The English Year - 51. The Interrogation of Michael Anthony Loggerman, Cadet

As the interrogation of Michael Anthony Loggerman began, I was powerless to do anything about it. I knew from the second they began interrogating him that I was in a world of hurt. My mind raced, trying my hardest to come up with a solution, but instead of formulating one, I sat there and listened. Catching every word. Unable to breathe. Only listen, and do everything I could not to cry right there, out in the open, in front of my entire brotherhood and the guy who had helped me weather this storm.

“Mr. Loggerman… Can I call you Mike?”

“I prefer Cadet, if that’s okay,” Mike responded defiantly. He looked at me, and all I could do was shrug.

“Cadet Mike,” Hutch said, running his tongue along the back of his teeth, chewing his words. “Before we get started, I want to get a couple of things clear.”

“Okay,” Mike sighed.

“You go to VMI.” Mike nodded. “And the institute has a very strict honor system. One in which if you lie, steal, or cheat you can get expelled.”

“That’s correct.’

“And that extends off campus?”

“It does. If my dike or commanding officers found me in violation anywhere in the world, I’d be done at VMI.” Mike took a brief pause. “If they could prove an infraction.”

“So if you were to lie to us tonight, and your commanding officer or… dike, was it? If they found out, you’d be kicked out of school. Your military career would be over?”

“That’s correct.”

“That would be tough for you, wouldn’t it?” Hutch asked. It was a rhetorical question. What kind of fucked up question was that? Instead of answering, Mike looked at me and then back at Hutch in resignation. I cocked my shoulder and pursed my lips. We both knew that if Mike lied tonight, his commanding officer would know by morning. Dominic was that ruthless. He’d gotten Mike boned already, getting him expelled would be par for the course.

“Let’s begin,” Hutch said with a deep upbeat breath. “Please describe your relationship with Mr. Crowley.”

Mike looked at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes I had ever seen. He knew what he was walking into. The trap. The set up. It was all laid out and we all saw it coming a mile away, and were powerless to stop it.

“He’s my buddy,” Mike answered.

“Your buddy?”

“That’s right.”

“Is that it?”

“How much time do you have and how much detail do you want?” I was both impressed and surprised by the level of attitude Mike was serving Hutch.

“I want the truth.”

Mike took a deep breath.

“Well, the truth is Corbin sucks better dick and gives better ass than any of the lady-cadets or ODU sluts I’ve had the pleasure of whipping out my cock for,” he said matter of factly, as he looked at me. He smirked, clearly unaware of the trap that was being laid, and he was being led to. “Truthful enough? Or would you like a demonstration?”

Hutch coughed.

“Did you happen to pay your… buddy… a visit last weekend?” Hutch asked. The tension between them was so thick, you could have cut through it with a knife.

“You’d have to be more specific,” Mike replied. I was proud of him for standing his ground.

“When was the last time you were in this frat house? Before tonight?”

“I believe I came by about a week ago. Saturday night?” He looked at me.

“So you arrived on Saturday night… How long did you stay?”

“I went back to the barracks on Tuesday.”

“That’s quite a long time,” Hutch insinuated.

“Not when you’re having fun… pacing yourself… and you know what you’re doing.” Mike again surprised, eyeing Hutch up and down and giving him a defiant look. “Corbin and I are creative. We can pass the time, no problem.”

“Is that all you did? Pass the time?” We could all tell Hutch was getting annoyed.

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“Between… sessions,” even with all the details I’d given my brothers about my sex life, Hutch was visibly uncomfortable, and that was all due to how brazen Mike was. He got Hutch off guard, and I couldn’t have been prouder. “Between sessions, did you and Corbin talk about things… non-sexual related.”

“We talked about a few things.”

“Did he explain to you what was happening on campus?”

“He always does when I come to visit.”

“Did he specifically talk about an article he was writing for the paper?”

“Objection!” I shot up. “Allegedly writing.”

I cocked my eye at Dominic.

“An article he allegedly wrote for the newspaper,” Hutch repeated.

“I don’t recall…” Mike said, shaking his head slowly, and settling his eyes right on Hutch’s. My pledge brother was going to have to do better than that.

“He didn’t discuss writing an article for the newspaper?”

“I said I don’t remember that specifically, no.”

