A Different Love - 53. Chapter 53

For the time being a little normality returned to our lives. Work continued as it always had, only this time there was no Aiden or Craig to complicate things. The guys at Nathan's work seemed to have accepted him for who he was and resolved their problems. I could tell that he was much happier there, but to be honest it didn't surprise me. His upbeat personality and easy charm shone through like a beacon and once you got to know him it was incredibly hard not to like him.

Within a fortnight the results of the DNA test had come back and confirmed what we already knew in our hearts to be true. We were indeed brothers, but we were both determined it wasn't going to change a thing between us. If what we were doing was wrong, then so be it, we would continue to be lovers and nothing would stop us. Even though we didn't need it I was glad that the test confirmed it, as we'd both got used to the idea of being twins. Now it was up to our parents to accept it.....or not. The choice was theirs, but I prayed every day that mum and dad would come around. I knew they could never accept what we were doing, but would they choose to overlook it for the sake of our close relationship? I desperately hoped so!

There was still an awkward standoff between me and my parents. I'd never actually been to visit since the day I left, but I spoke to them regularly on the phone and I was grateful that we were able to at least keep in touch. Having said that it was mainly niceties we traded, staying well away from the dreaded 'situation'.

Nathan, on the other hand, was determined to have nothing at all to do with his family and I felt really sorry for him as I felt sure that one day, he would regret it. Ultimately, it was his choice of course but even though he claimed not to care, I could tell that there were times when it still got him down. As well as that, there was the huge question of Annie and I knew that not being able to see her was killing him.

Jemma was being awkward again, claiming that she wouldn't expose Annie to such an 'unproper situation' as she called it.

There had to be a way around it though and from what Nathan had said in the past, I knew she was always very influenced by his parents. I gave some considerable thought as to how the situation could be resolved and decided in the end that Nathan's mum was the key. If only I could persuade him to talk to her, we just might make some headway down an extremely rocky road.

I decided to broach the subject that evening, but on the first attempt, didn't really expect to get anywhere.

Nathan was tidying up in the kitchen after our evening meal and I walked to the doorway and casually leant against the frame.

"Nathan?"

He turned around and narrowed his eyes, gazing at me with a look of suspicion "Why don't I like the sound of that?"

"Look, don't get angry with me. It's only an idea"

He came towards me and grasped my hips to kiss me "Jason, when do I ever get angry with you?"

Right this moment I suspected it would be imminent but knew that ultimately there was no other way. There was an involuntary silence and I suddenly wondered again if this was huge mistake. It was too late now though, so I plunged ahead regardless.

"Look, just hear me out before you say no, ok?"

He nodded his head in agreement but didn't say anything and I hesitantly carried on.

"I think....I think that maybe you should get in touch with your mum"

"No way Jason, forget it!" he instantly shot back "I don't want anything to do with her. I've told you that!"

"I know you have, and I understand but..."

Before I could go on, he instantly fired back his answer and I could tell he was hurt that I'd even suggested it.

"Why would you even say that Jason! You know how I feel about them"

He threw the tea towel on the work surface and stormed out of the room and a few seconds later I heard the bedroom door slam behind him.

"Fuck!!

I punched the door and sighed in despair. So much for him not being angry with me!

Upsetting him was the last thing I wanted to do, and I half wondered if I ought to go and talk to him. I'd obviously misunderstood how deep his feelings ran, but at the last moment I decided it was best to give him some space.

About half an hour later I was sitting in the lounge lost in thought. The television was playing to itself and after a while I subconsciously felt Nathan join me on the sofa. He'd obviously been crying, and we gazed at each other and both apologized at the same time.

"I'm really sorry Jase"

"Sorry Naith. I didn't mean to upset you"

Seconds later, we were hugging each other close and cuddling together on the sofa. After a few moments Nathan sat up and gazed at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Why did you say that Jase?"

I gave a deep sigh, not wishing to upset him again. This time however, he'd broached the subject first, so I felt a little safer.

"I only suggested it as a possible way for you to see Annie. Jemma will never agree if you ask, but your mum might be able to persuade her. Just think about it for a minute" I urged him "How else are you ever going to see her?"

A pained expression crossed his face, and I could almost see the cogs in his brain turning, as he slowly mulled the idea over.

"C'mon Naith, it's got to be worth a try. She can only say no!"

