-- Chapter 27 --

The path to redemption would be a long and difficult road to travel, Levi knew that. He still wasn’t sure that he was strong enough to be able to complete the journey, but Father Costas seemed to have faith in him, and wasn’t that what life was all about? Having faith in ourselves? And knowing that other people also have faith in us?

The afternoon before would be one that would long be burned into Levi’s memory. Not surprisingly his father had, at times, gone ballistic over his act of stupidity, with threats of grounding and privileges being withheld. And, but for the calming influence of Luke, he may well have been grounded till he was thirty.

He would accept his punishment with good grace, but he had a feeling that whatever was coming would only be the tip of the iceberg.

His father had told him there would be consequences, and that night he found out what they would be. For starters, he was told he was going to be on a tight leash, that he couldn’t just go anywhere, or even associate with anyone other than his closest friends, without first checking in with Matt and Luke.

The conversation continued, but without the seriousness of the afternoon. They all knew there was a long way to go, but they were family, and family helped each other, even if, sometimes, the lessons were hard. Even if they didn’t always agree. Even if, from time to time, somebody fucked up.

Matt had been firm during their discussions, laying the facts on the table. Levi had been at the party, and he had been driving. But that didn’t mean they had to openly admit it. And now, as a new day dawned, Matt’s instructions from the night before – about what to do if challenged about the events – still sat heavy in Levi’s gut: Don’t confirm anything. Not to anyone. Not unless a copper asks, and even then, we keep it tight.

It wasn’t outright lying, Matt had said. It was just not volunteering every detail. Just let people think what they want and refuse to confirm anything. Levi still wasn’t sure he agreed, but he would follow his father’s instructions and do what Matt had asked.

***

The morning sun was already warm on Levi’s back as he rode through Thompsonville, along Main Street, heading for school. He kept his head down, his eyes fixed on the cracked bitumen, the familiar tick-tick-tick of the freewheel as he rolled on, the only sound that felt safe. Every so often a car would pass, and he would tense, waiting for a shout, or a laugh, or some smartarse comment. But none came. Not yet. And not even when he rode through the school gates.

He locked the bike in the usual rack near the senior block and immediately felt the weight of eyes. A group of Year Tens – the year that Casey was in – standing near the canteen stopped talking and just stared. Someone muttered something that made two girls snigger. Levi simply kept walking. When he rounded the corner of the science wing he got his first shock for the day, when he almost walked straight into Casey, Dylan and Jarrad.

Casey was leaning against the brick wall, arms folded, that half-smile already in place. Dylan and Jarrad flanked him like they always did. For a second nobody spoke. Then Casey’s eyes flicked over Levi’s uniform, the same way they used to whenever no one was looking.

But Levi didn’t stop. He stepped around them without a word. Behind him, he heard a low, amused huff, followed by a quiet chuckle, but nothing more. Small mercies, he figured.

Pastoral was the first room he entered that morning. Brooke was already there, sitting with Jimmy and Dan near the front. All three looked up when the door opened. Brooke’s face stayed carefully blank as she studied Levi for a moment, before looking away. Jimmy gave the slightest nod. Dan simply looked down at his folder on the desk in front of him, and picked at a piece of sticky tape that was stuck to it. Levi walked past them to the back row – the same seat he’d claimed every day since the bust-up – and sat down. Other than the teacher calling out his name for roll call, no one spoke to him for the rest of the short period.

English was the same. And so was every class after that. He kept his head down, answered only when the teacher called his name, and counted the minutes until the lunch bell.

When it finally rang, he went straight to the far end of the playground, past the basketball courts and the handball squares, to the row of benches along the fence and beneath the eucalypts that lined that boundary. It was the place they used to claim when they wanted privacy, but today it felt more like a place of exile. He didn’t know whether his friends – even if they were still his friends – would join him. He could only hope.

Sitting down on the furthest seat, Levi opened his lunch and forced himself to eat. Most of the other students kept a careful distance. A few glanced over, then looked away again. Nobody came near him. The rumours had obviously done their work, marking him as a pariah.

A few minutes later, three figures appeared around the corner of the buildings. They stopped, talked amongst themselves for a moment, as if they were arguing about whether they should or shouldn’t approach, but then started walking toward him. Levi set his sandwich down and waited.

‘Thanks for coming over,’ he said when they stopped in front of him.

‘Well, you did say that you wanted to talk,’ Jimmy responded. His voice was flat, but not unkind.

