We played a massive Dungeon instance in World of Warcraft last night and we all got wiped because he wouldn't stop asking me in Personal Chat a thousand questions. Geeze! This is a MAJOR game boss we're talking here! I need all my concentration! I'm the Healer after all!
He wants to know: What colour is her hair? What colour is her eyes? What colour is her skin? What colour is her pubes? I mean...how would I know Cedrick? He then wanted to know if I'd 'snogged' her yet. What in the HELL is 'snogged'? Notice I used his favourite spelling for things...with a 'u' in all the wrong places.
So I asked him what 'snogged' was and he basically asked if I'd kissed and felt her up and stuff. 3rd base or whatever. I totally wrote back 'No!' Thank Jesus God Franc came online. After we wiped we went back to our Guild chat and started to talk it out.
Franc was all "Mon Dieu! Cedrick, you want the photographs? What the actual fucks!?" HAHAHAHAHA! I love when he does English bad words weird.
Cedrick is all: "If Brandon is getting some, then there might be hope for all here, yes?" (Snort).
Franc was like: "Incroyable! What difference is it of yours that he should have made love to Marié? Do you need more of the 'Spanking Bank' stuff? You shall come to Paris. I will buy you a screw. You need it. C'est plus nécessaire!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!
"For your information, Your Frogship, *I* have no need whatsoever to purchase whores. I can bed any girl I want! I'm a gentleman and treat ladies with respect! They eat that stuff up!" Cedrick comes back.
"Voilà! So this is the reason you are still a virgin, oui?" Franc comes back.
It's all I can do to keep from peeing in my office chair. It's too bad we have to be thousands of miles away from each other. We really are the Three Stooges.
"Oh, bugger off you cheese eating surrender monkey! Bollocks on the lot of you!" Cedrick comes back hotly.
I pour some water on this fire before it starts to get too hot. I describe Marie and what we have planned, etc. Going to the mall and having pizza or whatever. Maybe going shopping afterwards and then some ice cream or something. Innocent stuff. Stuff *I* can handle with a girl.
"Bloody Hell, Brandon! She sounds extraordinary! Why, I'd hardly be able to walk straight for a week knowing I had something like that coming up to eat this weekend! You horny little rascal you!" He followed this by putting some happy winking emoticons to make his point he was excited for me.
I swear I rolled my eyes at the screen like he could see me. I made my character shake his head in dismay. Franc made his start doubling over and laughing. It's amazing how you can get so much interaction out of some dumb pixels on a screen. Hehehehe.
It was useless trying to explain that I had NO intention of doing ANYTHING horny with Marie Cross. Cedrick was lost in his own fantasy now. For some reason, it gave me a kind of a horny thrill thinking that Cedrick would probably be beating off to what he thought Marie and I would be getting up to this Saturday.
"Do you need the Kleenex, Ricky? You don't want to make a mess in your underwear, no?" Franc comes back. HEHEHEHEHE!
"Oh...you'd like that wouldn't you Mr. French Fruit Tart! Ya want me to save some for you so you can have a taste for later?" Cedrick quips back.
"Non, Mon Chere. I'll take it fresh later when you visit me in Paris next month." Franc seems to purr with his keyboard.
Wait? Those two are actually going to meet in person? Wow! So I asked them how that worked out.
"My da' is now manager of the Paris office of his company. We'll be going there quite often now. Do you think your da' will be doing anything in Paris soon?" Cedrick asks. It's weird but I can almost detect a bit of hopeful anticipation in the plain text on the screen.
I replied: "I really don't know. He doesn't share his plans with me as much these days anymore. I guess he's got a lot on his mind with mom...gone and all." I feel the old squeeze in my chest. I guess you never stop hurting when someone you love dies.
"Be happy, mon beau Brandon! I feel you will have your turn very soon! I so look forward to seeing you in the real life! We won't rest until I show you EVERYTHING here! You will love it, c'est vrai!" Franc breaks the sudden gloom of our chat like Thor busts an alien with his hammer.
I replied that I truly hope so. I'd love to see Paris and I'd really love to meet Franc in person. He is so much fun!
"If you two are going to bugger each other, let me know so I can be at the cafe. Thank you." Cedrick comes back. Funny as the retort was meant, it stung a little. Anything homophobic does now. I guess...it's part of accepting who I am. Any time someone makes fun of being Gay like it’s some horrible thing...I'm made to feel horrible too. That joke just isn't funny anymore, I guess. It's too close to home and too close to the bone.
I signed off kind of shortly after that. I think both Franc and Cedrick felt like my feelings had been hurt a bit. Both sent me Facebook messages saying they were sorry if they said anything wrong. I, to keep my cover, blew it off like I needed to get to sleep for my 'big date'. That seemed to quiet them both a bit.