“Tell us what you do remember,” Hutch said. “About the goings on on campus. Remembering that you do have to report to your commanding officer after this.”

Mike took a deep breath and swallowed hard. I watched his Adam’s apple sink down into his stomach.

“Corbin was stressed, for sure. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but he had a conversation with some girl named Alex. She wanted to meet with him, but he refused on Sunday.”

I took a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure how much of the assignment Mike understood, but that was the perfect answer.

“Did he meet with Alex? Eventually?”

“I think he did on Monday, yes. It was Monday, wasn’t it?” Mike looked at me.

“But you and Corbin didn’t discuss any of this stuff on Sunday?”

Mike shrugged and looked at me. Everyone saw our eye contact. Everyone saw our silent negotiation between each other. Our pleading to be on the same page here. But I couldn’t coach Mike. There was nothing I could say or do to lead him. I felt helpless. And fo the first time… afraid.

“I’m going to be direct once again, and remind you that you are bound by the honor system.” Hutch looked him directly in the eye. I shifted my weight. “Let me ask you explicitly.”

I swallowed.

“Did Corbin tell you that he wrote the article that ran in the paper this past week?”

There was a silence that lasted an eternity. I knew what was coming. And even then, I didn’t know what to do about it.

“He told me he wrote an article that would get him some backlash when it was released, yes.”

That’s when pandemonium broke loose. I got out of my seat and started complaining about how unfair this whole thing was. I tried to quell what was going around. Hutch was shouting for me to shut up. The guys around us all murmured amongst themselves. Dominic was hot on his gavel.

“Corbin, sit down. Sit down!” Dom shouted at me. I was sunk. What the fuck was the point?

It took a solid minute and a half before everyone was restrained and back in their spots. I was breathing heavily, unsure what to do next. I just bit my bottom lip and shook my head as they continued.

“He told you he wrote the article?”

Mike looked at me and shrugged.

“He told me he wrote an article.”

“What did he say was in it?”

“He said it was about some girl getting raped six times,” Mike's voice was low. I resisted getting up and making another scene. I put my head in my hand and listened.

“He said that he had to figure out a way to make this look not so awful for a group of guys,” Mike said. “But he also had the idea there was a way to make this right for the girl this happened to.”

“We’re focused on the article itself at this point,” Hutch said. “Was it written when you came over?”

“Yes,” Mike said.

“Was it published?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“You were around until Tuesday?”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t know?”

“I was there when he sent it off… I don’t know when it was published. I remember someone coming in and talking to him about it, so I’m assuming it was published at some point while I was there.”

There was another round of murmur. Between David’s testimony and this, there was nothing I could do. I had discredited David, as flimsy as it was… but the corroboration was too much to handle. My strategy was going up in flames.

I hadn’t anticipated them bringing in Mike. This was their Ace that I wasn’t ready for. I thought I could go into my case with enough doubt that it wouldn’t matter. I thought I’d thought of it all.

As he spoke, I wondered if there was a way I could keep that energy going… as he spoke, I thought. And while I knew I was sunk, I wondered if there was a way to David him the same way I had done David. Was there an outlet here? As his interrogation continued, I lost more and more hope, but I had to do something.

“Mike, did you read the article?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“No you didn’t or no you aren't sure?”

“He just said he didn’t read it,” I shot up

“Yes I’m sure, I didn’t read it… it was already done when I got in. And I didn’t ask to see it.” Mike looked at me. “When Alex called, I remember Corbin saying that we had bigger fish to fry.”

Hutch took a deep breath. Mike shrugged. I watched the chess match.

“What was his meeting with Alex about?”

“I’m not sure,” Mike sighed.

“Cadet…” Hutch lead.

“Okay, this is enough,” I interjected. “You got what you needed.”

“Corbin, I’m sorry…” Mike whispered. If the room hadn’t been so silent, you wouldn’t have heard him at all. I sat up in my seat, but I was still unable to breathe. This was the moment. This was the end.

“He said he needed to meet with the guys that were involved. That they were going to print, and he needed to meet with them. But listen-”

Hutch cut him off.

“So he left the house to go to that meeting?”

“Yes, but listen…”

That’s when I saw a small lifeline. I went to see them to get them to submit. I could bring that up. But I was still sunk. He was still the confirmation they needed. I had to find a way to discredit Mike and while I thought about what that could be, I listened to the rest of it. I was fuming inside, almost shaking with a mix of anger, fear, and disappointment. Not in Mike specifically, but in the way this was all going down.

