Boy Story: The Road Taken - 26. The Dorm Fiesta

The Dorm Fiesta

“Who was that?” Parker asked after Joe was out of ear shot.

“One of my friends. I’ll introduce you two when he comes back,” I replied.

“Oh, OK,” he said as he went back to sipping his root beer.

I didn’t want Parker to know it was Joe quite yet because he’d get all nervous in the interim. You see, Parker had it built up in his mind that Joe was his nemesis. He figured Joe would resent him for the whole roommate thing, which in reality had been amicably worked out.

By the same token, Joe didn’t know that the person sitting at the table with me was Parker. He probably figured it was one of my friends on campus who he hadn’t met. So I was going to wait until they were both in attendance before I dropped the charade.

Joe returned with his tray of food and sat next to me. He looked across the table and said, “Ugh, where are my manners. Hi, I’m Joe,” and he stuck out his hand to shake. Parker shook his hand and said, “Hey, I’m Parker.”

It took Joe a few seconds before asking, “You mean THE Parker?”

Parker looked at me quizzically, and said, “I guess.” Then his light bulb went off. “Wait...are you Joe...his roommate?”

“Soon to be ex-roommate thanks to you,” Joe shot back.

Oops, that did it.

Parker’s face froze. Joe quickly put an end to the tension, “You know I’m just busting your balls, right?”

“Uh, my balls?”

“I’m totally cool with it. Matt is one of my best friends. I'm sure he would have done the same for me,” Joe added.

“Really? You’re not mad or anything?” Parker managed.

“Nah. We’re cool...unless you’re an idiot or something.”

“I don’t...think...I’m an idiot,” he slowly sputtered as he looked at me.

“Parker...just so you know...you’re not an idiot,” I maintained.

“Then consider me your friend,” Joe assured him.

“And FYI...you’re getting a great guy here,” Joe added placing his hand my shoulder like I was the prize on a game show.

Parker looked at me, smiled, and said “I know.”

Joe smiled back. It was a veritable love fest...a pretty good start for the boy.

“And don’t even bother trying to talk me out of it, you two can have the room to yourselves tonight,” Joe informed us. “I’m sure you’d prefer it that way.”

“Thanks, man,” I responded. Just then I heard Parker slurping with his straw at what was left in his cup. “You know, refills are free once you’ve paid for your meal.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s buffet style. Go ahead we’re not going anywhere.”

“OK.” And he got up to return to the beverage station.

After a few seconds of silence, Joe asked, “So is that your type?”

“My type?”

“Yeah, like all guys have a type....you know, for what they are attracted to. He’s sort of a teen idol type. Is that what you like?”

“Hmm, I never thought about it that way, but yeah, I guess that’s my type. But isn’t the teen idol everybody’s type?” I posited.

“I guess that’s what makes them idols,” Joe thought out loud.

“Yeah, I mean he’s cute, right?”

“Yeah, I guess...in a muppet sort of way.”

“Well, let’s just say I’m a muppets fan, then,” I proclaimed.

“Hmm, you might want to stay away from Miss Piggy, though. She’s enough to make a guy go gay. Oops, too late!”

“Ha, ha. Very funny. But I’m not gay,” I protested.

“Of course not. You’re just into dudes.”

“No, I'm into one person who happens to be a dude,” I asserted.

“Yeah, whatever. And I suppose lesbians like to suck a lot of cock, too.”

“Geez...”

“I’m just saying.”

“Well, let’s just say I’m bisexual and leave it at that, OK? Now, stop busting on me because here he comes.”

Parker sat down to total silence and he sort of looked at me and then Joe and back to me again.

“Don’t worry, we weren’t talking about you,” I said.

“I didn’t say anything,” Parker replied.

“I know, but you were thinking it. We were talking about me and then Joe was saying that I’m gay.”

“Nah, Matt’s bi,” he declared as if it was common knowledge.

