-- Chapter 21 --

As he watched Casey walk away, the feelings that seemed to flood every corner of Levi’s head, every space in his chest, felt overwhelming. The words had hit him like a slap at first, and his immediate reaction was to feel a surge of anger towards the boy, but then, an almost shameful flicker of something else seemed to creep into the void.

Was it relief, knowing that people didn’t really care? Or was it curiosity, based upon the fact that Casey – the boy for whom he had an unnerving fascination – had been the one to reach out to him?

Something inside told Levi to stay clear. But then something else was telling him to reach out, even if only to find what it was that Casey saw in him. It was almost like those cartoons he remembered watching on TV as a kid, where an angel sat on one shoulder, and a devil on the other, each encouraging the character to follow the path they suggested.

Did he have Casey sitting on one shoulder, while Jimmy sat on the other?

All Levi could be sure about was that this strange roller-coaster of emotions that he had been travelling these past few months, had just taken another sharp turn, and the destination was as yet unknown, even if the signposts along the way were saying REDUCE SPEED.

One hundred metres away, Levi noticed Casey wade out into the ocean, holding his board in front of him. Once he got to where the water was about waist height, he set the board on the water and pushed it forward, then brought it back under himself, before leaning over it and striking out. Levi turned away after that, gathering up his things and then slinging his backpack over his shoulder, before picking up his bike and walking back over the dunes and onto the road.

The journey home was one spent deep in thought. Those words from Casey kept echoing inside his head . . .

‘So what if your dad’s a fag . . .’

‘So what if your dad’s a fag . . .’

‘So what if your dad’s a fag . . .’

What did he mean by it? Was he trying to be nice, in some backhanded kind of way, or was he trying to be malicious, or disparaging, by using that phrase?

It was hard to tell, and Levi found it confusing as all hell. And for once, he didn’t care about using that phrase. In fact, he was kind of enjoying having the freedom to be able to use a lot of phrases his grandfather would have disapproved of.

Maybe this town was already beginning to change him?

What Levi did think, however, was that Casey knew more about what went on around here than he had first thought he might, so maybe it could actually be worth talking to him some more? He would have to give that some more thought, he figured.

***

Later that afternoon, once Matt had finished work and arrived home, he and Levi once again headed for the gravel car park at the end of Beachside Lane, where, after a few more kangaroo hops, they were soon doing laps and swerving around trees. As they were driving, Matt actually encouraged Levi to go just a little faster and change gears a few times, as he got used to the feel of being behind the wheel. They stopped and started again, reversed in straight lines, then took off again.

‘Okay, mate, I think it’s time to hit the road. We’ll just go up to the end of Beachside Lane and back again for starters, I think. Maybe a couple of times, then tomorrow we’ll do a bit more. How does that sound?’

‘You’re the one who knows what you’re doing,’ Levi replied, as he looked across at his father and offered a silly grin.

Following Matt’s instructions, Levi headed for the car park entrance, then slowed and turned out onto the gravel road.

‘Just go steady along here,’ Matt suggested. ‘This gravel can get a bit loose, especially on these bends.’

‘Right,’ Levi replied.

They cruised along the road, past the entrance to Bayview, where Tony and Aaron and their family lived, then past a few other small farms that were along the road, past Avalon and some more old houses, before eventually coming to the turn-off onto the main road, where they stopped.

‘How was that?’ Matt asked his young charge.

‘So cool. Thanks.’

‘Okay, next step then. Let’s just check there’s no traffic coming, then when it’s clear we’ll drive onto the blacktop and just do a sharp turn and then come back onto our road and head back to the car park again. And just be careful you don’t stall it doing the U-turn! Don’t want to get broadsided by a semi-trailer or anything like that.’

They had to wait for a couple of cars to pass, then when they noted that there was no traffic heading in their direction, Levi revved the motor slightly, made sure that the car was in first gear, and then slowly lifted the clutch.

The take-off was as smooth as could be, and Levi deftly turned the steering wheel in a tight arc and did a sharp U-turn, before pointing the car back down Beachside Lane. He was picking up this driving lark like he was born to it.

‘Nailed it!’ Matt exclaimed. ‘We’ll make a driver out of you yet!’

The grin on Levi’s face couldn’t have been scrubbed off if he tried.

‘Okay then a couple more trips up and down the lane, then we’ll call it quits. Tomorrow we’ll venture out onto the main road. I think you’re ready for it.’