He gave a huge sigh of resignation before responding "Ok, ok, but on one condition!"

I punched the air in triumph, over the moon he’d finally agreed "Yes!!!"

"I said, on one condition!" he quickly reiterated.

"Ok. What?"

"You have to come with me"

My face fell and I sighed heavily "I don't think that's such a good idea Naith. She might not respond too well to me being there"

"Then it's not happening" he said firmly "If we do this, we do it together, or not at all"

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I agreed she probably wouldn't want to see him, but if I refused to go Nathan wouldn't go either. It was a no brainer really; I had no choice but to agree. It was incredibly important to me that Nathan was happy, and I knew that not been able to see Annie had always left a big hole in his life.

I nodded at him reluctantly 'Ok. If you're sure that's what you want"

"Jason, you're my partner! The person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Of course I'm sure! Decisions that affect us both have to be taken together"

"Yeah, your right of course"

He gave me a weak smile tinged with nervousness, and I could tell he was relieved I'd agreed.

"I'll ring her tomorrow when dads at work. There is absolutely no way I want to see him. And he mustn't find out about this either!!"

He was adamant about that, but could he really expect his mother to keep it from him? I wasn't too sure. The whole thing could very easily turn messy. On the other hand, if the outcome was good, it would be so worth it.

 

The following day Nathan was off work and he promised to ring his mum while I was at work. I was itching to know the outcome all day and when I finally got home, he was cooking dinner and didn't even mention the subject. I was loath to ask him for fear of a negative answer, but finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and I gave an exasperated sigh.

"Well?"

He smiled at me nonchalantly, pretending he didn't know what I was talking about.

"Well what?"

"Your mother of course! Did she agree to meet us?"

"Oh, that"

He left me hanging for a second or two, until a huge grin lit up his face and he literally jumped up and down with excitement.

"She said she'd meet us Jase....to talk about it!"

He was shaking so badly that I pulled him close and hugged him tightly. His heart was racing, and I could hardly contain my excitement at such good news.

"Aw, that's brilliant Naith! I'm so pleased"

We kissed each other and I gently stroked his face with the back of my hand.

"What did she say?"

"She seemed really pleased I'd rang. I didn't go into much detail really, but she understands why we want to meet her"

"Oh well, at least she didn't say no. That's the main thing"

"And she promised not to tell dad" he added happily.

I didn't want him to get too hung up on that, knowing that at some point he'd probably have to know. Now wasn't the time to burst his bubble though and I couldn't help quizzing him further.

"So when are we meeting?"

"I've arranged it for this Friday on your day off. I'll take a day’s holiday"

He pre-empted my next question before I could even ask it.

"I've arranged to meet her in a cafe I know in London. We'll get the train down"

 

Kings Cross station was awash with people as we stepped off the train and walked through the concourse. I'd only been to London once before on a day out with mum and dad when I was much younger, and it was every bit as overwhelming as I remembered. The sea of faces seemed endless as people milled around, checking the massive electronic departure board, or rushing to catch trains from the numerous different platforms.

Before I knew it were travelling downwards on a steep escalator to the underground station and I stuck to Nathan like glue, terrified we would get split up. He was obviously familiar with his surroundings and he confidently made his way to the correct platform. It was uncomfortably warm standing there and with a sudden rush of hot air the train came hurtling out of the tunnel, screeching to a halt in front of us.

The cafe where we were meeting Nathan's mum was down a small side street in Soho. As Nathan pushed the door open a bell rang loudly, almost making me jump out of my skin. As I closed the door behind us, a middle-aged guy emerged from the kitchen and Nathan went over to order some coffee. I glanced around the room and immediately took in the quirky surroundings. Racks of old vinyl records were everywhere, and it seemed as if the presence of tables was almost an inconvenience. LP's by famous groups lined the walls and I sat down underneath a well-used edition of A Hard Day's Night by the Beatles.

Nathan quickly returned with two coffee's and slid into the bench seat beside me. He held out his hand to show it was shaking and I kissed him and gently rubbed his leg.

"Don't worry Nathan, it'll be fine!"

He smiled at me gratefully and shook his head. "Why am I so nervous about meeting my own mother?" he asked incredulously.

"Because there's so much at stake!" I answered immediately.