“We’re listening,” Hutch indicated for Mike to continue.

“When he got back that night, he told me all about the meeting. He told me about the meeting he had with the girl first, and they decided to do something to get her some justice. It wasn’t just the article.”

“What we’re focused on now is the article,” Hutch repeated. “Speaking of, I would like to ask you just one last time… give you more chance to decide how truthful you’d like us to tell your commanding officer that you were tonight. Did you, Cadet Mike Loggerman, read the article?”

My face went beet red. Of course he had. And of course, the timing of it all would indicate if he read it before it came out, it was because I had access to it.

Mike looked at me. He understood the implication of the question. He wasn’t bright, but he wasn’t that stupid. He thought quickly and answered.

“I read a few things that weekend. I’m not sure what the final product actually was. I never saw it.”

And then Hutch did exactly what I would have done in that situation. He pulled out a copy of the paper, already folded to that page, and handed it to Mike.

“Here’s the final product,” Hutch said. “Scan it over. Does any of it look familiar?”

I dropped my head as he scanned the paper. Mike looked at me, almost in a panic. He knew he’d seen what he was reading before. He knew exactly why I needed his help crafting the recon that we did together- this was the version we wanted the guys to buy into. He’d also seen the other version, but here we were. He looked down at the page, then back up at me.

“Corbin, I’m sorry.” My heart sank, and I felt a huge lump in the back of my throat. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I wanted to cry, not only for my defense, but also for the torture that Mike was enduring. I knew every fiber of his being wanted to protect me, but the evidence was right there. Unable to deny it, he repeated himself.

“Corbin, I’m so sorry… this is the article he showed me yes.”

There was another uproar. This time it was Mike’s words that cut through the melee.

“Corbin, you don’t deserve this. Just listen and hear me out. We’re both seniors next year. If they kick you out, we can get a place together. You and me. And Mister. You don’t need this shit.”

I heard him say it in between gavel strikes, Hutch trying to calm things down. The guys around me were all chatting among themselves, looking at me as if I’d robbed a bank.

Everyone calmed down eventually. How I didn’t cry through that moment, I don’t even know. But as soon as Mike said those words, I thought about it. Maybe I should just bow out. Maybe I could save this by leaving, living out the rest of the school year in temp housing, and then renting a place with him next year. Maybe he and I could make it work. Hand in hand.

But then it would have all been for what? A seat on the SEC without Greek affiliation? It would be hours before they talked me down, and I’d be replaced. It wasn’t something that was done. And despite this ridiculous trial, my best friends were still in that room.

I had to fight, I decided. I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I couldn’t. That wasn’t me.

So after a minute of gathering the room, I decided on what I needed to do.

“Mike, can you repeat what you just said?”

“What?” he looked at me confused.

“What you just said? While everyone was yelling over each other.”

“That I had seen the article? That you showed it to me before it went to print?”

“After that? About us living together.”

“I said if they kick you out of here, come live with me. We’ll get a place somewhere between our two campuses. I love you, Corbin. You don’t deserve what they’re putting you through. You protected that girl from those six guys.”

“Did you mean that?” I tried to keep my voice low and tender. I could tell everyone was wondering where this was going. Was I about to throw in the towel? Like fuck, I was. Like actual fuck.

“I meant it,” he replied, looking me in the eye.

“When did you come up with that little scenario in your head?” I asked, my voice flat and razor sharp. My complete tone shifted, and the entire room could feel it.

“What?” Mike sounded scared.

“When did that idea pop into your head? Just now?”

I waited for a beat.

“How convenient.”

“What are you-?”

“You didn’t come up with that scenario on your own did you?” I asked, my voice inching towards disdain. I swallowed, but I had to stay in character. “That idea didn’t just pop into your head. You really want us to believe that it did?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“When they called you to testify, when they called your dike,” I shot, turning to face Hutch. “Interesting you knew that term, Chad.” I turned back to Mike. “When they called you to testify, they told you that if I was convicted here, I’d be kicked out. Is that when you came up with the idea?”

“No, I just thought-”

“Here’s what you thought,” I was unrelenting at this point. “When you left last week, you asked about Pete. You asked if he was still involved. You knew he was, and then they asked you to testify and you thought this was how you could get me away from him.”