***

In the weeks that followed, life settled into a new rhythm. Levi rode to school most mornings, meeting Jimmy and Dan at the gate. Their easy friendship – joking, complaining about teachers, and sometimes kicking a ball around during lunch – was certainly deepening.

Levi didn’t even think much about Jimmy and Dan’s relationship any more. They were just his friends, and the fact that he was sure now that the two of them were more than friends didn’t even bother him. They were just another gay couple that happened to be in his life, and despite everything he had been taught, he was beginning to accept that gay couples were simply a fact of life. He still may not entirely approve, but he knew that it was hypocritical of him to say anything, especially considering the feelings he’d had towards somebody else at their school, and the almost nightly consequences of those feelings.

And speaking of the devil, Casey always seemed to be nearby.

He’d lean against the science block wall, watching. Sometimes he’d nod at Levi with that half-smirk. Levi found himself looking for him more than he wanted to admit. The pull was confusing -- part curiosity, part something warmer he didn’t quite have a name for yet.

One afternoon as the final bell rang, Levi saw Casey standing near the gate and started walking toward him, almost without thinking.

‘Levi, wait up!’ somebody behind him called out.

He spun around to find that it was Brooke, from his English class, as she suddenly appeared beside him, looping her arm through his and steering him firmly in a different direction.

‘What are you doing?’ Levi asked, startled and even slightly annoyed.

‘Saving your arse!’ she hissed.

‘My what?’

Brooke rolled her eyes. ‘People have been trying to tell you, since like, forever, to steer clear of that arsehole. You’re too . . . nice to get mixed up with him.’

‘I’m . . . nice?’

‘Of course you are,’ Brooke replied. ‘You’re different to all the other boys around here. Everyone knows why you ended up here . . . and everyone really feels for you. Nobody really cares that your dad might be gay . . . this place is full of them, but the fact that you have your beliefs and have stuck to them, despite what the goons have tried to say about you, actually says a lot about you. You’re solid. And that’s rare . . . especially around here.’

Levi could only stare at her in surprise, and with his mouth open.

‘And somebody just needed to tell you that,’ Brooke continued, more quietly, before reaching up and giving him a quick peck on the cheek, just as they reached the school gates, where Jimmy and Dan were waiting, with curious expressions on their faces.

‘What’s this then?’ Jimmy asked, as the two of them approached, still arm in arm.

‘Something we need to know about?’ added Dan, with a grin.

‘Or been keeping from us?’ asked Jimmy.

‘Settle down, boys,’ Brooke answered. ‘I’m just saving Levi from himself.’

Jimmy and Dan exchanged a questioning glance. What the heck did that mean?

‘He looked like he was going over to talk to Casey Thompson . . . so I just dragged him away,’ Brooke said, answering their silent question.

‘Good call,’ said Jimmy. ‘We have been trying to warn him.’

‘Hey, I’m right here, you know!’ Levi complained.

‘Yeah, we do know,’ said Dan. ‘And we’re all just trying to look out for you, okay!’

Brooke squeezed his arm gently.

‘That’s all any of us want to do, Levi. You’re not like most of the other guys around here, but you do need to know what some of them are like,’ she said.

‘I . . . I’ve heard stories,’ Levi responded, as he looked directly at Jimmy.

‘And you should know that you need to believe them,’ Jimmy replied. ‘Just stick with us, and we’ll keep you on the straight and narrow.’

‘Straight? That’s rich coming from . . .’ Levi started to say, but stopped himself before he made a major mistake.

‘From what?’ Jimmy smirked. ‘Do you mean . . . us?’

‘I . . . I’m sorry . . . I didn’t mean . . .’

Jimmy simply grinned.

‘So, you finally figured us out then?’ Jimmy said, as he glanced at his partner in crime. ‘And it didn’t freak you out? Geez, Chambers, maybe there’s hope for you yet!’

Levi wasn’t sure exactly what to say to that, but when he grinned at Jimmy and was punched in the arm in return, he knew that everything was okay.

The four of them left school straight after that, with Brooke not letting go of Levi’s arm until they had crossed the weir and were entering Main Street. Oddly, Levi took comfort from that; from someone wanting to be with him, while being fully aware of all his foibles and insecurities.

