Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (1) - 25. Entry 25

May 5

Happy Cinco De Mayo, I guess.

Not such a happy Cinco De Mayo for me, I'm afraid. I'm still dealing with the Billy and Joanna thing which is heating up from what I understand. Jamie came to report on things today at lunch.

He found me at lunch out on the grassy place today. I must have been 'pickin' weeds' again because I didn't notice him until his shadow was on me. I looked up and the sun shone through his blonde hair and he looked like the Greek god Apollo I've been learning about in English class.

Damn him, Jamie can be so beautiful sometimes, but then . . . he always opens his big fat mouth!

"Hey dude! What's gowwin' owwnn!" He reached a fist out for fist bumps. I reached up and did it so that I wouldn't look like a complete dick, but, honestly, Jamie was the last person I wanted to see today.

He was alone again and it was obvious he'd been hunting for me. I didn't expect to be found and I figured he had to have been hunting for me on purpose to find me. Why does he keep doing that? First, it's the Library and now it's on the grass. Is nowhere safe?

"Hey, Jamie. What brings you out here? Where's the crew?" I asked and in my voice I could hear the paranoia in it, but Jamie missed it, thankfully.

"Oh. They were being boring, again. They were playing 'Who's A Homo' in the lunchroom. It's, like, where you look at dudes and you try to see if you have 'Gaydar' or not. The person who wins is the one who guesses right, I guess. I don't know how anybody ever figures it out for real. I never pay attention that long." Jamie said shrugging.

"Oh. Are you sure you don't know anybody who is? Even a little?" This caught my interest AND sent a chill down my spine. Am I on that list? Have they figured me out already? Am I next on the hit list after they get done with Jimmy?

"Is what?" Jamie asked dumbly as he went and flopped down next to me. I was stuck with him for the duration and when he finally had something interesting to say he had to start acting stupid again! Grrrr!

"Do you know anybody who's *gay*." I tried to take the edge out of my voice, but I could hear some of the frustration creep into it. Again, Jamie was clueless. The boy is about as bright as a burnt out Christmas tree bulb. He scratched his head as if that might turn something back on up there.

"Well, like I said, I dunno 'cause I don't pay much attention to that stuff, but Alden is usually the one that has the best Gaydar. He points some dudes out to me a lot." Jamie actually became very interesting to me at that point. Mind you, it was like pulling teeth, but I was actually able to get some intel out of him finally. I had also gotten the name of a guy to watch out for in his crew who might be the gay-sniffing bloodhound for Jamie's miserable posse.

Alden was a weird one to hang out with the football idiots, though. He wasn't on the team for playing. He was sort of part of the support crew; the waterboy or whatever. The few times I did see him he was toting equipment or baskets of laundry. I never gave him much thought really and I was amazed that I recognized his name at all.

Then I remembered why. I knew him because he was in my old gym class. The one I used to have at the end of the day. He was the one that whispered into the ear of the big thug that was trying to tag Jimmy in the shower. Alden was the one that knew about *me*! He knew about my martial arts training! That, naturally, made my nerves even worse! What *else* did he know about me?

"Alden, huh?" I asked in a bored way pretending like I was only a little interested.

"Yeah. He's our team support dude and he's REALLY smart. Not as smart as you, but pretty damned smart. I'd have flunked History if not for Alden." Jamie said after taking a drink from his Gatorade. I felt myself blush slightly at Jamie's compliment. He thought I was 'smart'? Maybe I'm seeing his interest in me finally. I should expect to get hit up for 'homework help' one of these days. I only hope he doesn't ask me to cheat on a test for him. That would ruin us both in that fucking school if we got caught!

"So, Alden knows who's gay and who's not and he talks to you about these guys?" I continued to tease more info out of Jamie while I continued to try to not sound *too* interested. As thick as he is, I think even Jamie would start suspecting something if I looked too interested in this subject. However, I had to know if I was a target or not. 'Knowledge is your greatest weapon in a fight, Brandon' Sensei used to always tell me.

