-- Chapter 8 --

The mood was distinctly lighter the following morning over breakfast. Matt and Luke had walked up to the house after showering so they could have breakfast with Levi, along with Matt’s parents, and found the three of them in the kitchen, which was filled with the aroma of frying bacon.

‘Mornin’ boys,’ Matt’s father said, as they entered the kitchen. ‘Ready for another day?’

‘We will be, once we’ve fuelled up,’ Matt answered.

Levi didn’t say anything, but offered the beginnings of a smile. The kid was making progress at least.

So far Levi hadn’t been down to the flat to see where, or how, they were living, but Matt hadn’t really expected anything different. This whole getting to know each other process was, at the very least, complicated and fraught with danger, so Matt didn’t want to push too hard, too early, in case he might do their relationship damage.

‘Are you boys going back to the house again today,’ Matt’s mother asked them, as she broke some more eggs into the frying pan.

‘Don’t forget I have my golf game today,’ Matt’s father added. ‘So I can’t help out.’

‘That’s okay. I think Levi and I will head to the house. Luke needs to finish some reports and email them off to his work, so we might pick him up later, and go for some lunch or something.’

‘Sounds like you’re all sorted then,’ his father said. Matt nodded, as his mother placed a plate in front of him.

‘Are you going to visit your parents, Luke?’ Matt’s mother asked.

‘Not this time . . . they are in Cairns, visiting Katie and her husband, who have just had a baby girl,’ Luke replied.

‘Oh, how wonderful!’

The conversation around the table was casual. Levi was looking at the mobile phone and leaned over towards his grandfather and asked, ‘What’s this button for?’

‘That’s for taking a photo,’ Matt Snr. replied. ‘Press it and I’ll show you how it works.’

Levi did as he was told, while the phone was being pointed in the general direction of Matt, then instantly an image of his father came up on the screen. As he was moving his hand he noticed that the picture was changing. It was like looking through the lens of his mother’s old camera.

‘Point it at Matt and press that red button at the bottom of the screen,’ his grandfather suggested, and so Levi did just that, resulting in a photo of his father being taken, with a coffee mug halfway to his face.

A smiling Levi turned the phone around to show his father the photo, which only earned a frown.

‘Now you better show him how to delete them,’ Matt flatly told his own father.

Half an hour later, breakfast was over and Luke was sitting at the small table in the kitchen of the flat, with his laptop open and working on his reports, while Matt and Levi were still up at the house.

As he typed away, he couldn’t help but think about the boy, and what was going to be ahead of him. So far, Levi seemed to be handling the changes around him surprisingly well, but what worried Luke most was whether or not the inevitable crash, which usually follows a bereavement, was coming. So far, he hadn’t really seen the boy grieve, apart from the night of the funeral, so perhaps that was an event still on the horizon.

It was also readily apparent that there was much that Levi had missed out on while growing up, at least when compared to most other kids his age; such as not knowing how to use a mobile phone, for starters. He wondered what else he might have missed out on?

As he was thinking about this, Luke heard a sound coming from the garage that adjoined the flat, followed by voices. One of those voices definitely belonged to Matt, and so he decided to investigate, just as he heard another thump against the wall.

‘What the . . .’ he muttered as he walked outside, to the sound of more still banging, which was then followed by a cry of triumph.

‘Ha! There it is!’ Matt cried.

‘There’s what?’ Luke asked, as he reached the door, where he found Matt dragging an old bicycle from the shadows, as Levi watched.

Glancing at Levi’s face, Luke could see him frowning slightly, as the old red Malvern Star, complete with twenty-year-old stickers, was wheeled out into the morning light. Luke remembered the bike well, from when he and Matt used to race around the neighbourhood as teens.

‘Oh, geez!’ Luke said, just loud enough for Matt to hear. ‘Now the memories are flooding back.’

Matt grinned at him.

‘Levi said he’s never even had a bike,’ Matt said quietly. ‘Or a mobile phone. Or a computer, of any sort . . . so now we’ve got two out of three sorted. And I told him I was pretty sure I knew where I could find an old laptop for him, for school of course.’

Luke glanced at Levi again, who was looking concerned, as if he wasn’t exactly sure where all this was going.

‘Don’t look so worried, Levi. Matt tends to get like this sometimes . . . a little over enthusiastic, so to speak,’ Luke said, which elicited a chuckle from the boy. ‘But you probably should have a computer – for school – so just leave that one to me, mate. We don’t want you missing out . . . assuming, of course, that you do want us to help you with catching up when it comes to all the things you’ve missed out on so far.’

Levi reached for the gold cross that hung around his neck, as if seeking reassurance.

‘I . . . I’m not sure . . .’ he nervously replied.

‘Well, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in the bible about not being able to use computers, mate,’ Luke offered. ‘So just think about it, okay? Now that you’re getting a little older, having a computer at school would be quite useful, I would think.’

