Before And After the Divorce - 12. The Funeral and Dominic Adjusting

Before we left for the viewing, I talked to Dominic about how it would be.

"You remember the casket we picked out?"

"Yes."

"Well, your mom will be lying in it at the front of the room. It will look like she's just sleeping, like when we saw her at the hospital last."

"OK."

"There will be a lot of people there. They're all going to say things like 'I'm sorry' or 'it's sad this happened.' When they do, just say thank you. If you want to talk more, that's OK. Everybody will understand if you don't want to."

"Yeah. I don't think I'll be able to talk to anybody much."

"I get it. And don't feel bad about crying. If you need to cry, do it. I'm sure you'll see me crying at times too."

"But you got divorced. Doesn't that mean you hated her?"

"No. I never hated her. In fact, I still loved her in a way. But we just couldn't stay married anymore."

"Oh. Did one of you do something bad?"

"Yes, I guess you could say that. You see, when people get married, they're supposed to be there for each other, do some things only with each other. Daddy didn't follow that rule."

"So you got punished because you broke the rules?"

"Yes, I suppose you could put it that way."

"What did you do?"

Boy, this conversation turned uncomfortable fast.

"You don't need the details, just know that daddy did something with another person he was only supposed to do with mommy."

"Sex things?"

"Yes. But when you're older, maybe we can talk about it again. I think you're a little too young to really understand."

"OK. Do you know who will be there tonight?"

"Probably some of the people mommy worked with. Maybe some of the parents of children you know from daycare. I think grandpa and Uncle Dave might be there. I don't know if Aunt Jessica will come, she lives kind of far away."

"That's mommy's sister, right?"

"Yes. Are you ready to go? Mr. Hitch said we should get there early."

"I guess."

"If you have to, you can leave the room mommy's in and go sit somewhere else, just tell me if you do, OK?"

"OK."

Dominic did need to step out of the room for a couple short periods of time. He let me know he'd be in the room that Mr. Hitch mentioned where children could play. I also was mostly right about who would be there. I was a little worried about who would be there from her work, but Herb didn't show up. I was surprised when Zach walked in. It had been years since I'd seen him. He paid his respects and left soon after.

Jessica did make it. I was worried how she would treat me, but either she didn't care that I was gay, or Lacy never gave her that level of detail. She offered to help in any way she could, even though she lived in Minnesota. If I needed an ear, I could call her. I was glad she was civil. I had a fear that she might try to fight me for custody, but that didn't happen. She stayed until after everybody left. I discovered she did know all the gory details about the divorce. She simply didn't want to cause a scene in front of everybody. One-on-one was a totally different story. Fortunately, Dominic was in the playroom. I guess she felt she had to step in as her parents would have if they were still alive.

"I'm not going to make any trouble for you, I can see how much Dominic loves you and that it would crush him to be taken away. But if you ever harm a single hair on his head, Simon will be on the next plane out here to hurt more than your hair. If I ever find out you've touched him inappropriately, I'll be on a plane to come and cut your dick off."

"You don't have to worry about either of those things. I'd never do ANYTHING to hurt Dominic. I'd get myself castrated if I even had a thought to do anything like that. I'm happy you'll be there if I need you, but don't expect your phone to ring. I'm going to find Dominic, say goodbye to Lacy once more and take him home to put him in bed. His OWN bed. I'm sorry you lost your sister, but after the funeral, I don't think I ever want to see or talk to you again."

"Fine with me. You won't need to talk to me. I'll definitely stay away from you. You're lucky I don't want to hurt Dominic. If it wouldn't tear him apart, I'd be fighting you tooth and nail for custody. Goodnight."

I just turned to leave, not even acknowledging her closing. I found Dominic where he said he'd be, asked him if he wanted to say goodnight to Lacy before we left.

"Is it OK if I don't?"

"Of course. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"OK. I think I just want to go home. Maybe tomorrow I'll say goodnight again."

