-- Chapter 18 --

By the beginning of July, Levi had been living in Thompsonville for three months. How time flies, huh?

One Monday morning he found himself standing in the kitchen, wearing only his boxer briefs and an old t-shirt – his usual sleepwear – while staring at the calendar on the wall; and at one date in particular. July 19th. It wasn’t marked or anything. No scribbles in red to say anything was happening, or that it was an important date in any way. Just a blank square displaying 19.

Of course, it was important for somebody.

Him.

That would be the day of Levi’s sixteenth birthday.

It was still weeks away, of course. He wondered whether his dad even knew? Should he ask? Or should he tell him?

He decided to think on that for a bit.

When he left for school an hour or so later, the winter sun was pale but stubborn, trying its best to push through the veil of clouds. At least this first winter in Thompsonville hadn’t been anywhere near as cold as the winters spent back home, where he’d had to split firewood almost every day to keep the woodfire burning inside the house, or walk to school rugged up in a heavy jacket and a beanie.

Still, it felt strange, contemplating his first birthday without his mother. She should still be here. She’d always tried to do something for his birthdays – usually bacon and eggs, or pancakes for breakfast, and a handwritten card with some quote from the Bible about growing in wisdom and stature. He’d never received much in the way of toys as gifts, because they were considered frivolous. Any presents he received were practical, useful, and designed to last. That was just their way.

What would this year bring, he wondered?

As he rode his bike towards the edge of town, an old ute zoomed past him. He’d seen it around. The driver was an old guy from one of the local farms, he thought. As he watched him speed away, Levi knew exactly what he needed to do.

He would call his grandmother and ask if she had seen the stash of documents that his mother had kept in the bottom drawer of her dressing table. His original birth certificate would be in there, he was sure. That was something he would need in order to obtain his learner’s permit. Maybe that would be a suitable hint for his father?

He met Jimmy and Dan at the front gates of Thompsonville Public, just as he usually did, and after chaining up his bike he headed in with them.

‘What’s new?’ Jimmy asked, while Dan held back a little. He seemed to be like that some days, while on other days he would come right out of his shell.

‘Not much,’ Levi answered. ‘Went to church yesterday morning. Swam in the bay in the afternoon. The weather was pretty good. Tim was trying to show me how to stand up on a surfboard. That was about the most exciting thing that happened.

‘And how did that work out for you?’

‘Total wipeout,’ Levi answered, with a laugh. ‘Maybe I’ll try again next weekend. Hope you guys had fun in Mac Harbour?’

He’d known that his friends were going to Macquarie Harbour for the weekend. Something to do with a party for one of their relatives. They went everywhere together these days, and he suspected that he knew why, but had promised himself he wouldn’t say anything to them. He was finally learning to be a little more careful about what he said to people, but of course, sometimes he still slipped up.

‘Yeah, it was okay,’ Jimmy answered, while glancing at Dan for just a moment. Levi couldn’t read anything in their expressions from that brief moment between them.

Classes were a bore, although in English they had been assigned a new novel to read, and it was an Australian one at that – Shifting Sands by Tony Scott! He had heard of it before, of course, and he felt it would certainly ruffle a few feathers in this crowd, especially given the subject matter. Only time would tell, however, as to just how ruffled those feathers might become.

At lunchtime he decided he needed to call his grandmother, back home, to ask her about his mother’s folder of important papers, so after he had eaten, he excused himself from his friends and wandered off to the edge of the oval, where he hoped that he wouldn’t be disturbed.

After dialling the number, he listened to it ring at the other end, then just before he thought it would go to voicemail the call was answered.

‘Levi! Darling! Is everything okay?’ she asked, sounding concerned.

‘Yes, Nan. Everything is fine. I just . . . I have a question for you.’

‘Oh, alright then. What can I help with?’

‘I was wondering if, when you were cleaning up things in mum’s bedroom . . . did you happen to see a folder with a lot of papers in it?’

‘Papers? Oh, you mean like your birth certificate and insurance papers and what not?’

‘Yes. Exactly!’ Levi replied. ‘Do you know where they are?’

‘Oh, your father has them, dear. He needed the insurance papers, and I guess he will need your birth certificate for whatever it is they get used for these days . . . you had best talk to him.’