They really do seem to care. Good friends. I wish they could be here with me in the flesh. I'd love a real flesh and blood...you know....friend.
This is Brandon....virtual friend.
After I woke up this morning I was so completely hard I had to shuck my shorts off. I was ready to go off. I literally was THIS close. I don't know WHAT I'd been dreaming about, but I knew it wasn't Marie. All I remember are butterfly kisses on the back of my neck and hands smoothing down the skin of my sides and front and butt.
I remember brown eyes, blonde hair, and a smell like burnt sugar and roses. I never smell in dreams...
This is weird...
So...uh...I finished myself off in my pillow per usual and took a shower and stuff. As soon as I put my jeans on...I was HARD again! What the hell? Does this ever end?
I didn't have time to work it off again so I just let it stay hard. It was not easy because each movement in my pants was close to setting me off. I think my hormones are screamingly out of whack again...but then again...(sigh).
I thought things would settle down as I rode into school on my bike, but that just made things even, well, harder! I had to end up doing something I thought I'd NEVER do...go into the boy's bathroom and work it off yet again. So nasty! What If I get caught...didn't matter. I wasn't going to be worth a hill of beans if I didn't get this distraction down.
Fortunately...it didn't take long. All the friction in my pants had been enough to get me pretty close...so a couple of pumps and I was done. I tried not to make too much noise but...well....if FELT soooo good!
What is Billy doing to me? I've never been this horny over anyone before! OMG!
I got through classes ok. Unfortunately I spent my time alone in the library today. No Billy. It was disappointing. I sort of live for that short time that he and I can be together there, just talking. Watching those supple pink lips move with those pearly white teeth behind and rosy tongue between. Billy is so beautiful and because he doesn't know it he just naturally becomes more beautiful because he is genuine.
See. Now I'm all hard again. I'm glad my Dad's room is down the hall a ways. I'm sure he'd be in here in a snap if he heard all the moaning and groaning coming from in here. Hehehehe.
I keep thinking back on my conversation last night with my gaming buddies. I wonder why I can't seem to make that connection with anybody here. It would be interesting to talk to someone face to face about what to do about this Marie thing. Someone that maybe has done some dating or something. I don't even know what girls talk about or like very much. I'm an only child in a mostly male world, women are a total mystery to me. But, because I'm gay, it isn't even a fascinating mystery. I could go on the rest of my life, I think, and if I never talked to another girl again I'd be ok with that.
Oh well. I guess I'm just too shy I guess. People can't become your friends if you don't talk to them and let them get to know you a little. It just feels so awkward and weird for me just to go up to someone I don't know and start talking to them...sort of like Billy can do. Other guys are like Jamie and are so radiantly attractive that people seem to glue themselves on to him like lint on fuzzy sweaters.
I've always been strangely ‘monogamous’ (what a big word! I had to look that one up!) I can handle like one friend at a time. I can't do teams of people and interact with all of them. I shut down for some reason. Like I can't deal with too many voices at once. Yet, it's stupid of me to think that I could find just that one friend that wants to be just my friend without me becoming friends with other people he might know. I would limit a person like that. I don't have that much social energy, I guess.
Maybe that's why I've glued myself to Billy so much at least mentally. I find it amazing that somebody just starts coming up to me in the Library and starts talking to me out of the blue and does it over and over! Then, this person is the very person that I've been nursing a crush on since the first day I saw his face. It's almost like fate or something. We seem to be drawn to each other. But, just for friends or for something more, I cannot say.
I feel like I'm becoming a crazy obsessive. A love struck mooning lonely heart that has fixated on someone who he barely knows and who barely knows him. It's creepy. it's got to be. Billy is going to smell the desperation in me and get scared off by it. I wouldn't blame him in the least. No one needs a psycho obsessive person hooked up with them. That would be just awful!
Maybe Marie and I will hit it off and I can become 'normal' and then I can just be Billy's good friend. Just like Sam. I could even maybe like Sam more if I wasn't somewhat...jealous of him.
I still don't know if Billy is gay. How could I? He's never given any indication that he is. Only a couple of my hopeful things I see that I could easily have gotten wrong because I want them to be true so very badly. It's not healthy to get tied up in knots about someone like that when you know nothing about them really.
Aww...why do I torment myself with these things! I'm so insecure about everything! I need to loosen up and get a grip. Yes...that is what my English teacher calls an 'oxymoron'. Hehehe. I like anything with the word 'moron' in it.
I'm going to look forward to this weekend. Maybe, if nothing else, if she isn't too disappointed with me, I'll have a girlfriend like gay guys do. A 'pal' to talk about Justin Bieber with or to help her with what color nail polish to buy. She could help me pick out my feather boas! That's too funny! I don't think Marie would have the first clue. When she's just dressed like she is normally she's kind of butch! A tomboy. Maybe I can have a boyfriend who is a girl?