My words shot out like shrapnel.

“Corbin, what?” Mike asked. I didn’t relent.

“You thought, let me help Dom and Hutch get Corbin out of there. They told you what to say. What David would say. What you needed to say to get me away from them so I’d go happily ever after with you!” At this point I was almost shouting.

“No!” Mike exclaimed back.

“You’re lying for them. Tell the truth. They told you what to say.”

“I saw what I saw.”

“How fucking convenient. You’re repeating their theory, but you never saw this article on my computer. You’re lying because you think then I’ll choose you and run off with you!”

“Corbin! No!”

“And leave this all behind.”

“I-”

“Tell the fucking truth!”

“Corbin…” he sounded defeated. Perfect.

“Tell the fucking truth! Why are you lying for them? Tell me. You didn’t actually think I’d choose you if I didn’t have to. Tell the truth! You’re scared of Pete, so you’re working with them!”

“Stop, please.”

“Fuck you,” I spat. I lowered my voice. “You know what, I actually thought it was real for a split second with you. And then you come in here and you lie for them, and you try to steal me away when you’re one of the only people who knows why I actually did this.”

There was silence in the room. And then I decided to end it on the biggest kicker I could. I had to go for the jugular. I had no choice. I knew this would break Mike to pieces, but when he put it all together and realized why I needed to do this, he’d understand. I said a silent prayer that he’d understand.

One day.

“Mike,” my voice was back to a low tone. “What’s your GPA?”

“Huh?”

“Is it above a 2.5?” I knew it wasn’t, but I didn’t give him a chance to answer. “What’s your IQ?”

I swallowed hard.

“I don’t… I don’t know…”

“You’re not the smartest guy are you, Mike?” I asked. “You wrestle. You’ve been knocked around a few times.”

“Okay, that’s enough….” Dominic chimed.

“You didn’t come up with this on your own,” I shot my final dagger. “You’re not smart enough to come up with this on your own.”

“Corbin,” Dom warned. I ignored him.

“This is what happened,” I pulled my face close to Mike’s. I sensed the tear before I actually saw it. “They came to you and said you could have me all to yourself if you would just come here and lie about what you saw. And that it would be the best thing for me. To get off campus. To be with the guy that I actually love. The guy that fought for me. For us, isn’t that right?”

That’s when I saw the single tear make its way down Mike’s chiseled face. I almost broke down at that point. I almost decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. I didn’t like inflicting pain on someone I cared so much about. But we were almost there. We were almost done.

“Here’s the problem with that, Mike. They played you. All you would have had to do was ask,” I said. Forgetting that I’d spent the last week or so with Pete, I pressed on. “Because I love you too. And I was ready to go off with you with whatever that looked like… looks… looked like.”I sighed and swallowed my words. I knew what I was doing, and I couldn’t stop it. This was my only way out, and in a way, the only way I’d be able to build something with Mike in the future.

” … but you let them play you like a fiddle. If you’d asked, I would have left this all behind and we could have gotten that house in between our campuses. With that white picket fence, remember. They convinced you this was the only way. They lied to you, just like you’re lying now. It’s sad, and it’s pathetic, and I’m sorry they did that to you.”

I turned from Mike so I didn’t have to see any more of the pain I was inflicting. I sat back down, closed my eyes, and covered them with my right palm. I heard someone from the sophomore’s side of the bench say ‘damn’ under their breath.

I knew it had worked. If they thought I’d go in on Mike Loggerman that much to prove my case, maybe, just maybe I was telling the truth. Maybe there was enough doubt, that maybe this whole thing was orchestrated by the seniors in order to finally push me out.

I kept my eyes closed as I listened to the bustle of them blindfolding Mike, opening the trap door, and leading him out of the room. I didn’t open them until I heard the door close and Dom strike his gavel.

As soon as the door closed with Mike out of the secret room, and the gavel had struck, I raised my hand, quietly asked for a short restroom recess, followed Oli out of our chambers, ran to the restroom, and vomited. Whatever it would take to acquit Corbin Mitchell Crowley in this trial, I had just sacrificed a great love in order to achieve it.

I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth. I looked myself dead in the mirror and said out loud.

“Listen up killer, it’s time to fight.”