‘Right.’

‘What did you . . . oh, of course . . . the birth certificate . . . your birthday is soon, isn’t it?’

‘I . . . errr . . . didn’t know if anyone knew . . .’

‘Of course we do, darling!’

‘And dad?’

‘Absolutely. But just don’t let on that I told you so . . . as I think he’s planning something,’ she said quietly, almost in a conspiratorial whisper, as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear it.

‘Oh. Right.’

‘So, how is everything else down there, darling? I hope you are settling in and making some friends?’

Levi looked back across the quadrangle at Jimmy and Dan, who were looking his way. Then his gaze shifted to another group of kids, at the edge of which sat Casey Thompson. He was looking at Levi, in much the same way as a cat would look at a bird, he thought, and it unnerved him.

‘Oh, yes. I have a couple of good friends, thanks.’

‘That’s good, dear. I’m pleased that things are going well for you. Now, I really must run. I was just on my way out the door to have lunch with my friends when you called. We hope that we will get to see you soon. Take care.’

‘Okay. Bye,’ he replied, but the line was already dead.

When he rejoined his friends a few minutes later, Jimmy looked up and asked, ‘Everything okay?’

‘What? Oh, yes, just had to ask my nan something.’

‘Does she live back where you come from?’ asked Dan.

‘Yeah. It’s weird. I didn’t even know her a few months ago. It’s kind of crazy actually.’

‘And do you have many relatives back there?’ enquired Jimmy.

Levi just shook his head. ‘No, just my grandparents . . . my dad’s parents. And Luke’s parents live there too . . . though I’m not sure what to call them . . .’

‘Yeah, I guess that is kind of crazy,’ Jimmy agreed.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Levi had thought about telling his friends about his upcoming birthday, but in the end, he decided to let it slide, for now at least. He wanted to figure out how to raise the subject with Matt and Luke, without appearing to sound like he was seeking attention. He knew that they had both done so much for him in the short time that he had known them, so that was the last thing he wanted.

He decided he would need to sleep on it.

As they walked away from the school, like they did most afternoons, Jimmy and Dan said that they couldn’t go down to the beach this afternoon, as they needed to help Dan’s family with something, so after they crossed the weir and reached Main Street, Levi said goodbye, before he continued on to the beach.

He didn’t entirely believe that there was something that they needed to be doing . . . he figured they might have just wanted some alone time. He got that – even if he still disapproved and thought they were sinning – but he wasn’t going to rock that boat. Maybe there was something in that old saying about hating the sin, but loving the sinner? Who knew?

When he reached the beach he found a spot on the edge of the dunes, close to where The Creek – the affectionate local name for the channel that flowed out of the lake – emptied into the sea.

There was nobody else around, so he pulled out the tattered old notebook that he carried in his backpack and then found a pen, so he could start scribbling down some notes. It was something he hadn’t long started doing, probably only since he had moved here, where he would simply jot down random thoughts, or events that had happened throughout the day.

Flipping through a few pages, he noticed the large blank section he had left at the front, where he had wanted to write down some notes about his mother and grandfather, and his old life, but so far, those pages were still empty. He had a lot that he wanted to say about that old life, but he was yet to figure out just how to say it. Instead, he was concentrating on the present; on his father, on Luke and the other guys, and on his new life, because that was what was important right now. He had come a long way, and in a short space of time – even he could see that – and sometimes, lying in bed at night and looking back on these past weeks, it gave him some comfort knowing that he was growing as a person.

It wasn’t perfect. He definitely wasn’t perfect. But he was learning and he was experiencing new things. He felt he was losing at least some of those old ways that had been enforced by his mother and grandfather. He was thinking differently now.

Jimmy had told him once that he needed to loosen up a little. He hadn’t really understood what he had meant at the time, but he thought that he was finally beginning to, even if, deep down, there were still some things that he was having trouble letting go of; such as his real feelings towards homosexuality. This was his greatest dilemma, weighing up what he had always been taught, the warnings he had been given about the true intentions of all gay men, and the reality he was seeing now, with every gay person he had been introduced to so far simply being a normal and seemingly decent person.