‘Yeah,’ Levi said. ‘And I just wanted to say again how sorry I am. You guys were only trying to protect me, and I was too fucking stupid to see it. I just wanted . . .’

‘You just wanted what?’ Brooke spat, her arms folded tight across her chest as she looked down at him. She looked properly pissed, and Levi figured she had every right.

Levi met her eyes. ‘I just wanted to level with you guys. To tell you everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!’

‘Oh, this’ll be good!’ Brooke continued.

‘Brooke! Play nice!’ said Jimmy. ‘He’s trying to be honest with us . . . so the least we can do is listen!’

‘He lied to us, Jimmy! He lied to . . . me!’

‘I want to make it up to you guys. I swear!’ Levi pleaded.

Brooke gave a short, sharp huff, then sat on the far end of the bench, leaving a clear gap between them. Jimmy glanced at Dan, shrugged, and then dropped onto the grass in front of them. Dan quickly followed.

‘So, talk then,’ Jimmy said.

Levi managed a thin smile and began.

He started the way he had with Father Costas the night before, and with his dad and Luke after that. Slow at first, then faster, the words tumbling out once the dam broke. The secret friendship with Casey. How he couldn’t seem to stay away no matter how hard he tried. The way Luke had named it yesterday – an infatuation. The joyride. The crash. The parties. The drinking. The kiss. The rumours that had exploded throughout the school. How he had hurt all three of them, and how much it had hurt when they pulled away.

He left out the deepest confusion about what any of it meant for him, but everything else he laid bare. The guilt poured out of him until there was nothing left to say.

The lunch bell rang just as he finished. He stood, gathered his things, and looked down at them. All three were staring, mouths slightly open.

‘I don’t expect your forgiveness,’ he said quietly. ‘I just wanted you to have the truth. Maybe one day we can be friends again . . . though I know things won’t ever be quite the same.’

Then he turned and started walking away from them.

He hadn’t gone far when Jimmy’s voice called after him.

‘Hey, Levi!’

He stopped and looked back at them.

‘Yeah?’

‘Meet us on the beach after school?’

Levi nodded once. Then he kept walking.

They couldn’t see the relief on his face. Nor the fact that he was smiling to himself. Finally.

***

The rest of the afternoon dragged. Every classroom felt like a fishbowl. When the school bell finally rang, to mark the end of the day, he rode straight downtown, to check in with his father and let him know what he was doing. Then he went across to the beach, locked the bike against the timber railing, and walked out through the dunes.

They were already there, sitting in a loose triangle on the sand just below where the dune grasses began to grow. He dropped down opposite them and waited.

Jimmy spoke first. ‘So how did your dad take it when you spilled the beans?’

‘Better than I expected, really. There are going to be consequences, of course, but we’re working through everything.’

‘And what about his car? He loved that thing, didn’t he?’ asked Dan.

‘Yeah. But he told me last night it was insured. And it was getting so old that it was costing a fortune in repairs every year to keep it registered. So it was going to need replacing sooner or later anyway.’

Dan raised an eyebrow. ‘So you actually did him a favour then?’

Levi gave a short, humourless laugh. ‘I wouldn’t say that exactly.’

‘We saw that he’s got a new vehicle though,’ Jimmy said. ‘So, have you driven it yet?’

‘Hardly.’

‘So . . . no more lessons then?’

‘Maybe one day,’ Levi wistfully replied, as he looked down at the sand. ‘Worst thing is, when the car got torched, I lost my log book. All the hours I’d already done. Up in smoke.’

‘Oh, man! That sucks!’ said Dan. ‘Surely you can get a new book and fudge the entries again, or something?’

Levi simply shrugged.

‘Arrgghh! Boys and car talk,’ Brooke muttered. ‘You’re all the bloody same.’

‘But he needs that!’ Jimmy shot back. It was the first real note of defence anyone had offered. Levi felt something loosen a fraction in his chest.

When he glanced at Dan, Levi noticed him staring back at him and chewing on his bottom lip, with his head cocked slightly sideways.

Levi raised his eyebrows at him. ‘Now what’s up?’ he asked.

‘I’m just curious,’ Dan replied.

‘About?’

‘When you said how what you felt about Casey was an infatuation . . .’ Dan ventured, while nervously glancing in Brooke’s direction. ‘What does that mean exactly?’

Brooke let out a small gasp when he said it, and Levi looked her way as well, only to find that she was staring at him intensely.

He felt the heat rising in his cheeks, and he knew he still needed to answer the question, but how?

As he thought about that, Dan then asked, ‘So . . . are you like . . . bisexual, or something?’

