The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 33. Changes

---Ryder---

The smile didn’t fade from my face for a second as we ate dinner. There’s always just been something about Teddy, some sense of safety that always makes me feel okay. When I was younger he made me feel loved. He was there for me every second of every day. Then even after I hurt him. Even after I abandoned him he brought me back to life from a suicide attempt. And I don’t mean just the surgery. I mean taking me into his house and nurturing me back to good health. Showing me I can still be happy.

As our eyes met my smile grew even wider. “I, is it me, or, just,” I shook my head and let out a deep breath. “Never mind.” I smirked, just enjoying the moment.

“No, go ahead.” He encouraged, sharing my smile. “I want to hear this.”

“Don’t things finally feel like they’re back to how they were?” I couldn’t help but ask. “I just, I feel like I’m eighteen again.”

Teddy slowly nodded his head. “I feel a lot younger too.”

“But it’s not just that.” I tried to explain. “It’s, I just love you I guess.”

“I get it.” Teddy blushed, reaching over and gently rubbing my hand. “I feel that too.”

“We’re not crazy right?” I bashfully laughed.

Teddy thought it over before swaying his head. “Because we’re so obsessed with one another?”

“Obsessed is a strong word.” I exhaled. “But I, it fits doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Teddy laughed as his blush grew stronger. “But who cares?”

“I don’t.” I quickly shook my head.

“Me neither.” He said in a laugh.

“Ryder Sullivan!” A loud voice suddenly exclaimed as a man approached our table. “I never thought I’d see you around here again.”

“No way,” I couldn’t help but laugh, standing up and shaking his hand. “I, Teddy this was one of Messiah’s recording technicians Dave. He used to work in my house and all. Dave this is my boyfriend Teddy.”

“Boyfriend?” Dave repeated with raised eyebrows. “So the rumors are true, you are changing.”

“Only the bad parts.” I teased as Teddy shook his hand.

“Good for you.” He remarked. “It’s good to see you healthy and smiling.”

“Thank you.” I nodded as he took another long look at us. “I, we might actually need you soon. I have some projects back in Jersey I need recorded. “

“New Messiah album?” He asked with a devious grin.

“Who knows?” I shrugged, trying to play stupid.

“Alright, well just stay in touch and I’ll make the trip.” Dave accepted with a smile. “And I’m having a kickback at my place tonight if you guys are interested.”

“That’s alright.” I quickly denied before Teddy could say anything.

“Oh come on man, when’s the last time we hung out?” Dave tempted. “And I’ve never seen you turn down a free drink or party in your life!”

“I don’t drink anymore.” I shook my head, trying my hardest to avoid the topic.

“Really?” He asked as surprise entered his eyes.

“Like I said, changing the bad things.” I uncomfortably explained.

“Alright, well you know the address if you two change your minds.” He shrugged. “It was nice meeting you Teddy.”

“Nice meeting you.” Teddy politely spoke as the man disappeared. “We can go if you want.” Teddy offered, but I could tell he was nervous.

“It’s okay.” I shook my head, hoping to change topics.

“I’m serious.” Teddy insisted. “If you want to see your friends it’s cool.”

“I-it wouldn’t be smart.” I shot down, thinking of his normal get togethers. Alcohol, drugs, pills, you name it and they have it. I can’t go back to those places, it just wouldn’t end well.

“Okay.” He accepted, watching me closely. “Can you at least tell me why all your old friends are so surprised you have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t know.” I uncomfortably shrugged once more. “Guess they’re just used to me being alone.”

“Promise?” Teddy asked, catching me off guard.

“Promise what?” I prodded, not quite understanding what he meant.

“Promise that it’s because they’re used to you being alone, and not because you were around guys.” Teddy explained. “Apparently you were quite the party boy.”

“You think anyone but you has enough patience to put up with me?” I laughed, but felt my smile fade as I realized how serious he was being. “I swear to you Teddy. You can even ask Brandon if you want.”

“I trust you.” He accepted, finally looking back into my eyes. “Do you even talk to Brandon anymore?”

