The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 34. Point Not So Pleasant

---Teddy---

It’s amazing how much can change in three months. All I used to care about was popularity. All Ryder used to care about was music. And now look at us. It’s like we’ve finally started growing into the people we’re supposed to be. Like this whole time we just needed one another to help us discover who we really are. I’ve grown so much since he first slammed a door in my face, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“So marriage,” Liz quietly let out as Blake rushed out back towards the ocean. A routine he’d been going back and forth on ever since we set up on the beach. Trying his hardest to balance time in the ocean with time with his girlfriend. Meanwhile the second the blanket went down Ryder fell into a sugar coma on top of it. “Was that something you two were being serious about?”

I slowly nodded and looked down at my sleeping boyfriend. “Can you blame us?”

“No.” She shook her head, trying her hardest to be supportive. “I just don’t want you both to rush into something you’re not ready for and wind up ruining a good thing.”

“I know,” I exhaled. “But our lives are moving so much faster than everyone else I know. It’s like, if I love him in the spring like I love him now, why not?”

“The spring?” She repeated in a low voice. “I mean, if you think you’re ready then go for it.” She quickly clarified. “Just make sure, its just, it needs to be what you definitely want and not just something you’re doing because you’re scared.”

I looked over at her and forced eye contact. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I defensively let out.

“I’ve known you forever Teddy.” She sighed. “I know when you’re scared.” She shook her head. “And maybe I’m wrong, but you just, you seem like you’re terrified of losing him.” She let out as her gaze shifted towards Ryder. “and maybe marriage is your way of feeling like you have him locked down, but we both know that’s not how it works.” I grew quiet as she hit the nail right on the head. “Married or not if he wants to cheat or break up he’s going to do it.” I bit down on my lip as the reality of life flooded my mind. “But that’s never something he’s going to want.” She comforted, reaching over and resting her hand on mine. “If only I could show you all the paragraphs he’s texted me about you. You don’t need to get married to keep him. He’s always going to be crazy for you, and that, it’s something you have to accept on your own terms. Security isn’t a feeling you can force with marriage.”

“Why am I so insecure about him?” I exhaled as she peeled away all my defenses. “Why am I so scared?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s because you know how much it sucks to get cheated on. Maybe it’s because you’re so crazy for him that you see how vulnerable it leaves you. Or maybe it’s because he’s like no one you’ve ever met before.” She shook her head and looked back up at me. “But in your own time that’ll fade and you two, you’ll be that couple everyone wants to be like.”

“You think so?” I asked, as her hand slowly went back to her side.

“I know it.” She confidently nodded. “After all, I already know someone who hopes his relationship is as good as yours.” She confessed looking over at Blake getting thrashed around in the waves.

“What about you and him?” I shifted, having had enough talk about me. “You guys seem pretty happy.”

“Yeah.” She nodded with a smile. “I mean its Blake.” She shook her head. “I, it still blows me away that we’re dating. I never thought he’d stop seeing me as a friend. I know we always hung out alone and all that but he never once made a move. Well, not until a few months ago.”

“Before or after me and Ryder?” I laughed, leaning against her.

“Before.” She teased, eyes not leaving her boyfriend. “And yet your relationship still seems miles past ours. Damn you Teddy Haner.”

“Pressure makes diamonds.” I teased as I noticed Ryder beginning to shake awake. “Too bad we’re not there yet.” I joked as he looked up at me, hair a disaster.

“Not where yet?” He let out, slowly starting to wake up.

Liz and I couldn’t help but laugh at the disheveled teen in front of us. “Nowhere.” I shook my head, reaching forward and trying to help him get it together. “What is this even?” I teased, combing the large clump of hair out of his face. “It has no style.”

“Bite me.” He grumbled, pushing my hand away and sitting up. He put his hand up to his hair but shook his head to loosen it up instead. “It is what it is, short on the sides long in the front.”

“I see that.” I shook my head. “But what if you put a fade on the sides and back and kind of let the top,”

“Teddy.” He forced out as our eyes connected. “I’m not getting some froofy soccer hair cut like yours.”

“Froofy?” Liz let out, shooting him an odd look.

“It means fancy.” He confidently nodded.

“Sure it does.” I sighed as a smile crossed my face. “One of these days you’re going to have to figure out something to do with it.”

He rolled his eyes and slowly got to his feet as Blake approached from the ocean. “Want to go for a walk?”

“Sure.” I quickly nodded, not having to be asked twice. “Imagine that, Ryder wanting to go for a walk.” He shrugged and took my hand, leading me back down towards the shore line. As we passed Blake Ryder made sure to give him a wink. “What was that?” I giggled, bucking shoulders with him.