As they walked, he tried to ignore the constant babble coming from Jimmy and Dan, instead glancing sideways at the girl on his arm whenever he got the chance, studying the way the sun shone behind her, highlighting her blonde hair and gentle features. For a few moments he was confused, as he wondered how he hadn’t noticed it before, but there were certain things about Brooke that reminded him of someone he had loved deeply – his mother.

With her blonde hair and carefree laugh, her similar features, and vibrant, green eyes, the realisation came as a surprise. Maybe the reason he hadn’t noticed it before was the hair being worn differently, or her shapely build? Who could know, but he was sure that this was the beginning a new friendship, or something.

Brooke was bright, funny, and spoke her mind, and over the next few weeks they started sitting together in English, walking home sometimes, or sharing quiet moments on the beach. When they kissed for the first time, really kissed – something more than just a tentative peck – Levi felt a flutter of something new and warm, and that night it was a different image that fuelled the ache in his loins.

Everyone seemed pleased. Jimmy and Dan teased him mercilessly, but still approved, and welcomed Brooke into their small circle of friends. When he introduced her to Matt and Luke, they were surprised but also visibly happy that Levi was making friends beyond just Jimmy and Dan. Everyone could see that it was a positive step forward for Levi, and encouraged him to continue to step outside his comfort zone and spread his wings.

***

Levi’s driving lessons continued, with both Matt and Luke stepping in to provide him with some time behind the wheel, taking him out for lessons almost every spare afternoon, along with every weekend. His log book was beginning to fill up with every trip they took, as he recorded the requirements for his proper license.

Levi found Luke’s automatic Toyota Camry to be a much easier vehicle to drive than his father’s old Commodore, but there was something about the black beast, which his father cherished so much, that just appealed to Levi. Maybe it was the older styling, or the more powerful engine, or perhaps it was just the sound of the older machine. He wasn’t sure exactly, but whatever it was, when he drove that vehicle, he felt strangely alive, with the vibrations drilling right through him.

After mastering trips up and down Beachside Lane, next he tackled the open road, taking trips up and down the main road that ran from Thompsonville to the Pacific Highway, and back again. On the quiet open roads outside town, Levi could focus on gear changes and keeping the Commodore steady, while travelling at the maximum speed allowable on his permit. Next, they graduated to driving around the lake and through Thompsonville – navigating the roads around the harbour, then over the weir, up Main Street, and the narrow streets on the town side of the lake.

‘You’re really getting the hang of this driving game,’ Matt said one evening as Levi successfully parallel-parked outside the supermarket. There was real pride in his voice. ‘I’m proud of you, mate. And I know your mum would be as well.’

Levi felt a quiet glow of achievement. These moments in the car with his father were becoming some of his favourite times – just the two of them talking about nothing and everything as the world went by outside.

***

Before he knew it, winter was almost over, but the three tickets for Winterfest in Macquarie Harbour, which had been given to him on his birthday by Jimmy and Dan, still burned a hole in his pocket. It was the big, annual carnival held in Macquarie Harbour, and it finally arrived on a sunny Saturday. Matt and Luke offered to drive the three boys down, and so they set off after lunch, with the boys all piled into the back seat.

A large asphalt car park near the beach had been transformed, with the air thick with the smell of fairy floss, hot chips, and fried dough. Brightly coloured rides were already spinning, while loud music thumped from speakers near the dodgem cars, mixing with screams of delight, while the barkers called out from game stalls.

‘This is insane,’ Levi said, eyes wide as they walked through the entrance gates.

Jimmy grinned. ‘Told you it was worth the tickets.’

The three of them – Levi, Jimmy, and Dan – dove straight into the chaos. Matt and Luke hung back, giving the boys space but staying close enough to keep an eye on them, at least for the first hour or so, before eventually leaving the kids to it and retreating to a nearby café.

They hit the rides first. The spinning teacups left them dizzy and laughing. The ghost train had Dan yelling more than the girls in the carriage ahead of them. Levi’s favourite was the big Ferris wheel – rising high above the fairground, he could see the ocean sparkling in the afternoon sun. For a few quiet moments at the top, the world felt peaceful.

Food became the next adventure. They bought way too much: hot dogs, fairy floss, buckets of chips, and sugary slushies. Levi tried his first deep-fried Oreo and immediately declared it the best thing he’d ever eaten. Dan, never one to be outdone, kept going back for more until his face had a distinctly green tinge.

