A Different Love - 16. Chapter 16

It was the morning after Connor and I had broken up. His bombshell of the previous evening was praying heavily on my mind as I struggled to fully comprehend its meaning. Although we hadn’t known each other very long it was still my first relationship and I was devastated we would no longer be together. His decision to move to Ireland was a crushing blow and the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to go with him when he’d asked me, made the situation infinitely worse. On top of that the way he’d stormed off, refusing to talk about it, hurt even more but I was determined that my overwhelming desire to see him again wouldn’t be denied. Under normal circumstances I would have given him much more time to come around, but I had no idea when he was planning to leave and couldn’t bear the prospect of being too late to say goodbye.

For this reason, my heart racing with fear and trepidation, I stood in the square outside Connor’s flat, fearful he would be less than receptive towards me. My shaking finger hovered above his doorbell until finally I plucked up the courage to press it, holding my breath in anticipation. There was no answer so I pressed it continually, desperate for some kind of response. All of a sudden the door flew open and a blonde haired girl, aged about twenty, stood on the doorstep with a startled expression on her face.

“Oh!”

She clearly didn’t expect anyone to be standing there and seemed incapable of uttering anything but inane expletives.

“Oh!”

She remained on the doorstep staring at me suspiciously before attempting to rudely push her way past me.

“I’m looking for Connor” I asked her impatiently, deliberately blocking her way “Connor O’Reilly?”

She stood glaring at me defiantly and by this time I was beginning to wonder why I’d assumed she would be able to help me in the first place. After all, they were separate flats and the bell probably wouldn’t ring anywhere else except in Connor’s. It was a surprise, therefore, when she finally revealed some information.

“He’ll be at work” she exclaimed, in a voice that suggested it was none of my business.

Now that she mentioned it I did recall him telling me that as well as working most evenings he also worked a couple of mornings as well. There was an undeniable tone of hostility in her voice that I didn’t understand and I got the distinct impression that she wasn’t very happy speaking to me. Her next comment immediately told me the reason why and it became glaringly obvious that Connor had needed someone to confide in.

She glared at me with disgust like I was something nasty she'd stepped in.

“I suppose you must be Jason!”

Before I could respond she quickly brushed me aside and slammed the door shut behind her.

“Oh well, it’s your loss!”

Leaving me with a shocked expression on my face she was gone, striding purposefully across the square in the direction of town. With her final comment still ringing in my ears I took a cursory glance at the first floor bay window before following her towards town, hoping that Connor would be at Samson’s. For all I knew the girl could have been lying to spite me and he might already be on his way to Ireland. My heart sank as I considered the possibility, but decided after thinking about it rationally that it was highly unlikely he’d already left.

Ten minutes later I was standing outside Samson's in town, unsure if I should enter. The door was slightly ajar and the sound of tuneless whistling could just be heard from inside the building. I took a deep breath and hesitantly pushed the door open a little further, surreptitiously peering in through the widened gap. A guy I recognized as one of the barmen was busily mopping the floor, whistling along to some tune I didn’t recognize. Suddenly sensing my presence, he clutched at his chest and took a deep breath before exhaling loudly.

“Phew! You gave me a fright there mate” he exclaimed “Can I help you?”

“Oh sorry, I’m looking for Connor. Is he here?”

There was a sudden clink of glasses from behind the bar and Connor’s face appeared, quickly followed by the upper half of his body as he stood up. As soon as he saw me a smile lit up his face and I gave a sigh of relief to realize that he’d got over his anguish of the night before.

“Hi Connor”

“Jason!” he exclaimed, in a surprised voice “What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you Connor. After last night….”

“I know”. He sighed apologetically and when he spoke again his voice was full of regret “I’m really sorry for storming off like that. It was stupid and childish”

“It’s ok Connor, I understand you were upset. It’s just that you didn’t tell me when you’re leaving. I couldn’t bear it if you went without saying goodbye”

He came around the end of the bar and shaking his head in frustration, held out his arms to embrace me. “Come here Jason! As if I could ever leave without saying goodbye”

He kissed me on the lips and gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You mean the world to me Jason Wright. I’m going to miss you like crazy!”

“Me too Connor. I’m really sorry I can’t go with you”

He put his finger on my lips to silence me and quickly changed the subject. “I thought you were at work this morning anyway?”

“I should be, but I wanted to see you”

“Jason! You shouldn’t have stayed off work because of me. You’ll get into trouble!”