‘Okay. Thanks,’ he replied. ‘I’ll think about it.’

*   *   *

While Luke went back to working on his reports in the kitchen of the flat, Matt and Levi set about cleaning up the old bike, washing the dust off, pumping up the tyres, and applying some grease where needed.

‘Righto then, mate. Have you ever actually ridden one of these things?’ Matt asked as they were beginning their project.

‘I . . . I had a three-wheeler when I was really little. I remember that.’

‘But never one like this?’

Levi shook his head.

‘Well, you’ll soon have one you can ride to school on, or ride around town on,’ Matt reassured him. ‘And I guess we’ll have to teach you how to ride it then?’

‘Mum wouldn’t ever let me . . .’ Levi began to say, but then stopped.

Matt frowned slightly.

‘She was probably just thinking about your safety, mate. I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe, but at the same time, I also want to encourage you to be independent . . . but we can talk some more about that later,’ he said, when he noticed the expression on the boy’s face.

They worked easily together, with Matt showing Levi what to do and encouraging him to get his hands dirty – quite possibly for the first time in his life. The shared smiles, as each step was completed, meant a great deal to Matt, leaving him with a feeling that he was finally beginning to connect with his son. For Levi, however, it was more a case of being happy to achieve something without messing things up and disappointing this new man in his life. He was not a typical, confident, country kid, like most his own age. This sense of accomplishment that left him feeling good inside was something entirely new to him, but at the same time, it seemed to help him begin to accept the new reality that he was being faced with. The new life he was about to embark upon.

When they were finally finished, Matt stood back and looked over his old pride and joy. He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken it for a spin . . . once he had bought his car, got his driver’s licence, and started working on rebuilding the Commodore, the old Malvern Star had soon been forgotten. But now? What the hell, he thought.

‘They say that once you’ve learnt how to ride a bike, you never forget,’ Matt declared. ‘How about I test that theory?’

‘W-what?’ Levi replied, as Matt picked up the bike and set it right way up again, then threw a leg over the bar. Levi then watched in amazement as Matt placed one foot on a pedal, his hands on the handle bars, and pushed off.

The scene was like something from an old cowboy movie he once saw, when Paul Newman – his mother’s favourite actor – got on a bicycle and tried to pedal and wobbled around until he finally found his rhythm.

Levi couldn’t help but laugh at his father, who was making a total fool of himself, and actually hamming it up, which soon brought Luke outside to investigate what was going on. He looked from Matt to Levi and back again, then just shook his head and started to walk back inside.

‘Hey!’ Matt called out, as he rode around the back yard, circling the Hills hoist. ‘At least tell me you’re impressed! I just proved that you never forget how to ride a bike!’

‘Okay, I’m impressed,’ Luke called back, which only caused Levi to laugh again.

Matt came to a stop quite close to where Levi stood and grinned at him.

‘Don’t ever forget to always have fun, mate,’ Matt said to him. ‘When you grow up life can get in the way and be a real drag, so always remember to keep that kid inside you alive, okay? Understand?’

‘Ummm . . . yeah . . . I think so . . .’

‘Good. Now I think we had better wash up and head over to the house, otherwise we won’t get anything done today at all.’

‘Okay then.’

After putting down the stand on the bike, Matt led Levi into the flat, where Luke was working away, then pointed towards a door to the left.

‘Bathroom is in there, mate, if you want to wash up.’

Levi nodded and disappeared through the door, as Luke turned to face Matt, and soon they heard the sound of water flowing as he turned on the taps.

‘So, were you having fun out there?’ asked Luke.

‘Actually, yeah, I was . . . but what is more important, was that I heard Levi laugh,’ he quietly replied.

‘Yeah, I heard that too.’

‘I think he’s going to be okay,’ Matt added, just as they heard the taps get turned off. When Levi came back into the room, Matt opened the door to the refrigerator and pulled out three cans of Coca-Cola, then handed one to Levi, before placing the other two on the kitchen table.

‘Give me a minute to do the same thing, and then we’ll get going, eh?’

Levi nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of Coke, then shyly looked at Luke while Matt went into the bathroom, before glancing around the room.

Luke noticed Levi’s gaze settle on the doorway into the living area, then saw the boy’s eyes widen. He looked through the doorway and noticed what Levi had noticed; the unmade bed and the clothes scattered across it. The bed that Matt and Luke shared. The hot bed of sin, which most likely had Levi’s head spinning right about now.

Getting to his feet, Luke walked over to Levi and placed a hand on the kid’s shoulder, which seemed to startle him, as he turned sideways and looked at Luke, with cheeks flushed red.

‘Just give it time,’ Luke said quietly.

‘I . . . I’ll try.’

Maybe today was going to be one of those one step forward, two steps back kind of days?