“Not since the hospital.” I exhaled. “But I-I’m not mad at him or anything. I don’t blame them for what happened to me, it was my fault.”

“Then why end Messiah?” Teddy asked, looking for the golden answer everyone wanted to know.

“I already told you and Oli, my story was over.” I shook my head. “Messiah was my tale, and now that’s done with.”

“Not done with.” Teddy rejected. “Just, changing.”

“Yeah.” I agreed as a smile returned. “Changing.”

“So then why one last album?” He asked, but narrowed in his gaze as he saw me shake my head.

“I ended it wrong.” I exhaled. “I ended Messiah by trying to kill myself, but that, that’s not me.”

“No?” Teddy asked as hope entered his eyes.

“No.” I smiled, clutching his hand tightly.

The rest of dinner Teddy’s eyes couldn’t stay off of me. He was proud, proud that I had started making the changes and stuck with them. I’ve finally turned a corner in my life, and for once I’m not letting anyone get in my way. Whether people like it or not, I’m a new man, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

That night everything we did was in perfect sync. Everything just felt perfect. From the rest of dinner, to finally having sex with him again. Fine, we had sex yesterday but we’re on vacation and we have lost time to make up for!

***********************************************************************************

That night as he fell asleep I stayed wide awake, thinking everything over. At one point I finally grabbed my phone and snuck back downstairs.

It took a few minute to build my courage, but when I finally did I clutched the phone tightly and made the call that’s been on my mind for a week or two now.

“Brandon,” I exhaled as he picked up the phone. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” He replied in a cautious voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I-I’m the best I’ve ever been.” I answered. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you when you visited me. I’m sorry for ending Messiah without explaining it to you guys.”

“I-it’s okay Ryder.” Brandon said, keeping his guard up. “How high are you right now?”

“I’m completely sober.” I happily answered. “I’ve been sober for a little over a month now, and it, it feels good.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” He nervously laughed. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“I, yeah, but I-I want to do one last Messiah album and end it right.” I explained as he took in a breath. “Would you and the guys be up for that?”

“I would.” He quickly answered. “I think the guys would be too, if Tommy can that is.”

“He’s doing better though, right?” I asked, thinking about the man who has missed our last two tours, including our last show. Even in the 2030s cancer is a bitch. Sure, most forms are treatable, but blood cancer, that’s one cruel mistress.

“Last I heard yeah. If he can he will.” Brandon answered. “But I, are you still with Teddy?”

“Yup.” I proudly replied once more. “I’m on vacation with him now.”

“Good. You were always better with him.” Brandon exhaled. “How does he feel about another Messiah album?”

“He thinks it’s a good idea. He’s a little worried, but he’ll never admit that.” I explained, growing cautious of the reason he was asking.

“So you two are serious then?” Brandon asked once more.

“Completely.” I nodded my head, starting to hear the faint sound of drumming escape from the basement. “I, I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“And you’re positive of that?” He inquired.

“No doubt in my mind.” I reassured him.

“Good. Well I’m not doing the Messiah album until you’ve at least proposed to him.” Brandon declared, instantly silencing me. “Messiah, it’s your kryptonite Ryder. I’ve realized that now.”

“It’s not,”

“Your life was getting better until you joined us, then look what happened.” He exhaled. “And now you’re out of it and you, you sound happy again.”

“But I can’t blame Messiah for that, I was just, self-destructive.” I tried to explain, but he’s right. I didn’t handle the fame well. I let it get to me. I wanted to live that exciting rock star life style I fantasized about growing up.

“Either way, when you propose to him then we’ll talk.” Brandon explained. “Because I need to know you can handle it without going back to drugs and alcohol, and Teddy, well he won’t let that happen.”

“No he won’t.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “I, I need to warn you I’m starting another band too. I don’t have a name right now, but we just started writing.”

“Who’s in it?” Brandon exhaled. He wasn’t going to show it, but I could tell it bothered him.

“Teddy’s kid brother.” I carefully replied. “I just need to have fun with music again.”

“If you say so,” He surrendered. “I mean it’s you, so I’m sure it’ll sound great. Just, take care of yourself.”

“You too.” I offered with a smile.