"Yeah." Jamie thought he'd totally answered my question which of course he hadn't. I think I see a future in the CIA for him with how little he says about important stuff. But, I think it's like he's too stupid to know he hasn't answered my question rather than because he's keeping secrets. I don't think Jamie could keep anything a secret to save his life.

"So, like, WHO dude?" Did I have to draw it out on a chalkboard? I wanted to know *who* was on that damned hit list!

"Oh! Well, Jimmy for sure, but that's just kind of like *everybody* knows that. Michael DuMonte, but then the clothes and the goth makeup give that away. He also holds hands with that other goth dude, Jaden Channing, all the time. Nobody messes with either of those guys, though. They're both into Satanism and shit! You do NOT want that coming at you! Our team is cursed enough as it is! They keep to themselves anyways and they are friends with Mina Harkness who every boy in the SCHOOL wants to get with, gay or not! She's scary looking but, godDAMN is she gorgeous!" I saw Jamie physically heave a sigh and get a goofy look on his face thinking about our resident Queen of the Damned. Well, at least we know one guy around here who isn't gay.

But, up to that point Jamie had only spoken to the obvious.

I already knew about Michael and Jaden. I first saw them on the first day of school. They rode up on a nice Harley-Davidson motorcycle and parked in the school lot (in a teacher's parking place no less). Jaden had ridden behind Michael and had held on to him much closer than he really needed to. That was my first clue, but then I saw them kiss before getting off their bike and they did it right in front of everybody! So, yeah, no brainer there, right?

They are both seniors and both seem more like grown men than kids. Both are very tall and intimidating looking most the time with all the weird dark leather clothes, metal spikes, chains, and makeup, but they both seem to take pride in their gayness too. On that day they both wore matching rainbow bracelets that were really quite pretty and were the only colors in their whole outfits.

They do have a reputation for being 'rebels' and people avoid them and their 'coven' of other goth freaks like crazy. Each one of that crew looks like they'd as soon bite you in the neck as say 'hi' to you. So, even the jocks don't mess with them. Maybe I need to get some leather and chains? My Dad would have no problems 'messing' with me if I did that, I'm sure!

I think why my memory of them sticks with me from that day is because of what they did when they passed by me as I was locking up my bike. I remember, kind of, freezing up while gawking at them as they walked toward me. They had seen me and had held my gaze with that sinister leer they always seem to have. But, what was weird was when they came closer that look, sort of, melted away and they both smiled at me. A genuine smile, not a creepy one.

The one I'd come to know later as Jaden spoke to me first: "Why hello there, Punkin. Don't you have just the prettiest eyes!" Jaden had a deep but nasal voice that lisped a bit. He sounded gay like they do on TV. His platinum blonde hair fell over one heavily painted eye that looked a bit like the eye on a peacock's tail. He had dark red lipstick and white pancake makeup on and a fake mole on his cheek. He also had a black lace collar around his neck with a key hanging from it which I thought was strange.

Michael, who was a bit more 'butch', actually winked at me. He had raven black hair that was wildly all over the place. He also had heavy dark makeup on his eyes and the white pancake makeup, but he had black lipstick instead of red. He also didn't have as much eye makeup on as Jaden had. His eyes were starker and 'harder' looking, somehow. Michael also had a heavy leather collar around his neck but with a lock hanging from it instead of a key.

"Welcome to High School, Babe. Watch out for yourself, K?" Michael said with a deep manly voice. They continued to look at me over their shoulders as they walked by and then they turned to each other and actually giggled like boys! They fist bumped each other lightly and they used the arms they had their rainbows on to do it. Jaden quickly glanced back at me with this mischievous look. I've always wondered about those two and why they did that.

Now maybe I know! Maybe they already *knew* what I was before I did!

"Then there's Bobby Jeanette. Alden pegged him mostly because of the way he walks. He walks like a girl with that butt of his. If I didn't know he was a guy he'd even turn me on with that thing! But . . . Naw." Jamie continued. I don't know Bobby Jeanette so I can't 'compare notes' with that. That butt sounds interesting though.