“OK, since we’re all in agreement on that matter, I need to mention that a bunch of us are going to the movie tonight. And the party starts right after the movie,” Joe explained.

“Oh, what are they showing?” I asked him.

“Young Frankenstein!”

“Oh, good choice,” I commented.

“Frankenstein? Like the monster movie?” Parker questioned.

“No, Young Frankenstein like the comedy. You know, Mel Brooks directed with Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, and many others.”

“Hmm, can’t say I’ve seen it,” Parker declared.

“You've never seen it? Well, my friend, you are in for a treat!” Joe assured him.

Every Saturday night, the Student Activities Group would sponsor older mostly cult classics that were voted on by the students. It was started in order to give resident students something to do on the weekends...other than party and vandalize the campus. The college administration found that once the Saturday night movies began, negative campus incidents dropped dramatically. And the movies were well attended because it was only $2 a person for students and their guests.

It was still a bit early, so the three of us walked back down to the parking lot to get Parker’s backpack in my car. Parker fastened it over his shoulders and then we slowly made our way up the hill toward the auditorium. Parker said that there was an energy of activity he noticed as soon as he got on campus. Then Joe said, “Look at it this way: On campus, you have several hundred people, mostly between the ages of 18 and 22, who are looking for something to do. There’s no place in the world where you can find the same dynamic, except for another college campus.” That was oh so true. Students have the option to channel that youthful energy in good, creative ways or not so good ways...and we had witnessed mostly good over the semesters we attended.

I think Parker was realizing that there are perks to being a college student that you don’t get from your typical high school experience. And that generally had to do with being a resident of the college rather than a daily visitor like at public high schools. In a college setting, you are allowed more latitude in creating your own experience since you are part of the campus community.

Our expected crew showed up a few at a time until we had a total of eight. There were the three of us, plus Chris and Rob (our dorm neighbors), Rob’s girlfriend Kim, and Marlene and Joanne from our floor. People would joke that Marlene and Joanne were lesbian lovers because they were almost always together. You’d see one and you’d usually see the other. They were roommates, but they were very much straight. They just traveled together a lot because they had the same interests, plus it was safer to travel in groups when you are a female on a college campus.

As I had mentioned, Chris and Rob were next door neighbors to Joe and me. We actually shared a common wall. Chris was a good-looking tall blond who had odd musical tastes—recording artists who played material that, to me, sounded not too much like music. I was told his long-term girlfriend was hoping to land a black boyfriend before they started dating. How a 6 foot 4 inch tall blond with blue eyes can fit the bill of someone seeking an African American boyfriend was always a mystery to me. However, word on campus was that Chris was huge downstairs, which I’ve come to learn is very common among men of Swedish descent. So maybe in some way he seemed like a blond-haired black man to his girlfriend. I dunno.

His dorm mate, Rob, was very likeable and I realized it was because he was a people pleaser. He’d agree with anything you said even if he didn’t feel the same way, which isn’t always a good thing. He was about 5' 9" with short, dark hair and he played guitar. He hated to create waves, so he was rather quiet, yet very creative. He had that bohemian thing going on but with an alternative sensibility.

Rob and Kim were a couple. Kim staffed the info booth on campus in her free time to make a few bucks. We used to refer to it as the "nympho" booth, based upon the frequency of odd places that Rob and Kim would be seen emerging from and readjusting their clothing. Kim was short, cute, and carried a few extra pounds, and she was as horny as any guy. That’s probably why Rob stuck with her. She did tell me once at a party after a few drinks that if Rob hadn’t agreed to go out with her, I was her next target. Might things have turned out differently for me? Probably not, since I’ve never been into plus-sized young women...or men. But testosterone levels can make a guy do unexpected things. And of course, then I would never have met Parker. So maybe Rob had done me a favor without realizing it.

I introduced everyone to Parker as they arrived and I didn’t get into it too deep. They all just assumed he was another student. He also made some brownie points when he passed around a pack of sugar-free spearmint gum, which everyone took him up on.

