The Journal of Chris Williams - 4. Journal 4
Journal entry 4:
Someday I need to thank Alpha Stockdale for sparing my life. I know it couldn’t have been easy with the things I did. Even if it was a byproduct of him saving Michael’s life, I still owe him a great debt. If it wasn’t for him and Alpha Jennings, I wouldn’t have a chance to make some kind of amends for my actions. I can’t even imagine the conversation that went on between the two alphas that allowed me and Michael to move here.
There were times I hated Alpha Stockdale and thought he was a weak leader. He always showed kindness and compassion to everyone in the pack. Even the humans living around us or working for him were taken care of. I thought a true leader needed to show strength and always be firm. I mean, the way he allowed non-wolves to live in the territory was abhorrent. At least that’s how Michael always described it, and I agreed with his sentiment. It was only wolves living in Silver Pine itself, but in the surrounding towns and countryside there were several other species. I can’t remember if it was something I picked up from my parents. It might have been from listening to Michael bitch and moan about the lower forms of lycan encroaching on the territory. My parents weren’t exactly against other shifters being around, but it wasn’t looked on as favorable either. We were a wolf pack after all. They would have never socialized with a non-wolf lycan, but I don’t know why. Now that I think of it, it really makes no sense why I was against other shifters. They kept to themselves and went on with their lives like the humans did. They never bothered me or did anything to harm the community. The ones we had around Parker Valley ran businesses like any human and just quietly lived their lives. Sometimes, it was the occasional nomad who lived in the territory for a while before moving on. Let’s add this to the growing list of my many shortcomings and things I need to work on.
I remember how Michael used to say as soon as he became alpha he planned to force every non-wolf to leave the territory. It didn’t matter to him if he made them sell their property or figured a way to take it from them, they would be gone. I was right there with him, but I was with him on anything he wanted. I even planned on being the one to hand them their eviction notices. Did I ever actually have an independent thought of my own? He thought non-wolves in the area was a bad idea, so I guessed it was too. The territory of a wolf pack should be purely wolves, as far as lycan go. Gods forbid if a wolf took up with another type of lycan or they were mates. Kind of like Aiden with a human. Yet, most of us as teenagers dated human girls from school. I sure as hell did. I know Michael thought it was disgusting that a male bear and tiger were together. Once again, I thought it was just as bad, and I didn’t even know them. He had copies of files in his room he supposedly stole from his father’s office listing every non-wolf shifter living in the territory. He also had information on pack members he wanted to get rid of too. Those were on people who would be forced out in a purge or culling as he called it, to eliminate any threat to his rule once he took over. It was also to get rid of anyone he felt wasn’t deserving of a place in his pack. Sitting here and thinking about it makes a shiver run up what little of a spine I have and makes me sick to my stomach.
I know we talked about what to do with Aiden on many occasions. I figured Michael was never going to let him live on the chance he would eventually challenge for control of the pack. I had no clue how he would remove Aiden since he couldn’t win against him in a one-on-one challenge. Michael and I together would have been a stretch and only if we fought dirty. At times, I thought something might happen well before he could become alpha to eliminate the Aiden threat. Our attack on Ethan would have been a start. There were things Michael sometimes whispered in his sleep that made me think he had other plans or wishes regarding his nemesis. My head hurts thinking about that, so we’ll leave it for another time.
The Tucker family would have been forced to leave simply because Mr. Tucker’s the current enforcer, and Casey’s one of Aiden’s best friends. He talked about accidents that could befall the members of his father’s council. Hell, he talked about possible accidents involving his father if he waited too long to turn over control to him. Maybe an injury like his grandfather suffered that prompted him to hand control to Michael’s father, though at times I thought he considered something far worse. I thought it was just the typical teenage talk about getting what we want—like how things happen on TV or in the movies—but I’m not so sure anymore. He used to say he had something special planned for Casey Tucker and Trevor Carlson, though even I wasn’t told what he wanted to do to them. Some things he thankfully kept to himself. Both of them had justifiably beaten the crap out of Michael and me several times. Anyone who ever stood up to him or opposed him in any way was on one of his damned lists.
What we did for years to people in the pack is inexcusable and what we tried to do to Aiden’s mate is reprehensible. In a weird way, everyone’s lucky all this happened and as a result of it Michael will never become the alpha he thought he would. One of the largest and most powerful packs in the northeast would have been reduced to rubble as he tore down everything built over several generations. Caligula comes to mind now that I think of it. Michael shared a lot of traits with the Roman emperor like his moral compass or lack thereof, not that I have room to talk in that regard. I hope Alpha or Luna Stockdale maybe dropped Michael on his head as a pup, by accident of course. That would at least give some reason for how two of the kindest and most wonderful leaders could have had such a monster for a son. Maybe my parents dropped me on my head too. No, that would just give me an excuse and there’s none for what I turned into. I refuse to make excuses. I am taking full responsibility for my actions.
I’m not ready to deal with the memories trying to come to the surface right now, so I guess this is enough writing for tonight. I have some reading to do for my history class, oddly enough on the rule of Caligula. Hopefully, it’ll distract my thoughts a little. I have a feeling I won’t be sleeping well tonight.
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