“Nothing.” He smiled, returning the light push. We spent the next few minutes quietly walking along the ocean until we reached a near empty patch of sand. “You’ve been looking at me funny ever since Blake brought up my next tour.” He finally let out, staring at the incoming waves. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been looking at you funny because you ate plates and plates of raw sewage.” I teased, but saw a serious look staring off into the distance.

“Teddy.” He let out in a serious voice. “What’s up?”

“You said you don’t know when the next tour starts,” I exhaled, looking down and lightly kicking some sand around. “but I could tell you were lying.” He silently nodded his head and kept his eyes on the waves. “You know, don’t you?”

“I found out last night.” He sighed. “I was going to wait until tomorrow because I didn’t want it to ruin today.”

“When do you leave?” I forced out, feeling my heart begin to beat faster and faster.

“Tuesday night.” He answered still staring off at the horizon.

I let out a breath as my heart dropped. For a second I thought I was going to throw up. Just let everything out from being so upset. “This Tuesday? Like in five days?” I asked, trying my hardest to fight back tears.

“Yeah.” he answered, reaching around me and pulling me in close. “I-I’m so sorry Teddy.”

“Don’t be.” I shook my head as a few tears escaped my eyes. “It’s not your fault, and I can’t hold you back.” I let my head fall into his chest as I still tried to process it all. “I’m being such a dick right now for making you feel bad.”

“No you’re not.” He denied as his grip grew tighter. “You’re just, just, reacting.”

“Well it’s a shitty reaction.” I sniffled, trying my hardest to stop the tears.

“No it’s not.” He shook his head, prying me away from him and leaning his forehead against mine. “You have every right to be upset. It’s, I knew the tour would start soon, but I had no idea it would be next week.” He let out. “I, I thought I’d leave when school was close to starting.”

“It is close to starting.” I explained as the tears finally stopped. “There’s only two and a half weeks left, it’s, summers almost over.”

“Oh.” He exhaled, grabbing onto both my hands. “Then good, you’ll be too busy to miss me.”

“I’ll never be too busy to miss you.” I shook my head. “You’ll never be off my mind, I swear.”

“I know.” He nodded, holding my hands up to his chest. “I was so scared to feel when I first met you. I was so scared of even the smallest bit of love. I-I don’t think you know how close I was to ending it all. How close I was to giving up. Then you actually came to a concert.” This time tears started to fall from his eyes. “You gave me hope that maybe, maybe I could be someone. Then the confidence followed and I, now I can’t imagine not being alive. I can’t imagine not having you here with me.” Once more he pulled me in close. “If there’s even a shred of doubt in there, I, you need to get rid of it. You need to know that there will always be a place for you in my heart. I-I don’t think I can ever love anyone else the way I love you. No. I know I can’t.”

We stood there just holding one another for a few minutes before I finally gathered the strength to talk once more. “I’m scared about you smoking.” I confessed, finally starting to let an insecurity fly out. “I-I’m worried about what it’ll lead to. I know it helps, and I know that it might not be bad for you, but I don’t want you relying on drugs.” I shook my head. “And I don’t want to be that boyfriend that stop you from doing things you like, but I-I,”

“It’s okay.” He comforted, beginning to rub my back.

“I don’t want to stop you from doing things that help though.” I rambled, starting to shake my head.

“What if I only smoke when I need to?” He asked. “That way it gets rid of anxiety, but I don’t actually use it that much.” I nodded my head as he tried his hardest to be strong for the two of us. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

“I know.” I nodded, looking up into his eyes. “And you’ll come to homecoming right?”

“Yup.” He quickly assured. “When is that?”

“I’ll text you the date, it’s like three weeks after school starts.” I explained, silently praying he could make it. “I just, I hope you don’t have a show that night.”

“I’ll find a way back home for it.” He forced a smile and began to rub my back once more. “I swear I will.”

“I love you.” I exhaled as a wave crashed and coated our feet.

The rest of the day went by way too fast. Blake and Liz noticed something was off but didn’t bother to question it. They knew it was something sensitive and didn’t want to risk making it worse.

There was a quiet peace to our last night together. We didn’t bother bringing up the distance that was about to be between us. There was no reason to. We both knew what was coming, but more importantly we were ready for it.

“You really didn’t have to give a copy to us.” I sighed looking at the C.D. Ryder had left for my parents. “We already have like five copies of it.”

“I knew you were reason it’s rising the charts.” He teased happily looking at his creation up on the counter.

“That parts all you.” I grinned, proud of what he had accomplished in just his first couple months of music.

“That’s not even my best work.” He confidently smiled as our eyes connected.

“No?” I asked reflecting the look in his eyes right back at him.

“No.” he shook his head, pulling another square out of his pocket. “This is.”

I took a long look at the square before returning my eyes back to his. “What’s that?”

