The Journal of Chris Williams - 7. Journal 7

Journal entry 10:

Today was a good day at school. I got into a debate with my economics professor about spending and profit vs. environmental interests in business. Just for the sake of debate, he took the view that profit will almost always take precedent with companies since it’s cheaper to make a dollar at the expense of the environment. He then challenged the class to come up with opposing arguments. I agreed with him in principle. But countered that companies can find a type of balance with the environment and sometimes gain a greater market share. This would be due to the positive response of customers. Or at the very least, the business could earn greater customer loyalty from people who want to say they are doing something for the environment. The debate went a lot deeper than that, and I don’t want to take a lot of time writing about it. But he and a lot of the other students agreed with the points I made. I guess I have an advantage from growing up lycan since we naturally try to find a balance with nature. It was something minor in the scheme of things, but it was a fun debate and made for an enjoyable class.

In English Lit we started discussing the werewolf genre in literature. Apparently it’s a favorite topic of the professor’s. He brought up Blood of the Werewolf and a few others. There were jokes about the film adaptations of several books and how the genre has been a part of the human culture for centuries. When he turned the discussion towards the Twilight novels and movies, the class drew a line and begged him to stop. I knew by the scent of the room I was the only lycan there, so I sat back with a smile as I listened. The professor made a few comments about the obsession so many have and how people feel validated in their reality due to so many books and films on the subject. The repeated literary use of half man/half wolf to create a mindless beast who walks on two legs and attacks humans is fascinating to him. All I could think was it would be funny as hell if one of those filthy lunis wolves walked through the door.

My mood changed rapidly from the enjoyment I felt to depression. It was no longer fun hearing the professor and class debate the subject. To them, it was not real, just the fantastical imagination of writers. Yet, a real lycan sat in the room listening. My emotions were not from being the lone lycan in the room, but because I thought about a lunis being a filthy creature. Haven’t I learned anything since I’ve been here? I never actually met a canis lunis before since all of Parker Valley was made up of canis lupus. Hell, I’ve never met the lunis variant of any species; I know what they look like from pictures I’ve seen. Also, that they’re what originated most of the werewolf stories. Well at least feral lunis are. I know from our lycan history a lot of lupus think a lunis isn’t a pure lycan like we are. Instead, they’re viewed as an evolutionary mistake, a genetic defect among lycan, or simply an incomplete turning with a human. I even know some packs exile or outright kill them to maintain lupus blood purity. Now I’m mad at myself over this. I’m judging another type of wolf based on the prejudice of others without having ever met one and developing an opinion for myself. Once again I’m a follower and I don’t even know who I’m following. I thought I was moving past things like this. Yeah, yeah… it takes time to change, I know. But I want to stop this bone-headed way of thinking. I want to think for myself.

My escort, Kyle, met me for lunch and asked how my day was going. I told him about the debate in economics and he grinned. He could tell something was bothering me, and I held back until he pressed. We talked about English Lit and how I was really enjoying the subject until I had my thought about the lunis. He looked me square in the eyes. “Why do you think that about the lunis?” Sitting there and considering his question, I couldn’t give a good answer. I remember hearing people say things like that and I guess it stuck. Even though I’d never met one in person, to me they were freaks. It was hard to explain that with everything else I’ve questioned in my life, just having the thought about a type of lycan I’d never met wasn’t sitting well with me. I mentioned how I used to have a bad opinion of non-wolf shifters and still did sometimes, before I catch myself. Looking at my way of thinking has caused me to reevaluate many of the opinions I held. They’re just a different type of lycan. Physically unlike me, but in a way so is a lupus with another fur color. Ultimately, it’s a species who’s never done anything to me.

I apologized for being a downer and tried to go back to eating my lunch, though I didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. Kyle sat there and didn’t say anything good or bad about what I said. It wasn’t long before we both had our first afternoon class. I was kind of distracted through the rest of the day, but trigonometry was something I could focus on.