The doorbell rang again and when we looked over, Nathan's mum was standing there, sporting a weak smile. She waved and slowly made her way to our table.

"Hello boys"

"Mum" Nathan said quietly

"Hi, Mrs Brown"

"How are you both?"

"We're doing fine mum"

She gazed at us with slightly reddened eyes before offering an apology "I'm sorry about your father's behaviour Nathan. I've talked to him and tried to change his mind, but he just won't listen"

Nathan's face clouded over at the mention of his father, but I didn't want this to be about him and before he could respond I jumped in to answer.

"We know that Mrs Brown, but that's not why we're here"

Nathan immediately knew what I was doing and squeezed my leg in appreciation.

He quickly came to the point "I'd like to see..." He paused and corrected himself before smiling at me and continuing "We'd like to see....Annie"

He stared at her unblinkingly and she sighed heavily and frowned.

"I'm afraid that might not be possible Nathan"

It broke my heart to see his crushed expression and I desperately pushed her further.

"But it might be possible! If you help us?"

There was an involuntary silence and she gazed at us doubtfully. Finally, she gave a deep sigh before replying.

"Even if I can persuade Jemma, and that won't be easy, your father would never agree to it"

"So don't tell him!" Nathan added vehemently "Why does he need to know? It's got nothing to do with him anyway"

"Look, I've had an idea" I broke in excitedly, sensing an impending stalemate "Why don't you spend the day with us Mrs Brown? Surely Jemma won't mind if you're there too"

Nathan's expression instantly brightened "That's a brilliant idea Jase! Come on mum, surely she'll go for that!"

Nathan's mum seemed to like the idea too and she smiled properly for the first time.

"That just might work!" she exclaimed "I'll do my best to persuade her anyway"

Nathan was ecstatic and practically danced towards the counter to get his mum a coffee.

There was an awkward silence between us as we sat facing each other across the table, neither one of us quite knowing what to say. I had so many questions to ask her, but for the time being they would have to wait. This day was about Nathan and Annie, and I wouldn't allow anything or anyone to get in the way of that. Finally, Mrs Brown broke the silence.

"How are your mum and dad Jason?"

I looked away to hide my discomfort, trying to avoid her eyes. It didn't work, however, and for some strange reason, I was drawn back towards them. It pained me to even answer the question and I instinctively knew what her response would be.

"They're ok......I think. I haven't actually seen them since...well, you know...since everything happened"

She sounded distraught and put her hand over mine on the table "Oh Jason, you should go see them as soon as possible. They’re innocent in all this remember"

I struggled to make my answer sound indifferent and detached, desperately trying to hide the raw feelings of guilt that gnawed away inside me.

"I've spoken to them on the phone"

"It's not the same though, is it" She pointed out

"What's not the same?" echoed Nathan, picking up on our conversation as he returned to the table with his mum's coffee.

He set it down on the table in front of her and sat down, gazing at us inquisitively.

We both looked a little uncomfortable, but his quizzical expression demanded an answer and his mother quickly responded.

"I was just telling Jason he should visit his parents"

Nathan shook his head and frowned, unable to hold back his frustration.

"Mum, can you blame him for not doing that?"

I squeezed his hand under the table in an attempt to calm him down.

"I know it’s difficult Nathan, but don’t blame them for the bad decisions we made" she said, turning towards me "They love you very much Jason and I know how much they’ll hate to be estranged from you. Please, go see them!"

I knew she was right, and I couldn't put it off much longer, but this time it would only happen if Nathan was by my side.

We finished our coffee and then Nathan's mum had to go, promising to do what she could and let us know as soon as possible.

We ordered another coffee and reflected on our meeting with Nathan's mum.

Nathan couldn't help the tone of doubt creep into his voice as he asked me the all-important question.

"Jase, do you think Jemma will agree?"

It was like walking a tightrope. I didn't want to get his hope's up too high, but I didn't want to dash them either. I rubbed his arm soothingly and reached across to kiss him.

"We just have to hope for the best Naith"

I couldn't miss the fleeting expression of disappointment that crossed his face and I tried to be more upbeat. "Your mum seemed fairly positive though!"

"Yeah, she did. Especially when you suggested that she come with us. That was a brilliant idea Jase! It just might make all the difference!"

A warm feeling spread throughout my stomach and it suddenly felt good to be alive. Nathan always managed to make me feel special, even when he wasn't trying.