We filed into the theater when the doors opened and all sat in the same row nearly taking up all the seats across. I had Parker on my left and Joe on my right, and we were all there to see Young Frankenstein. About half way into the movie, Parker and I discretely held hands down low for a time, unseen by anyone else in the theater.

The movie, as always, was a big hit with the audience and I remember hearing Parker chuckle a good number of times, so I knew he enjoyed it as well. As our group walked to the dorm after the film, there was the usual recalling of memorable lines. I always thought the horses neighing each time the name “Frau Blucher” is uttered is hilarious.

As we entered the dorm, I made sure Parker and I hung in the rear of the group. I’d have to sign him in at the front desk and I didn’t want to hold everyone else up. We made it up to the floor a few minutes later.

The first thing we saw was a small inflatable toddler’s wading pool in the hallway filled with ice and a mixture of canned and bottled beer and wine coolers. Whoever thought of the pool idea had a stroke of pure genius. I mean, who keeps an inflatable kiddie pool in their dorm room? So someone had the foresight to go out and purchase a kiddie pool to hold the ice and drinks. And to elude suspicion about a party happening in the dorm, all beverage cases were hoisted up the outside of the building with rope and brought in through the windows. The hoisting of the cases was a common weekend evening activity because alcohol was not permitted in areas where there were underage students present...like a dorm. Therefore cases of alcoholic beverages were not allowed in through the front door, but if beverages reached the floor, most students turned a blind eye.

I always thought it would be fun to videotape the outside of the dorm on a Friday night, then show it back in time lapse. All of the ropes dropping down and cases being hoisted up all night long would have been quite entertaining. When more than half of the people on campus are under the legal drinking age of 21 in the U.S., sometimes you have to be a little devious and inventive. And students stranded on a college campus have no shortage of either of those traits.

Back at our party, there was a mandatory donation of $5 if you were going to drink from the pool as someone obviously fronted a lot of money for the array of beverages on display. Lila, a girl who lived in a room down the hall, was collecting the money. She was at the pool wearing a lifeguard shirt, sitting under a propped up beach umbrella, wearing a visor and a whistle around her neck.

“Here you go,” she said grabbing my arm and putting a “paid” band on my wrist. “Joe already paid for you and your friend.”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” I mustered.

“Don’t thank me. Thank him,” she commented.

“So, what if Sue Hart turns up?” I asked.

Sue was the RA on our floor. The RA is the resident assistant who gets a housing reduction and a single room in exchange for being the student responsible for the proper conduct of all individuals on that floor. She’s basically the one in charge of making sure things like keg parties, underage consumption of alcohol, pot smoking, and every other thing that’s against university policy don’t happen on her watch. Although Sue was generally a reasonable person, she took her RA responsibilities seriously. RAs can be replaced and lose all of their benefits if order is not maintained on their floor, so most take their positions seriously.

“Sue is visiting her folks this weekend in Schenectady, so her responsibilities fall upon the assistant RA—me. And I don’t give a crap because I graduate in a month and I want to have a major blowout of a party before I leave. So have a drink on Joe already!” Lila proclaimed.

I had never had an alcoholic drink with Parker in attendance before because we were both under 21 and the opportunity never presented itself. We timidly approached the edge of the pool and I reached down and pulled up two wine coolers. I looked at Parker and he looked at me as I handed him one of the chilled bottles. I shrugged my shoulders and he shrugged his in response, so I guess we were drinking tonight. Heck, we weren’t driving anywhere, so we just needed to pace ourselves.

As we made our way around the floor with our beverages, the long table in the communal kitchen area was nearly full of snacks ranging from Cheetos to brownies to cheese and crackers. Parker and I made our contribution of small and large plastic plates for the food, so we unwrapped and placed them on the table. We each filled up on the food for a few minutes before continuing on.

I spotted Joe in the hall for a brief moment before he walked into a room. I wanted to thank him for paying our way. However, he disappeared into Tim’s room.