He didn’t know if what he was seeing now was a true reflection of what went on in the world outside of Thompsonville, but here, and now, things didn’t seem as dire as he had thought they might be, despite some confusion that still lingered.

He needed to talk to somebody about that.

After sitting in the dunes for a while longer, Levi packed away his notebook and walked back across the dunes and on to Main Street, pushing his bike until out on the road, before then throwing a leg over the bar and standing on the pedals. Instead of riding straight home, he turned down the side street, just past the lakeside car park, which led to the small church. Father Costas had already proven himself to be approachable during the few times Levi had seen him since arriving in Thompsonville, and he knew that if anyone could help him untangle the knot in his chest, it was probably the priest.

The church was quiet when he arrived. Father Costas wasn’t outside tending his garden or cleaning up, so he headed for the heavy wooden door, which creaked softly as he stepped inside. He found the priest in the front pew, reading from a small black prayer book, and he looked up and turned around at the sound of footsteps.

‘Levi,’ he said, as he closed the book and offered Levi a warm, knowing smile. ‘This is a pleasant surprise. Come, sit down.’

Levi hesitated for only a moment before sliding into the pew beside him.

They sat in silence for a short while as Levi studied the plain-looking altar at the front of the church.

The familiar smell of polished wood and incense brought back memories of his old church, but the knot in his stomach didn’t ease.

‘I’ve been thinking a lot lately,’ he eventually began, his voice low. ‘About . . . everything. My mum. Moving here. My dad and Luke. And my friends, Jimmy and Dan.’ He paused, cheeks warming. ‘I know what the Bible says about . . . men being with men. I was taught it’s a sin. My mum and grandfather were very clear about that. But the people I’ve met here – Matt, Luke, Tony, Aaron, even Jimmy and Dan – they just seem so . . . normal. Kind. Not what I was warned about.’

He glanced sideways at the priest. ‘I still think it’s wrong. Deep down, I do. But I’m also starting to see that they’re not monsters. And I don’t know how to feel about that. It’s confusing.’

Father Costas listened carefully, his expression patient and thoughtful. He didn’t interrupt or rush to correct Levi. When Levi finally fell quiet, the priest nodded slowly.

‘You have come a very long way in a short time, Levi,’ he said gently. ‘Losing your mother, moving to a new town, discovering a father you never knew – these are heavy things for any young man to carry. And yet here you are, trying to make sense of it all. That takes courage.’

He turned slightly toward Levi.

‘The heart is a mysterious thing. Sometimes the answers we seek are not found in rigid rules alone, but in the quiet voice inside us. If you keep listening to that voice – if you follow your heart with honesty and openness – the path will become clearer. God works in many ways, and He is patient with our confusion.’

Levi frowned slightly. ‘But what about what I was taught? About sin?’

‘Those teachings are part of your foundation, yes,’ Father Costas replied. ‘But foundations are meant to support growth, not trap us. Keep praying. Keep observing. Keep loving the people God has placed in your life. If you do that, the answers you need will come to you in time. Trust your heart, Levi. It is wiser than you think.’

The priest’s words settled over him – not solving everything, but easing the sharpest edges of his turmoil. Levi still felt the old teachings clinging tightly, like stubborn roots, but for the first time he allowed himself to wonder whether there might be room for something more.

He thanked Father Costas quietly and stepped back out into the late afternoon light. The ride home felt a little lighter. He wasn’t fixed. He wasn’t even sure he agreed with everything the priest had said. But the confusion felt slightly less suffocating.

Maybe following his heart wasn’t quite as terrifying as he had feared.

***

Just as he rode through the gates at Avalon, he heard the now familiar sound of his father’s Holden Commodore coming down Beachside Lane, and just as he wheeled his bike into the garage, the shiny, black sedan pulled in through the gate and came to a stop in front of him. His father smiled through the windscreen at seeing Levi there.

‘You just get home as well?’ Matt asked, as he climbed out of the car.

‘Yeah. Was at the beach for a bit, then stopped off to say hello to Father Costas on my way.’

‘Everything okay?’

Levi tilted his head slightly as he contemplated how to answer. ‘Yeah, I think so. I just wanted to have a chat about something I was confused by.’