*   *   *

Very little was said as Matt and Levi worked at the house that day. Matt could sense that Levi had had something on his mind since this morning, but he didn’t want to push too hard just yet. He thought they had made good progress earlier, with the bike, but maybe he had pushed too hard without even realising it.

Between them they made steady progress during the first few hours, with the growing pile of boxes now being stacked in the hallway near the front door evidence of this.

Around eleven o’clock Matt felt like it was time for a drink break and so he went in search of Levi. The kid had been quiet the last half hour or so, and when Matt did eventually find him, Levi was sitting on the bed in his old bedroom, which was now almost empty of everything except furniture.

‘Hey, mate. Everything okay?’ Matt asked, as he noticed Levi was holding a picture frame.

Matt sat down beside him and took the frame from him. The photo was of a young Levi, with his mother and grandfather.

‘Nice photo. You should keep that one.’

‘Yeah,’ Levi replied, before wiping away a tear with the back of his hand.

Obviously, the kid was still struggling, Matt thought.

‘Hey, I don’t know about you, but I reckon it’s time for a break. What’s say we blow this joint and go do something else for a bit? We can grab an early lunch, just the two of us, and share some stories?’

‘W-what about Luke?’

‘I’ll call him and tell him we just need some time to ourselves. He’ll understand.’

‘I . . . I don’t want him to be mad at me . . .’ Levi said quietly.

‘He won’t ever think that way, mate. You can trust me on that. Come on, let’s go. Have you ever tried the burgers from the Riverside Store on the edge of town? They were always the best around here when I was living here.’

*   *   *

Lunch was definitely a surprise for Levi. Fast-food, take-out, drive-throughs were never really their thing when he was growing up with his mother.

Matt had called Luke and explained what was happening, and his partner was more than understanding. He had no issues with Matt and Levi spending time together, in fact, he insisted on it, and even suggested a few places they should try to visit.

So, as the sun hung low and heavy, slowly beginning to paint the sky in soft oranges and deep purples, Matt’s old Commodore creaked as they climbed the mountain and eventually pulled up at the town lookout. Below them, the town lights were just beginning to flicker on, like hesitant stars.

Levi stepped out slowly, arms wrapped around himself against the evening chill. The new phone Matt’s father had given him bulged awkwardly in his pocket. It was a strange and heavy reminder that his old life was already slipping away.

Matt grabbed a couple of old blankets from the boot and spread one over the weathered wooden bench near the edge. The other was a spare, just in case the chill got too much.

‘I used to come up here when I was your age,’ Matt said, sitting down. ‘When things felt too big. It always seemed to help put stuff in perspective.’

‘I’ve never been up here,’ Levi offered, as he took in the view from the railing, before taking a seat beside Matt, careful to leave a gap between them.

The drop beyond the railing was dizzying. Everything looked small from up here – the streets where he’d walked to church with Mum, the school he might never see again, the house they were slowly emptying. His throat tightened.

This view is beautiful, he thought. But Mum would say beauty can just be a distraction from truth.

For a while they sat in silence. Then Matt spoke gently.

‘So . . . tell me about your mum. I haven’t seen her in sixteen years. What was something you two did that always made you laugh?’

Levi stared at his shoes. ‘She used to burn the toast every Sunday morning, before we would go to church. Every single time. Always too much of a rush. She’d scrape it over the sink and say, “The Lord provides . . . even if it’s charcoal.”’ A tiny smile flickered across his face as he remembered that, before disappearing. ‘She always tried so hard to make everything perfect. But of course, it couldn’t always be so.’

Matt nodded. ‘Sounds like she loved you a lot.’

Levi’s fingers found the cross around his neck, rubbing it like a worry stone. The words slipped out before he could stop them.

‘She loved me enough to teach me the truth. Or at least I always thought it was the truth . . .’

Matt glanced over, sensing the shift. He kept his voice even. ‘What did she tell you about me?’

Levi closed his eyes for a moment, then turned to Matt and said, ‘Only that you had left town when you found out she was pregnant. And that you weren’t someone who wanted a kid, so that’s why you left.’

‘I see.’

‘And that you had secrets of your own, that she didn’t want to mention . . .’

‘You mean about me being gay?’

‘I . . . I guess so,’ Levi replied, nodding stiffly.

‘But she had a photo of me in the corner of that frame,’ Matt asked.

‘That was new. She only put it there when she found out she was sick. She didn’t tell me who it was, but I kind of guessed. I still didn’t know your name, or anything else though . . . and she didn’t tell me, even when I asked. All she said was that I would find out when the time was right , , ,’

‘I see,’ Matt replied.

There was a bit of a breeze up on the mountain and the leaves in the trees could be heard whispering their own messages, with magpies and other birds seemingly answering.

