No going back - 12. Colin 5

Colin had taken a bit of time over breakfast, enjoying the moment with Owain. As he had rightly pointed out, if Colin was an hour or two late, what did another 30 minutes matter. Colin had texted his Mum and Miles; his phone pinged whilst he was driving, but he didn't bother responding, no doubt it would be Miles sounding off again. Colin was a bit annoyed with himself, he had meant to set the alarm, not for the usual time but a bit later, so that the morning wasn't too much of a rush. Now he was really late, and just to make things worse there was a hold-up on the motorway.

When he got to his Mum's, it was the full reception committee, his Mum, Miles, Annalisa and the girls. His Mum said she had been waiting for him for hours, how dare he be so thoughtless. Miles pointed out that until they’d got his message, his Mum had been worried about him. As if Miles had never managed to sleep in on a Sunday morning, but perhaps in his perfect life, he didn’t. Colin tried to point out that all he’d done is forget to set the alarm, but his Mum had droned on about how stressful it had been and how she couldn't cope, and how all the things he was supposed to do this morning would now cause untold calamity through not being done.

Colin thought back to Owain's suggestion that he come with Colin, as a sort of token for the reason they'd been late. Colin tried to imagine Owain facing off with his Mum and Miles. Owain wouldn't give any quarter, he was sure. Colin started to laugh; his Mum shut up and glared, whilst Miles seemed outraged and spluttered.

"Look, I had a mate round. I cooked, we had some nice wine, he stayed over. I forgot to set the alarm and we slept later than planned. That's it"

His Mum glared at him again, then looked suspicious, where did his visitor sleep? His Mum had never visited the house, but Miles had, once. No doubt he had reported back. Colin dismissed her remarks as not worthy of comment, but she went on and on. Miles recovered his aplomb and added to the mess, then his Mum suddenly announced that she knew exactly why Colin was late, he'd been entertaining some floozy.

Colin didn't know what did it; the sense of Miles and his Mum ganging up on him over a harmless bit of enjoyment, the idea of Owain offering to stand up for him, or that ridiculous word floozy, only his Mother would still use a word like that. But something clicked.

"Right, I'm off. If you're going to be like that, then I'll go back home. There's plenty for me to do there." There was a splutter of buts, and Miles started going on about Colin’s lack of responsibility. What the fuck? "And it wasn't a floozy. It was a bloke I've been seeing. He's a nice bloke, we like each other. He even offered to come with me to see you lot."

That put the cat amongst the pigeons. His Mum was outraged that he'd not told her before. Nothing about whether she approved of him liking blokes or not, just that he had been keeping things from her. How dare he; he was her son, and she had the right to know. Miles simply went on and on about how Colin couldn't be queer, that was just not on. No brother of his was going to choose to be like that. Colin laughed to himself, as if he’d choose to stand here being lectured by these two.

"Look, I'm going on 33. And I'm going to start behaving like an adult. If you can't treat me like one, then don't bother." With that he turned and left. Annalisa had been stood in the doorway, she looked surprised, but he thought there might have been the hint of a wink.

Colin had had a speech about being gay prepared, one that he'd been over again and again. He'd tried to start it a few times in the past, but either he'd lacked the courage, or his Mum had simply started on some other moan. It would never be delivered now. He'd tried to explain how he'd known he liked guys from his teens but had lacked the courage to tell anyone. There'd been no-one else that admitted to it in his circle when he was growing up. He'd been scared, and Miles' comments in the past about queers had always been downright offensive. More recently, on holidays, he had found the courage to be more himself, but at home it had taken him much longer.

Well, he might not get to say it, but he'd tell her. There was a caff just off the motorway, about half-way home. He'd sometimes used it; it wasn’t fancy, but the cooking was good. He turned off the motorway, the caff was open and serving breakfast to a mix of lorry drivers and tourists. He ordered a slap-up Full English and dug out his laptop from his bag (luckily, he'd managed to remember to collect his things from his Mum’s this time). He checked his phone, there'd been a missed call from Miles, but no message from him. Typical. Colin carefully typed his explanation to his Mum. She didn't use her email much, but she'd see it eventually. He texted her as well, saying he'd sent her a message.

Once he'd eaten his breakfast, he took his coffee outside and pulled out his phone.

“Owain.”

>Colin, what's the problem? Get to your Mum’s OK?

"I've just come out to Mum and Miles."

>Fuck. Was that planned?

"No. Miles was being a wanker as usual", and oh how great it felt to actually say that to someone. "I’d told them I was late because you stayed over, and Mum was droning on about how there wasn't room in the house for me to have a mate over."

>What? Has she never heard of sofas.

"Welcome to my world. Anyroad, she decided that I'd been entertaining a floozy.”

There was a loud spluttering from the phone as Owain exploded with outrage and laughter.

>And?

"I just lost it and told them. No it wasn't a floozy, it was a guy I'd been seeing, we'd become friends and I hoped it'd be a bit more.

>How did that go?

"Not well. Mum was horrified that I'd not told her earlier and wanted to know why. And Miles, well, I think he's simply a reactionary homophobe. I left. I've sent Mum an email.

>And Miles?

"He rang. Didn't leave a message, so I'm going to leave it", Colin sighed.

>Where are you?

"Caff up by junction 20, just off the motorway. Just had a huge breakfast.

Owain laughed.

>Nothing like food to cheer you up.

"Yeah. Now I need to get home to do stuff, laundry, lots of other things."

>Do you want to meet later?

"Thanks, but I think I need to be on my own. I still have to process all this."

>Well, let me know if you need someone to talk to. And Colin?

"Yeah?"

>Don't think of it as a set-back, make it something positive. They both know now, and you can be more open. Maybe think about that.

"You mean, being open with the guys at work too?"

>It's an idea. It's one less thing to worry about.

"What, stand in front of them and make a grand announcement?", Colin couldn't see that happening.

>No. If Jimmie asks you what you did at the weekend…

"Which he's bound to."

>Well then. Tell him. Make a joke of it even. 'I came out to my Mum and brother by accident'. The floozy bit is a wonderful story, I didn’t know people still used words like that.

"Mum’s still stuck in the 1950s,

>Surely, she grew up in the 60s.

Colin laughed, “She was born in 1953 and as far as her parents were concerned, the 60s never happened.”

Owain laughed.

>No swinging there?

“Dead right. Both Mum and Dad had rather old-fashioned attitudes. I probably ought to go.”

>Yeah. Well, you take care and see you Monday.

“Of course. And you may be right about the guys, and me mates, for that matter.”

>Anytime.

"And Owain, thanks. For everything. Next week is going to be really busy at your house, but we'll make time."