"Whatever you want. Let's go."

Dominic was apparently wiped out. He fell asleep on the way home. I carried him inside. I took his suit jacket and shoes off and put him in bed. Undressing him probably would have woken him. If his pants are wrinkled in the morning, Lacy had an iron. I'm sure I can figure out how it works. I needed to de-stress. Jessica really pissed me off. I poured myself a triple shot of bourbon and put the bottle away. I didn't need to get smashed, but I needed a little something extra to calm my nerves. Jessica won't come near me and I'll make sure I don't go anywhere near her. After the drink was a little more than half gone, I realized she said those things trying to protect Dominic, so my anger dissipated enough that I dumped the rest of the glass down the sink and went to bed. I still was going to have nothing to do with her, though. Two more sessions like tonight. Damn, this sucked.

Tuesday

The appointment at the social security office was short. They told me what I needed to do to get survivor's benefits for Dominic. Like Alfred said, it would require a copy of the death certificate. He'll get the benefit though the month he turns eighteen. Lacy hadn't been working too many years, so not a lot of credit had accumulated. She did get to the point where she was making a decent salary. Dominic will get $360 a month. With the windfall Lacy received from work, I'll be able to put that 360, and more, away for Dominic's college.

I figured out the iron. Well, good enough to get most of the wrinkles out of his pants. And the burn on the fingers on my left hand when I checked the temperature didn't hurt too much.

Tuesday evening's viewing was similar to last night's, but without the confrontation. My dad and brother were there tonight and said they'd be there for the funeral tomorrow morning. A couple friendly backs to lean on was a welcome addition from last night. It was actually a little easier to get through. Not easy, but not as difficult as last night. Dominic did decide to say goodnight to Lacy before we left, and he only needed to leave the room for a short while once. Dad asked if we had room for him to spend the night with us so he wouldn't have to drive home and right back in the morning. It was a two-bedroom apartment, but Dominic solved that problem.

"You can sleep in my room with me Grandpa, if you want."

"He has a bunk beds."

"Are you sure that's OK, Dominic?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to. Do you snore?"

"A little bit. I don't think it will be bad enough to keep you awake, though."

"OK. You can sleep in my room."

After Dominic went to bed, and dad had put his sleep clothes on so he wouldn't bother Dominic when he went to bed, we sat in the living room. It had been a while since we spent much time together. We both had a drink and started talking.

"How are you doing, son?"

"I guess as well as can be expected. We may not have been intimate, and were divorced, but I still loved her in a way. It's hard to be strong for Dominic and still be able to grieve. But I get time, like this at night, and when he's in school. At least when I'm not running around taking care of her affairs. But you know that, you've been where I am at. Granted Dave and I were grown and out of the house. But I'm sure it was hard for you too."

"It was. The pain never goes away, but you learn to ball it up and set it aside to live your life. It will take a while before you feel mostly normal again. Have you had anybody in your life lately?"

"You mean a boyfriend? You can say it dad. No. Shortly after the divorce, I had what you could call a couple dates, but once Lacy got sick, Dominic took over being more important than anything else."

"As it should have. But once things settle down after the funeral, don't feel like you have to wait a certain amount of time. If you meet someone, don't hesitate to take that time for yourself."

"I guess. Lacy gave me information about who she used as a babysitter, but after I go back to work next week, Dominic will be in daycare for a few hours a day. I'd want the rest of my free time to be for him."

"I understand. But consider taking at least some 'me' time. I might be able to help there."

"How so?"

"I've decided to sell the house and move closer. It's too big for me to keep up. I was upset with myself that I couldn't be here more for you when Lacy was sick."

"What about work?"

"I've been working from home three or four days a week. I'm sure my boss wouldn't have a problem with me going full-time remote. They won't have to keep an office for me. They want to downsize their real estate footprint anyway. I'm thinking of finding something around here. A small house, more likely a condo, so I won't have to take care of a yard or do maintenance around the place. It's time for me to slow down a little."