“And propose soon okay? I’ve been dying to make music again.”

“I, I was actually planning to ask before the end of next month.” I nervously confessed.

“Good enough for me.” He happily accepted. “Call me after you do, okay?”

“Well I-I was thinking you and the guys could help me with it.” I bravely began. “Just, I’ll let you know once I work it out.”

“I’ll talk to the guys about it.” Brandon accepted. “I think we can swing it.”

“Cool, I-I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” I offered.

“Sounds good. I love you brother.” He exhaled, trying his hardest to return to that role he’s always played in my life. It hasn’t been perfect, but he tried his hardest to raise me. I was eighteen and by myself when we really took the music world by storm. You can say what you want about how I turned out, but it’s not his fault. He tried to help, I was just, too much.

“Love you too.” I replied, hanging up and immediately heading for the basement. “Well, well, well,” I began, turning the corner to find the young teenager behind the drums.

“Come on Ryder,” He groaned, seeing my stern look. “I bet I’m up for the same reason you’re up.”

“And why would that be?” I asked, seeing what he would say.

“Because I can’t sleep, I, I have music in my head.” He tried to explain. “This beat, it just needs to be written.”

I couldn’t help but smile at those words. I know exactly what he’s talking about. I just hope I can teach him how to turn it into a gift instead of a burden.

“Alright.” I encouraged. “Well what do you have so far?”

He took a deep breath before composing himself and starting to drum away. Unlike before where he was mixing rock influence with hip hop and pop, this one was a classic rock beat. One that’d someone would mistake for one of the big great bands. One that cries out Zepplin, Rush or The Who.

“Where the hell did that come from?” I asked as a goofy smile overtook my face.

“I don’t know.” He blushed rushing over and picking up a guitar. “I can’t play it well but I have a riff stuck in my head too.” He shook his head and sure enough started to play a catch high energy riff. “I can’t get it out Ryder,” He shook his head as a smile began to break though. “I, I’m really excited about this.”

“I can see that.” I shook my head, before picking up a guitar and starting to clean up the riff. “Something like this?” I offered, changing up a piece or two and breathing in excitement and spacing.

“Exactly like that!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. “Exactly! Exactly! Exactly!”

“So right now we have a rock song that’s borderline pop and hip hop, and a song that’s just classic rock.” I shook my head. “What the hell kind of band are we making?”

“A fun one!” Oli exclaimed with eyes bigger than his stomach. “I, what if we don’t even do albums? What if our songs are all just singles, and-and our concerts just have the songs with elaborate transitions into one another? Like a celebration of music?”

“Alright.” I nodded my head. “Let’s work on that. I-I really like it.”

For the first time since I met him pride radiated off his face. He has every right to be proud too! The song he just wrote it, it’s going to blow bands out of the water. He’s exciting and experimental. He has no boundaries, and it shows in his music.

“Can you sit down for a minute or two, I need to talk to you.” I began, feeling nerves run through us both as he sat across from me.

“Did something happen?” He asked, beginning to anxiously tap his fingers against the side of the chair.

“No, nothing bad.” I shook my head. “I just, I’m going to propose to Teddy.” I explained, finally letting him in.

“Oh,” He exhaled, starting to rock in his chair. “Will he say yes?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you.” I nervously laughed. “I, what do you think?”

“You guys are obsessed with one another.” He thought it over. “You don’t think it’s too early?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It feels like we picked right up where we left off as kids.” I tried to explain. “It feels like I’ve been dating him forever.”

“Does he feel that way too?” Oli checked in a skeptical gaze.

“I think so, right?” I asked, staring into his youthful eyes.

“He’s a lot different than he used to be.” He shrugged. “He’s happier and calmer, so I don’t see why he wouldn’t feel that way.”

“So he’ll say yes?” I asked as Oli slowly nodded his head.

“I can’t see him saying no.” Oli nervously laughed as it all sunk in. “But you’re really going to ask?”

“Yup, probably a week after we get home.” I answered. “But you have to keep this a secret.”

“I will.” He quickly nodded, but began to fall weirdly quiet.