"Um, yeah, then there are just about ALL the Emoes in this school. All of them are gay if not bi. It's kind of silly, they never band together like the goths do. They're either in twos (boyfriends I bet) or they are loners. I don't get why people want to be alone so much. It seems so . . . lonely!" Now we were getting somewhere.

All I could think of was Stevie. Stevie is emo as emo can be. I wonder if he's on the radar? I didn't dare mention his name because then Jamie would know it and then his crew would know it and then Stevie could easily become the next Jimmy LaPlane. I'm not making any more mistakes interfering in this horrible little Gay witch hunt these assholes are on! It isn't just a game. It's serious and deadly serious!

"We thought Billy Chase was for a while, but since he was new we couldn't be sure. He just came in without a girlfriend, was all, and we figured anyone as good looking as he is would have one already, even in the 9th grade!" Jamie spoke the Sacred Name and that made the chill down my spine turn to solid ice! I pretended to look away toward the doors of the courtyard to keep Jamie from seeing the blood leave my face!

"But, after that little display in the lunch line today, that question's been answered pretty solid!" Jamie was beaming when I turned my head back around to look at him with surprise.

"That little blonde SOB's gonna be gettin' some of that somethin' somethin' this weekend if he plays his cards right! Joanna's a fucking FOX dude! She's still young but she's got the titties out to here already, dawg, and they was AAALL up on Billy-Willy! Um-hmmm!" I winced not at Jamie suddenly talking like P-Diddy, but at the whole nauseating idea of Billy all liplocked onto one of Joanna's erect nipples. The image just made me shiver involuntarily.

"You cold, dude? We could go inside though I think it's nice out." Uh oh, he had caught me with the shivers.

"No. I'm good. I gotta ask, though, did Alden say anything about me?" It's funny, when all hope of any happiness leaves you a certain kind of courage comes up inside. Since you don't care whether you live or die anymore, you can do amazing things like ask the most popular boy in school if he thinks you are gay or not. Amazing!

"What *about* you?" Jamie blinked at me with that stupid cow expression he gets. I could have smacked him, ya know? Instead, I rolled my eyes and spelled it fricking out for him:

"Does Alden think I'm gay?" I asked it slow so that Jamie could understand with his limited English skills. God help us!

"Hmmm. Nope. Not really. The same things were said about you that were said about Billy, once or twice. You being a stud and yet no girlfriend yet, but, again, you're still just a freshman. High School is generally where this stuff starts. Middle School's kind of too soon, I think, except if you're Marie and your boyfriend happens to be none other than Brandon Temple, the Church's Pope of Studliness!" Jamie smiled, giggled, and gave me a one armed 'brohug'.

"Dude! Come on! Alden will think *we're* gay next!" I said to Jamie while playfully but *firmly* pushing his arm off of me.

"Who cares! I don't get the whole gay bashing thing anyway! Like I said it's *boring* and stupid. Trust me, Brandon, Buddy! If I *was* gay you'd be the first to know! I'd have to kill my sis first, but . . . whatevers! Hehehehe! Gotta go! Stay frosty!" Jamie said while jumping up and then trotting off, his beyond beautiful body bouncing all the way. He waved back at me without breaking stride just like the quarterback he is.

I, for one, was absolutely 'gobsmacked' as Cedrick says. Did Jamie Cross just tell me today that if he *were* gay he'd, like, date me or something? Ok . . . Weird Factor 10, Mr. Sulu!

W T F?

Unfortunately, as weird and strangely wonderful that conversation was with Jamie today it couldn't take away from the bottom line. Billy was straight and he and Joanna were now 'getting serious', even in the lunch line.

I'll just have to give up on him. I'll just have to.

Why did I have to fall for a boy and why did I have to fall for a boy who was straight? It's an old cliché, the hopeless gay pervert falling in love with the innocent straight boy who, rightly, falls in love with a beautiful girl.

I've heard stories of it happening in other people's lives and now it's happening in mine. This joke just isn't funny anymore.

What am I going to do with these feelings? Will they fade away or stay with me tormenting me till the end of my miserable days?

I don't know.

This is Brandon . . . Not laughing at this joke anymore.