Levi looked at him for a long second. The question sat heavy in the air between them all.

‘I’m not calling myself anything. I don’t know what all this means,’ he said quietly. ‘I just know I felt it. And strongly. And I hate that I did. It’s not who I want to be. The Bible’s pretty clear about that stuff. I’m just saying that the feelings were there, and I let them pull me around like an idiot.’

He glanced at Brooke and Jimmy, then back at Dan.

‘Pulled around by the short-and-curlies, I’d say,’ Jimmy remarked, which only earned him a swat from Brooke’s hand, as she reached out and connected with his shoulder.

‘Arrgghh! You boys can be so disgusting sometimes!’ she spat.

Everyone turned back towards Levi.

‘I’m sorry, but that’s all I’ve got right now,’ he said. When he glanced at Brooke he noticed her eyes had narrowed, as she studied him.

They talked a little longer – nothing deep, mainly just about the school day – until Levi finally stood and brushed the sand from his pants.

'I’m on a pretty tight leash,’ he said. ‘Need to check in with Dad, then get home.’

He picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulders. ‘Thanks for listening. It means a lot. I guess I’ll see you around.’

They watched him go. None of them called him back this time. None of them knew just what the shape of their friendship might be after this. Especially not Levi.

***

Levi unlocked his bike and then rode over to his father’s workplace, checked in again and answered the usual questions . . . “Any trouble?” . . . “No.” . . . “You okay?” . . . “Yeah.” . . . then he rode the last stretch home, to a house that was empty and quiet.

After going through to his room and dropping his bag on his bed, he returned to the kitchen and poured a glass of juice, then sat at the kitchen table, thinking. The silence pressed in. He thought about the look on Brooke’s face when he’d finished talking. About Jimmy’s small defence on the beach. About Dan’s question regarding his sexuality.

Fuck! Why did it have to be so hard being a teenager?

He also thought about Casey’s half-smile that morning. About the rumours that kept circling even when half of them weren’t true. And about how to make them all go away.

He knew that he had made the right decision cutting Casey off. He knew that. But the stories were still out there, and some of them had teeth. Yes, he had been at the party. Yes, he had been driving. Matt’s instruction from the night before still sat heavy in his gut: Don’t confirm anything. Not to anyone. Not unless a copper asks, and even then, we keep it tight.

It wasn’t exactly lying, Matt had said. It was just not volunteering every detail. Levi still wasn’t sure he agreed, but he would do what his father asked.

He was still sitting there in the kitchen when the knock came.

Three firm raps on the back door. The same as on the morning after the accident.

Levi’s stomach dropped. He hadn’t heard a vehicle, nor anyone approach, but when he looked up, there stood the same policeman that had visited them the other morning. Getting to his feet he walked over and opened the door.

‘Hi . . . Levi, isn’t it?’ the policeman asked. ‘I’m Constable Leggatt . . . we met on the weekend.’

‘Y-yes,’ Levi replied, as he looked the policeman up and down.

He was around thirty, Levi thought, with a solid build, and the kind of calm eyes that had seen more than most people his age.

‘Nice spot out here,’ the policeman said as he looked around. ‘Must be close to the beach too, I reckon.’

‘Yeah, it’s just through there,’ Levi said, while pointing at the path that led through the scrub.

‘So, would your dad be around at all?’

‘No. He’s still at work.’

The constable nodded once. ‘And when would you expect him to come home? I’d just like a quiet chat when he gets back, about his car, if that’s all right.’

Levi’s mouth was dry. He glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall, which said it was a little after five.

‘He’d be locking up the shop about now, so shouldn’t be very long.’

‘Okay. That’s great. Would you mind if I waited?’

‘No, I guess not . . . but doesn’t an adult, or a parent, have to be there if you’re talking to a kid?’

He remembered seeing that on some TV show one time.

A faint flicker of something – respect, maybe – crossed the policeman’s face. ‘Yes, you’re right. But it’s really only your dad I need to talk to at the moment. I’ll just go and wait by the car for him though.’

Levi nodded, then stepped through the open door and watched, as the policeman had walked back down the driveway to his car.

Afterwards, he returned to the kitchen table and sat down again, his hands trembling slightly, while outside the late-afternoon light stretched long across the floorboards. Inside, his heart was hammering hard enough that he was sure the constable would be able to hear it from the driveway.

Was this it? Was he about to find himself in deep shit, he wondered?

And the real conversation hadn’t even started yet.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he quickly punched in a message for his dad, then hit send.

To be continued . . .