I took a gulp and realized how much this would change for him. I know it might sound crazy but I need to take him into account too. “Is it okay with you?” I finally asked.

“I don’t care.” He lied, looking down.

“I’m serious Oli.” I began, reaching out to raise his face, but he pulled away. “Are you cool with me proposing to Teddy?”

“Yeah.” He finally accepted in an emotional breath as a tear escaped his eye.

“Are you crying?” I asked as a combination of concern and confusion entered my heart.

“No.” He lied once more, trying his hardest to hide the flow that was starting.

“You don’t want me,”

“No.” He repeated. “I just, I’m happy, okay?”

“You’re so happy you’re crying?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“I’m not crying!” He insisted, but as he let out a sniffle we both knew his cover had been blown.

He tried to pull away once more as I stood up, but this time I grabbed his chair and forced him towards me. “It’s okay, you can be happy.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I pulled him in for a hug. “I love you too kid.”

“I’m just, I’m excited. “ He finally admitted. “Teddy deserves to be happy. He spends his whole life helping people, but he never helps himself.”

“I know.” I agreed as a tear or two fell from my own eyes. “I think so too.”

“Your promise you’ll make him happy?” Oli asked, hugging me tightly.

“Cross my heart.” I swore, holding him close. He quickly tried to hide his tears as I pulled away, but he was caught red handed.

“If you tell anyone about this I swear to God Ryder.” He began once more. “If y-you thought the mayonnaise was bad. You have no idea.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “I promise.” As I saw the look on his face I couldn’t help but laugh once more. “You want to know something else?

“What?” He asked, letting out a deep breath.

“I was just on the phone with Brandon.”

“He’s joining our band?” Oliver excitedly yelped.

“No, nothing like that.” I waived my hand. “Well I guess something like that, I, I’m writing one last Messiah album.”

“I knew it! I knew it!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. “I so knew it!” He jumped in his seat, but immediately tears began to fall once more.

“Again?” I giggled, seeing him try to hide it.

“Writing makes me emotional.” He tried to defend. “I’m just tired and happy.”

“I understand.” I nodded my head. He’s thirteen going on fourteen, if anything he’s expected to be moody. “But you’re okay with it?”

“Am I okay with it?!” He repeated. “Of course I’m okay with it! Can I, can I help?” He offered.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Your stuffs a lot different than what we do, but you know that don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He quickly nodded his head. “But I can write in Messiah style!”

“I’ll happily bring you to sessions.” I offered. “But I can’t promise they’ll listen, or that we’ll put anything you write into it.”

“Okay.” He quickly nodded his head. “Hey, if Tommy still can’t,”

“Sorry kid, Tommy’s our drummer.” I began before he could get any ideas. “He’ll be recording this album and playing our last show.” I slipped before letting out a sigh.

“Last show?!” Oli exclaimed once more. “You’re kidding me?! Where?! Where?!”

“I don’t know, we haven’t even spoken about it yet.” I exhaled. “But I imagine Metlife stadium up in Jersey.”

“Can I go?” He immediately asked, jumping forward in his seat once more. “Please! Please! Please! I’ll do anything. I’ll give you most of the royalties on our songs, I’ll,”

“Of course you can come.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “That was a given. You’re going to be my brother-in-law.”

“I am!” He exclaimed, not even thinking that far. “Holy crap! You’re going to be my brother! My parents are going to be your parents!”

“Alright, alright,” I smiled trying to calm him down. “I already live with you.”

“I know, but soon it’ll be official!” He let out as his smile grew bigger.

“And for the record our royalties will always be 50-50, unless you right some sort of monster hit, then you can have that one.” I shrugged as he happily nodded his head once more. “And I produce all my own stuff, so we don’t split royalties with anyone. And we never ever give record companies anything but money for recording time and distribution. It’s not their work, it’s ours. Understand?”

Once more he happily agreed with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother-in-law. He’s a little crazy, but he’s kind, caring and sweet. As he matures he’s only going to get better and better too. He’s got all the good qualities of Teddy, and some of his own too. People will look at me weirdly for starting a band with a thirteen year old, but the second they see how talented he is, well, no one will think twice.