-- Chapter 10 --

The afternoon unfolded gently, as if the town itself was in no hurry to reveal all its secrets at once.

After lunch on the boardwalk overlooking the lake, Matt and Luke took Levi for a further wander around the streets of Thompsonville. They strolled along Main Street, where Matt pointed out the automotive parts store where he worked – currently closed at this hour on a Saturday – and the bakery, the Sandman Art Gallery and Doodz surf shop, which were all close by. Levi tried to picture his father working behind the counter in the auto store, helping people, and making his life here by the sea. Knowing where he came from, it still felt strange.

Crossing Main Street they took a path through sand dunes that were covered with scrubby vegetation and went for a walk along a golden beach, with Levi gawking the whole time at the beauty of the place; the golden sands, the blue skies, the white topped waves, on which tanned surfers balanced upon narrow boards, kids playing on the beach, scantily-clad women sunbaking or swimming.

It was a case of sensory overload, the likes of which he had never experienced before.

Afterwards, they drove around the entire town, with Matt playing tour guide, showing Levi the school and then the small, white, local church, which was set back off the road. Next, they drove around the glassy lake where pelicans fished and people pedalled around on those strange crafts that looked like mini-paddle steamers, before visiting the harbour and the busy fishing co-op with its fleet of trawlers, and the distant hump of Mission Island sitting out there at the western end of the harbour, like a guardian. The Southside was newer, with bigger houses, but Levi liked the older part near the town centre best – it felt more like the centre of a story.

To the north of the town centre they found Lighthouse Road, which led out past the caravan park towards a white lighthouse standing on a headland. Along the coastal road to the south there was a windswept headland where they parked for a little while and stood at the front of the car, their bums resting on the front edge of the bonnet; three travellers with their hair being blown by a wild wind, while watching the endless rows of waves rolling in, and seabirds floating effortlessly on the wind.

It was like this place was an ancient land, filled with secrets, and it left Levi breathless.

Had he found his new home, he wondered.

By late afternoon they arrived at Avalon, which was a little way out of town and down Beachside Lane, the road on the outskirts of town that Levi had seen when they had arrived earlier. The house was old, but at the same time it was beautiful – a wide, weatherboard house with a deep verandah along the front, and surrounded by beautiful gardens and purple-flowered Jacaranda trees.

It reminded him in some ways of the home he had lived in back in the country. The home that was about to be sold and that he might not ever see again. That made him sad, but yet, at the same time, there was a promise of something new, and from that he felt a glimmer of excitement, which he didn’t quite understand.

As they pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the free-standing garage, Levi noticed two guys walking up from a gate at the bottom of the yard.

‘That’s Tim and Guy,’ Luke said when he spotted them. ‘With whom we share in the ownership of the house.’

They were holding hands as they came closer, and immediately Levi felt himself tense. Tim and Guy, both shirtless, wearing colourful board shorts, their skin tanned and still damp from the ocean. Levi didn’t know which one was which, just yet, but one had his arm casually slung around the waist of his companion. When they saw the car, they both waved, then one gave the other a quick kiss on the side of the head before they separated to greet their friends.

Soon they were all standing by the car as the other two joined them.

‘Levi, this is Tim and Guy,’ Matt said, pointing out each of them.

Tim offered a warm smile. ‘Hey, Levi. Great to finally meet you, mate.’ Guy nodded, still standing close to Tim, and said, ‘Welcome to T’ville.’

Levi managed a quiet, ‘Hi,’ but his posture stiffened. The easy, open affection between these two men unsettled him more than he expected.

* * *

That night, after a relaxed barbeque on the back deck, the five of them sat around the big wooden table as the sky turned soft orange and pink. The conversation flowed easily between the four housemates, but Levi stayed relatively quiet. He answered questions when asked, got involved when he needed to, but tried not to be too obvious or outgoing.

At one point, Guy leaned back in his chair and Tim automatically reached over, resting his hand on the back of Guy’s neck, gently rubbing his thumb there. It was casual. Comfortable. Guy smiled and leaned into the touch without thinking.

Levi’s eyes flicked to their hands, then away. His stomach tightened. They’re doing it right in front of everyone. He glanced at Matt and Luke, waiting to see if they reacted, but they didn’t seem bothered at all. The contradiction between what he had been taught and what he was seeing sat heavily in his chest.

He figured that he had come to terms with Matt and Luke’s relationship – they were his dad and his partner after all. They had taken him in. But this . . . this open affection between two people he had known for only a couple of hours, who he considered were still strangers to him, felt different. Wrong, even. He felt guilty for thinking it, especially after everything they’d done for him today, but he couldn’t stop the discomfort from rising.