“Back when I used to play at the barn.” He nervously began. “Back when I first met you, you asked me to cover Shout at the Devil for you. So when I was on tour you could listen to it when you missed me. Even back then you believed in me. When I was nothing but a dive bar singer.”

“You didn’t.” I sighed as he handed me the white case. I immediately recognized his handwriting as Teddy was written on the cover.

“I had an extra day in the studio.” He nodded. “And the guys gave me some shit for it, but this, it’s for you, for when you miss me.”

I quickly turned it around and looked at the short track list. “1. Shout at the Devil 2. Pill in Ibiza 3.Photograph 4. Wish You Were Here.”

“Photograph?” I read, surprised to see the cover there.

“Mhm.” He nodded. “I remember sitting right here and playing it for you. We were talking about songs that reminded us of each other, and that song, it just came to mind.”

“I remember that.” I quickly nodded as tears began to bubble in my eyes. “I,I, thank you.” I let out, wrapping my arms around him. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“You have no idea how much you mean to me.” He comforted, kissing me on the top of the head. He held me for a minute before I finally pulled away. “I would’ve included Faget on it too, but I know you hate that song.”

“I hate that word.” I corrected, recalling the bonus song he had added to his album. “Why did you have to cover that song again?”

“It’s symbolic.” He shrugged. “A word I used to get called so much, now on the back of my album. They tried so hard to use it against me, but now, now it’ll be one of the most popular covers in metal.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “Well I still hate it.” I giggled, as he fell on top of me.

“Join the club.” He teased as his head fell against my shoulder. “So, you’re coming to the Boston and Atlanta shows right? Like I can go ahead and tell my manager to send you the tickets.”

“No, because I’m buying the tickets.” I corrected as he looked up at me.

“Hey, I’m flying in for homecoming aren’t I? I’m even making the football game!” He smiled. “So the least you can do for me is accept concert tickets.”

“Uhh fine!” I groaned kissing him on the head. “I, you really don’t have to fly back to New Jersey just for homecoming.”

“I’m not flying back for homecoming, I’m flying back for you.” He shrugged without hesitation. “I’ll be gone for two months. It’s the least I can do to help break up the time away.”

I happily nodded my head as I realized the small schedule we had worked out. “So in three weeks I’ll see you in Atlanta. Then a week after that you’ll be home for home coming, and two weeks later I’ll see you in Boston! Then two week after that you’ll be back for your New York show and home again!”

“Exactly.” He nodded reflecting the smile on my face. “We’re getting the worst part out of the way first. Just three weeks and then we’ll see each other almost every week. Nothing to be scared of.”

“Nothing to be scared of.” I repeated in confidence. “And face timing almost every night?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He confirmed. “Just make sure to check on my grandma like three times a week if you can. I-I’m more worried about her without me than you.”

“She won’t be alone.” I comforted, beginning to rub his arm. “She’ll have me and my parents.”

“And little Oliver.” He corrected, thinking about my mom’s pregnancy.

“And little Oliver.” I rolled my eyes. “I still can’t believe my mom liked that name.”

“She didn’t just like it, she said it was perfect.” He teased in a laugh. “Oliver for a boy, Olivia for a girl.”

“And chaos for Teddy in both cases!” I yelped with a smile.

He let out a small laugh and thought it all over. “Well you can always come stay with me when you need a break.”

“Careful what you wish for.” I joked.

I saw his eyes drift towards the clock and quickly moved his head back to me. “Teddy.” He sighed, starting to grow serious.

“No, come on.” I insisted as the clock turned to eleven-thirty. “You stay up until two in the morning anyway!”

“I know I do.” He groaned, thinking it all over. “But I have to pack up the last of my stuff, and I already said goodbye to your parents. I-I don’t want to, but I think it’s time to head out.” I fell silent and nodded my head, accepting the inevitable. “Besides its way past your bedtime anyway.”

“Yeah.” I forced out, trying my hardest to be strong.

He sat up and landed a kiss on my forehead. “No tears.” He shook his head. “If you start crying, I’m going to start crying, and that’s just not a good look for either of us.”

“Just, make sure to take care of yourself.” I finally forced out as we both stood up. “Eat right. Drink a lot of water. Get a good night’s sleep. And see the country. For me.”

“There’s no one else I’m doing it for.” He confirmed pulling me in close. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“We survived the past eighteen years without one another,” I exhaled. “Why does two months seem so scary?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “But God I’m glad you found me.”

We stood there holding one another for the next twenty minutes and yet it only felt like seconds. I was able to keep it together until I saw his car pull away, but the second those tail lights turned the corner I felt tears coat my cheeks. I know we’ll be okay. I know our love is strong enough to last anything, but why am I so scared? Why do I doubt him? Why do I doubt us?