepted him into the group. It was a big deal for him; his first friends.

No, Nik was his first friend. He sighed. Better not think of Nik, it hurt. So did his head, and his belly, and his ribs. Singing wasn’t good for damaged ribs. It hurt while he was singing, and it hurt when he stopped.

“I don’t think I can do it again,” he said. “I hurt too much.”

JonJon looked at him as if he was speaking a different language. “But you have to. We can’t do it without you.”

“Don’t mind him,” Suki said, putting an arm around his shoulders. “He’s a freak when it comes to music. He expects everyone else to be a robot like him. Do you need to rest for a while?”

Thankfully, Sacha smiled at him. “Yes, please.”

“What? But you’ve been resting. Oh, alright.” JonJon threw his arms in the air when he was glared at by Suki and James. “We’ll take a break for a few minutes.”

“Half an hour,” James said. JonJon rolled his eyes and stalked from the room.

“Don’t worry about him,” Suki said. He must have picked up on the anxious vibe. “He’ll be heading for the kitchen. Your Emma has a real soft spot for our JonJon. He’ll be sitting at the table, trying out bits and pieces before you know it.”

Sacha smiled gratefully and settled back on the sofa. Feeling somewhat nauseous, he closed his eyes. He opened them again when something brushed over his lips. Suki’s face was inches from his own, grinning at him. “Hello sleeping beauty.”

“Was I asleep?” Sacha asked, surprised. He licked his lips and stretched. It hurt and he winced.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m okay. It just hurts.”

“What hurts? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No. No one can. It’s getting better, but it takes time. That’s what Lacey says.” Sacha sighed. “I wish it would get better faster.”

“How about if I kiss it better?”

“I wish you could.”

“My kisses always make it better.”

“You’d better not. James will freak.”

“James isn’t here.”

“Huh?” Sacha pushed Suki back so he could look around. They were alone.

“They all went searching for sustenance.”

“I guess I should, too. I haven’t eaten for a while.”

“How long is while?”

“Two days?”

“Someone as skinny as you can’t go two days without eating. Come on, I’ll escort you to the kitchen. We can get back to the kissing later.”

“What do you mean ‘get back to the kissing’?” Sacha asked as Suki helped him get stiffly to his feet.

“What do you think I mean?” As Sacha turned toward the door, Suki swung him round into an embrace and kissed him. For a moment he resisted, but Suki’s body was warm, his arms were strong and his lips were oh so soft and it didn’t take long for Sacha to melt.

Sacha wasn’t even aware of the door opening. The first he knew there was anyone in the room was the soft – “Sacha?”

Almost pushing Suki away, Sacha turned. “Nik.”

They stared at each other for a few long, hot moments. Suki, wisely backed off.

“Nik?”

“I’ve never disobeyed my father in my entire life. Never.” Nik looked devastated. He couldn’t look Sacha in the eye.

“Nik, it’s not….”

“Don’t say ‘It’s not what it seems’. It’s exactly what it seems.”

“Two days. I’ve been away for two days and you’ve already moved on. I put everything I have at risk for this. I disobeyed my father, went totally against his wishes, got off a plane on the runway…. I couldn’t bear to be parted from you and all the time you were…what? What were you doing, Sacha? Reverting to form?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sacha was barely holding on to the contents of his stomach. He wanted to run to Nik but suspected if he took a step he’d fall. He was so light headed he could hardly keep a grip on the situation. On one level the whole thing was so crazy; so surreal he wanted to laugh, but he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.

“It means that I thought what we had was special. I was so scared that I was taking advantage of you, that you weren’t ready for closeness yet, that I would somehow hurt you. Lacey thought so. She thought that it would be destructive for both of us. But I didn’t listen to her. I didn’t listen to her, or my father, or anyone. I wanted to be with you and…. I thought you wanted to be with me.”

“I did. I do. I’ve been going nuts since I found out. I haven’t eaten. I haven’t slept. I thought…. I thought you were never coming back. I thought that, even if you did, we could never…. I don’t know what to think. Nik. I don’t know what to do. Help me, please. Tell me what to do.”

“Nothing. Don’t do anything, Sacha. Not a damn thing. No…go back to what you were doing before. I wouldn’t want to come between you and your…friend.”

“But he’s not…. Well, he is my friend, but he’s not…. He’s not…you.” The last word was a whisper and it was lost as Nik turned and strode through the door. “No.”

There was a rushing sound in Sacha’s ears, a pounding in his head and bile in his throat. He wanted to run after Nik, he tried to run after him, but he didn’t even make the two steps before his legs gave way. He knelt on the floor for a few moments, heaving, before the darkness came and took it all away.