It was then, while trying to concentrate on something other than what he was seeing, that he finally noticed the low rumble of the surf, which seemed to be drifting in from somewhere close by.

‘I can hear the waves,’ Levi said, trying to change the subject in his own mind.

Matt pointed toward the bottom of the yard. ‘It’s right through that gate. Only about two hundred metres away. We’ve got direct access to the beach. It’s not completely private, but it feels like our own most days.’

Luke added with a smile, ‘We’ll take you down in the morning.’

‘That’d be cool. Thanks,’ Levi replied.

Later, lying on the fold-out lounge in Luke’s office, in just his boxers, Levi stared at shadows dancing on the ceiling while the waves whispered through the window. The guilt returned.

Matt and Luke are different . . . they’re my family now. But I don’t even know Tim and Guy yet?

He pushed the darker thoughts away – the ones about what they might do behind closed doors – but they still lingered. He felt bad for even wondering, yet he couldn’t fully shake the unease.

* * *

The next morning, Levi wandered into the kitchen in a t-shirt and his boxers, arms folded across his chest self-consciously. Luke and Tim were already at the bench with coffee and toast.

‘Morning, mate,’ Luke said brightly. ‘Sleep well?’

‘Yeah . . . it was actually really good, thanks,’ Levi replied, managing a small smile.

Tim reached over and gave Luke’s shoulder a friendly squeeze as he passed behind him to grab the butter. It was nothing overt, but Levi noticed again. That same quiet discomfort stirred in his gut.

He already felt like he was starting the process of building a life here. But some parts of this new life were going to be harder than he’d imagined.

After Luke showed him where he could find cups and glasses and plates, and where the cereal and the fruit juice and the tea and coffee all lived, he set about getting some breakfast for himself – just orange juice and toast – then settled in beside Luke. He felt safe beside him. He felt he could trust him. It was everyone else he was still trying to figure out.

Somewhere outside a lawn mower was started, and he looked out the window into the backyard, where he noticed Guy, again shirtless in the morning sun – What is it about these guys always being half naked? – and wearing khaki shorts and boots, pushing the mower.

‘Well, I guess that’s my cue,’ Tim said, before getting to his feet and rinsing his plate and mug in the sink, then heading outside. ‘Time to become a slave to the garden once more!’

Levi drank some of his juice as he watched Tim leave, then a few moments later Matt joined them, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

He walked up behind Luke and hugged him, then went to kiss his cheek, but just at that moment Luke turned his head, and they kissed each other on the lips. Levi sensed his eyes go wide at this sign of affection, but there didn’t seem to be the same tightening in his stomach as he watched them. Maybe he was beginning to get used to it.

Matt soon found himself something to eat and drink and then sat down on the opposite side of the bench to where Luke and Levi sat.

‘So, how was your first night, kiddo?’ Matt asked.

‘It was good, thanks. I’ve never slept in a big-sized bed before.’

‘Well, if you end up here permanently, I guess we’ll have to have a chat about what arrangements we make for you. I’ve already said that we want you to be comfortable, no matter what happens . . . but we’d really like you to consider coming here,’ Matt added.

‘I . . . I think I’d like that, if that’s okay?’

‘It’s more than okay, Levi,’ Matt replied, as he got to his feet and walked around to where Levi was sitting, and then hugged him. ‘You’re my son and I really want to have you around. I want to see you grow into the best version of yourself that you can be, and I want to be there every step of the way for you.’

‘And that goes for me too, Levi,’ added Luke. ‘We both want you to be happy here.’

‘Thank you both so much.’

When Matt sat back down, he was grinning. After a rough couple of weeks, things finally seemed to be falling into place.

Levi was quiet for a long time, as he finished his toast and juice, but after a while he finally spoke, his voice low.

‘I do need to tell you something though.’

Matt and Luke both turned toward him, giving him their full attention.

Levi swallowed, then continued, eyes fixed on his hands. ‘I . . . I’m really grateful you chose me and want me to stay . . . both of you. I know I’m so lucky to be here. And I’ve thought about it a lot. I can accept you two . . . that you are together. You’re my father, Matt. And Luke . . . you’re already like a second father to me. It’s all really good. So I’m okay with your relationship. I’ve decided that.’

He paused, struggling to find the right words.

The guys sensed a ‘but’ coming, but said nothing.

