You & I - 22. Chapter #22

To Max - aka Watson,

I see you've changed your alias; a pseudonym is getting old. Unfortunately, I'm not ready to share certain aspects of my life, but I suppose my name is relatively common. So, I reckon I can give you my name. I hope this doesn't give away too much information and make you think less of me for being the way I am, and since I have conducted some research, I have concluded that there are approximately 27 people in our school with the name Isaac, eight within our two grades.

Therefore, perhaps I will be one of those eight you will encounter now in your day-to-day life. I won't approach you, I'm not that sort of person, remember. I'm the Brainiac, I like the puzzles. Maybe if you follow the cheese, I'll leave a trail and possibly you'll find the real Isaac. I can already sense it in my bones; the twinge of panic and excitement. I will rise to my feet and go berserk with crippling nervousness and skedaddle if you look my direction. The real question is how many Isaac's do you know?

A clue is a clue, make use of it because I like having you around. Only, most of my life, I have been navigating away from attachment because people feel sorry for me, they always do. Sometimes I don't want them to.

I am flattered that you think of me that way, friends are hard to come by, many come and go. Who would have thought I'd befriend another guy who is on the other side of the fence as I. Your popular, I'm not, but it goes to show that barriers don't need to exist. We've managed by ourselves, and I am glad that I signed up for the assignment. If you want to know something true about me; the reason I put my name down for the pen pal collaboration is that I am lonely. My mom is suffocating, and I know she tries her best, and I love her, but I don't go outside too much, I don't make friends easy.

So just once in my life, I needed to talk to someone. When I heard that I didn't need to give my identity, I thought I could be whoever I aspired to be to get the other person to like me on the other side of the letters. Only, I never felt like I was obliged to do that, you just made me your friend. I have never felt more accepted than I did before then; than I do now. Having a place to belong is gratifying, so I like you back, for taking the time to listen to me.

I was so sure that if people knew it was me, they'd ask for another partner. Oh, boy was I wrong. I am glad I was.

You and I can agree on one thing for sure, shame, guilt, and hoping for more seems to be a way of life. Does it ever live up to something worthwhile? You see a couple of years ago, things changed for me, and my life has never been the same.

I am confident, insecurities at least, should not be the source of all your troubles. Some people have significant complexities. I am one of them. I'm certainly not much of a story so to speak. My life is pretty dull compared to what it ought to be. People change, just like me.

I will not blackmail you, you have my sincerity in the matter. I have been punished enough to understand that you should never kick another person in the gut while they are at their lowest or most vulnerable.

Max, you make a great companion, you have been open and frank with me. I know I haven't been explicitly clear with my background. Naturally, I retain little material to tell other than subjects within science, movies, and music.

It might sound depressing, it may seem lonely, or you could say I might not be expanding my horizons. However, to me, those are the worlds I live in, and they have kept me here. Witnessing magic unfold in front of your eyes is the greatest gift I know.

Humans are a collection of energy; when we put this power to work for good intentions, passion, and validation only then do we discover the actual benefits of being alive. It is the simple things we regretfully rebuke; they tied us together. The smile one gives when passing another on a sidewalk walking their dog. How one holds the door open to be pleasant; the other party runs to show gratitude.

When we hear goosebump music, we understand without having to open our mouths. People automatically realize the power of this energy, and that's what makes a home. Sometimes the missing feeling inside your chest is not that something is missing, but that you lack contentment. A home begins when you grasp the concept of what it is you wish to place in the home. I'd love to have a home built strictly out of chocolate and have a constant milkshake stream run through the living room. Except that would be a house and not a home.

I use the word home, not in the context you might imagine, but when you think about it, all that energy inside of you has a home and making that home colorful and beautifully gay is what you need to do. I say embrace what it is you feel and don't ever underestimate the urge to cry, be confused with yourself or to just run as you have never run before. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's good to hear that the weight of the Burj Khalifa and the Empire State has been lifted… I have a question… But how many years of weight training did it take you to raise those buildings? I want in on that superhuman strength.

You are strong; you'll work things out, I just know you will. You seem like the type of person, that when you have a plan, and you know where it is you want to go, you'll go.

I know I beat myself up consistently, but nothing ever stops me from getting out of bed in the morning. I have my troubles sure, and that's a part of me, but I think the real reason I get out of bed each day is to come to school, to see people, to see life.

Oddly, it makes me fortunate to see others happy, even if I am furious on the inside. So, just relax for the first time in forever; and you'll ace the counselor session on Wednesday.

Anyway, I got to go, my mom sent me a message telling me she is here to pick me up. It's after school hours, but I needed to stay back to do some assignments. That's the lie I told my mom. The real reason is, I just desired to sit in a room to clear my head. Anything beats the world outside my bedroom, but getting to write to you has made the silent endurance so much more comforting.

Until next time,

Isaac