He gazed at me and his face broke out into a wide smile

"What?"

"I love you so much Jase" he said, returning my kiss "Did I ever tell you?"

"Erm....I think so but tell me again!"

He gently shoved me and stroked my leg lovingly.

I suddenly became aware of my surroundings and gazed around nervously. No one appeared to have noticed our show of open affection but after all, we were in London. I relaxed slightly, turning my attention back to him.

"So what now?"

"Right now, I’m taking the best-looking guy in London out for lunch and afterwards we do some capital sightseeing!"

"Sounds perfect! I exclaimed "Lead the way!"

 

About a week later I came home from work to find Nathan pacing up and down the hallway excitedly. As soon as I entered the flat, he pounced on me, kissing me hard on the lips.

"Mum rang earlier Jason. She's arranged for us to see Annie!!" he exclaimed, practically jumping up and down with joy.

"That's brilliant! When do we go?" I asked, swept along by his enthusiasm.

He carried on excitedly, not even acknowledging my question. "And it's all down to you!"

He held onto my shoulders, so I faced him "I love you so much Jason Wright"

"What did I do?"

"If it hadn't been for your idea about mum coming, Jemma would never have let us see her"

"So when do we go?" I repeated excitedly

His expression quickly changed to one of anxiety and he gazed at me worriedly

"The thing is Jase, mum could only arrange it for this Friday. She can't make Saturday!"

Nathan knew that my day off this week was Saturday and was obviously panicking that I wouldn't be able to make it. He needn't have worried though as I had no intention of missing it for the world, whether I could get the day off or not. He visibly relaxed as I quickly reassured him.

"Don't worry Nathan. Nothing will stop me from going with you!"

I glanced over his shoulder into the lounge and noticed for the first time that the table was set with a white tablecloth, gleaming silver cutlery and two candles that lit up the walls with a flickering glow. Soft slow music played on the radio and the wonderful smell of cooking food filled the air.

"Nathan! What's all this?"

"I've cooked you your favourite meal Jase" he went on "As a thank you"

"You didn't have to do that" I exclaimed, secretly thrilled that he'd gone to so much trouble just for me.

Nathan was a true romantic and he kissed me softly on the cheek.

"Go get a shower" he said, cheekily slapping me on the bottom as he turned me around "Food's nearly ready!"

Just before I headed for the bathroom, he grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear seductively "It's your favourite dessert too"

His meaning was perfectly clear, and my heart skipped a beat as I grinned at him and raised my eyebrows. "Sounds delicious!"

Ten minutes later we sat facing each other across the table tucking into our food and Nathan raised his glass towards me.

"Here's to my beautiful boyfriend and his brilliant ideas" he exclaimed, smiling at me lovingly.

I reluctantly clinked my glass against his and glanced at him shyly "I don't know about that Nathan"

"Well I do. Sometimes I have to pinch myself just to make sure it's all real. I can't believe we found each other, whatever the circumstances"

I flinched slightly at his words, still finding it hard to believe that Nathan was my twin brother as well as my lover. There had always been a really close connection between us from the start, but I never imagined it was this close. When we found out the truth it had come as a huge shock, and it was hard to believe that something so important had been kept from us. We’d eventually managed to accept it though, but my real father (it pained me to even say it) was still behaving like a real arse hole and was no longer worthy of my attention. My own father would always be just that, and my love for him was firmly wedged inside my heart. Nothing would ever change that, even if ultimately, he couldn't accept me for who I was.

"You don't regret what we've done, do you Jase?" Nathan was saying, gazing at my far away expression.

As always, the love I felt for him came rushing to the surface and I quickly reassured him. Placing my hand over his, I squeezed it and smiled at him lovingly.

"How could I ever regret loving you! We'll always be together"

He gave me a wide smile and we continued to chat happily together until I gazed at him with an expectant look on my face.

"So what about that dessert?"

 

A fortnight had passed by since our trip to see Nathan's mum. The day of our visit had arrived at last, and London was its usual bustling self when we stepped off the train that Friday morning. It was a little after 10am and Nathan was getting more and more nervous as the minutes ticked by. With all the huge problems that had exploded around us, several months had elapsed since he'd last seen Annie. It was all too apparent by his nervous demeanour that he was wondering just how much Jemma had told her about the situation, and what her reactions would be to seeing him. And for meeting me too for that matter! According to Nathan there'd been quite a few times in the past when Jemma had agreed he could see Annie, only to cancel at the very last moment, leaving him devastated. No wonder he was anxious for them to arrive!