‘But . . . I’m still really struggling with the others. With Tim and Guy. When I saw them yesterday – the way they touched each other, the kiss . . . I have to be honest . . . it made me uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. I know they’re your friends, and they seem nice, but I can’t help how I feel. My faith . . . everything I was taught . . . it says that’s wrong. I can make an exception for you two because you’re my family. But doing that for everyone else, it just seems so hard to do . . . I’m sorry.’

Levi finally looked up, his expression a mix of guilt and honesty.

‘I just wanted you to know the truth. I don’t want to lie to you. I’m trying . . . but I’m not there yet with other people. And I don’t know if I ever will be.’

There was a long, gentle silence.

Matt nodded slowly, his face calm and understanding. ‘Thank you for telling us, Levi. That took guts, and we definitely want to be considerate of your feelings as well.’

Luke leaned forward slightly. ‘We appreciate the honesty, mate. We really do. This isn’t easy for you – we know that. Your whole world is changing, and that’s a great deal for anyone to have to contend with, let alone someone as young as you.’

Matt reached over and gently squeezed Levi’s shoulder. ‘We’re not going to push you. This is going to take time. And it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with everything straight away. We just ask that you keep being honest with us, like you are right now.’

Levi nodded, looking relieved but still a little tense.

Luke added softly, ‘And just so you know . . . we love you exactly as you are. Questions, struggles, and all. None of that changes how we feel about you.’

Levi looked down again, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘I just don’t want to disappoint you.’

‘You’re not disappointing us,’ Matt said firmly. ‘You’re being real. That’s all that matters most right now. And all we ever want from you. I don’t expect it to be all plain sailing, for any of us . . . and I suspect that we’ll all fuck up from time to time, but that’s all a part of growing up, and growing together. And if you do make mistakes, just know that we’ve got your back, okay?’

‘Okay . . . and thank you.’

‘So, what do you want to do now?’ asked Luke. ‘We can check out our beach if you like?’

‘Ummm . . . maybe this afternoon? Would that be alright? Yesterday, we went past that little church, and I noticed on the sign that it is non-denominational, and they have a ten o’clock service. Have either of you ever been to church? Or is it okay with you guys if I go on my own?’

Matt and Luke looked at each other. Matt looked shocked. Luke looked amused.

‘Levi, I don’t think your father has ever set foot inside one,’ Luke replied. ‘But I’d be happy to take you if that’s what you want. Father Costas is a great guy, and I would gladly introduce you to him. Maybe we can work on your father for some other time?’

* * *

At nine forty-five, Luke drove Levi into town while Matt stayed back at the house. Levi sat quietly in the passenger seat, dressed in the best clothes he had brought with him, a pale-blue button-up shirt and dark jeans. They were probably the only things that were close to church clothes that he still owned.

They pulled up on the street in front of the small, white weatherboard church that looked like something from an old painting. A neat white fence surrounded the yard – not a picket fence, just a plain two-rail fence – and tall gum trees cast dappled shade over the yard and the simple wooden building. A modest steeple rose above the roof, and a hand-painted sign simply read: Thompsonville Community Church.

‘It’s not huge,’ Luke said as they got out. ‘Probably only seats about eighty or ninety people on a busy Sunday. But it’s got a good heart.’

‘You’ve been here before then?’ Levi asked.

‘Only for births, deaths and marriages, mate. My family aren’t exactly churchgoers . . . and Matt is even worse!’

Levi just grinned at him.

As they got out of the car and walked through the front gate, there were a dozen or so people filing in, all being greeted by a casually-dressed man in his mid-forties, with gold cross pins on the collar of his white, button-up shirt. Levi thought it odd that there wasn’t a clerical collar in sight.

‘Father Costas,’ Luke said warmly, as he held out his hand.

The priest turned with a broad, genuine smile. He wore neat, but casual clothes, including jeans and boots – nothing like the formal robes Levi was used to seeing on older priests.

‘Luke! Good to see you again,’ said Father Costas, as he shook Luke’s hand firmly, then turned his kind eyes to Levi.

‘Father, this is Levi . . . Matt’s son, who has come to visit.’

‘Ahhh, yes. I’ve already heard about this young man. Welcome to Thompsonville, Levi.’

Levi shook his hand politely. ‘Thank you, father.’

They chatted for a few minutes before the service. Father Costas had an easy, relaxed way about him. He asked Levi about where he’d come from and how he was settling in. Levi answered cautiously but honestly.