Tim was a jock and played on our historically bad football team. He was built for football and perhaps Rugby, which I’d heard he also played. Although he was a big strong guy and he meant well...he was not exactly the brightest bulb in the set. He had an encyclopedic knowledge of everything sports. He could figure out the brackets for March Madness, yet he couldn’t even correctly spell the teams he was choosing. My friends gave him the nickname Bullwinkle after the large, but not particularly bright, cartoon moose by that name.

Rather than follow Joe into that room and become engaged in a college basketball conversation, I decided to chart another course. Don’t get me wrong, I could hold my own in conversations about professional baseball or football, but college basketball was totally alien to me...and I liked to keep it that way.

Then we spotted my neighbor Chris (remember? Tall, blond, legendary big cock?) appear at the swimming pool to reload his drink supply. He saw me and said, “C’mon, we’re all hanging out in Bud’s room.” I didn’t know Bud that well. His real name was something like Warren, but no one ever called him by his real name, except during roll call in classes. Bud was a husky guy with curly dark hair who shared Chris’ love of...ahem...eclectic music. Bud always wore the same pair of black combat boots. He wouldn’t be classified as EMO, goth, or metal. I’m guessing he was a hardcore punk holdover, minus the mohawk and the attitude. He turned out to be soft-spoken and insightful, but with an offbeat sense of humor.

Nearly everyone in the room at that time was with us earlier at the movie. Kim and Joanne were the only ones conspicuously absent and there were a couple of others from the floor in attendance. When I walked into the room, I introduced everyone to Parker. And as soon as the conversation turned to new alternative music, Parker lit up and the conversation remained there much of the night. Bud and Parker had an immediate connection via the similar bands they followed...although Bud had wider ranging tastes...not always a good thing in my opinion. But I felt myself smiling as I watched Parker's facial expressions as he laughed and his eyes sparkled while he talked about his first love—new music. I was perfectly content being his second love.

About thirty minutes later, Joe discretely walked in. There wasn’t much space for him to sit, so he stood behind the rest of us who were sitting on the floor. We greeted each other from across the room with a head nod of acknowledgement. I pointed to my wrist band and mouthed "Thank You" to him for picking up our admission fee. He gave a thumbs up in response. Then Lisa walked in and stood next to Joe. And after no more than ten seconds, she leaned over to Joe and said, “WHO is THAT?” as she was looking at Parker.

Joe quietly said, “Down girl. He’s going to be Matt’s new roommate next year.”

He said it quietly, but everyone heard and all conversation stopped. Uh oh. Joe, true to his diplomatic nature, explained that he was finally moving to Towers to keep Josh company and Parker was moving in to keep an eye on me. It all sounded quite logical, even if it wasn’t 100% accurate.

Then Lisa followed with, “Damn, there goes that bet! I predicted that Joe and Matt would be sleeping with each other by the end of next school year.” At that, everyone burst out laughing. Someone once told me that Lisa was a witch...like a real bona fide Wiccan witch. And in this case her powers of perception were not that far off.

Parker managed to explain to those in attendance that he wouldn't be a student until next year, so he was there scoping things out. Surprisingly that made Parker an instant celebrity in the room. No matter who they are or where they come from, people seem to have this romanticized version of their high school years in their head. Parker suddenly became the spokesman and the link for everybody in that room to their high school experience. That's when we heard all the hilarious stories of things some of them had done back then.

Over the next few hours, the main conversation rolled from music, to high school, to religion, and that’s when the window fan was turned on and the pot came out. Before I even had a chance to devise a counter strategy, Parker was introduced to his first experience with marijuana. Parker was proud that he was “straight edge” and had never smoked pot before and generally abstained from under-age drinking. But I think the two wine coolers he drank had primed him for some experimentation.

So his years of abstaining ended on this night of the Dorm Fiesta. Of course, it was all quite social and everyone was partaking, so maybe Parker was just looking to fit in and just be one of the gang. Fortunately, a bong was being used because I was done with choking on rolled product. Sure, joints are much more portable, but when you don’t smoke that often and then you take a hit on a joint, coughing is usually the end result. And who enjoys that?