As the sun began to set and the carnival lights twinkled in long strings across walkways, the atmosphere shifted. The crowds grew thicker, as families came to join the throng. Levi caught sight of older teens making out heavily against a food truck, or in the shadows between stalls. He quickly looked away, cheeks warming, but the images stuck with him. This world – loud, messy, full of life and temptation – was so different from the quiet, rules-bound one he had grown up in.

Jimmy noticed and nudged him with a grin. ‘Eyes front, Church Boy.’

Levi laughed, embarrassed but happy.

By nine o’clock they were all exhausted. Dan had finally paid the price for his junk food binge, throwing up dramatically behind a row of portable toilets while Jimmy and Levi tried – and failed – not to laugh. Shortly afterwards, Matt and Luke rounded them up with patient smiles.

‘Time to head home, lads,’ Matt said. ‘Before someone else loses their dinner.’

The drive back to Thompsonville was quiet. Jimmy and Dan dozed beside Levi in the back seat, Dan’s head resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Levi sat staring out the window at the dark road, a small, contented smile on his face.

For one perfect night, everything felt simple and good.

***

The following Saturday afternoon was the official start of spring, and Levi was at Main Beach with Brooke, Jimmy, and Dan. They surfed for a couple of hours, then hung out in the shade of some of the Norfolk pines that were scattered along the foreshore, on the town side of the dunes. Eventually, Jimmy and Dan had to head home, and Brooke needed to head off soon after, but not before she gave Levi a soft kiss goodbye – their longest one yet. Levi watched her walk away with a small smile and an ache that would need attention later.

He caught one or two final waves, then paddled back to shore, and it was just as he reached his gear on the sand that Casey appeared, walking along the waterline, wearing a loose-fitting singlet with a Thompsonville logo printed on the front of it, and with his hands thrust into the pockets of his shorts.

Levi tensed, but he didn’t turn away, or walk away.

Casey stopped a respectful distance away. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

Casey kicked at the sand. ‘Looks like you’ve made a new friend,’ he said.

‘Yeah, something like that.’

Levi sat down on the sand next to his towel and gear, turned his t-shirt out the right way and pulled it over his head, while Casey sat down nearby, but not too close.

Glancing at Casey he could tell that the guy had something on his mind, but decided to let him start the conversation, if there was going to be one.

‘So, how are the driving lessons going?’ Casey eventually asked. ‘I’ve seen you out on the road a fair bit. You’ve even come past my place a few times.’

‘We have? Where do you live?’

‘On the far side of the lake. Most of the houses over there belong to members of our family.’

‘I didn’t know that.’

Silence stretched out between them for a minute or two, with neither boy knowing quite what to say.

‘Look . . . about that day, when I said something about your dad being a fag. That was way out of line. And I’m sorry.’

Levi studied him for a long moment, before he shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s cool, I guess.’

‘Nah. It’s not. I know I can be an arsehole sometimes.’

They sat on the sand and talked for a bit, and Levi found that it came surprisingly easily. Casey was charming when he wanted to be. Funny. Attentive. Levi found himself relaxing despite all the warnings.

‘You know, I’ve been told to stay clear of you,’ Levi admitted.

Casey gave a rueful laugh. ‘Yeah, I’ve got a bit of a reputation. But I’m not really like that. Not with people I actually like.’ He looked at Levi directly. ‘And I like you, Chambers. I’d like to get to know you better. Truce?’

He held out his hand.

Levi hesitated, then reached over and shook it. They held on for a fraction too long. The contact sent a strange jolt through him.

‘Yeah, truce,’ he replied.

Later, on the ride home, steering his bike with one hand while holding his board under his arm with the other hand. Levi’s mind kept drifting back to Casey. He knew the others wouldn’t understand. Brooke definitely wouldn’t. But the fascination was still there – quiet, persistent, and growing.

Maybe just once, he thought. Just to see what he’s really like.

In the days that followed, they stayed clear of each other at school, but each was keenly aware of the other. For Levi, it felt like they were dancing around each other, but it never felt as if a moment would present itself where they might be able to talk, as his friends were always around.

It wouldn’t be until the next time that Levi saw Casey on the beach, and they were both alone, that he pulled him aside.

‘If we hang out . . . it has to be, you know, on the down-low. The others wouldn’t get it.’

Casey’s smile was slow and satisfied. ‘Yeah, I can do down-low,’ he casually replied.

To be continued . . .