Father Costas looked at his watch. ‘Well, I guess it’s time to get this show on the road,’ he said, and excused himself.

As they followed the priest inside, Levi couldn’t help but smile at him. He already liked this man.

Inside, the church was bright and airy, with sunlight streaming through mostly plain glass windows. Only the windows behind the altar were stained. A handful of people were already seated. Luke led Levi down the centre aisle, and they found seats in an empty pew, about half-way down, while Father Costas continued towards the altar, where he dropped to one knee and made the sign of the cross, before moving to a simple wooden lectern off to the right. There he took up a position where he looked out over the small congregation.

The service followed the same order as most services that Levi had previously attended, with Father welcoming the congregation, and giving Levi a special mention after his eyes had settled on the young man and Luke. There were readings and hymns, followed by prayers and a short, heartfelt sermon, then another hymn, more prayers and Holy Communion.

Levi had no intention of going up for Communion, as this wasn’t his church, but once Father had given Communion to all those who had risen and walked to the front of the church, he then walked down the aisle and motioned for Levi to come forward. After hesitating for just a moment, Levi stood and held out his hand, and was then rewarded with the familiar wafer, then once he had taken it into his mouth, Father gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder and quietly said, ‘Welcome.’

A closing hymn followed shortly afterwards, then a blessing, and then the service was over. It took no longer than forty-five minutes, and then Father was following a single altar boy carrying a cross down the aisle, nodding and smiling as he went. Those that had been seated at the front were the first to follow Father, with Levi and Luke being the last out the door, where they found Father talking to one of the congregation, before shaking the man’s hand and turning towards Levi.

‘I hope you enjoyed the service, Levi?’

‘I did, thank you father. It was a little less . . . ummm . . .’

‘I think the word you are searching for, Levi, is stuffy?’

Levi smiled. ‘Yeah, something like that.’

‘Well, welcome to Thompsonville, and I hope that we will see you again, young man. And perhaps one day you’ll even be able to drag that father of yours along?’

‘I wouldn’t go holding your breath for that to happen, Father,’ Luke answered, with a smirk.

As he nodded, Father said, ‘Well, Levi, if you ever want to talk, my door is always open. I know moving to a new place, especially at your age, can bring up a lot of questions.’

Levi hesitated, then glanced at Luke for a moment, before deciding to speak.

‘Actually, can I ask you something, Father?’

‘Of course.’

Levi glanced once more at Luke, then back at the priest. ‘Can I ask how you feel about . . . gay people? In the church, I mean. Especially given what the bible says.’

Father Costas didn’t flinch. He gave a gentle nod, as if he’d been expecting the question.

‘Living here, I get asked that a lot, son,’ he said. ‘My answer is pretty simple: God does not judge love. If love is genuine, respectful, and not harming anyone – I believe God is far more interested in the quality of that love than in who it’s between.’

He placed a reassuring hand on Levi’s shoulder.

‘Faith isn’t always easy, especially when the world changes faster than some of our old teachings. But I’ve learned that God is much bigger than our fear and discomfort. He meets us where we are.’

Levi was quiet for a long moment, clearly turning the words over in his mind.

Luke stood beside him, silent but supportive.

Father Costas smiled kindly. ‘You’re always welcome here, Levi. No matter what questions or struggles you bring through that door. I look forward to talking to you again.’

God does not judge love.

The words hit Levi harder than he expected. A strange, uncomfortable feeling stirred in his chest. Part of him wanted to believe it – it would make everything so much easier. He thought of Matt and Luke, how kind they’d been, how safe he felt with them.

Maybe that part is okay . . .

But then his mind flashed to Tim and Guy – the way Tim had kissed the side of Guy’s head, the casual way they touched each other. The discomfort returned immediately, sharp and familiar.

But what about them? Is that the same kind of love? It still feels wrong. It still feels . . . sinful.

Levi stood there silently, his thoughts in conflict. He wanted to accept what Father Costas was saying. He really did. But the teachings he’d grown up with – the ones his mother and his old church had drilled into him – fought back hard.

Father Costas seemed to sense his struggle and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

‘Faith is not as simple as the old timers tell us, Levi. Especially when life throws us into situations that challenge what we thought we knew. God’s not afraid of difficult questions, and neither am I.’

Levi nodded slowly, but inside, the tension remained.

If God really doesn’t judge love . . . then why do I still feel this way?

Luke stood quietly beside him, not pushing, just present. As they walked back to the car, Levi stayed silent, the priest’s words echoing in his mind long after they had left the little white church behind.

To be continued . . .