‘Well, I’m happy that you are thinking about things and seeking guidance from where you think it’s needed,’ Matt replied. It seemed an odd thing for his father to say, but Levi didn’t say anything.

With the car right in front of him, Levi could hear the tick . . . tick . . . tick . . . of the engine as it began to cool, and so he reached out and placed a hand on the bonnet, which was warm to the touch.

‘Do you think . . .’ he started to say, but then stopped himself, unsure as to whether he should even ask the question that had formed in his mind.

‘Think what?’ Matt asked.

‘Oh . . . I was wondering if . . . you know, maybe one day . . . you might teach me how to drive?’

‘Well, I guess when you’re old enough to get your learner’s permit, we could do that,’ Matt answered.

‘Really?’

‘Of course, Levi. Every teenager has to learn to drive sooner or later. How about we talk about it later?’

‘Cool! Thank you!’

‘Now, how about we go and see what we can rustle up for dinner, before the others get home?’

***

The evening proved to be a light and enjoyable one. While they had waited for the others to get home, Matt and Levi cooked up some potato bake and other vegetables for the cool winter night, then as soon as they heard the sound of the vehicles approaching, they fired up the barbeque on the back deck, to cook up some sausages and strips of bacon to go with it.

They ate inside, and conversation flowed freely as the guys all unwound after their working days, then after they had all pitched in and cleaned up Tim and Guy retired, leaving Levi and his two dads to settle in to watch the television in the living room.

They continued talking, while not paying too much attention to the television, and Levi mentioned the new book that they were about to start reading: Shifting Sands.

‘Really?’ asked Luke. ‘That’s interesting.’

‘Our teacher said it was by a local author . . .’

‘Yeah. Tony Scott . . . my cousin. You met him on your first trip down here. He lives just up the road from here, on Beachside Lane.’

‘We met him and his partner on the beach?’

‘Yep, that’s them. Tony and Aaron. We should tell Tony what you’re reading. Maybe he’ll go and talk to the class about it . . . if your teacher wanted him to.’

‘A gay guy in a class full of fifteen-year-old kids who are either afraid of, or already hate, anyone who is gay?’

‘I’m sure he’s had worse audiences,’ Matt said, as he got to his feet and then excused himself. ‘I’ll be back in a moment.’

They watched Matt as he walked away, before Levi looked over at Luke with a questioning expression.

Luke simply shrugged, then a few moments later, Matt came back into the room carrying a satchel, of the type that documents would be stored in, which Levi remembered having seen before.

‘Mum called me this afternoon,’ Matt said, as he sat back down between his son and his lover. ‘Reminded me that I needed to go through this. You’ve seen it before, haven’t you, mate?’

‘Yeah. She said it’s all the important papers.’

‘Yeah. And one of them is fairly important for you especially.’

‘What do you mean?’

Matt flipped open the satchel and shuffled through a few papers, before pulling out a single sheet of paper.

‘I thought you should see this,’ Matt said, then handing over the sheet of paper. ‘Your birth certificate. And I also have your old school records, which your new school organised for copies of anyway.’

Levi took the birth certificate and then scanned down the page, before stopping on one line.

Father: Matthew Charles Parsons. Occupation: Student.

Levi stared at the name. He’d never seen this certificate before. His father’s name had been there all along, but now, seeing it in black and white, official and permanent, it hit heavier than he thought it would.

Matt had gone very still beside him. His hand rested on Levi’s shoulder, then tightened. When Levi looked up, Matt’s eyes were glassy. The big, usually stoic man blinked hard, swallowing.

‘I’ve missed so much,’ Matt said quietly, his voice thick. ‘Your first steps. Your first words. All of it. But this . . .’ He tapped the certificate. ‘This makes it real. You’re my son, Levi. I’m sorry it took this long.’

Levi felt his own throat close. For the first time, the word Dad didn’t feel borrowed. It felt real. It felt earned.

Luke got up and went to the kitchen, giving them a bit of space. Matt and Levi sat in silence for a long moment – two people still learning how to bridge fifteen lost years.

Eventually Matt cleared his throat.

'According to this, I see there's something important happening soon. Maybe we should talk about that?'

To be continued . . .