Getting back home at the end of the day, Kyle told me to drop the books in my apartment and meet him downstairs in ten minutes. I figured he had some assignment to take me to, though I didn’t have anything on my community service schedule for today. I got downstairs and followed him to his car. We drove for a couple miles and he turned into the driveway of a small house. He nodded for me to get out, and I followed him to the door as he knocked. The guy who answered the door was a slightly older version of Kyle. He introduced the guy as Aaron, his older brother, and then told him who I was. Aaron’s mate and two pups were heading out for soccer practice or something like that.

We sat and Kyle told me he wanted to introduce me to a lunis. If I could have crawled under a rock at that point and hide, I would have. Kyle explained to his brother about our earlier conversation and how I was questioning things I learned while growing up. Aaron asked what had brought this on today or got me thinking about the subject of lunis vs. lupus. I told him about English Lit class and how the professor was talking about different books in the werewolf genre and with a few things he said I had thought it would be funny if one of those filthy lunis walked in about then. I immediately apologized for the comment, but Aaron sat back with a chuckle and said that I must be in Professor Johnson’s class. When I nodded he went on to say he had the same class and professor. When they discussed the topic he had really wanted to shift into his wolf, walk to the front of the class, and piss on the professor’s leg. That had us all laughing.

Aaron said I could ask him anything I wanted about being lunis. He pointed out he was the only one in their family. And while it was difficult for him after his first shift, his family and friends accepted him and his wolf for who he was. He mentioned there were currently two dozen or so others in the pack. I learned it’s a random anomaly that sometimes happens. Aaron described some of the advantages to it like still having opposable thumbs when in his wolf. The discussion turned to how some packs won’t allow a lunis and exile them since they think like I used to. Finally, it came around to how a few packs have been known to kill them. He patted me on the shoulder saying he was happy as soon as I had the thought I considered my thinking was wrong. After talking to me for about an hour on the differences and similarities of the two types of wolves, he got up and guided us to the backyard where he stripped down. His body mass increased as fur grew everywhere. The head and face became more wolf-like, and a long bushy tail grew above his butt. With all the shifts I’d seen from a lupus, it was different watching him stay on two legs. He stood about seven feet tall, and I admitted it was impressive to see. He grabbed his sheath laughing and nodded his appreciation of my compliment. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment. It was all in good fun though and I took it in stride.

He kept talking, though his voice was deep and gravely. I was kind of jealous since a lupus can’t use human speech as a wolf. He did a few things to show what he was capable of. Picking up small objects was a challenge, but it would have been for a human with huge hands. He also reminded me that during a full moon he has to change. There is no option or choice unlike with me. I feel the pull of the moon and the desire to shift, but I don’t have to. On the full moon he’s about three feet taller with even greater mass, since his lunar form is different from what I was seeing. He also mentioned a solar shift or daytime shift was more difficult since the lunis is more tied to the moon and night. Then he pointed overhead to the moon. Days when the moon was up seemed to cancel out some of the solar effects on him. After a while, he went back to his human shape while we continued talking.

We were leaving as Aaron’s mate and pups arrived home. I thanked him for talking to me and helping me understand something I’d never been exposed to. I told him I was glad I had the earlier thought because it got me thinking about how wrong I was. And it allowed me to meet a different type of wolf. I apologized too for thinking a lunis was a filthy wolf because it wasn’t right.

She was all giggles. “Oh, he’s a filthy wolf alright. Especially that mind of his and every time he suggests shifting in our room.”

Kyle grabbed my arm, dragging me out the door. “I so don’t need to be hearing that about my brother. But it doesn’t surprise me.” I limited my response to a coughing laugh.

Like many things, today had me thinking about a lot of stuff.

When we got back to the apartments, I thanked Kyle for introducing me to his brother. And for all the help he’s given me to open my eyes to a new way of thinking and acting. The fist bump felt good. “We’re good, bro.” People like Kyle are who I need as friends someday.