‘I know what the Bible says,’ Levi said, his voice tight. ‘Leviticus. Romans. It’s an abomination. A choice against God’s design.’ His words came faster, defensive. ‘Mum said people like you and Luke . . . you spread confusion. That you were lost.’

He waited for Matt to get angry. To argue. Instead, Matt leaned back and looked out at the town for a long moment before replying.

‘I’m not going to tell you your mum was wrong about everything,’ he said carefully. ‘She raised you. She clearly loved you. But I am going to ask you something, Levi. Not to change your mind. Just . . . to encourage you to think for yourself.’

Levi’s heart hammered. So, this is how it starts. The deception.

Matt continued, gentle but direct. ‘If being gay is so wrong, why do you reckon God keeps making so many of us? All throughout history. All over the world. Seems like pretty sloppy work for an all-powerful creator, doesn’t it?’

Levi opened his mouth, but nothing came out. This certainly wasn’t what he had expected to hear. Inside, the familiar verses warred with the man sitting next to him.

He’s twisting things. But . . . he doesn’t sound evil. He sounds tired. And kind.

Matt gave a small, rueful smile. ‘And if we’re supposed to follow every rule in the Bible, then you better stop eating prawns, mate. And that t-shirt you’re wearing? Pretty sure it’s mixed fabrics. I don’t pretend to know the Bible, but I do know that people tend to pick and choose which parts still count. I guess that depends on what brand of religion is being followed. Why do you think this part, the part about being gay, gets held onto so hard?’

Levi’s grip on the cross tightened.

‘I don’t want you to go to hell,’ he whispered. ‘Or me. For even sitting here listening to this.’

Matt turned toward him, his expression softening with something close to wonder.

‘Levi . . . thank you for saying that. Really.’ He paused. ‘I’m not trying to force you to believe what I believe. I’m not even asking you to stop being Christian. I just want you to keep your mind open enough to actually be able to choose what you believe, instead of just accepting what you’ve been told. Question it. Even pray about it. Read it again with fresh eyes. That’s all.’

Levi stayed quiet, the storm of thoughts raging inside him.

After a long silence, Matt spoke again, his voice quieter.

‘This place . . . it means a lot to me. More than I usually tell people.’

Levi looked over.

‘When I was seventeen, not much older than you are now, things were really bad for me,’ Matt continued. ‘My dad couldn’t accept me. Something had happened that meant I could have been in trouble . . . the town felt like it was closing in. Church people, school . . . everywhere I turned . . . that might have been something of what your mum referred to as my secrets. I was told I was broken. Sinful. Going to hell.’ He swallowed. ‘One stormy afternoon, I came up here. The wind was howling, rain coming sideways. I stood right there by the edge and . . . I thought about jumping. I was that convinced I’d never be okay. Things would never be okay.’

Levi’s eyes widened. He stared at his father, the confession hanging heavy between them.

Matt’s gaze stayed on the horizon. ‘I was sitting right there . . . on the other side of that railing . . . soaked, ready to end it . . . when Luke showed up. He’d been looking for me all day. He didn’t yell. He didn’t preach. He just sat down in the mud right next to me and asked me if I’d decided to go for a walk. No hysterics. No condemnation . . . just love, and saying that we’d try to figure this out together.’

Matt let out a shaky breath, almost smiling at the memory.

‘That was the moment everything changed for me. Not because the pain disappeared overnight – it certainly didn’t – but because someone chose love instead of judgment. Real love. The kind that stays even when it’s messy and hard. I’m still here because of that.’

He turned to Levi.

‘I’m not saying your faith is wrong, mate. Or that my path is the only one. I’m just telling you my story. Even when I was at my lowest, when everything I’d been taught said I was worthless . . . love won out. And it’s been winning ever since.’

Levi felt tears stinging his eyes. The vast drop below suddenly felt heavier with meaning. His father – this man he still barely knew – had almost ended his life on this very spot. Because of the same kind of beliefs Levi had been raised with.

God, is this a test? Levi thought. Or is it an answer? Mum always said love was the greatest commandment . . . but she never meant this kind of love.

‘I don’t know what to believe anymore,’ Levi admitted, his voice cracking. ‘Mum’s gone. Everything’s changing. And now the one thing I was always sure about feels like it’s cracking apart.’

Matt reached over slowly and squeezed Levi’s shoulder once – brief, careful, not lingering.

‘Then don’t decide anything tonight,’ he said quietly. ‘You’re allowed to not know for a while. I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not going to make you choose between your faith and knowing me. We can figure it out as we go.’

The sun finally slipped behind the hills. The town below glowed softly in the growing dark.

Levi wiped his eyes. ‘Can we come back here again sometime?’

Matt smiled. ‘Anytime you want, mate.’

As they stood to leave, Levi once again placed his hand on the cross around his neck. The war inside him hadn’t ended. But for the first time, a small crack of light had appeared in the middle of it.

To be continued . . .