Finally, we arrived at our meeting point at the side of the river Thames, overlooking the Houses of Parliament across the water. We were early and as Nathan paced about anxiously, I squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to reassure him.

"Don't worry Naith. It'll be fine. They'll be here anytime"

Nathan's mum had texted him as we got off the train at Kings X to say they were on their way and their arrival was imminent. His expression turned into a nervous grin and his shaky voice belied the fact he felt anything but fine.

Suddenly a squeaky voice rang out and we turned to see a little girl running towards us at full speed.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Nathan's face lit up and he held out his arms to catch her, lifting her up high and swinging her around in the air. As soon as her feet were back on the ground, he kissed her on the forehead and lifted her chin up to face him.

"Hello Annie, it's so lovely to see you again?"

Her face was alive with smiles as she leant forward to kiss him back, before quickly becoming accusatory in the way that only a child can.

"I've missed you so much daddy!" she beamed, before here face quickly changed into a frown "But why don't you come and see me more often?"

Before Nathan could answer, she turned her attention towards me and after gazing at me shyly, quickly asked him another question

"Is this your friend Daddy?"

It was obvious that this was the way our relationship had been dealt with as far as Annie was concerned, so there was no choice but to continue the illusion and simply agree.

"Yes Annie, this is Jason. He's my...erm...friend"

"Hello Jason. I think you look really nice"

I laughed at the typically childlike simplicity of her statement and bent down in a mock bow.

"Why thank you kind princess. That's very nice of you to say"

She giggled at my act of silliness and a wide smile broke out on her face.

"I like you Jason, you're funny"

Her next statement stunned me and made plain the fact that they'd obviously underestimated her ability to understand.

She turned towards Nathan and her innocent expression grew serious.

"Does this mean I've got two daddies now?"

Nathan's eyebrows rose in surprise and he glanced at me, unsure what to say. I gave him a slight nod and he hesitantly answered.

"Erm...Would that be ok, darling?"

"Course it would daddy, I'm really lucky!" she beamed "Everyone in my class has only got one!"

Nathan's mum followed close behind and greeted us with a slight frown, immediately taking him to one side. I couldn't help overhearing some of their conversation and decided to take Annie out of earshot.

"Nathan, we thought it best to tell her that Jason is just your friend until she can understand better" she was saying "I think you should leave it at that for now"

"Mum! I think you're underestimating her ability to understand" he replied in a frustrated voice "I told her that Jason was just my friend, but she immediately asked if she had two daddies now"

His mum was clearly taken aback and immediately apologised.

"Oh, ok. I'm sorry Nathan, I didn't realise"

"It's ok mum. Let's just have a good day together"

The slight air of tension between them quickly dissipated and soon Annie had grasped both mine and Nathan's hands and was happily swinging between us as we walked along.

It turned out to be a brilliant day. Annie was a bright fun-loving little girl and the mutual love between her and Nathan shone through like a beacon of light in the night sky. They absolutely adored each other, and I fully understood why not being able to see her was so painful for him.

Towards the end of the day Annie sidled up to me and signalled for me to bend down so she could tell me something. What she whispered in my ear almost brought me to tears and a lovely warm feeling coursed through my stomach.

"Thank you, number two daddy"

I was choked up and struggled to answer, but still managed to make her smile and giggle.

"Well you are a princess Annie! You deserve a good time"

"I love you Jason" she said, reaching for my hand "And you make daddy really happy too"

By late afternoon we were all exhausted but happy, and unfortunately it was time to say goodbye. Annie had tears in her eyes as she gazed at Nathan sadly and he lifted her up in his arms and held her tightly, planting a big kiss on her forehead. He struggled to hold back the tears as he tried to make her feel better

"We’ll see you again soon" he promised "Real soon!"

"Promise daddy"

"Promise darling"

She kissed him back and he reluctantly put her down. Almost instantly she turned to me and I smiled and knelt down in front of her "It was really lovely meeting you Annie"

She smiled back and quickly replied "Will you come next time too Jason?"