“It’s ok. I’ve rung in to tell them I’ll be late. They said I could make up the time”

“Good! I was going to ring you later on today to apologise, but I was waiting until you'd finished work”

“You don’t need to apologise Connor, you’ll only make me feel even worse than I already do. I just didn’t want us to part on bad terms”

“Look Jason, don’t worry. I’ve had time to think about what happened last night. I understand why you can’t make such a big commitment and the last thing I want to do is leave without making up with you. I think too much about you to let that happen”

He kissed me again on the cheek and the touch of his lips reminded me what I’d be missing when he was no longer here. I returned his kiss urgently and when we pulled apart he sighed and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much Jason!”

“Me too Connor!” I whispered back, nervously looking at the guy behind me.

I could feel my emotions rushing to the surface and turned away to hide the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks at any time. In order to concentrate on something else and avoid it happening, I forced myself to ask the question that I’d been dreading to know the answer to ever since he’d told me about going to Ireland. My voice trembled slightly as I hesitantly began

“So when do you go Connor?

“I have to leave on Sunday, about lunchtime” he answered, in an equally reticent tone “I’ve got a three hour drive to catch the ferry”

He gave a small laugh and bit his lip nervously before continuing “The only thing is, I’m not very good on boats. They always make me feel seasick. There’s no choice though, I have to take the car”

“You’ll be fine” I assured him, rubbing his shoulder

“Better if you were there” he added ruefully

My hurt expression immediately made him wish that he hadn’t said it and he rushed to apologise.

“Sorry Jason, I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t fair”

“It’s ok, I know what you mean”

There was an involuntary cough nearby and he glanced over my shoulder to see the other barman attempting to attract his attention. Connor tutted and rolled his eyes upwards before giving him an enquiring glance.

“Have you changed that barrel yet Connor? He asked abruptly “Dad’s due soon”

“No sorry Andy, I’ll do it now”

The words ‘make sure you do’ were left unsaid but it was obvious they were meant to follow. He stared at Andy defiantly and quickly steered me towards a door marked private.

“Come with me Jason, we can talk some more in here” he exclaimed, in a voice loud enough for him to hear.

I glanced back to see Andy’s disapproving stare and couldn’t help smiling slightly at Connor’s small but undeniable victory.

“He doesn’t look very happy” I remarked as we walked through the door

“Don’t worry about it Jason” replied Connor dryly “He never does”

We entered a small windowless room containing nothing more than a flight of stairs in the far corner, disappearing downwards into the darkness. Connor flicked a switch on the wall beside him and the place was instantly bathed in a dim orange light. I gingerly followed him down the worn steps to the room below, holding onto the rickety banister for dear life. The cellar smelt damp and musty with peeling whitewashed walls and an uneven stone floor. Thin shafts of sunlight from above pierced the gloom at the far end of the room and a myriad of dust mites danced crazily up and down the bright beams of light. A tall wooden structure, roughly resembling a ramp, was propped against one wall and I guessed it was used to roll down the newly delivered barrels of beer from the street above. I quickly realised the thin shafts of light were coming from the hatch in the ceiling.

Meanwhile Connor had bent over the empty barrel, deftly removing the pipes. I helped him roll a new one into position and stood close by whilst he reconnected them. As he straightened up I moved behind him and held his waist, gently kissing the soft flesh on the back of his neck. His body froze as my hand slowly wandered to the front of his jeans, tenderly caressing the growing bulge that began pressing insistently against my fingers. He responded with a deep sigh of satisfaction, gently resting the back of his head against my shoulder.

“Jason …….” he murmured breathlessly “You don’t have to do this”

“I know that Connor, but I want to!”

By this time I felt completely intoxicated with desire and far too aroused to say anything further. My hand quickly found his belt, deftly unfastening the thin band of leather in one flowing movement. The buttons of his fly popped open easily and my hand slipped inside his briefs, eagerly seeking its prize. Once there, my fingers entangled themselves in his wiry pubic hair before finally caressing the warm pulsating flesh of his rock hard member. A low moan of pleasure escaped his lips as I slowly released it from his briefs, gently running my hand up and down its length. By this time I could tell he was desperate for more and my hand slowly began to glide his foreskin gently up and down. The movement gradually became faster and faster until his moans of ecstasy and stiffening body told me he was on the verge of climax. A few seconds later his warm creamy liquid shot across the floor before oozing slowly through my fingers. I felt his body gradually relax against mine and for the next minute or so I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close, sub consciously unwilling to let him go. Finally, he broke away and turned around to face me. Without saying a word he slowly began to unbutton my shirt and my heart pounded so fast I thought it would burst. Both his hands grasped my naked torso and he was just about to remove it when Andy’s impatient voice shouted from the room above and he shook his head in exasperation.