I was never a regular pot smoker. The main reason is that it made me sleepy. I was always a mellow person, so when you mellow me out more, it’s nap time for ol’ Matty boy. And I never ever bought weed. The only times I had an encounter is when someone else was supplying and sharing. I wasn’t anti pot so much as it really wasn’t in my DNA. As a sleep aid, I could see the benefits...but I never had trouble sleeping.

The discussion about religion that took place at 1:30 a.m. while quite stoned was a benchmark in the beginnings of my acquiescence of atheism. The more educated one becomes, the less religion makes sense. The reason for that is because college teaches something called logic. I mean, how can Jesus save us if he couldn’t even save himself? Or why did God have to send a son down to earth to die on a cross to absolve our sins. If God is all powerful, why couldn’t he just absolve us of our sins and be done with it? I was raised a Christian, so that’s where my frame of reference lies. I’m not just dumping on one religion.

There has always been this friction between religion and science. Up until the 1700s, religious types and early scientists believed that the Earth was the center of our solar system (geocentrism). They'd say, "It was ordained by God." However, what early astronomers were observing in the night sky did not fit that theory. Even though it was at first considered to be heresy, both Nicholas Copernicus and Johannes Kepler performed scientific and mathematical experiments that proved the sun was the center of our solar system (heliocentrism). It seemed the Earth was not as self important as human kind thought at the time.

Eventually, everyone got on board with the sun being the center of our solar system because that’s what the evidence proved. And therefore it made sense. Even religious types had to reluctantly accept what the facts proved. Science brings us knowledge. Eventually, happenings that were once attributed to “acts of God” like earthquakes, were proven to have less to do with God and more to do with the grinding of tectonic plates.

Religion was used for centuries to explain things that people didn’t understand. And things man was unable to understand at that time were attributed to God (or Gods). But as we’ve become more educated about such things, we also have to determine which beliefs make the most sense. In my book, if you believe in God, you have to believe in Santa Claus (or Father Christmas for some). He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad (sin) or good, so be good for goodness sake (so you can get into heaven). Same story just different characters and some snow and elves (angels) thrown in for good measure. Santa lives in an inaccessible place called the North Pole and God lives in an inaccessible place called Heaven. How does Santa deliver all of those presents in one night? He doesn’t. How does God watch over 7 billion people in the world? He doesn’t.

But some people the world over feel better if they think there’s someone up there watching over us. And if that helps people feel better about their plight or helps them get up in the morning and try to be a good human being...more power to them.

But would someone who is powerful enough to end drought, starvation, and cure all the world’s ills, not do so? And in God’s defense, they will say “the Lord works in mysterious ways,” which basically means “I can’t make sense of it, so I guess it’s part of God’s plan.”

But I ascribe to a more rational explanation. There is no plan because there is no God and there are too many people wasting their time looking for answers in the Bible, which is a collection of fairy tales, some of which are partially based on real history. And furthermore a class I took one semester called “The Bible as Literature” taught me that the books of the Bible were written on ancient scrolls by real people. It wasn’t written by God as some people assert. So if someone believes in Adam and Eve (and is too thick to concede to Darwin’s theory), I ask one question: if Adam and Eve is the truth, and they had two sons, Cain and Abel, and Cain eventually killed Abel, how did the world become populated? Unless a boy can procreate without a partner, explain that one. Now read Darwin’s theory.

Feel free to think what you want and believe in what you want. I’m just reporting on what was discussed that night and where I’m at on the subject. What you want to spend time doing is your own business. Since we all have a finite time on this earth, I prefer not to waste any of it chasing shadows, engaging in blind faith, and trying to interpret fairy tales.