"Of course!" I assured her "It's not often I get to meet a princess. I wouldn't miss it for the world"

She giggled and I was incredibly touched when she leant forward and kissed my cheek.

Nathan made sure to thank his mother and she hugged him tightly and kissed him on the forehead. I was completely taken aback when she did the same to me and I was pleased to think we might finally be making some headway.

Annie held tightly onto Nathan's mother's hand and reluctantly waved at the two of us as we walked away in the opposite direction.

 

It was rush hour by the time we got back to King's Cross station and the train home was already waiting at the platform. We quickly found our reserved seats and gratefully sank down into them, tired but happy.

"Thanks for being so nice to Annie Jason. It means an awful lot"

"It wasn't difficult Naith. She's awesome! You’re really lucky to have a daughter like Annie"

"Yeah, but you're a natural Jase. She loved you from the start. Just like I do!"

He suddenly leant over the table and kissed me on the lips in full view of the other passengers. I initially pulled back slightly but then thought better of it. If Nathan dared to kiss me in public, the least I could do was reciprocate. He sat back and continued chatting excitedly.

"I'm planning to ask Jemma if Annie can come and stay with us overnight. Would that be ok with you Jase?"

"Of course it would! You don't even need to ask"

I gazed at him doubtfully "Do you think she'll agree to it though?"

"I don't know but I'm going to keep asking until she does"

"So you should Nathan. I know what you did before was wrong, but Annie shouldn't have to suffer for that. She obviously adores you!

"Hey come on Jase! You know I'm very adorable"

Later that night we were relaxing in front of the television and Nathan was laid full length on the sofa with his head on my knees. I was absent mindedly twisting a strand of his hair around my finger when I suddenly spoke my thoughts out loud.

"Seems like your mum may be coming around towards accepting us" I mused

He gave a sarcastic grunt and shuffled his head around to face me "Yeah right! By ignoring the truth, you mean"

"She seemed pretty relaxed with us, even so"

"She was. But as far as accepting us as a couple we're still worlds apart"

"What do you mean?"

"You might not have heard her say it Jase, but she wanted to know how our 'friendship' was going"

I chuckled and leant down to kiss him "At least she asked about it Naith. Give her time! Who knows, next time she might even be able to say 'relationship'

He gazed at me doubtfully before brightening up.

"Perhaps we ought to visit your parents Jase" he said thoughtfully "It been a while now. Let's see how they react"

I rubbed my chin, seriously considering his suggestion "You mean both of us?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm not letting you face them on your own again"

The situation seemed insane! How could I possibly be nervous about facing my own parents. Unfortunately, that's the way it was. My initial panic quickly eased as I realised he wanted to come with me, but I couldn't help the slight tone of anxiety that crept into my voice.

"I can ask them if you think it's the right time?"

"It's up to you at the end of the day Jase, but I think it might be time to try"

He propped himself up on his elbows and reached up to kiss me "I know you miss them an awful lot Jase and I think we've left it long enough"

His words brought the sudden threat of tears and I realised just how much I missed them. I could still see dad's bewildered face as he struggled to understand something that his generation never had to and mum gazing at me sadly, her dreams for me obviously shattered.

"I'll give them a ring tomorrow then. See if they want us to go"

Mum seemed happy that we wanted to visit when I rang her the following day. There was a slight pause when I explained rather forcefully that Nathan would be coming too, but she didn't make any attempt to deny him. Dad, I suspected, would be another matter altogether, but knowing the way mum operated, she wouldn't stop until she'd talked him into submission.

 

A sharp feeling of anxiety stabbed at my heart as we stood outside the familiar front door, delaying for a second or two actually knocking. In the end Nathan gave it a sharp tap and we stood back expectantly, waiting for it to be answered.

Within seconds mum opened it and with tears in her eyes rushed to hug me.

"Oh Jason love, it's so good to see you. Come in, come in, you don't need to stand outside like some stranger"

I felt her chest heaving against mine and hugged her back tightly for what seemed like an age. My muffled reply came from the crook of her neck.

"Love you too mum"

We eventually pulled apart and she turned her attention towards Nathan. I held my breath, but after several anxious seconds she smiled at him warmly. The slow release of air from my lungs made me feel slightly dizzy as I gazed at her in surprise.

