Denied - 5. Chapter 5

“Meditation?”

“When you ran into me, you were nearly mindless with panic. Anyone who is feeling that lost could benefit from some techniques and time to center their thoughts.” Lakshou shifted on his cushion, arranging his robes over his knees.

I clenched my teeth. “I’ve had time.” Hours, days, months, years, in that cell alone. Most of the time I had no input, nothing but my thoughts.

“Do you want to tell me about what had you so scared, then?”

“No.” I shook my head violently. “No questions.”

Blue light flashed, an arc that went from horn to horn on Lakshou’s head. My anger and fear faded, and my hands stopped shaking immediately. I tilted my head, my hand going to the edge of the cushion. I stroked it. “What was that?”

“I apologize.” Lakshou leaned forward. “I don’t always remember that my kind aren’t widely known through the galaxies. I am a Triberiom. When we are in the presence of those who need our counsel, we release an aura that helps soothe them. It is not an impulse I can use to control you in any way, and the effect is only temporary. It eases your body’s physical response to stress, allowing your emotions to calm as well.

“If you wish to leave, you may. I only wish to help you learn how to help yourself do the same.”

Lakshou seemed like he meant what he was saying, and, above all, I didn’t want to leave. I curled back onto my side. I couldn’t remember feeling like this, ever. I rubbed my thumb against the cushion, then my cheek. “It’s so soft.”

“Yes. A special material from my home world. We believe in surrounding ourselves with comfort. It is a pleasure we see no reason to deny.” Lakshou rose. “That uni from medical is probably far from comfortable. Would you care for a robe?”

“Like yours?”

Lakshou’s face crinkled as his lips turned up. A smile? I thought it was one. “Similar. I don’t think you would like to wear this particular robe, but I have others.” He tapped a spot on the wall that was nothing more than a small depression, and the wall faded. There were robes of all kinds in there. Lakshou rifled through the fabric before pulling one out. “Here. I believe you would like this one.”

The fabric was a uniform light gray, but it shimmered in the low lights in the room. Muted, but not in a bad way.

“It has long sleeves and a head covering as well. Space can be cold.”

“Yes, it is,” I said softly. I’d been cold a lot. Never freezing, but never really warm either.

Pressing another depression, Lakshou opened another door to a cleansing chamber. “You can use the facilities if you need them while you change.”

Lakshou held out the robe, and I took it from him. Our hands didn’t touch, and I was relieved when he moved around me. The small space didn’t afford much room, and the floor was littered with pillows, but he made a small circle around the edge of the room and knelt in the smoking jar. He muttered a few words and then sprinkled something yellow in the hole.

I retreated into the bathroom. I twisted and ran my hands over the clothes, but finally figured out they just pulled off so I could clean up. When I pulled the robe over my head and arms, it slithered down my body to my feet. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my torso. “Oh.” It felt so good.

Lakshou was twisted up in some bizarre pose. He could have scratched the base of the tail I didn’t know he’d had until his robe parted down the back as he flexed and his whole body contorted as he faced me upside down. He chuckled when he saw my face, and I snapped my mouth shut.

“Triberiom are very flexible. It’s part of our meditation.”

“You don’t expect me to do that, do you?”

“No, no.” He uncoiled and righted himself. “Simply sitting and closing your eyes would be fine. I know you must have been through a lot, considering the captain brought you on board after the last raid. No one we rescue has had an easy life. But I can help you center and handle the changes better, if you will let me.”

What did I have to lose? “Okay.”

Lakshou settled on a cushion facing me. “Just close your eyes and focus on your feelings.”

“My feelings?” How did I do that?

“Imagine them as a ball inside you.” Lakshou’s voice took on a hypnotic note. “Fear, anger, loneliness.” Behind my eyelids the light in the room flashed. “I sense them all.”

I shivered, pulling my hands into the sleeves. I whimpered. He was putting names to the swirling in my core that threatened to make me pass out again.

“Imagine that ball getting smaller, lighter, as you peel away the layers and discard each negative emotion, exposing the core of calm inside you. Breathe in, and breathe out the fear and push it away.” Lakshou took a deep breath, and I mirrored him, trying to do what he said.

I’d gained an ability to create vivid mind pictures during my reprogramming, and I used it now. Fear was an ugly red, a pulsing virulence. I took it in my hands and shoved it away, outside of my body as I let out a hard breath. A band around my chest loosened, and I opened my eyes. “I did it.”

Lakshou smiled. “You have begun.”

“More.” I needed this. I closed my eyes. There was more in there, more I wanted gone. I wanted the peace Lakshou promised, the one I’d felt so briefly when he’d influenced me. This was like a once in a lifetime chance to help myself, at least do this one thing. I could take away my own fear; I could do anything.