Of course, I continued to never mention any of this to my parents who were church members. I didn’t want to reveal to them that their college tuition was going toward making me think logically. As a precursor, I also learned from school friends that Santa Claus did not exist when I was eight. Sure, religion serves its purpose when it teaches people to love each other, help the needy, and other morally upstanding practices. But history has shown that religion can also be hijacked to create power struggles and lead to mass murder. Yet God said thou shalt not kill. It all becomes one big hypocrisy. God works in mysterious ways indeed. Now keep sending your monetary donations, so they can keep this scheme going.

A small group of college students smoking pot and drinking alcohol in a dorm room one night had it all figured out. And Parker made friends with all of them on that same night. Joe even pulled me aside and said, “You know what? Parker seems like a pretty cool dude and he’s got an interesting sense of humor. So I think you'll be OK. Sure, he’ll never be as cool as me, but then again, who is? And don’t worry, mum is still the word.” I thanked Joe and decided to gently extricate Parker from Bud’s room because I was fading fast at just after 3:00 a.m.

I sat back down next to Parker who was sitting Indian style on the floor and I whispered near his ear, “It’s time to go.” He just turned to me and mouthed “OK.” So we declared that this was the best party ever and bid everyone a good night because it was well past my bed time. Bud said, “I look forward to seeing you next semester, Parker!” And everyone else seconded it. And Parker said, “Same here.” With that, everyone in the room thought it best to end it there also. The room emptied out and we all staggered off to bed.

As soon as we arrived inside my room, I told Parker I was amazed at how well everyone received him. “I don’t understand it. I spent two school years—four semesters—collecting these people as my friends. You show up for the first time ever and in a few hours you made friends with all of them. You have this natural charisma that attracts people instantly, where I had to work at it for two long years. And you made it look so easy.”

He responded with, “You’re looking at it all wrong. You did all of the work finding this great group of people at your dorm, both girls and boys. That was the hard part. You set the table and I simply came for dinner. If they were perfectly accepting of me, it’s because you did such a good job finding quality people. You managed to get all of the right people in the same place. I may be a decent operator, but I never could have done what you did. I don't have the patience.”

He gave me a big hug.

“You know, you smoked pot for your first time today. I hope you’re not regretting that,” I reminded him.

“Nah, I figured we weren’t going to be driving anywhere and the place I would be sleeping was a couple of doors away. So I decided I might as well try it when the situation presented itself,” he explained. “I am pretty high though...and horny,” he said giggling as he grabbed me and wrestled with me onto the bed. “Thanks, this night has been really fun,” he said as he kissed me. “But how are we going to sleep? These beds are tiny.”

“Ah, I have that all figured out. Meet...the guest mattress,” I announced as I slid the apparatus out from under my bed. “Check this out,” I said hitting the switch on the air pump and it was fully inflated in about a minute.

“Wow, pretty cool. What do you use this for?” Parker asked.

“It’s for cute teenage boys when I want to have my way with them in my room. You know any?” I joked.

“Hmm, I can think of maybe one or two.”

“I got it as a Xmas present in my freshman year in case I ever had visitors in my dorm room. I figured it might come in handy some day, but I’ve never had a reason to use it before tonight. I guess people don’t visit their friends in college as much as I thought they would.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad you got it.”

“Yeah, who knew?”

I had a set of sheets, a comforter, and a couple of pillows ready to go, so we quickly made up the bed together. It wasn’t picture perfect, but it was close enough for our purposes. We brushed our teeth in the mini room sink, got undressed, and hopped under the covers. That’s when I said, “Let’s try something different.” Before he had the chance to respond, I continued, “How about we just cuddle tonight?”

“Just cuddling? OK, that’s fine by me,” he agreed.

“Um Matt, what do I do about this, though?” he asked as he propped his boner up to create a spike in the sheets.

“Oh yeah, almost forgot you said you were horny, and now we have hard evidence...literally,” I joked.

“Nothing that a little formula 69 won't fix,” Parker suggested.

“Good call!” I replied.

I suppose it wasn't the right night for just cuddling.

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