"Hello Nathan love"

"Hello Mrs Wright" he replied, gratefully returning her smile "It's lovely to see you again"

"You too love" she replied and wasted no time in ushering us through to the lounge.

"Come on through, your dad's waiting to see you"

With an air of trepidation, we entered the lounge to find dad sitting in his usual chair by the fire. He nodded his greeting at both of us and I relaxed slightly as he followed it up with a cautious smile. I was the first to speak and tried hard to keep the anxiety out of my voice.

"Hi dad. How are you?"

His usual "I'm fine son" automatically followed, and it was hard to tell what he was thinking.

I coughed nervously, unsure what to say next, and mum immediately cut in.

"We've been so worried about you.....both of you that is" she emphasized, looking at each of us in turn.

There was an awkward silence and I wondered who would be the first to address the elephant in the room. It turned out to be mum and she grasped my arm before hesitantly beginning.

"Look Jason, I know you were shocked and angry when you found out that Nathan's father was your father too, but we never imagined in a million years...." She paused and gestured with her hand towards us "that this would happen"

I gave a long sigh of resignation and realised that I didn't want to hold on to all the hurt and anger any longer. Yes, Nathan’s parents definitely should have told us and that still hurt. But having thought about it, I realised what a strange situation it was. Mum and dad's desperate longing to have a child had finally been fulfilled and to them it must have been a dream come true. An absolute gift from heaven! Would it have been any better had I been raised with Nathan? We'll never know, but Jim Brown had turned out to be someone I found abhorrent and at the time his wife had been suffering with deep depression, probably unable to cope with one child, never mind two. All I knew was the unconditional love they'd shown me my whole life couldn’t be any stronger and I loved them overwhelmingly in return. I gazed at them apologetically, desperate to clear the air.

"I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I'm really sorry, you didn't deserve that"

Dad sighed in resignation and in a voice tinged with sadness, spoke for the first time.

"Look lads, we can't condone what you're doing, you know that. But if that's what you want....... he paused before continuing.....at the end of the day we can't stop you either"

"Thank you, Mr Wright” broke in Nathan, clearly choked up with emotion.

Mum took hold of dad's hand tightly and it was clear he was speaking for both of them.

"I've got to be honest though Jason, it's not what we wanted for you, but that's life I suppose. You have to take whatever's thrown at you. We love you both very much" he went on "So you'll always be welcome here…whatever"

His heartfelt words brought me to the edge of tears, and I was momentarily overcome with emotion and relief. It was everything I could ever hope for and my heart was beating madly as I took hold of Nathan's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Thank you" I said “You don't know how much that means to us”

Of all the thank you's I'd ever uttered in my life before, this one was spoken with true conviction and sincerity. The fact that I could now visit mum and dad whenever I wanted was wonderful and as before they seemed to treat Nathan almost like another son.

It was absolutely brilliant in one way and incredibly sad in another. The fact was that through love mum and dad could get past the way they felt, however hard they found it. That was all the proof I needed of the strength of their feelings for me. On the other hand, how could a father treat his son the way that Jim Brown was treating Nathan. Sure, it must be hard to accept, no one's denying that. But if I had a son, hell would freeze over before I'd ever deny him my love. It makes me wonder if he ever loved Nathan at all, so god only knows how he must be feeling right now. As I grasped his hand, I tried to convey my wholehearted support for him, wishing that his father could be even remotely like mine.

We stayed for the rest of the afternoon, happily chatting about nothing in particular. I think that day marked a turning point in all our lives. I knew that we could never gain full acceptance. The world just wasn't made that way. But if mum and dad could find a way to come to terms with it, then perhaps there was still hope for Nathan's parents too. His mum had seemed fairly positive when we met Annie, but his father was still a very different matter. As much as it pained me to say so, perhaps there would never be a reconciliation between Nathan and his father. As far as I was concerned it wouldn't bother me if I never spoke to him again, but I knew that Nathan's feelings ran much deeper than that, even if he would never admit it. His happiness meant everything to me and any pain he felt, I felt it too.

 

So this is my life right now and I couldn't be happier. Living with my boyfriend and twin brother, who loves me as much as I love him. Most of the time our special relationship has to be kept a secret, at other times we can let it shine like the brightest star. Whichever it is, I can live with, as long as Nathan is by my side. He's my soulmate, literally the other half of me, and together we share, 'A different Love'.

 

THE END