“CONNOR! HAVE YOU CHANGED THAT DAMN BARRELL YET?”

His hands instantly withdrew as if he’d suffered an electric shock and the expression of disappointment on his face mirrored my own. For some strange reason it seemed as though fate was determined to keep us apart. He gazed at me in frustration and gave a sigh of resignation before answering.

“Yeah, just coming Andy”

“Well come a bit quicker, we’ll never get finished!”

He looked down at the front of his trousers before quietly laughing and nudging my arm “Too late Andy, I already have!” he whispered, hastily fastening them up.

I laughed along with him but would have given anything to carry on where we’d just left off.

He stooped down to wipe up the mess with a tissue and I rushed to button up my shirt before we were discovered. I heaved a sigh of relief as the door banged shut in the upstairs room and I realized that Andy had gone back into the bar and wasn’t coming down into the cellar to see what we were doing. Connor smiled and gave me a quick kiss before cheekily slapping my backside.

“C’mon Jason, we’d better go! Don’t want to upset the boss’s son, do we?”

I realized now why he hadn’t reacted to Andy’s offhand manner and quickly walked up the staircase.

“Not that it matters now anyway” he added, half turning around “It’s my last day tomorrow”

His words only served to make his departure seem all the more imminent and I urgently wanted to ask him the question I’d been dreading to know the answer to all along. Finally plucking up the courage, I grasped his arm as soon as we reached the room above and held him back before he re-entered the bar.

“Connor, stop!!”

He turned around abruptly and gazed at the worried expression on my face. “What is it Jason, what’s wrong?”

“Can I see you again before you go?”

The words came out in a rush and for a second or two he seemed confused and anxious as though he wasn’t expecting the question. I could tell from the slightly startled look on his face that he instantly knew I wanted to continue what we’d started downstairs and when he stared back at me his face held a doubtful, worried look.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you Jason”

“You wouldn’t be Connor. It’s my decision and I want to!”

He still seemed reluctant but I could tell from the desire in his voice that he wanted it too and I quickly pressed home my advantage.

“Look Connor, I’ll be honest with you” I went on earnestly “I’m not sure if anything will happen between us. It all depends on the situation and the way we feel at the time, but the most important thing is that I have to see you again. If only to say a proper goodbye”

As his shoulders sagged in submission, I realized that my grip on his arm had tightened considerably without me even realizing and I immediately loosened it.

“Only if you’re sure Jason”

“I am Connor, I promise!”

We collapsed against the wall and began kissing each other with renewed urgency. After a while Connor reluctantly pulled away and sighed regretfully.

“It won’t be long before Andy comes back again” he warned “I’ll have to go”

I nodded my understanding and stood back to let him open the door. Suddenly realizing that we hadn’t arranged when to meet, I grasped his arm as he reached for the door handle.

“When though Connor? I asked him urgently “When can we meet?”

He thought for a second or two before replying “There isn’t much time left now Jason, but how about Saturday? We could meet up in the evening for a drink”

“Yeah, that sounds great; I’ll look forward to it”

He shook his head and laughed ruefully ”Let’s see if we can leave together this time, instead of me storming off like an idiot!

His talk of leaving together sent shivers running up and down my spine. Who knows what would have happened had I been a bit braver and carefree. Living with Connor in Ireland would have been a wonderful adventure and a part of me still wished I was going with him. I pushed away such thoughts as we re-entered the bar and was surprised to find that Andy was nowhere to be seen.

“You’d better get to work Jason” he advised “Let me finish up here”

The reluctance on my face was plain to see and he couldn’t help pulling me towards him for one final embrace. His hand slipped inside my back pocket and squeezed my cheek.

“Go on Jason, go!” he scolded, unable to stop himself smiling “I’ve got work to do and so have you”

We exchanged goodbyes and confirmed the details of our meeting. Andy was just coming back and I hardly noticed the deep scowl he gave me as I left the building. My face was set with a stupid grin and I was on far too much of a high for his miserable expression to even register.