Too bad Lacy's lawyer said she didn't buy that condo. Turns out, sometimes lawyers are wrong.

"Wow. That'd be great. I know Dominic would love seeing you more."

"And I could pester you about taking some time for yourself, because I'm guessing you'd feel more comfortable leaving Dominic with me than some babysitter you hardly know."

"I can't argue that. When would this happen?"

"Well... I lied. I already sold the house, and they asked me to be remote 100% of the time. I was hoping you could take me around within the next couple days to see what's available. That is if you can put up with me a couple more nights."

"You sneaky bastard. Of course, we can put up with you a couple more nights. Holy hell. Obviously, you've been thinking about this for a while now."

"Yes. Since Lacy was diagnosed with the tumor, pretty much."

"Get over here and give me a hug. That is if you're not afraid of hugging a gay man."

"Just keep your hands off my ass. Hehe."

"I'll try."

Wow. That came out of left field, but for the first time in almost a week, I'm actually happy.

Wednesday

I don't know which was worse. Finding out Lacy died or having to go through that. Nothing bad happened, except for stuff that's supposed to happen, but it was all so final. It hit me hard when the undertaker closed the casket after we said goodbye for the last time. Placing a flower on the casket at the cemetery? Fucking brutal. I don't even want to think about dropping dirt...

OK. I'm a little better now. I don't think I should drive. Scratch that, I know I shouldn't drive, but we're home and that won't be a problem. I promised myself I'd stop drinking by 8:00, so I could get a good night's sleep to wake Dominic up for school in the morning. The bottle ran out about 6:30 so I was forced to stop sooner.

Thursday

I woke up with a bit of a hangover but was still able to get Dominic off to school on time. He considered staying home, but in the end, decided to go in. Mid-morning, I get a phone call. It's Lacy's lawyer.

"Mr. Pastore?"

"Yes?"

"This is Lydia Deems, Lacy's lawyer."

"Good morning, Lydia. What's up?"

"Well, apparently the lawyer that handled Lacy's condo purchase held onto the paperwork for a couple days. She really did buy one. She closed on it last Tuesday. I'm sorry I misinformed you on Monday."

"Not your fault. I was figuring it was something like that. I saw the check clear on the checking account. Do you have the address and the realtor's name? My father's actually thinking of moving into the area, so it wouldn't be terrible having it."

She gave me the info. I immediately called the realtor to see if we could take a look at it.

"Century 21, this is Tanya. How can I help you?"

"Hi Tanya. Is Marilyn, um, Brokowski available?"

"Brovosky? Yes, she is, please hold."

"Hello, this is Marilyn."

"Hi Marilyn, this is Dylan Pastore, Lacy Trentino's ex-husband."

"Yes, hello Dylan. What can I do for you?"

"I'm not sure if you're aware, but Lacy passed away on Friday night."

"Oh, no. I hadn't heard. I'm so sorry. That was sudden. Can I ask what happened?"

"Primarily a stroke and aneurysm. Likely a delayed side effect of the brain cancer."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. You and your son must be devastated."

"It's been tough. So, why I called, my father is thinking of moving into the area, and we'd like to take a look at it, but I didn't know about it until after the fact. If she got keys, I wouldn't know where they were. I was hoping you could help somehow."

"That's a strange coincidence. I had it on my agenda to call Lacy this morning. The previous owners located another set of keys and dropped them off last night. I can meet you there today, tell you about it and give you the keys. I'd need to see ID; I wouldn't want to make a mistake and give them to someone I shouldn't."

"I'd appreciate that, and your diligence. When are you available?"

"I can meet you there at 1. Do you have the address?"

"Yes. Lacy's lawyer just called and told me about it. 1 o'clock will be fine."

"Great. I'll see you then."

"Thank you."

Next up - "A Condo, a Psychologist, and More Time With Dad"